Pastoral Symphony 5
Toward evening the rain began to taper off, allowing Harry another chance to practise a few Quidditch moves and to explore the surrounding land in general. Accompanied by Hedwig and Beth he circled out over the woods until the little house was out of sight and all he could see was the patchwork green of the earth below, steadily growing dim in the approaching dusk. Upon his return he discovered his godfather and Lupin in the study, working on the crossword puzzle from the morning’s paper.
The two men lay sprawled across the floor at a right angle with the paper between them, flanked by a pair of mugs and a plate of biscuits.
A record was playing softly, something else Harry didn’t recognise but liked; the bittersweet voice of the singer and the elegant way he played his guitar seemed to fit perfectly with the ending of the day as the rain began again.
He watched them quietly for a moment just as he had the other night, enjoying the secure, comfortable feeling it gave him to see them at their ease together. Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon didn’t fight all the time or ignore each other but neither did they stretch out on the floor together listening to records like a pair of kids. Harry had often wondered if the only thing they had in common was their shared adoration of his cousin. He could imagine Mr and Mrs Weasley doing something similar provided they could find the time and space enough on the floor.
This must be how people act when they actually like each other, he thought idly. Suddenly, clearly, it occurred to him that his godfather and Lupin probably did indeed like each other and that liking had a great deal more in common with how he felt about Cho than how he felt about Ron. The more he thought about it, the more obvious it seemed.
Why haven’t they said anything? Do they think it’s going to upset me? Harry paused for a moment to remind himself that he had, in fact, been raised by two of the most closed-minded individuals in all of Britain. Vernon Dursley had on numerous occasions spouted off about his views on the immorality and evilness of such relationships. Well, he thinks the same thing about wizards and I know he’s wrong about that. In fact, almost everything he thinks is awful seems to turn out the opposite!
Sirius tapped his quill against the page and Harry noticed for the first time that he was left-handed. ‘Right, twenty-two across. . . what’s an eight-letter word meaning "intangible"? Starts with an A.’
They're so comfortable with each other; they must have been together for years, even before Azkaban, Harry thought. He looks so happy. So what if he’s not in love with a woman? Who is that going to hurt? He’s happy and he’s safe, that’s what matters to me.
‘Abstract,’ Lupin replied without pause, scribbling in the letters. ‘Which means that twenty-three down has to be "contest", not "protest".’ Reaching for a biscuit, he looked up and saw Harry. ‘Harry! Back already?’
‘Yeah, it was starting to rain. Can I help?’
Sirius moved over so he could join them - closer to Lupin, Harry noted - and they were able to finish in what Sirius deemed record time. After the puzzle was complete, his godfather and Lupin began preparing dinner while Harry went upstairs to take a shower.
On his way back downstairs, he noticed the door to their shared room was open. Curiosity overtaking him, he peered inside. Unlike his room, this room was simply furnished and sparsely decorated save for a clutter of photographs on the bedside table and the inevitable presence of numerous books.
There was indeed only one bed in the room, unmade and strewn with pillows. Opposite the bed, however, stood a comfortable-looking sofa and resting on it in a neat stack were a pillow, a folded blanket and a book, all topped with Lupin’s reading glasses. More confused than before, he went down to dinner.
Over vegetable soup and Welsh rarebit, Sirius and Lupin discussed his plans to go to Hogsmeade the following day in order to stock up on the herbs he would need for the Wolfbane potion. Harry had been invited but had declined in favour of spending some time alone with his godfather, hoping that he might get a chance to ask him about his relationship with Lupin.
Heavy rain the next day thwarted his plans; Lupin, expressing a desire to remain dry, postponed the trip until the following day. Harry wasn’t terribly upset since he still wasn’t sure what to ask Sirius and Lupin offered to teach him a few new jinxes to help pass the time.
‘Strictly educational, of course,’ Sirius remarked drily, watching Lupin demonstrate a delayed effect trouser-shrinking jinx on a spare pair of his trousers.
‘Later I’ll show you a charm to get lazy bastards out of bed before noon, Harry,’ he retorted, grinning as he dodged Sirius’ halfhearted attempt at a kick.
They spent a good chunk of the dreary afternoon watching a few old shows on the enchanted television, most of which Harry enjoyed. One in particular was more confusing than funny to him although Sirius and Lupin seemed to find it extraordinarily entertaining, quoting lines to each other amidst their laughter.
Despite what Lupin described as ‘the apparent cultural age gap’, Harry did appreciate his godfather’s re-enactment of a particularly amusing scene later that evening, the chicken destined to be the evening meal standing in for the necessary parrot. They all went to bed early that night, sleepy from the monotony of the rain.
Harry awoke early the next morning to a gentle sun fresh in the sky over the renewed fields and trees. After dressing and washing up, he crept downstairs quietly so as not to disturb the likely still-slumbering Sirius(though Lupin had assured him such a thing was near impossible) and headed to the empty kitchen intent on a bit of breakfast.
There he found a bowl of fresh peaches on the table, pink-tinged and inviting. Taking one, he bit into it, relishing the sweetness of the fruit and the rare peace of the developing morning, a thing that was as uncommon in the Dursley household as an untouched bowl of anything edible.
A noise from the front parlor startled him until he placed it - it was Sirius’ voice. Wandering to the doorway, he looked into the room to confirm that his godfather was awake at the early hour and he was not hallucinating. They were both awake, Lupin standing by the fireplace making notes on a piece of parchment, Sirius leaning up against the mantle, holding a broom. To Harry’s amusement, they seemed to be wrapped up in making a grocery list.
‘. . . extra. . . borage. . . root. Right, is there anything else we need?’
‘We’re out of milk.’ Sirius tapped a finger against his lips thoughtfully. ‘And eggs, we need more eggs. Don’t forget to go by the baker’s and check on the cake, too.’
Lupin wrote quickly, murmuring ‘Milk. . . eggs. . . cake. Anything else?’
‘Do you think we ought to get Harry anything else for his birthday?’
Harry perked up mid-bite. Anything else? What could they have already gotten?
‘I’m sure we have plenty already! I’ll pick up a case or two of butterbeer for the party.’
A party? For me? Maybe Ron and Hermione will be here! He’d never had a proper birthday and the very prospect of one made him giddy. I bet it’s supposed to be a surprise; I’d better not let on that I know about it.
‘Get three just to be safe. Will you be back in time for lunch?’
‘I expect to be, but I’ll owl you if anything comes up,’ Lupin promised, folding the parchment and stowing it away in his robes.
Sirius’ face darkened. ‘I hope nothing does.’
Lupin reached out and stroked his hair reassuringly. ‘I’ll be fine, don’t worry. Have fun with your godson and don’t burn down the house while I’m gone.’ Stepping into the fireplace, he picked up a handful of what Harry supposed was Floo powder.
‘Fine, I won’t cook then!’ Sirius handed him the broom, saying imploringly ‘Don’t be gone too long.’
‘I won’t be.’ He leaned forward just as Sirius did and to Harry’s amazement, they kissed gently, almost casually. Then Lupin was gone in a flash of light, leaving Sirius by the fireplace with a lovestruck smile on his face and Harry stock-still in the doorway with his mouth full of peach. Turning toward the doorway Sirius saw Harry and froze, his blatant happiness fading to a look of shock.
Harry’s initial attempt to speak was hampered by the peach bulging out his cheeks like a squirrel’s. Swallowing hastily, he started talking at the same time Sirius found his voice.
‘I didn’t think you were awake - ’
‘It’s okay, I don’t care - ’
‘I wanted to tell you but I didn’t know what to say - ’
‘I figured it out already; I don’t care, I think he’s great - ’
‘You’re not angry or anything?’
‘No, why would I be angry?’
‘Because I didn’t tell you sooner and I should have. I was afraid to tell you; I wasn’t sure what those Muggles might have raised you to think about. . . about this, but I imagine it wasn’t anything pleasant.’
'Well, you’re right about the Dursleys.’ Harry felt a blush rise to his cheeks as he thought of some of the awful things he’d heard his relatives say and realised that they would be applied to his godfather and Lupin. ‘I think just about any opinion that comes out of Vernon Dursley is crap. He thinks anyone who isn’t just like him is worthless or wicked and he’s never been right about any of it! If what he said about people like you is true, than I ought to be afraid of Hermione, Mrs Weasley and Professor McGonagall as well, since they all like men, too!’
To his pleasure, his godfather began to laugh, relaxing visibly.
‘I would be frightened of all three of them if I were you, especially of Molly and Minerva, but probably not for the reasons your charming uncle suggested.’ He grinned mischievously, looking like himself again. ‘I’m glad you aren’t upset, Harry.’
‘Of course I’m not! Besides, what business of mine is it to care whether or not you and Lupin are. . . are. . .’ Are what? he wondered. Friends? No, Hermione and I are friends. Partners? No, sounds like who you get assigned to work with on a project. Dating? No, that’s not right, either! ‘. . .are, uh, lovers.’
‘In love, you mean?’ Sirius’ nose wrinkled. ‘I hate that word, to tell you the truth. It makes us sound like we never get out of bed!’
‘Well, not before ten in the morning, at any rate. . .’
Sirius chuckled with amusement. ‘I walked right in to that, didn’t I? Semantics aside, I really am glad you feel that way. I am curious, though - we were trying our best to not give anything away, so how did you figure us out? Is it just that obvious?’
He shrugged, unsure of how to describe with words the things he knew in his heart. ‘Well, I. . . you just. . . when you’re together, you both look so happy. You do almost everything together, even things like housework, and you look glad to do it. It’s like how the Weasleys are - you act just like you’re married.’
His godfather’s smile deepened. ‘That’s because we are.’
‘Really?’
‘Yes, really. For seventeen years, actually.’
‘But - how? And even while you were. . . apart?’
‘That sort of discussion is best handled after a full meal. Since all I’ve had is a cup of coffee and that peach won’t hold you for very long, I suggest that we have breakfast first and then I’ll tell you everything.’
I don’t know why Lupin complains so much, Harry thought to himself, busily stuffing another eggy bite into his mouth. Sirius makes great omelettes. Maybe it’s just a matter of him making them too often. He contemplated the golden pillow on his plate, rich with cheese, capsicum and salty bits of ham(something Lupin never ate, he had learned), trying to imagine being tired of such a meal and failing.
Alongside the omelette were a stack of toast equivalent to half a loaf of bread, a jar of homemade marmalade and a pot of hot chocolate. Sirius had even offered to make cinnamon buns but Harry had demurred, wary of him using the oven in Lupin’s absence.
They worked their way through the meal, managing to finish all but the last of the toast, before resuming their conversation.
‘So. . . you’re really married? Like actually married, with a certificate and a wedding and everything?’
Sirius balanced the last of the dishes on the precarious pile in the sink before casting the washing-up charm. ‘Yes, actually married, with the certificate and the wedding, if you consider Apparating out of Hogsmeade one weekend and getting married in a Ministry office to be a wedding.’ Duties out of the way, he opened the door to the garden and led the way to the small, slate patio outside.
Harry settled down in the shady, comfortable hammock slung between the two willow trees by the patio’s edge. ‘How? I mean, I’ve never seen a law that would let you, especially with Lupin being a werewolf.’
‘Before you were born, things were a little different,’ Sirius explained, conjuring a footstool to go with his wicker chair. ‘There was a law that allowed marriages between humans and some of what the Ministry considers part- and non-humans; the only stipulations were that you both had to be eighteen, have documentation that the part-human wasn’t considered to be dangerous or a threat to the full human and be willing to forego having children. Minerva and Albus provided the letters, we were both old enough and as for the children, well, that wasn’t much of a problem. We got in just under the line, too; the Ministry revoked the law three months later.’
‘I bet your parents were furious.’
‘Oh, my mother was livid! She sent me a Howler at school the day after and I think that’s the last contact we ever had. My father was dead by then, fortunately, or a Howler would have been the nicest thing that happened to me.’
Harry sat up, making the hammock sway unevenly. ‘She sent it to you at school? But - didn’t everyone else hear it, too?’
‘Of course they did. Most of them were very impressed by what they assumed was another elaborate prank. A few people knew better, and the ones that took issue with it either were wise enough not to start a fight or ended up in the hospital wing.’
‘Did Mum and Dad know?’
‘They were our witnesses for the ceremony, just as we were for theirs.’
‘So. . . they didn’t care, did they? They still made you my godfather when I was born. Then - if you’re married, does that mean Lupin is my godfather, too?’
‘That’s how your mother wanted it to be, but legally, he wasn’t allowed to serve as anyone’s guardian because of being a werewolf. I changed my will after you were born, though, indicating that if anything were to happen to me - arrest, death, mysterious vanishing - my guardianship of you should be transferred to him along with everything else.’
‘But it didn’t, did it?' Harry pointed out. 'I went to the Dursleys instead.’
‘I’m afraid that’s my fault again, in a manner of speaking. When I was arrested, Remus was, too; a trial proved him innocent but by that time, you were gone and even if you hadn’t been, he probably wouldn’t have been allowed to take care of you.’
Harry toyed with a fraying strand of the jute hammock, unsure whether or not he should encourage his godfather to talk about these things. ‘Lupin was in Azkaban, too.’
The familiar sadness was back, clouding his eyes, turning them almost ebony. ‘Yes, he was. They held him for a month until he was granted a trial, and that lasted four months.’
‘Did you ever see him?’
‘Once. I saw him when he was being taken to his cell. He saw me, too. People sometimes forget how strong a werewolf can be; he was able to overcome the guard, take his wand and point it at me. Got as far as “Avad- ” before anyone managed to stun him. I’m surprised that they even bothered.’
Harry felt as though someone had replaced his blood with iced water. ‘He tried to kill you?’ he whispered, unable to imagine what it must have taken to make someone like Lupin perform a death curse.
Sirius looked off toward the garden, his face unreadable. ‘He did. I don’t hold it against him. He thought I had lied to him, betrayed him along with you and your parents. In his mind, I was guilty and I should be punished. That was the last time we saw each other for quite a while.’
He sat for a long, silent moment. ‘But - you stayed married? Why?’
‘I asked Remus why he didn’t divorce me. He said the publicity would have been more than he could have handled. I like to think he secretly believed in my innocence, but I don’t think he even considered the idea until a few years ago. Those were dark days, Harry, you can’t even begin to imagine. . . and I hope you never have to go through anything like them.’
‘What about before?’
‘Before. . . .’ His brilliant smile returned, lifting the veil of gloom from his face and making him look young again. ‘I’d love to say it was all action and intrigue, but really, we were very boring! I was working for the Ministry - the Office of Wizard and Non-Human Relations, would you believe? My supervisor said I was greatly overqualified - and Remus had a job in the research area of the Ministry library. We lived here then, but we didn’t get to spend much time at home because whenever we weren’t working, we were in training to become Aurors along with your parents.’
‘That’s what I want to do when I get out of school!’
His godfather nodded. ‘Remus told me you did; he also said he thought you’d be wonderful at it. It’s a very dangerous job, Harry. You and people you love will be placed in great danger and you won’t always be the ones to win, but that said, I don’t think I’ve ever been as proud of anything else I’ve done in my life. Well,’ he amended, reaching out to muss his godson’s hair, ‘that and being your godfather.’
‘Did Mum really want it to be Lupin, too?’
‘Oh, she wanted it to be him instead of me! She had a very high opinion of Remus and was sure he’d be a much better influence on you that I would be. I used to tease her that the real reason was because she’d had a crush on him when she was younger.’
‘She did? My Mum? But. . . they never went out. . . did they?’
‘No, no, not like that. They went to a dance together in our third year, but that was the extent of it. She decided that they’d be much better off as friends, not that it mattered since he was already, ah, spoken for.’
Now Harry was confused. ‘You were already going out? But - the other day you were both teasing each other about who dated the most girls! Did you really date girls, too?’
‘Of course! If my father had known about Remus and me he’d probably have killed me and done who knows what to him so I did everything I could to keep it a secret. I went out with a few girls here and there, kissed a few of them and managed to develop quite a reputation for doing lots of things I hadn’t done!’ He winked rakishly. ‘It’s easier than it looks.’
‘It helps if you don’t care whether or not the girl likes you, I suppose,’ Harry said, wishing he had even a quarter of his godfather’s ability to charm. ‘Did you, um, date other boys, too?’
Sirius shook his head. ‘Oh no, I never seriously dated anyone else. Remus, on the other hand, dated quite a few people while I was in Azkaban. Don’t look so chagrined, Harry. It would have been selfish and foolish of me to expect him to sit around pining for me. I’m happy to know he wasn’t lonely.’
Harry thought of how he’d felt just knowing that Cho liked someone other than him and decided that his godfather was either not prone to jealousy or was sugar-coating it. ‘Was Lupin scared of his parents, too?’
‘Not scared, really, just afraid of disappointing his father. His mother seemed at bit relieved that he’d managed to find someone to love him but his father never seemed to get over the fact that his son would never be the person he wanted. Even though he isn’t legally allowed to have children, Remus felt a bit guilty knowing he’d never have them anyway.’
‘But he still dated girls. Is he bisexual?’
‘Where did you learn that word?’ Sirius asked, looking rather perplexed.
‘Health class,’ Harry told him, feeling himself flush in residual embarrassment at the memory of having to hear crisp, stern Professor McGonagall say words like “intercourse”.
His godfather, on the other hand, appeared to be impressed. ‘Hogwarts has come a long way since I was at school, then. It was all hygiene, contraception charms and how to ask a girl out on a date. I never learned anything in that stupid class that pertained to what I was going through. Still,’ he reflected, ‘I suppose it was better than hearing Flitwick talk about it. Could’ve put me off it for life!’
‘We had Professor McGonagall,’ Harry said mournfully.
Sirius grimaced. ‘Minerva, talking about sex? Who needs contraception charms with memories like that! At least it wasn’t Snape,’ he added.
Harry made a face. ‘You could have kept that to yourself, you know.’
‘Ah, but then I’d have had to suffer on my own, and where’s the fun in that? Besides, I doubt he knows enough about the subject to teach it.’
‘I’d rather clean the owlery with a toothbrush, by hand, than sit through that!’
‘Barehanded, too,’ Sirius agreed. ‘But enough thinking about that! I found a box full of old pictures and letters from your parents in the attic yesterday. What do you say we take a look at those? I’m better at telling stories these days when I have a little visual assistance,’ he admitted.
Harry nodded enthusiastically. ‘I’d like that.’