John Simm jumps off the building. John Simm hits the ground in 1973. "Owwww," says John Simm, and dies. Cut to 2006. John Simm is in a coma. "Urrrr," says John Simm, and dies. John Simm has died twice, and the audience rejoices ( Read more... )

Spotted on the imdb.com messageboards :

"Excuse me, but I hope you didn't just call Keith Richards Jesus, because, if so, I'm afraid that you are TERRIBLY mistaken! Taking God's or Jesus' name in vain is a sin. Jesus died for our sins, not Keith Richards."

I got a phone call from my mate Dave last night.

"Would you like to run the London marathon next year ?" he asked.

"Thanks for the offer," I replied, "but I don't think I have the administrative skills."

I mean, they've all got different numbers - a big photocopier wouldn't even be any help.

Did anyone see The Magic Christian last night ? Peter Sellers ! Christopher Lee ! Ringo Starr ! It was the funniest thing I've seen in ages, (dear Points Of View) why oh why oh why didn't I tape it ? Typically for a film I find myself liking, it's not available on any format and before last night hadn't been shown on TV since 1985. Roll on 2025, ( Read more... )

THE 'FLOYD LIVETH !

Is there really much difference between selling a Live8 ticket on eBay and giving one away as a prize on your TV or radio show ? In fact, I can think of a few reasons why I find eBay more acceptable.

The tabloids are a mine-field for the staunch 'Doctor Who' fan. Already they're packed with spoilers for the new series. Today I learnt that the first half hour of the Christmas special will mainly involve David Tennant trying to coax Ecclestone's whippet from out of the console, and get the pigeons out of the TARDIS loft. Elisabeth Sladen may well ( Read more... )

I don't know about you, but if I had a name like 'Shatner', I wouldn't advertise Bran Flakes.

Dirty Barry

Insert your own hilarious "To me, to you" joke here.

I wish I'd said this :

" What's the deal with the Tory slogan 'Are you thinking what we're thinking ?'. I'm thinking that they're borderline racists pandering to an extremist point of view. Is that what they're thinking? I doubt it. "