Log: Horatio/Fraser
[OOC: Dated to July 30th]
Fraser: The light is fading, but Fraser's mind is still active. He's sitting next to the homemade oil lamp, eyes focused on the book in his lap. It looks as if he is reading, but for some reason this evening the biography on Trudeau is not capturing his attention. He pretends to keep reading anyway.
Horatio: Horatio entered the wikiup, hair wet and dripping from a quick dip in the waterfall beyond their camp. It wasn't nearly so sanitary as the Compound showers, but it was close, and Horatio had had no inclination to go so far for a bath. He smiled at the top of Fraser's bent head and went to sit next to him, quiet so as not to disturb.
Fraser: Fraser was happy to transfer his attention from the book to Horatio and leaned over to kiss his cheek. "How was your shower?"
Horatio: "Lukewarm," Horatio admitted, "but refreshing. That sponge you made from a sea creature was quite useful." Horatio smiled. Fraser really was rather ingenius.
Fraser: Fraser slipped his arm around Horatio's back and pulled him close. "It is not quite the same as having the eyes of fifty men on you while being sprayed with a hose..."
Horatio: "No," said Horatio, blushly lightly. "That didn't make it into the books, did it?" He'd had no reservations at the time, but the thought of the world reading of it...
Fraser: "Well, I would hardly know about it otherwise," Fraser pointed out dryly.
Horatio: "Buggar." Horatio planted his forehead on his knees and smiled helplessly at the floor. Both ears were a brilliant shade of red.
Fraser: Fraser smiled and rubbed Horatio's back. "I assure you I enjoyed it immensely."
Horatio: "It didn't describe it in great detail, did it?" asked Horatio, meaning his own naked form. He wondered what sailor had dared repeat the event. Some men had no decorum at all!
Fraser: Fraser smiled crookedly. "My imagination was more than up to the task."
Horatio: Horatio smiled also, lifting his head. "And now that you have had opportunity to examine the real thing, how does it compare?"
Fraser: "You far surpass the prose expectation." He reached over and stroked Horatio's cheek with the backs of his fingers. "Words truly do not do you justice."
Horatio: Horatio turned his head into Fraser's touch, his smile soft. "I expect it would be the same, should anyone ever attempt to chronicle your own life, Benton."
Fraser: "I suspect the chronicle of my life would be rather boring," Fraser replied honestly, his arm curling around Horatio's hip to pull him close. "Barring the parts that involved Ray or yourself, naturally."
Horatio: "I doubt that," answered Horatio. "Considering that your propensity for misadventure continued with both Ray's, I must conclude that it is an inherent trait, and thus cannot be boring."
Fraser: Fraser smiled. "I am rather pleased that the aforementioned propensity seems to have ceased here, for the most part."
Horatio: "Indeed. For what is waking up in another's body - a woman's, no less - if not normal?" Horatio asked, bumping his shoulder against Fraser's.
Fraser: Fraser slipped both arms around Horatio's torso, aligning their bodies more closely. "You do have a point. Although despite your protests, you made for a very attractive woman."
Horatio: Horatio laughed softly. "Then why were you so terrified of me? I thought you would be the one fainting out of that tree."
Fraser: Fraser made an embarassed noise. "I'm not particularly comfortable around beautiful women," he admitted. "Even though I knew that it was you inside, it took me some time to become used to the idea." He lifted his hand to smooth over Horatio's cheek. "But, if you'll recall, I did become...amenable to the situation. Intimately."
Horatio: Horatio rested his head against Fraser to hide his rapidly staining cheeks. "I do recall," he said. "I...think of it sometimes." His cheeks grew redder than ever.
Fraser: Fraser smiled and nuzzled the side of Horatio's face with his cheek. "As do I," he replied in a low voice. "It was rather memorable."
Horatio: Horatio shifted at the timbre of Fraser's voice, a sound which did nothing to cool his heated face. "I am glad Ray convinced us both to take advantage of the situation. Would you have done so, without his urging?" Horatio was fairly certain he himself would not have. It had been unthinkable to do so before, and unthinkable not to after.
Fraser: Fraser cleared his throat awkwardly. "I doubt it. I have always held women in such high esteem, and there was only one woman before..." he trailed off, his mind switching to another track. "I was happy to replace her memory with yours as the woman I loved the most in my life."
Horatio: Horatio watched a look he'd come to know well pass over Fraser's face before it was replaced with something softer. "You don't speak of her much," he said. He felt it was all he could say without prying. Fraser never wished to discuss that part of his past.
Fraser: Before when the subject of Victoria had come up, Fraser had tried to dodge discussion as much as possible, not out of a sense of privacy, but simply out of habit. But his relationship with Ray and Horatio had gotten to the point where he actually wanted to share the memories of his past, no matter how painful. "Her name was Victoria," he said slowly. "She was a suspect, wanted in connection to a bank robbery. In the end I tracked her up above the 62nd parallel into a place called Fortitude Pass. A storm had been blowing for days; the whole world was white. By the time I found her I had lost everything --my packs, my supplies, my--everything. She was huddled in the lee side of a mountain crag. She was almost frozen, very near death. So I staked a lean-to and draped my coat across it, drew her inside, and I covered her body with mine and I just held her...while the storm closed around us like a blanket, until all I could hear was the sound of her heartbeat, weakening. I forced her to speak to me...just talk to me...say anything to keep the cold from taking her. And it snowed for a day...and a night...and a day. I was delirious; I almost gave up. The only thing I had to hold onto was the sound of her voice, which never wavered. She recited a poem. I must have heard that poem a thousand times that night; I never heard the words...." He trailed off and sighed. He needed to get this out, to confess how the story had ended. "It ended badly. She had a...darkness inside her."
Horatio: Horatio listened to the tale with rapidly widening eyes. It was beautiful, but terribly sad, and Horatio did not think the presence of this 'darkness' boded well. "Did she perish there?" he asked finally, thinking briefly of Mariette. He hoped fate had been less cruel to Fraser's dark lady, if only for Fraser's sake.
Fraser: Fraser shook his head. "We survived. The storm finally broke and we were alive. After a day we found my pack and we ate everything I had in one meal. And it took us four days to reach the nearest out post. We camped that night just outside the town in sight of the church steeple and I held her in my arms and she asked me to let her go. You see, no one knew that I found her. The police didn't even know her name. I could just let her go and she could walk away that night. But I didn't. I sent her to prison."
Horatio: "My god," Horatio murmured. He looked at Fraser as though he were seeing a part of him never before glimpsed. Horatio was both stubborn and duty bound, but even he had been willing to defy all authority to ensure Mariette's escape. "You were very strong," he said. "You did your duty."
Fraser: "She's the only woman I had loved and I put her in prison. Duty's a poor excuse," Fraser said, voice tinged with sadness. "I was a different person then. Young. Ambitious." He was silent a moment before continuing. "I never want to be that man again."
Horatio: "She was a criminal. Suppose she had harmed others after she escaped. You were not wrong, Benton," Horatio began, but the words died soon after at the look on Fraser's face. He lifted a hand to rest against Fraser's arm. "I am sorry for what you must have gone through afterwards."
Fraser: Horatio didn't know the half of it. "There is more to the story," Fraser said slowly, meeting Horatio's eyes. "She found me again, years later. In Chicago."
Horatio: Horatio swallowed, holding Fraser's gaze. "I...suppose she was not pleased with you," he said, fear making his voice light.
Fraser: "Her plan...what she did...what happened..." He broke off. "It's rather complicated...her revenge was elaborate."
Horatio: "Her revenge," Horatio repeated. He was horridly uneasy, Fraser never had trouble speaking like this. What was more, he could not imagine anyone clever enough to get the best of him. "What did she do to you?" he asked, tightening his hold on Fraser's arm.
Fraser: Fraser took a deep breath before attempting to explain what had happened. "When she was released from prison she went to live with her sister in Alaska. A few days later, a car went over a cliff. A body was recovered with third degree burns over 90% of the body. The sister identified the body as Victoria Metcalf, but...she killed her own sister and took her sister's identity. She found the half a million dollars from the bank robbery and buried $10,000 in a box beneath the floorboards of my father's cabin. She burned the cabin down so that this money would be discovered and headed for Chicago. We ran into each other, by chance I thought. She stayed in my apartment for several days and put some of the stolen money into my wallet. I gave a homeless man a $20 bill and that was used to connect me to the crime. She stole my gun from my trunk and used it to shoot Diefenbaker and one of her former partners that had come to Chicago to track her and the money down. A man named Jolly. She threw my gun into the polar bear cage so that it would be found and connected to me. I was charged with 1st degree murder and arrested. Ray Vecchio mortgaged his house in order to pay my bail. And then she...she put a key in Ray's house, where she had stayed. A key that went to a locker where there was $25,000 from the same money...she threatened to call Internal Affairs. I found the key, but...she needed me to make an exchange. For diamonds. But I managed...Ray helped me. There was a confrontation at a train station. She asked me to go with her..." It was such a long story, with just a little bit more to tell. "I wanted to go with her. I would have, if Ray hadn't shot me."
Horatio: There were so many places in which Horatio very nearly asked Fraser to pause, but the flow of the story was constant, if halting in places, and by the end of it there was only one thing Horatio could focus on. He was very pale, and had he been able to feel his fingers, he might have noticed the depth to which they'd sunk into Fraser's arm. "He shot you. He...but why?"
Fraser: "It was an accident." Or so Ray had claimed. "I think...if I had gone with her it would have been the biggest mistake of my life."
Horatio: Horatio did not want to abandon his first line of questions, but the next subject to which Fraser called attention was almost as disturbing as the first. "Why go with her, Benton, after all she had done to you? She...my god, what she'd done to you!" He could not keep the horrified tremor from his voice. "She hated you."
Fraser: "It appeared so," Fraser agreed. "But, by her own admission, she wanted me to go with her. She said she needed me." He'd had considerable time while he was healing to think about this, and years since the conversation in the adult theatre. "She and I both knew that we could never be together so long as she was a criminal and I was a cop, so she took it upon herself to change that situation. If we were both criminals...."
Horatio: Horatio could not imagine the quietly noble man beside him as a criminal, and for a moment, he could not even understand how Fraser could consider becoming one. How could he lay down all his duties and beliefs for any purpose, let alone a woman who had nothing but evil intent? But Horatio could no longer apply such strong sentiment to duty, could he? Not after discovering what it was to love another. Fraser had loved this woman, and Horatio fancied that he might now make the same decision if asked to choose between dishonour and losing Fraser or Ray forever. He was quiet and still for a long moment as he sorted this through. "What your life must have been like, Benton...to think love could not be something better than that."
Fraser: Fraser closed his eyes at Horatio's words and reached for his hand, lacing their fingers together tight. "It was my only experience with the emotion until you, and Ray...I lived the majority of my life in complete emotional isolation. Feelings were obstacles to be overcome. I had never had such a strong emotional and physical connection to another human being before her. I confess I thought that if she left...I would never experience it again. To a starving man, even the most rotten piece of garbage can appear to be a satisfying feast."
Horatio: Horatio's chest felt tight, his heart raw to hear Fraser confess such loneliness. "I would trade our experiences if I could," he said, pressing their joined hands to his body. "I did not consider the possibility of love in my time at sea. It did not even occur to me, that there might be something more, or something missing. Ray and yourself...you were the first, and you are wonderful. I am so very lucky, when you have been so ill-used. It isn't right."
Fraser: Fraser cupped Horatio's cheek, his thumb smoothing over his skin as if he could soothe Horatio's distress with that simple touch. "I consider myself to be fortunate as well. I have never known such happiness as I have with you and Ray, and I would not volunteer to have been spared the experience with Victoria. It makes the moments I share with you all the more sweet and precious to me."
Horatio: Horatio cast down his eyes, unwilling to compound Fraser's unhappy memories with his own theatrics. "You did not need to know horror to know goodness," he said quietly. "Not you."
Fraser: "There are those that have experienced far worse," Fraser assured him, studying Horatio's face with a concerned expression. "Do not...that is to say, I hope you do not...pity me...for what I have experienced."
Horatio: "I would not do you the disservice, Benton. But I cannot say that I am not displeased with the hand fate has dealt you." He closed his other hand over the one already laced with Fraser's and made himself take a deep breath. He did not dare allow this new insight to fuel his already over-active desire to make Fraser happy, as the activity had done nothing but drive Fraser mad in the past. "I am...very glad to be a part of something better for you."
Fraser: "You are the best thing for me," Fraser corrected softly, and leaned over to press a soft kiss to the corner of Horatio's mouth.
Horatio: Horatio eyes closed, and he very nearly lost his composure at the tenderness of the kiss. "As are you for me, Benton," he said after another deep breath. He brought Fraser's face between his hands then, pulling him close for a kiss that he could not prevent himself from taking, so greatly did the need to protect Fraser surge within him.
Fraser: Fraser wrapped his arms around Horatio's torso and drew him close, attempting to express just how profoundly he was grateful for his love at this point in his life. Their lips met and parted only gasp for air before meeting again.
Horatio: Horatio's hands fisted in the loose cloth of the shirt spread over Fraser's back, tugging him closer despite the fact that there was nowhere left to go. He wondered if Fraser could feel the tremors beneath his fingertips, just as Horatio could feel Fraser's tremors beneath his. He broke away from the kiss at last and pressed their foreheads together, committing the feel of his lover's mouth to memory for the hundredth time.
Fraser: Fraser took advantage of the much needed break to compose himself. He pursed his lips, clearing his throat before speaking and touched Horatio's face, fingers tracing the features he knew by memory--his broad forehead, the sharply angled planes of his face, his overly expressive mouth. "I love you."
Horatio: "And I, you, Benton," Horatio whispered. "I will give you everything that--" No, he would not invoke her name again so soon, however much Horatio wished to fill the space she had once occupied. "Everything that is in my power to give, for so long as I may have you."
Fraser: "You needn't give me anything but yourself, Horatio," he sighed and pressed his lips to Horatio's shoulder. "I wish you could believe that."
Horatio: Horatio rubbed his fingers lightly against the soft hairs dusting the back of Fraser's neck. "That is what I give you, Benton. Every joy, every sorrow, all my hopes and my fears, for you and for Ray."
Fraser: Fraser's mouth had continued to kiss the skin of Horatio's shoulder and chest exposed by the open neckline of his shirt, but Horatio's words brought the prick of tears to his eyes and he lifted his head to claim Horatio's sweet mouth. He had been blessed to find this man, and every day he found his love renewed in some small way.
Horatio: Horatio could feel the dampness beneath his fingers as he touched Fraser's face, and it only served to make his returning kiss more tender. "Come to bed, Benton," he whispered into Fraser's mouth. The rest would surely do him good, especially if spent in Horatio's arms.
Fraser: Fraser let Horatio ease him into bed and pulled him close. "Ray will be home soon," he said quietly, and kissed Horatio's cheek. It went without saying that they would wait up for him, but in the meantime, they could rest there, eyes closed, and simply be.
Horatio: Horatio wrapped an arm across Fraser's broad chest, letting the other rest in Fraser's hair to thumb through the short, dark locks. Christopher Robin was already asleep next door, Ray and Dief were on their way home, and soon their family would be complete.
Fraser: The light is fading, but Fraser's mind is still active. He's sitting next to the homemade oil lamp, eyes focused on the book in his lap. It looks as if he is reading, but for some reason this evening the biography on Trudeau is not capturing his attention. He pretends to keep reading anyway.
Horatio: Horatio entered the wikiup, hair wet and dripping from a quick dip in the waterfall beyond their camp. It wasn't nearly so sanitary as the Compound showers, but it was close, and Horatio had had no inclination to go so far for a bath. He smiled at the top of Fraser's bent head and went to sit next to him, quiet so as not to disturb.
Fraser: Fraser was happy to transfer his attention from the book to Horatio and leaned over to kiss his cheek. "How was your shower?"
Horatio: "Lukewarm," Horatio admitted, "but refreshing. That sponge you made from a sea creature was quite useful." Horatio smiled. Fraser really was rather ingenius.
Fraser: Fraser slipped his arm around Horatio's back and pulled him close. "It is not quite the same as having the eyes of fifty men on you while being sprayed with a hose..."
Horatio: "No," said Horatio, blushly lightly. "That didn't make it into the books, did it?" He'd had no reservations at the time, but the thought of the world reading of it...
Fraser: "Well, I would hardly know about it otherwise," Fraser pointed out dryly.
Horatio: "Buggar." Horatio planted his forehead on his knees and smiled helplessly at the floor. Both ears were a brilliant shade of red.
Fraser: Fraser smiled and rubbed Horatio's back. "I assure you I enjoyed it immensely."
Horatio: "It didn't describe it in great detail, did it?" asked Horatio, meaning his own naked form. He wondered what sailor had dared repeat the event. Some men had no decorum at all!
Fraser: Fraser smiled crookedly. "My imagination was more than up to the task."
Horatio: Horatio smiled also, lifting his head. "And now that you have had opportunity to examine the real thing, how does it compare?"
Fraser: "You far surpass the prose expectation." He reached over and stroked Horatio's cheek with the backs of his fingers. "Words truly do not do you justice."
Horatio: Horatio turned his head into Fraser's touch, his smile soft. "I expect it would be the same, should anyone ever attempt to chronicle your own life, Benton."
Fraser: "I suspect the chronicle of my life would be rather boring," Fraser replied honestly, his arm curling around Horatio's hip to pull him close. "Barring the parts that involved Ray or yourself, naturally."
Horatio: "I doubt that," answered Horatio. "Considering that your propensity for misadventure continued with both Ray's, I must conclude that it is an inherent trait, and thus cannot be boring."
Fraser: Fraser smiled. "I am rather pleased that the aforementioned propensity seems to have ceased here, for the most part."
Horatio: "Indeed. For what is waking up in another's body - a woman's, no less - if not normal?" Horatio asked, bumping his shoulder against Fraser's.
Fraser: Fraser slipped both arms around Horatio's torso, aligning their bodies more closely. "You do have a point. Although despite your protests, you made for a very attractive woman."
Horatio: Horatio laughed softly. "Then why were you so terrified of me? I thought you would be the one fainting out of that tree."
Fraser: Fraser made an embarassed noise. "I'm not particularly comfortable around beautiful women," he admitted. "Even though I knew that it was you inside, it took me some time to become used to the idea." He lifted his hand to smooth over Horatio's cheek. "But, if you'll recall, I did become...amenable to the situation. Intimately."
Horatio: Horatio rested his head against Fraser to hide his rapidly staining cheeks. "I do recall," he said. "I...think of it sometimes." His cheeks grew redder than ever.
Fraser: Fraser smiled and nuzzled the side of Horatio's face with his cheek. "As do I," he replied in a low voice. "It was rather memorable."
Horatio: Horatio shifted at the timbre of Fraser's voice, a sound which did nothing to cool his heated face. "I am glad Ray convinced us both to take advantage of the situation. Would you have done so, without his urging?" Horatio was fairly certain he himself would not have. It had been unthinkable to do so before, and unthinkable not to after.
Fraser: Fraser cleared his throat awkwardly. "I doubt it. I have always held women in such high esteem, and there was only one woman before..." he trailed off, his mind switching to another track. "I was happy to replace her memory with yours as the woman I loved the most in my life."
Horatio: Horatio watched a look he'd come to know well pass over Fraser's face before it was replaced with something softer. "You don't speak of her much," he said. He felt it was all he could say without prying. Fraser never wished to discuss that part of his past.
Fraser: Before when the subject of Victoria had come up, Fraser had tried to dodge discussion as much as possible, not out of a sense of privacy, but simply out of habit. But his relationship with Ray and Horatio had gotten to the point where he actually wanted to share the memories of his past, no matter how painful. "Her name was Victoria," he said slowly. "She was a suspect, wanted in connection to a bank robbery. In the end I tracked her up above the 62nd parallel into a place called Fortitude Pass. A storm had been blowing for days; the whole world was white. By the time I found her I had lost everything --my packs, my supplies, my--everything. She was huddled in the lee side of a mountain crag. She was almost frozen, very near death. So I staked a lean-to and draped my coat across it, drew her inside, and I covered her body with mine and I just held her...while the storm closed around us like a blanket, until all I could hear was the sound of her heartbeat, weakening. I forced her to speak to me...just talk to me...say anything to keep the cold from taking her. And it snowed for a day...and a night...and a day. I was delirious; I almost gave up. The only thing I had to hold onto was the sound of her voice, which never wavered. She recited a poem. I must have heard that poem a thousand times that night; I never heard the words...." He trailed off and sighed. He needed to get this out, to confess how the story had ended. "It ended badly. She had a...darkness inside her."
Horatio: Horatio listened to the tale with rapidly widening eyes. It was beautiful, but terribly sad, and Horatio did not think the presence of this 'darkness' boded well. "Did she perish there?" he asked finally, thinking briefly of Mariette. He hoped fate had been less cruel to Fraser's dark lady, if only for Fraser's sake.
Fraser: Fraser shook his head. "We survived. The storm finally broke and we were alive. After a day we found my pack and we ate everything I had in one meal. And it took us four days to reach the nearest out post. We camped that night just outside the town in sight of the church steeple and I held her in my arms and she asked me to let her go. You see, no one knew that I found her. The police didn't even know her name. I could just let her go and she could walk away that night. But I didn't. I sent her to prison."
Horatio: "My god," Horatio murmured. He looked at Fraser as though he were seeing a part of him never before glimpsed. Horatio was both stubborn and duty bound, but even he had been willing to defy all authority to ensure Mariette's escape. "You were very strong," he said. "You did your duty."
Fraser: "She's the only woman I had loved and I put her in prison. Duty's a poor excuse," Fraser said, voice tinged with sadness. "I was a different person then. Young. Ambitious." He was silent a moment before continuing. "I never want to be that man again."
Horatio: "She was a criminal. Suppose she had harmed others after she escaped. You were not wrong, Benton," Horatio began, but the words died soon after at the look on Fraser's face. He lifted a hand to rest against Fraser's arm. "I am sorry for what you must have gone through afterwards."
Fraser: Horatio didn't know the half of it. "There is more to the story," Fraser said slowly, meeting Horatio's eyes. "She found me again, years later. In Chicago."
Horatio: Horatio swallowed, holding Fraser's gaze. "I...suppose she was not pleased with you," he said, fear making his voice light.
Fraser: "Her plan...what she did...what happened..." He broke off. "It's rather complicated...her revenge was elaborate."
Horatio: "Her revenge," Horatio repeated. He was horridly uneasy, Fraser never had trouble speaking like this. What was more, he could not imagine anyone clever enough to get the best of him. "What did she do to you?" he asked, tightening his hold on Fraser's arm.
Fraser: Fraser took a deep breath before attempting to explain what had happened. "When she was released from prison she went to live with her sister in Alaska. A few days later, a car went over a cliff. A body was recovered with third degree burns over 90% of the body. The sister identified the body as Victoria Metcalf, but...she killed her own sister and took her sister's identity. She found the half a million dollars from the bank robbery and buried $10,000 in a box beneath the floorboards of my father's cabin. She burned the cabin down so that this money would be discovered and headed for Chicago. We ran into each other, by chance I thought. She stayed in my apartment for several days and put some of the stolen money into my wallet. I gave a homeless man a $20 bill and that was used to connect me to the crime. She stole my gun from my trunk and used it to shoot Diefenbaker and one of her former partners that had come to Chicago to track her and the money down. A man named Jolly. She threw my gun into the polar bear cage so that it would be found and connected to me. I was charged with 1st degree murder and arrested. Ray Vecchio mortgaged his house in order to pay my bail. And then she...she put a key in Ray's house, where she had stayed. A key that went to a locker where there was $25,000 from the same money...she threatened to call Internal Affairs. I found the key, but...she needed me to make an exchange. For diamonds. But I managed...Ray helped me. There was a confrontation at a train station. She asked me to go with her..." It was such a long story, with just a little bit more to tell. "I wanted to go with her. I would have, if Ray hadn't shot me."
Horatio: There were so many places in which Horatio very nearly asked Fraser to pause, but the flow of the story was constant, if halting in places, and by the end of it there was only one thing Horatio could focus on. He was very pale, and had he been able to feel his fingers, he might have noticed the depth to which they'd sunk into Fraser's arm. "He shot you. He...but why?"
Fraser: "It was an accident." Or so Ray had claimed. "I think...if I had gone with her it would have been the biggest mistake of my life."
Horatio: Horatio did not want to abandon his first line of questions, but the next subject to which Fraser called attention was almost as disturbing as the first. "Why go with her, Benton, after all she had done to you? She...my god, what she'd done to you!" He could not keep the horrified tremor from his voice. "She hated you."
Fraser: "It appeared so," Fraser agreed. "But, by her own admission, she wanted me to go with her. She said she needed me." He'd had considerable time while he was healing to think about this, and years since the conversation in the adult theatre. "She and I both knew that we could never be together so long as she was a criminal and I was a cop, so she took it upon herself to change that situation. If we were both criminals...."
Horatio: Horatio could not imagine the quietly noble man beside him as a criminal, and for a moment, he could not even understand how Fraser could consider becoming one. How could he lay down all his duties and beliefs for any purpose, let alone a woman who had nothing but evil intent? But Horatio could no longer apply such strong sentiment to duty, could he? Not after discovering what it was to love another. Fraser had loved this woman, and Horatio fancied that he might now make the same decision if asked to choose between dishonour and losing Fraser or Ray forever. He was quiet and still for a long moment as he sorted this through. "What your life must have been like, Benton...to think love could not be something better than that."
Fraser: Fraser closed his eyes at Horatio's words and reached for his hand, lacing their fingers together tight. "It was my only experience with the emotion until you, and Ray...I lived the majority of my life in complete emotional isolation. Feelings were obstacles to be overcome. I had never had such a strong emotional and physical connection to another human being before her. I confess I thought that if she left...I would never experience it again. To a starving man, even the most rotten piece of garbage can appear to be a satisfying feast."
Horatio: Horatio's chest felt tight, his heart raw to hear Fraser confess such loneliness. "I would trade our experiences if I could," he said, pressing their joined hands to his body. "I did not consider the possibility of love in my time at sea. It did not even occur to me, that there might be something more, or something missing. Ray and yourself...you were the first, and you are wonderful. I am so very lucky, when you have been so ill-used. It isn't right."
Fraser: Fraser cupped Horatio's cheek, his thumb smoothing over his skin as if he could soothe Horatio's distress with that simple touch. "I consider myself to be fortunate as well. I have never known such happiness as I have with you and Ray, and I would not volunteer to have been spared the experience with Victoria. It makes the moments I share with you all the more sweet and precious to me."
Horatio: Horatio cast down his eyes, unwilling to compound Fraser's unhappy memories with his own theatrics. "You did not need to know horror to know goodness," he said quietly. "Not you."
Fraser: "There are those that have experienced far worse," Fraser assured him, studying Horatio's face with a concerned expression. "Do not...that is to say, I hope you do not...pity me...for what I have experienced."
Horatio: "I would not do you the disservice, Benton. But I cannot say that I am not displeased with the hand fate has dealt you." He closed his other hand over the one already laced with Fraser's and made himself take a deep breath. He did not dare allow this new insight to fuel his already over-active desire to make Fraser happy, as the activity had done nothing but drive Fraser mad in the past. "I am...very glad to be a part of something better for you."
Fraser: "You are the best thing for me," Fraser corrected softly, and leaned over to press a soft kiss to the corner of Horatio's mouth.
Horatio: Horatio eyes closed, and he very nearly lost his composure at the tenderness of the kiss. "As are you for me, Benton," he said after another deep breath. He brought Fraser's face between his hands then, pulling him close for a kiss that he could not prevent himself from taking, so greatly did the need to protect Fraser surge within him.
Fraser: Fraser wrapped his arms around Horatio's torso and drew him close, attempting to express just how profoundly he was grateful for his love at this point in his life. Their lips met and parted only gasp for air before meeting again.
Horatio: Horatio's hands fisted in the loose cloth of the shirt spread over Fraser's back, tugging him closer despite the fact that there was nowhere left to go. He wondered if Fraser could feel the tremors beneath his fingertips, just as Horatio could feel Fraser's tremors beneath his. He broke away from the kiss at last and pressed their foreheads together, committing the feel of his lover's mouth to memory for the hundredth time.
Fraser: Fraser took advantage of the much needed break to compose himself. He pursed his lips, clearing his throat before speaking and touched Horatio's face, fingers tracing the features he knew by memory--his broad forehead, the sharply angled planes of his face, his overly expressive mouth. "I love you."
Horatio: "And I, you, Benton," Horatio whispered. "I will give you everything that--" No, he would not invoke her name again so soon, however much Horatio wished to fill the space she had once occupied. "Everything that is in my power to give, for so long as I may have you."
Fraser: "You needn't give me anything but yourself, Horatio," he sighed and pressed his lips to Horatio's shoulder. "I wish you could believe that."
Horatio: Horatio rubbed his fingers lightly against the soft hairs dusting the back of Fraser's neck. "That is what I give you, Benton. Every joy, every sorrow, all my hopes and my fears, for you and for Ray."
Fraser: Fraser's mouth had continued to kiss the skin of Horatio's shoulder and chest exposed by the open neckline of his shirt, but Horatio's words brought the prick of tears to his eyes and he lifted his head to claim Horatio's sweet mouth. He had been blessed to find this man, and every day he found his love renewed in some small way.
Horatio: Horatio could feel the dampness beneath his fingers as he touched Fraser's face, and it only served to make his returning kiss more tender. "Come to bed, Benton," he whispered into Fraser's mouth. The rest would surely do him good, especially if spent in Horatio's arms.
Fraser: Fraser let Horatio ease him into bed and pulled him close. "Ray will be home soon," he said quietly, and kissed Horatio's cheek. It went without saying that they would wait up for him, but in the meantime, they could rest there, eyes closed, and simply be.
Horatio: Horatio wrapped an arm across Fraser's broad chest, letting the other rest in Fraser's hair to thumb through the short, dark locks. Christopher Robin was already asleep next door, Ray and Dief were on their way home, and soon their family would be complete.