The State of the Hector

Jul 19, 2011 20:41

As you can see in the icon, I have no hair.


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trans, real life, , kids

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Comments 7

muskokan July 20 2011, 11:17:58 UTC
=)

I'm still struggling with 'mom' mostly for my older daughter's sake. I'm looking forward to getting a chance to talk to her tonight, after seeing her baptism. I've never really felt like 'mom' I've always felt I've taken a more typically masculine approach to parenting, much like my father (who was abusive, but I always blamed my mother for not stopping him more than I blamed him for being angry)

Anyway, you say you haven't made much progress but to me this seems like significant progress.

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the_rotten1 July 20 2011, 17:50:16 UTC
Yeah, I never really felt like 'mom' either. I'd like to think that my parenting approach is pretty balanced, but I still enjoy the more masculine aspects (like roughhousing with the kids) over cleaning and cooking.

I never blamed my mother until recently. She dumped on me a lot as a kid, but she was the only one who treated me like a person, so I saw things more from her point of view. My Dad also became really distant after the divorce. He was like a stranger to me. In retrospect, though... yeah, she was a doormat. She was always bitching about the way he treated her, but she never did anything about it.

I guess it is progress in a psychological sense. I'm just frustrated because I wanted to be progressing in a physical sense by now.

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lawless523 July 20 2011, 14:21:43 UTC
I'm glad you're changing terminology. Having your kids to call you some variation of the word "mother" is inconsistent with identifying as male. I'm also glad your mother has become less obstructionist.

The new look works well. If I didn't know, I doubt I'd be able to tell that you were trans.

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the_rotten1 July 20 2011, 17:28:31 UTC
If you want to talk consistency, then having custody of three kids is inconsistent with being a single father. Sure, you see single guys with a kid every now and then. Rarely, even two. But never three. I've given up on being consistent.

...but, consistency aside, I was holding onto the title for the wrong reason. I shouldn't be afraid to express my own masculinity just because my father was an ass.

Thanks. :)

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lawless523 July 20 2011, 17:35:30 UTC
I was referring more to the gender identity. As you say, you shouldn't be afraid to express your maleness just because your father was an ass.

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seshats_prodigy July 20 2011, 22:31:00 UTC
Actually, it might be more common than you think!! ♥

My hubby's buddy, he's a single dad, and he's got custody of his three kids - the mum sees them every other weekend, or maybe even monthly...I can't remember.

Also, LOVE the spikey hair!! ♥♥

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