No one ever looks here anymore, so...
Lee's asleep, thinks I am too, but I'm not. I can't. I'm too freaked out.
I mean, it's as if he has forgotten everything of the last few weeks. How can he? How can he possibly think *I* would be interested in anyone other than the man lying in my bed right this very minute?
It hurts. I admit it, I thought he was joking at first, but he's thoroughly pissed, and I can't take that. I can't stand when people are mad at me for no reason. What did I do but mention what we all know? Darren's a GUY he thus has a DICK and fuck yeah, I've seen it. I could care less. This is so ridiculous I can't even think anymore.
Darren's asked me to stay calm and think about this. I'm trying. Maybe he is right. Maybe Daniel is finally getting mad about what happened to him. I don't blame him for that but, it hurts that it is me he goes after. I don't handle things like this well. I go between screaming and crying and thinking oh shit, I've fucked everything up, I might as well pack it in and take off.
Maybe I should. I'm not handling things well right now and think maybe I need a break. From everything. Everyone. Wait until all this blows over.
But how can something like this be fixed? I don't know. I just don't know. It is all so ridiculous, I look back and can't even figure out what I said that was so awful.
I just woke Lee up and told him I was leaving. We just had a huge fight over it, fuck fuck fuck, he says I'm being overly dramatic but no one seems to understand my side of this. Maybe I am the one wrong here. I just don't know anymore. I can't sleep. I feel sick. I'm just out of here, okay? Lee told me to go on and get out of town a few days, and I am. Ben's in L.A., got an important gig coming up, think I'll go spend some time with him. I think he and Linds are over. Not sure. Don't care.
I'm going to get drunk. Maybe that way I won't have the nightmares tonight.
This is so stupid.
Bye.
I mean, it's as if he has forgotten everything of the last few weeks. How can he? How can he possibly think *I* would be interested in anyone other than the man lying in my bed right this very minute?
It hurts. I admit it, I thought he was joking at first, but he's thoroughly pissed, and I can't take that. I can't stand when people are mad at me for no reason. What did I do but mention what we all know? Darren's a GUY he thus has a DICK and fuck yeah, I've seen it. I could care less. This is so ridiculous I can't even think anymore.
Darren's asked me to stay calm and think about this. I'm trying. Maybe he is right. Maybe Daniel is finally getting mad about what happened to him. I don't blame him for that but, it hurts that it is me he goes after. I don't handle things like this well. I go between screaming and crying and thinking oh shit, I've fucked everything up, I might as well pack it in and take off.
Maybe I should. I'm not handling things well right now and think maybe I need a break. From everything. Everyone. Wait until all this blows over.
But how can something like this be fixed? I don't know. I just don't know. It is all so ridiculous, I look back and can't even figure out what I said that was so awful.
I just woke Lee up and told him I was leaving. We just had a huge fight over it, fuck fuck fuck, he says I'm being overly dramatic but no one seems to understand my side of this. Maybe I am the one wrong here. I just don't know anymore. I can't sleep. I feel sick. I'm just out of here, okay? Lee told me to go on and get out of town a few days, and I am. Ben's in L.A., got an important gig coming up, think I'll go spend some time with him. I think he and Linds are over. Not sure. Don't care.
I'm going to get drunk. Maybe that way I won't have the nightmares tonight.
This is so stupid.
Bye.