My friend Brooks needs a date.
"Look... I'm a fuck up. This is noted not only in the minds of every woman that I have ever dated, but also in the annals of legalese known as divorce court. Anyone who looks in my general direction needs to know the following things:
1) My kids come first. Always. No exception. They are the only thing that I have ever done that is completely pure and good and right. I will not fuck that up. Under any circumstances. Ever.
2) I love music. Not like, "hey that song is really nice", but more like, "damn, I have to have that record right now... I haven't eaten in two days, but I am going to sell these three movies to buy this record". I have junkie love for music. The good news is that I don't have junkie love for junk. That said I do love Junkie Rock.
3) I have been married. Twice. I have been divorced. Twice. There are a number of reasons for this... but lets cut to the chase. Wife one... the love of my life. We were too young. She is still one of my best friends. Get over it. Wife two... the safety wife, the damn, I'm thirty wife. Good woman. Very passive aggressive. The mother of my children. She will be around forever. Get over it.
4) I am no prize. I do not pretend to be one. What I am is... loyal to a fault, judgemental, sensitive, volatile, intelligent, elitist... I could go on... with bad and good... watch High Fidelity... better... read it... I am Rob Fleming.
5) If I tell you that I am a certain way, this is the way that I am. I am 38. It is unlikely that I am going to change.
6) I drink. A lot.
7) I am sensitive about my age. To exacerbate this, I tend to like the younger women. The two do not mesh well... pop culture junkies feed off of people getting their obscure references. It is a rare and wonderful 23 year old lady who knows all of the spin offs of Happy Days.
8) If you are one of those "television rots your brain" people, I am going to disappoint you. I love the stuff. I have a hard drive attached to my TV. I pay more for cable than most do for child support.
9) I am hardcore ADD. Ooooooooh... shiny!
10) Even better, I am bipolar. Tis true... a gift from my mom. I have help with that, and it seem to work. I'm pretty level these days.
Enough about me... let's talk about you..."
With Love,
Brooks