To Love Is To Burn.
I just finished reading an article at The Rumpus. Usually I'll just share the link via Facebook, but there's actually a bunch of quotes paragraphs on it that resonated with me that I thought I should just compile them over here, and then share this to people.
Anyway.:
"[A]lthough in the midst of our great sadness we made valiant efforts to reach each other. We failed. Grief morphs people; it dissolves direction, focus, desire, supposedly unbreakable bonds. [ ] The gap between us had become unbridgeable; the lives we imagined going on with after [our grief] incompatible."
"I spend plenty of my life in utter quiet, happily whirling away in my inner life, which is a secret and complicated place, a world that is wholly my own and that I will never again give up in service to a relationship. But I do not want to be a nerdy hermit all of the time. When I’m with another person I want to know them, which requires talking and listening, not just observing and trying hard not to reveal anything that suggests vulnerability."
"I wanted dating to feel like connecting, not strategizing,---"
"I don’t need anybody to fix my big fat broken heart, because nobody can or will, although that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be happy. I do. I want to live. I want to be, quite simply, accepted and desired for the sum total of who I am, and who I might become, and for the experiences that have contributed to both. I don’t want anybody to feel as though they have to prop me up, but I also want - and need - support."
"I wish I could meet them and say, 'Hey, Other Human Person, you’re so great! Hold out for what feels good! And just remember that nothing lasts forever!'"
"So, if not salvation, which most people are subconsciously looking for, what is there to want in a romantic relationship? I want a witness. I want to be held while I weep like an animal and not be told that I’m strong or that things will get better. I also want to cry on my own and sulk with a good book and bad television. I don’t want to be lied to. I want big-hearted accompaniment in this wild and frightening place of grief that is unexpectedly beautiful, shimmery, weird, and unpredictable; which is to say, it’s just like life, only magnified, deepened. I want someone who can see me in the ultimate moment of weakness and view it as an expression of human strength, because that’s what it is."
On a semi-related note: This is probably why I like reading (or watching TV, or listening to songs). Because I'm kind of terrible at verbally expressing myself (I have actually resorted to staring people down and/or/while latching onto them before, to let them know how strongly I feel about them. I only wish they actually understood at the time. oTL) and every now and then I'll find something - a quote, a phrase, a paragraph (a line from a song) - that seems to understand exactly how I feel. And that makes it a lot easier to connect to people, make them understand how I feel.
Plus it's always nice to find out that someone out there is as twisted/idealistic/crazy as you and are getting published.
- - -
Meanwhile on other life-related news - I have officially left my day job. I ought to talk more about that, the emotions and all, but I'm still a bit hung up on the previous article so I'll save that for next time. For now, I am free to pursue all those things I have set out to do... and it can be pretty overwhelming. It kind of feels like when you keep on asking for your turn for something and when it finally is your mind goes blank. Alternatively, when I do finally think of things I ought to do, they tend to come in waves, leaving me a bit confused about which I should do first.
But what I do know (and try to remember) is that, while a good amount of planning is necessary, I must not to stress and overthink about it, and trust my gut instincts more.
Here's to trusting the universe. /o/
★
Anyway.:
"[A]lthough in the midst of our great sadness we made valiant efforts to reach each other. We failed. Grief morphs people; it dissolves direction, focus, desire, supposedly unbreakable bonds. [ ] The gap between us had become unbridgeable; the lives we imagined going on with after [our grief] incompatible."
"I spend plenty of my life in utter quiet, happily whirling away in my inner life, which is a secret and complicated place, a world that is wholly my own and that I will never again give up in service to a relationship. But I do not want to be a nerdy hermit all of the time. When I’m with another person I want to know them, which requires talking and listening, not just observing and trying hard not to reveal anything that suggests vulnerability."
"I wanted dating to feel like connecting, not strategizing,---"
"I don’t need anybody to fix my big fat broken heart, because nobody can or will, although that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be happy. I do. I want to live. I want to be, quite simply, accepted and desired for the sum total of who I am, and who I might become, and for the experiences that have contributed to both. I don’t want anybody to feel as though they have to prop me up, but I also want - and need - support."
"I wish I could meet them and say, 'Hey, Other Human Person, you’re so great! Hold out for what feels good! And just remember that nothing lasts forever!'"
"So, if not salvation, which most people are subconsciously looking for, what is there to want in a romantic relationship? I want a witness. I want to be held while I weep like an animal and not be told that I’m strong or that things will get better. I also want to cry on my own and sulk with a good book and bad television. I don’t want to be lied to. I want big-hearted accompaniment in this wild and frightening place of grief that is unexpectedly beautiful, shimmery, weird, and unpredictable; which is to say, it’s just like life, only magnified, deepened. I want someone who can see me in the ultimate moment of weakness and view it as an expression of human strength, because that’s what it is."
On a semi-related note: This is probably why I like reading (or watching TV, or listening to songs). Because I'm kind of terrible at verbally expressing myself (I have actually resorted to staring people down and/or/while latching onto them before, to let them know how strongly I feel about them. I only wish they actually understood at the time. oTL) and every now and then I'll find something - a quote, a phrase, a paragraph (a line from a song) - that seems to understand exactly how I feel. And that makes it a lot easier to connect to people, make them understand how I feel.
Plus it's always nice to find out that someone out there is as twisted/idealistic/crazy as you and are getting published.
- - -
Meanwhile on other life-related news - I have officially left my day job. I ought to talk more about that, the emotions and all, but I'm still a bit hung up on the previous article so I'll save that for next time. For now, I am free to pursue all those things I have set out to do... and it can be pretty overwhelming. It kind of feels like when you keep on asking for your turn for something and when it finally is your mind goes blank. Alternatively, when I do finally think of things I ought to do, they tend to come in waves, leaving me a bit confused about which I should do first.
But what I do know (and try to remember) is that, while a good amount of planning is necessary, I must not to stress and overthink about it, and trust my gut instincts more.
Here's to trusting the universe. /o/
★