Pastoral Symphony 4
Harry came to with a start some time later, his heart staccato in his chest and sweat on his brow as though he’d been running for miles, his mind clouded with images he told himself had just been a dream, his body wracked with a visceral urge to flee.
For a moment he wasn’t sure where he was; remembering that he was in a house with his godfather and Professor Lupin and was probably safer here than anywhere else in the world calmed him a bit, but even after his breathing slowed he found himself unable to go back to sleep.
Quietly, he got out of bed and started for the staircase, intending to have a glass of milk and then go back to bed. Light from below told him that someone else was awake; with any luck it would be his godfather in search of a snack.
Halfway down the stairs, he saw that they were both still awake, or at least Lupin was. He was on the sofa exactly as he had been when Harry went to bed, deep in his heavy tome on ancient history, the light from the fire reflecting off his reading glasses. Sirius had moved; his bare feet jutted out over the sofa’s low arm and his head was propped against Lupin’s shoulder as though it belonged there.
Harry watched with interest as Lupin set his book aside and rested his head on Sirius’, the faded caramel of his hair vivid over the black. He was amazed to feel a flush rising on his cheeks. What was there to embarrass him? It wasn’t as though he’d stumbled across them running about the house starkers.
Harry thought he was beginning to understand how Lupin fit in.
The grandfather clock struck eleven and Sirius sat up abruptly.
‘Mmf. Ow, my neck hurts.’ He yawned, stretched and Harry could hear his vertebrae popping. ‘That’s better.’ He yawned again, ran a hand through his unruly hair and draped his arm across the back of the sofa behind Lupin. ‘How long was I asleep?’
Taking off his glasses, Lupin rubbed the bridge of his nose. ‘Almost an hour.’
‘Is Harry asleep?’
‘I think so, but I haven’t been up to check on him. He looked rather tired.’
‘He’s had a long day. So have you; why aren’t you in bed?’
‘You were sleeping on me,’ Lupin pointed out. ‘I couldn’t get up without waking you.’
‘Silly man. I wouldn’t have minded.’ His voice was both affectionate and teasing in a manner that Harry hadn’t previously heard him use with Lupin.
By contrast, Lupin’s voice was its usual steady, matter-of-fact tone. ‘You don’t think I’d leave you on your own, do you?’
‘No, but you needn’t put my fears before your need for a solid night’s rest. I should learn how to be alone again, Remus.’
‘No, you shouldn’t,’ he replied firmly. ‘I promised you I’d take care of you and I mean to do exactly that.’
‘Fine. Tire yourself out for my comfort.’ He yawned again, and after a pause, asked ‘Do you think he’s having a good time?’
‘Harry? He seems to be.’
‘I imagine being anywhere is better than being with Lily’s cow of a sister, her clod of a husband and that useless ball of flesh that passes for their son. What was Dumbledore thinking, letting him live with those hideous people?’
‘Considering we were both in Azkaban at the time, he really didn’t have much of a choice.’
Harry’s eyes widened in surprise. Lupin, in Azkaban? This was the first he’d heard of it.
‘All because I’m a stupid prat and our dear, dear friend was a murdering traitor,’ Sirius snarled. ‘Still, there’s no way to erase what happened. I just have to do my best to make up for it, to you as well as Harry.’
‘We ought to tell him everything - what it was like then, how fearful we all were, how we didn’t even trust each other. He needs to know. He deserves to know. And I do mean everything, Sirius.’
He sighed with an air of defeat. ‘I know.’
‘You haven’t told him yet, have you?’
‘No. I wanted to while we were out in the garden but it just didn’t seem right. I want him to get used to us before he finds out; that’s a lot to take in, and he has plenty on his mind already. I don’t feel right, adding to his burdens.’
Harry’s stomach gave a little jump. What did Sirius have to tell him? Whatever it was, his tone of voice made it sound very important and possibly upsetting. Did it have to do with Voldemort’s return, or was it something less dire?
‘There’s nothing stopping you from saying something, you know.’
‘Don’t put it off on me, you’re his godfather!’
They were smiling again; Harry’s stomach relaxed somewhat and he decided that now would be a good time to interrupt. Contriving to look as freshly awake as possible, he continued heavily down the remaining stairs.
Sirius pulled his arm quickly away from behind Lupin, looking as though he’d been caught at something. ‘Harry! Is everything all right? We didn’t wake you, did we?’
‘No, I was just. . .’ He didn’t want to tell them the little he could recall from the disturbing dream that had woken him. ‘I was thirsty.’
He relaxed visibly. ‘That’s good. Well, since we’re all awake, why don’t I make some cocoa? There’s some trifle left over; we could have an almost-midnight snack.’
Lupin gazed at him in amazement. ‘I can’t believe you’re hungry again! You ate enough at dinner to feed three.’
Sirius patted his developing middle with an air of pride. ‘Believe it. Now, will you be wanting any trifle or do I get your share?’
It wasn’t the chirp of the birds outside his window or the sunshine spilling through the curtains and over his bed that brought Harry out of pleasant dreams and into what he slowly recognised as his bedroom in his godfather’s house. Or was it Lupin’s house? He wasn’t sure, but to whomever the house belonged, he was still glad to wake and find himself there. He lay in bed for a few moments and allowed himself to revel in the complete happiness he felt before climbing out of bed to discover if the smell of pancakes and the sounds of music and of someone singing(admittedly very nicely) downstairs were real or not.
Much to his surprise, Lupin was in the kitchen, singing along very well to music coming from a cd player that sat in a cabinet in the study. Surrounding it were many, many CDs, all meticulously grouped by subject and in alphabetical order. Glancing at them, Harry noticed that most of them were Muggle musicians and lots of them appeared to be rock bands. He wondered how a band with a name like The Velvet Underground would sound as he wandered into the kitchen to see about the pancakes.
Lupin, already dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, stood before the Aga with a small vat of pancake batter and a skillet. He greeted him cheerfully as he continued to add pancakes to a large plate.
The table was already set for breakfast, including what looked like a pot of hot chocolate. Harry poured himself a cup and asked if Sirius was awake yet, to which Lupin gave an undignified snort.
‘Sirius Black, voluntarily out of bed before ten? You have to be joking. Too bad it isn’t an Olympic sport; he could sleep for Britain!’ Setting down the batter, he picked up the stacked plate and brought it to the table. ‘That does give us the advantage of getting first crack at the food, so I can’t complain too much.’ He grinned and started in on the pancakes, Harry following suit.
He listened to the music as he ate. A soft-voiced boy was singing a cheerful song about miserable people and feeling sinister which was followed an upbeat song about dying. Between bites he asked Lupin about it.
‘Oh, this is Belle and Sebastian. They’re from down south in Glasgow. Sirius derides them as being too poncey but has yet to stop me from playing their albums. You saw the cd player, I take it? Feel free to use it, or any of the other Muggle things, whenever you like. You’ll find I’m not quite as much of an anachronism as I am reputed to be,' Lupin said, winking. We even have a television set so Sirius can watch the news.’
He swallowed his pancakes quickly. ‘Does it run off of magic?’
‘Naturally. How else would we get decent reception out here in the middle of nowhere?’
‘Aren’t you worried about having so many enchanted Muggle things around?’
‘Not particularly. After all, I am sheltering a notorious fugitive.’ He gave a wry smile. ‘I could probably run through the Ministry clothed only in bespelled toasters and no one would give a damn about it if I brought them your godfather as well.’
‘But you wouldn’t, would you?’
One of Lupin’s eyebrows arched gracefully. ‘What, run about clad in electric appliances? Never.’
‘You’d never give him up to the Ministry? Because - you know what would happen. They’d never give him a trial, they’d just - ’ Harry stopped, unable to say the rest without feeling sick.
‘I know what would happen, Harry.’ Lupin’s eyes were fixed on a spot by the door, but Harry was sure what he saw was another place entirely.‘I promise you, I do not mean to let anyone hurt Sirius ever again. The Ministry will only get him if they kill me first.’ His words were said quietly but with a chilling heaviness and Harry did not doubt that he meant them exactly.
For a moment his own mind was in a place far removed from the cheerful kitchen and the calm, pastoral beauty that surrounded it. ‘Are we safe here?’
Lupin nodded reassuringly. ‘If someone got through the wards we’d know immediately. I have a map of all the land - it’s like the Marauder’s Map, actually - so we could track their movements without their knowledge. Should anyone manage to get close to the house, there’s a room in the basement, hidden behind the cage, with an old fireplace that’s been spelled to connect directly with Albus Dumbledore’s office. In the event of anything untoward happening, you and Sirius are to go immediately to that room.’
‘But then you’ll be alone!’ he protested. ‘We can help you!’
Lupin shook his head. ‘No, Harry. Sirius is in no shape to fight and I refuse to let you put yourself in harm’s way. If anything goes wrong, you have to stay with him and protect him until you’re both somewhere safe again.’
‘What will you do?’
‘Whatever I need to do.’ He looked at Harry, kindness replacing the determination in his eyes. ‘There really is no need to worry, Harry. Sirius would never have let you come here if he thought you might be in danger and neither would I. You’ve probably already guessed that safety is part of the reason you’re here in the first place. Though nobody doubts your ability to take care of yourself, with Voldemort back, things are. . . less certain than they were before. Just like the first time, no one is sure who they can trust. Rumour has it that even some of the most powerful people in the Ministry are under suspicion. Proof, of course, eludes everyone, but it’s only a matter of time until someone slips up. We - that is, Albus, Minerva, Sirius and I - felt it best that you, Ron and Hermione stay here not only for your own safety but for the safety of everyone around you as well. The Weasleys and the Grangers are going on holiday somewhere secure and a watch has been placed on the Dursleys.’
‘But if they know where we are, won’t that be dangerous for them?’
Lupin shook his head. ‘Do you remember the trouble you had trying to see the house from outside the protection spells? Well, you were meant to be able to see it. No one can find it unless directed here specifically by Albus, Minerva, your godfather or me, and once they leave they forget. You have exactly one hundred acres of land to explore with complete freedom for the rest of the summer, and confidentially, Sirius is trying to get permission for you to come back for Christmas, too. Now, I don’t know about you, but I could use a few more pancakes.’
Harry finished up what was left on his plate while Lupin made a fresh stack. He tried to push away all the things that worried him, focusing instead on the possibility of getting to spend Christmas with his godfather and maybe even the next summer as well. Well-protected or not, the house and the wonderful land around it were certainly more than ideal for a summer holiday. Which reminded him. . . .
‘Whose house is this, yours or Sirius’?’ Harry asked, digging into his second serving.
The question seemed to surprise Lupin and he paused for a few moments before answering. ‘Well, I suppose it’s Sirius’ mainly, but if you want to get technical, it belongs to both of us. Your godfather grew up in London and he still keeps a flat there, but he always liked being out in the country so he bought this place before we left school, intending it to be sort of a summer home. My parents separated when I was sixteen; I’d fallen out with my father and my mother’s house wasn’t big enough for both of us, so I didn’t have anywhere to live where I wouldn’t pose a threat. Sirius insisted I move out here to live because it’s so remote. He had the cage installed in the basement because it’s the law, then we built the wards around the house with help from Albus so I could run around if I felt like it. Your father lived here for a few months before he and your mother were married, and they both visited often afterward. You’re sleeping in their old room, you know. Lily loved the view across the countryside.’ He was quiet again, lost in contemplation.
Harry waited long enough to devour another pancake before interrupting his remembrances. ‘So how does the house belong you both?’
‘Sirius was worried that something might happen to him and I would be homeless again, or worse, put into a Ministry-approved werewolf ‘refuge’ which is honestly just a prison with nice grounds, so he made me part-owner of the house. That way, if he died or went missing, I would have somewhere decent to live. He was always, and still is, very considerate of and generous to his friends.’
Although his explanation was perfectly logical, it seemed somewhat evasive and Harry knew he was holding something back. He was wondering if he should say anything about what he’d seen the night before when he heard a noise on the stairs; a few moments later, his godfather strode into the kitchen, still wearing pajamas, looking merry and well-rested.
He ruffled Harry’s already distressed hair on his way to fill his plate, greeting Lupin with a pat on the shoulder as he joined them at the table to start in on the remainder of the cooked food. ‘Talking about me, were you?’ he asked gruffly, giving Harry a wink. ‘Was Remus telling you all about the wretched exploits of our misspent youth?’
‘I was telling him about how you let James and me mess up your lovely house after we left school,’ he answered, pouring them each another cup of chocolate and giving Sirius another irritatingly inscrutable look.
‘Good thing I’m not particularly neat myself or I’d have made you both camp out in the yard!’ He gave Harry another wink. ‘James wasn’t too bad, but he was forever tracking mud everywhere. Remus, however, shed fur all over the house.’
Lupin pretended to be very offended. ‘Not nearly as much as you did! At least if I got wet I shook myself dry before I came inside!’
Brandishing a bit of pancake on the end of his fork, Sirius made as though to reply but was interrupted by the arrival of a red-tailed hawk that swooped in from the garden. The hawk dropped a copy of the Daily Prophet in front of Lupin, left a postcard in front of Harry, bit the pancake off of Sirius’ fork and began to preen in the middle of the table.
‘Not on the table. Shoo, Beth,’ Lupin said, patting the bird on her side. She hissed at him and continued to groom. ‘Harry, this is Beth, my hawk.’
‘Cool!’ Harry watched her with just a touch of envy; he didn’t know anyone else who had a domesticated bird of prey that was any fiercer than an owl. Lupin seemed to have the very neatest things. ‘How did you get a hawk?’
‘She’s actually Beth the Second. Her mother was with me while I was at school; I got her because she was the only one at the Magical Menagerie that wasn’t scared of me,’ he explained, feeding her bits of pancake from his plate. ‘She looks a great deal fiercer than she really is. All you need to do is feed her and she’s yours.’ He smiled down at her as she pecked at his empty plate. ‘All gone, Beth. Go outside.’ After giving Lupin a look that Harry could swear was a glare, she hopped from the table to the windowsill and flew back into the clear blue of the sky above the garden.
‘Who sent you the postcard, Harry?’
He picked it up and glanced at the signature. ‘It’s from Hermione. . . she’s in Bulgaria. . . with Viktor Krum!’
Lupin regarded the card with interest, looking impressed. ‘Viktor Krum as in the Quidditch player?’
‘Yeah, that’s him. He asked her during the Tournament if she’d come and visit him over the summer. I think he likes her.’
Sirius gave a short laugh that was almost a bark. ‘I should think so! You don’t look too happy about it, Harry - do you like her, too?’
Harry shook his head so vehemently he made the two men laugh. ‘No, not Hermione! She’s like. . . she’s. . . Hermione! Like a bossy sister. I think Ron does, though, but I don’t think she likes him. It would be weird if they were going out.’
‘Don’t worry about it if they do; I’m sure you’ll still be their friend. James and I were just as close after he started seeing your mother, although he did develop a little more of a conscience. So is there someone at school you like?’
Just thinking about Cho Chang made his cheeks tingle with embarrassment. ‘Well. . . sort of.’
His godfather grinned broadly. ‘Go on then! Tell us everything.’
The tingling sensation intensified. ‘Her name’s Cho and she’s in Ravenclaw. She’s their team’s Seeker, too.’
‘Have you talked to her yet?’
‘I try to, but every time I do, I feel like throwing up. I tried to ask her to the ball last year, but she was already going with. . .’ His throat closed up briefly as the memory flashed before him. ‘With Cedric. So - now I don’t know how I’ll be able to talk to her at all.’
Sirius patted him comfortingly on the shoulder. ‘If they were close, she’ll need time to recover, but there’s no sense in giving up completely if you really like her, Harry.’ He smiled charmingly. ‘And that, I’m afraid, is all the advice I can give you! I was never any good with girls when I was younger.’
Picking up the dishes from the table, Lupin gave an undignified snort. ‘That’s because you never had to do anything! You just sat there and they all came running. There was a queue of girls practically out the bloody door before every social event we ever had!’
‘And I never went with just one of them, did I?’ he retorted, offering the last of the chocolate to an uninterested Harry before finishing it off himself. ‘How could I disappoint a hopeful admirer? I just showed up and danced with anyone who asked me.’
‘Almost anyone,’ Lupin replied with a curious half-smile. ‘Don’t give me any of that philanthropic crap, Sirius - you just didn’t want to limit your options, did you?’
‘Ignore him, Harry,’ Sirius whispered loudly to his godson who was rather enjoying their banter. ‘He’s gone out with twice as many girls as I have!’
Lupin spluttered with laughter. ‘Twice as many! Considering you’ve only ever - ’ He stopped himself abruptly though he continued to look amused. ‘Really, Harry, if you do like her, just let her know and be patient if she needs time to decide how she feels.’
Sirius nodded knowingly. ‘I told you, he’s a veritable fount of wisdom!’
Lupin pretended to have misheard him. ‘What was that, Sirius? You’ll do the washing up while Harry and I relax? How very kind!’
He did, in fact, do the washing up despite grumbling the entire time but Harry and Lupin did not relax. Instead, they went back down to the basement where Lupin showed him the hidden room and how to access it if needed. Although they had to go inside the cage, he didn’t seem upset about it in the least.
Harry, however, found himself quite unsettled; if anything, being on this side of the heavy bars was far worse. He could see deep grooves in the stone of the floor and gnaw marks on the metal of the cage itself. Looking at the gentle, patient man who had been the one to claw and chew, he shivered. Even having seen with his own eyes what Lupin was capable of doing, he still found his forced imprisonment horrible and was glad when Lupin seemed satisfied that he knew how to use the room and they could go upstairs again.
They played catch on broomsticks until the early afternoon when clouds began to thicken in the sky. By half-past one it was raining steadily. Sirius made sandwiches for lunch and they ate them while playing a Muggle game Lupin had fetched from the attic.
‘This was your mother’s, Harry,’ he told him wistfully. ‘It was her favourite game and she made us play it whenever she could. Lily said it was the only thing the four of us did together that didn’t involve anyone or anything exploding.’
Sirius’ reply made Harry laugh. ‘Of course she loved it - she could spell! Your father was a terrible cheat, always trying to insist that any combination of letters was a real but dreadfully obscure word.’ His eyes shone happily as he spoke. ‘You were the only one who could beat her honestly, Remus. I wasn’t too bad myself, but poor Peter - ’ Giving a little gasp, he twitched as though he’d been shocked as the happiness drained away.
Lupin hurriedly changed the subject back to Harry’s mother’s linguistic prowess; by the time he’d set up the board, Sirius was jovial again as though nothing had happened. They played three rounds, Lupin easily winning them all. Afterward, Harry and Sirius played another game of chess while a tired-looking Lupin went upstairs for a nap.
‘It’s the medicine; it has silver in it. During the first few weeks he’s always either worn out or nauseated.’ He glowered. ‘I think Snape puts too much in on purpose.’
‘I thought silver was dangerous to werewolves unless it was goblin silver.’
‘A large amount can be fatal, in fact, but small amounts seem to suppress the transformation without harm. It builds up in his blood, though, so he’ll have to go one month every year without the medicine.’
'Has he done it yet?’ Harry secretly thought it would be great fun to spend time with Lupin in his wolf form - provided that he hadn’t forgotten his potion again, of course. Unfortunately, Sirius said that he’d already transformed the preceding month.
‘That’s why it’s making him sick now; his body isn’t used to the silver. He’ll have to take Wolfsbane potion this month to enhance the effect of the pill, which also makes him feel awful.’ Sirius was fretting so much that he didn’t even notice as he moved his knight into a position where Harry could - and did - easily check it. ‘I know the benefits outweigh the side effects but I still think it wouldn’t kill anyone to develop a gentler formula. Oh, excellent move, Harry! Now why didn’t I see that?’