Contests and Counties

[the_metzler]

‘Old Bolingbroke is getting older, I’m sure of it.’

‘Oh be quiet, Claxby, he’s just as old as he’s ever been. No more, no less.’

‘See, Mavis, I would have agreed with you the other day. But I’m sure he’s got an extra few wrinkles behind his right ear today.’

‘You are nothing but paranoid. He’s been this old for years, I hardly see why he’d

Comments

[katewonder]

I just want you to know that you're fabulous for having a suit with teeth. Seriously. That's just faaaaaabulous.

I suck at crit. This you know. <3

[guestyperson]

I like the style of prose, and the supposed over-use of names instead of epithets is more of a unique quirk that lends itself to the feel of the piece rather than anything you'd need to worry about. If you'll forgive the comparison there's something very... Scott Lynch about your writing style that I find most pleasing to the eyes.

The only criticism that I can think of is that there was one place in the long string of dialogue towards the end where I had to re-read in order to make sure "Okay, these two characters are the only ones speaking in this exchange, so there's no confusion over who's speaking where." That's probably also a problem with unfamiliarity with the characters, style, and setting on my part as well.

[the_metzler]

That's actually one of the most helpful things said, so far.
It's not really on your part, because this is just a short story out of context of the characters (this is actually the first time I've written them. They were merely a concept until now) so one should be able to know who is doing what without knowing the characters intimately.
I'll have a gander back and go over it a tad. Was it just after Old Bolingbroke whispers? I was worried about that.

[guestyperson]

That's the one. I wasn't entirely sure whether 'he' was Claxby or Skellingthorpe is all.

[clockworklady]

Where did you get the name "Bolingbroke", Alex? It seems very familiar to me somehow...

[clockworklady]

Have you read Waiting for Godot? The repetition, the desperation, the sway in Skellingthorpe's mood, Mavis' sharp bossiness, Claxby's going-along with everything and the one line uttered by Bolingbroke- it reminds me so strongly of it. Why do they talk of those who don't exist?