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the_open_sea

(Untitled)

Oct 28, 2010 00:58

So midterms are finished. I'm still recovering. I did well enough, I suppose.

I reach this point every semester where I don't really want to go on. It's not that I want to quit, necessarily. I just run out of steam. And then I look back and get frustrated because I always feel like my investment didn't quite match up with my return. It's tough ( Read more... )

Comments 8

windy_nocturne October 28 2010, 15:33:05 UTC

1. The idol of achievement tries to catch us all. I understand.
2. I remember when that happened. Do you remember that e-mail you sent me? I don't know if I still have it or not, but I remember what it said.

the_open_sea October 28 2010, 17:48:30 UTC

1. Is this a difference, though? I am committed to a God who is very possessive of me. He does not want me turning my attentions to silly things like earthly achievement now that I know He is there. He is eternal and all-consuming and much cooler than good grades or what have you. I don't know, is your relationship with your gods like that? We've never really talked about that specifically.

2. I think I still have it. I should still have that whole conversation, actually. :)

windy_nocturne October 29 2010, 02:49:01 UTC

My gods don't posses me any more than I posses them, and being that I deal with it all using a particular meta-frame (I know it sounds like honors-type wank, hear me out) they essentially leave me to do what I want, because that's the way I chose to have it. For now. I simply must pay for my decisions. If life were to get harder, I'd probably lean on them a little more ( ... )

free_sadie October 28 2010, 16:34:13 UTC

I would very much like to know about your journey towards God, if that's something you'd share with me. I've been curious about that part of your life for a long time, but I've never wanted to pry.

the_open_sea October 28 2010, 17:44:50 UTC

Oh, it's not prying! It's just long and a bit complex. It's my favourite story to tell about myself, actually, even though it does start with my injury and all of that. The only thing I no longer do is name who the family member was when I'm telling people who aren't close to me; he doesn't deserve to have his name broken down in distant places, really.

Matt's been pushing me to write it up for a couple of years now, but I never get around to it. You actually have a fully unique perspective, since you saw me in high school (actually right before things reached their worst for me) and then now, well after the dust has settled. This whole time I've been putting it off because I generally like to tell people in person, but that's sort of a flimsy reason because I'm a good writer - and what better thing to write about as a Christian?

I will write that up. Maybe post it on here, maybe just send it to you. I'll let you know.

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the_open_sea October 29 2010, 02:25:12 UTC

When I've written my account, then, I will post it on here.

I think people benefit a lot from sharing hardships with others, so I understand what you're saying. I know it's been really encouraging to see your devotion even in the midst of the deepest spiritual struggle.

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the_open_sea October 29 2010, 02:53:48 UTC

Honestly, I am frequently reminded of Psalms when I read some of your hardest entries. In Psalms the author, especially David, will plead with the Lord - or yell at him or be angry or upset or hopeless or disbelieving of God's desire to help - on one hand, and on the other will honour God and choose to trust in His goodness and grace and sovereignty. As I've been reading them (this is my first time), I've been really moved by how deeply the struggle runs - in a piece of Scripture! It's been a really strong reminder of the fact that God doesn't expect us to be perfect (something I've really been struggling with lately, actually). He just wants us to love Him and follow Him wholeheartedly ( ... )

thekennanator October 30 2010, 17:00:05 UTC

Hey you, I look forward to reading these posts. That you're able to keep your head up and see other things that have importance besides school is incredible. I have so much respect for you because of that.

I'd like to hear your story sometime when you're able to catch you breath. God is such an amazing force that is inescapable. I know I struggle to keep him centered in my life, but I know that if you can manage it then I know I can. You truly are an inspiration.

For what its worth, I'm proud of you and your achievements.