(no subject)
Who: Buffy and Xander
Where: Outside Sunnydale, Nearby town bar, etc.
When: Post Chosen
Xander: Xander Harris shook his head with a small smile, leaning against the bus as they looked out at what was left of Sunnydale. "Well... there goes all the real estate rates..." He muttered, not exactly at his best right now. Anya was gone. The one woman he'd seriously fallen for, could have spent the rest of his life with... was gone.
Buffy: Buffy let out a huge breath of relief. They were on their own now. She, herself, could start a life that she had wanted so long ago. She longed for that normality and now that she finally had it? It complete threw her off balance. She hadn't made those plans. She never thought that they'd be put into use. Glancing towards Xander, she put her hand on his arm. Anya hadn't come out of this and neither had Spike. A frown graced her face, "Guess we'll have to settle for more than the dirt cheap price of Sunnydale real estate."
Xander: "And I thought business would really be boomin' any time now... Those little bald guys just kept pluggin' away..." Temporarily lost to the joke he didn't even like, Xander glanced at the others before he looked back to Buffy. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry about Spike." He'd never really liked the vampire, and if he hadn't been hit so hard, Xander would have probably been doing inner snoopy dances had Spike not died the way he did.
Buffy: Buffy looked down for a moment at the thought of Spike and what we was now. She wanted to block out that. She just wanted to forget; it made her ache to remember. "Thanks, Xander," she replied softly before looking back up towards him. "I'm sorry Anya didn't make it." She couldn't help but remember to earlier that year when she had attempted to kill Anya herself and how Xander had reacted. How she now felt.
Xander: Forgetting about himself for a moment, Xander pulled her into a hug. "Yeah, so am I." He said quietly. "But we made it out Buff." He offered a weak smile. "Someone's gotta give us props for that... or whatever the heck Faith calls it..."
Buffy: Buffy gave a short small laugh, "Uh-huh. We made it. So..." Her voice faltered momentarily, before continuing even quieter than before, "So, we should be happy."
Xander: "We should be happy." He nodded... but he wasn't, and despite how he was trying to look it, it wasn't working. Xander badly needed a drink. "I think maybe we should hit the nearest town before we start thinking about what's next." He said quietly.
Buffy: "Yeah," Buffy agreed, running her fingers through her hair. "Apocolypse can take a lot out of you. We can stop at a hotel. Sleep some."
Xander: "Get a couple of drinks maybe." He said, nodding. Xander tried to play it off as best he could, fairly sure he could get away with that.
Buffy: "God, that sounds nice right about now," Buffy breathed. Yes, maybe after a couple what ever she was supressing inside would only feel like a dull ache.
Xander: "Yay for alcohol." Xander nodded, and got everyone into the bus. No one asked any questions, and for that he was thankful. He was sure no one would mind the idea anyway.
Buffy: Buffy watched over the newly slayerfied girls. She knew that she was going to need to help train them. Controlling powers was a struggle at times, right now she just wanted to stop somewhere. She wanted to get a drink like Xander suggested and maybe drown away her sorrow. Who said that didn't solve anything?
Xander: Relieved when they arrived in the nearest town, everyone seperated after agreeing to meet back in the morning. The potentials got strict orders to stay together and not to go too far. Xander waited for Buffy. "Want that drink now?"
Buffy: Buffy nodded to Xander, "Sorta needed tonight, isn't it?"
Xander: "Strictly for my sanity purposes." Xander wouldn't admit it, but he was deathly afraid there was going to be dreams if he went to sleep tonight sober. He walked with her, looking for the nearest bar.
Buffy: Buffy entered the nearest bar with Xander, "What's our poison tonight?"
Xander: "You pick." Xander sat down at the bar calmly. "I think I've only drank with you once anyway." He suddenly realized how little time he'd really gotten to spend with Buffy and Willow and... well... everyone, technically.
Buffy: "Well, as long as we don't turn into cave people, because that would be less than fun." Buffy said remembering the time he had worked as a bartender.
Xander: "And that, my dear Slayer, is why Xander gave up bartending. Fear of another cave slayer incident. You ruined the profession for me." Xander smiled, this one a little better than the last. "Profession wrecker." Hey, he'd go with what he could get.
Buffy: Buffy laughed, "That was a doomed profession to start with. Dealing with miserable lonely drunks." She let out a sharp breath. That's what they were now... miserable... lonely... - well, they needed to drink.
Xander: "There was the occasional cute college chick though..." Xander said with an absent nod. He wanted to be one of those lonely miserable drunks right now. Drinking was nice. "Okay, Xander's picking the poison." He looked at the bartender. "Jack Daniels, two shots. And leave the bottle." The bartender nodded, and went to get the drinks.
Buffy: Buffy nodded to Xander as the bartender brought over their drinks. "Beer, bad. Jack Daniels, good." She lifted her shot glass to his.
Xander: "Here's to cave slayers and drinking." Xander raised his glass, and downed his in one gulp, feeling the burn of it as it went down. "Woah. Forgot it was like that."
Buffy: Buffy after gulping her own drink made a 'yeaggfh' face along with some sort of noise that sounded like that. Her cheeks felt instantly warm. "Uh-huh," she replied before pouring them both another shot. "To surviving the end of the world again."
Xander: Xander suddenly realized this may get interesting. He knew there was no way he could drink a slayer under the table... but hey, a guy could try his damndest, couldn't he? He nodded, taking another shot, and felt the burn get a little less.
-- And here's to being drunkety drunk drunk --
Buffy: Buffy gave a giggle towards Xander, no longer really caring about how icky the alcohol taste, nor how much she was drinking. "To drunk...drinking."
Xander: Xander snickered, and raised his glass. He drank it down, and put the shot glass down. "I think... I've had enough..." He felt his vision sway. "Actually this is sort of nice... in a tilt a whirly sort of way..."
Buffy: Buffy felt dizzy herself, "Feels better." Her words felt like they were becoming just one really long word. She finished her last shot. "We're... way too drunk." She finished her sentence in giggles again.
Xander: He grinned. "You're drunker than me, definitely." He wasn't too sure of that... but Xander didn't care about much at the moment, and that was of the good. "Or am I drunker than you? Or... who cares?" He laughed.
Buffy: Buffy giggled again, grinning back towards him, "One of us is drunk... - or... wait. Both of us are... but..." Buffy shook her head, "Something." She giggled again.
Xander: Xander grinned goofily. "Definitely something." He'd never noticed how cute a drunk Buffy was... Sure, he'd noticed Buffy in general, almost killed himself the first day of school when she'd come to Sunnydale over her on that dreaded skateboard. But this was sort of different. "I think both. We'll go with... both." He grinned. "I also think we should do that leaving thing... people are staring..." This amused him greatly, and Xander supressed another snicker. "Aw man, I think we're back in high school..."
Buffy: "That'd be illegal for... the drinking..." Buffy reminded him, amused. She noticed every one looking at them. "Do you... know the way back to the hotel?"
Xander: "... I think so." Xander frowned, trying to think. The staring truly did make him feel like he was in high school again, he usually got similar looks of 'who the hell is that moron' variety. "Okay. We're going to do the impossible..." He grinned. "We're going to attempt actually getting back to the hotel..." Some of the words in between were a bit slurred. "Without getting... dead."
Buffy: Buffy half grinned and dizzily went to get up with him. "Not dead is good. I-I like alive."
Xander: "Yes. Alive is good." He got up, swayed a bit, and steadied himself. "Okay, we're going...." He started out with her, letting her lean on him if she so desired. Xander did his best to keep walking right, and found the whole experience just hysterical.
Buffy: Buffy again started to laugh as soon as she fresh air hit them. "If we end up lost. I'm blaming you." She slurred slightly.
Xander: "Hey, I'm just me." Xander laughed. "You're the big superhero, you should be the one with the better sense of direction y'know..."
Buffy: "Well. I never said I had super directions... powers... thingy." Buffy replied, leaning against him, her arm around him.
Xander: "There should be some sort of... installable... type... upgrade... like... I don't know... Slayer 2.0. A bigger and better Buffster." Xander snickered and started working on figuring out where the hotel was. Right, or left? He put an arm around her, and found the new set up very comfy.
Buffy: Buffy exhaled, "Maybe we can get the teeny slayers those. They need it more than me." She breathed in the scent of his shirt as she found warmth in his arms.
Xander: "Teeny slayers do need it more." Xander nodded sagely, starting right and hoping that he was going the correct way. "I like Buffy 1.0., but that's just a personal opinion, y'know?" There was slurs in between, Xander was hazily suprised he still could be understood.
Buffy: "It's gonna hurt in the morning... all of this." Buffy thought aloud as she let Xander lead.
Xander: "Yeah, but it's fun while it lasted." Xander grinned. "Non thoughts are easier on the... non thinking mind... or something." He took a left, and realized that he was infact getting it right.
Buffy: Buffy nodded into his shoulder. "We should get drunk more often."
Xander: "Mhmm." Xander frowned hazily, trying to figure out where to turn next. He looked down at her. "Okay there Buff?" He asked, lifting her chin just to be sure.
Buffy: Buffy nodded again towards him, "As long as I still have a spine."
Xander: "Spine's a check..." He looked at her back, just to be sure. "And since nothing's around to to rip it out... I think we're good." A turn here... another turn there... and poof! The hotel! "I did it!"
Buffy: Buffy couldn't help but give a small grin. "In case of drunk disasters I'm so going to you." She giggled, leaning on him, her breath against his cheek.
Xander: He turned his head to respond, and accidentally brushed lips with her. Xander froze, blinked a little stupidly, and wondered how that happened. "Sorry 'bout that..."
Buffy: Buffy paused at the slight tingle of his lips against hers. Oh god, she missed that feeling. Her stomach did a little tumble before she put her hand on his cheek and leaned in to kiss him.
Xander: He had only a split second to react, but Xander didn't think about it. If she wasn't upset, he wasn't either. He put his arm a little tighter around her, pulling her closer, and his lips met hers.
Buffy: Buffy wrapped her arms around his shoulder as she kissed him. Her body pressed up against his. This was fine because it felt good, no other thoughts came to mind.
Xander: Feeling good about anything was complete alright with Xander, even though little sobriety demons screamed in the back of his head for him to stop it. This was Buffy. Buffy who never wanted him. This was bad. Xander couldn't quite hear the sobriety demons yet though.
--- The Morning After Syndrome --
Buffy: Oh man, Buffy had a headache of doom. She could literally feel the light streaming into the room and into her closed eyes. Everything throbbed. "Owwy," Buffy half whimpered into something. Okay. She was talking into skin. Someone's chest. She went to bed with someone last night? What! She felt dizzy as she quickly opened her eyes. Suddenly everything came rushing back. She slept with Xander. Best friend. Oh god, this was bad!
Xander: Xander could hear her, but not really 'hear her' hear her. His head was occupied by a cloud of ouch. And there was WAY too much sun. Squinting, he opened his eyes slowly, realizing that he wasn't alone. "Could someone turn down the lights...?" He said hazily.
Buffy: Buffy's forehead creased with discontent. She shut down the shades and winced at the noise it made as the metal hit the window still. "Owwy," she said again, though most of her thoughts were still on remembering last night.
Xander: Xander's vision started to clear just a little, and he realized who was in the bed with him. It was like a dart through the pain that let actual reasoning in. "What... Oh my god." He was dreaming. He had to be dreaming.
Buffy: Buffy quickly pulled the sheets around her body, a little embarrassed, even though he had felt her last night. For some reason she just want to crawl into a hole and hide. "Xander..." She started softly, wishing she was less sober. "We-we..."
Xander: "Yeah..." Xander was tempted to bolt, but didn't move one way or the other. "We uh... we did." His memory was coming back slowly.
Buffy: Okay, running seemed like a good idea. Except she was nude and she didn't want to hurt his delicate male ego. "It's not as if... - I mean, we were drunk and..." This was coming out wrong.
Xander: "We were drunk." Xander agreed with a quick nod. "Drunk as it gets." What to do, what to do...
Buffy: "And .... things happened." Well, obviously. She looked down at herself and wrapped the sheet around tighter.
Xander: Xander didn't move, but felt the sudden impulse to comfort her. Slowly, he could remember that last night was very very nice... and some how he felt he took advantage. "I'm sorry." He wasn't, but he wanted to say it anyway.
Buffy: Buffy bit at her lower lip. It wasn't bad was it? I mean, she didn't remember it being bad. She had this fighting impulse to ask if she was any good at all. She held her breath, "It's not like... it was bad, was it?" So not the point, she chastised herself.
Xander: His eyes widened. "What? No. Not bad, definitely not." He shook his head. Xander wasn't sure how to reassure her that it wasn't bad without making it sound slutty.
Buffy: Buffy coughed and looked away, "It was just. We shouldn't have because... " She tried to give him a smile, but somehow it didn't work with what they had shared. "....you're my Xander - Shaped friend."
Xander: Xander- Shaped friend? He was getting hit with that again? Post sex? Yeah, that was a shot to ego. He nodded, trying not to betray that. "Right. Shouldn't have."
Buffy: Okay, he looked hurt. She knew that she had just said exactly what she shouldn't have by the kicked puppy look on his face. Buffy looked around for her clothing, Where did that stuff go? Really would be nice. "We-we should get dressed."
Xander: Xander nodded. "Dressed would be good..." He looked around, trying to figure out what happened to his own clothes. "Okay I see pants there." He looked across the bedroom. "I'm not sure who's... but those are pants.
Buffy: Buffy, stealing the sheets from the bed, wrapped them tighter around herself before darting out to get what she found out to be Xander's pants. "They're yours." Looking around she saw some clothing in the bathroom. They were doing stuff in the bathroom too. She resisted a small groan. She messed things up majorly. Tossing the pants to him, she went into the bathroom to retreve clothing.
Xander: Xander had a flash memory as he caught his pants. "Uh... I'm ninety percent sure my shirt's... gone." He could pretty much remember her ripping it somewhere in between the waltz/stumble fest to the bedroom, and falling on the actual bed itself.
Buffy: Buffy remember that. Her cheeks flushed red quickly. "I'm... sorry about that." It 's not like she was at the time because everything he was doing had felt good and thinking about it even felt good. She wasn't supposed to feel like that. She wasn't supposed to want to kiss him again. Finding her jeans, she quickly pulled them on.
Xander: He pulled on his pants and shrugged. "It's alright... no worries..." He wondered where his luggage was and if he could get to it. "I'll just walk out like manly stud guy and pray I don't get laughed at..." He muttered with a small smirk.
Buffy: Her shirt was still missing, but at least she had found a bra. Do you remember where you had put my shirt before we had wild sex? Buffy looked around the bedroom, "Doubtful you'd get laughed at."
Xander: Xander stood up, ignoring the last comment because of the situation at hand. He noticed something white under the bed, and snatched it. Her shirt. "That'd be yours." He tossed it to her, and couldn't quite look her in the eye. He was pretty sure if he did too long, there'd be kissing again.
Buffy: "Thanks," Buffy breathed, their hands brushing as she took her shirt from him. Okay, lustful wrong feelings.
Xander: Xander felt that familiar spark of electricity, and nodded, looking away. "Yeah, anytime." He badly needed a shirt, this was getting weird, and he only had so much control.
Buffy: Buffy let out another breath. Was she getting enough oxygen. She tugged her shirt on a little too quickly and almost put her head through on of the arms. Ack! More embarrassment.
Xander: Xander grinned slightly, a little amused he wasn't the only one who was uncomfortable. "Easy..." He went to help her, and his hand brushed her arm. Xander felt the little shock again, and pulled his hand away, rethinking the movement.
Buffy: Buffy's cheeks, she was sure, were the same color as Willow's hair. She felt goose bumps rise on her skin as he went to help her and then pulled away. Wrong, Buffy, this is wrong. She untangled herself from her shirt.
Xander: Xander decided it'd be best to just fold his arms. No touching that way. Safe. Safe was good. "You okay?" He asked quietly.
Buffy: "Yeah. Yes!" She reassured him too quickly, nodding. Sighing, she spoke again more calmly, looking into his eyes, "I'm good, really."
Xander: Xander automatically had a hard time looking away from her gaze. "Good. Great even." The sobriety demons laughed maliciously inside his head.
Buffy: "You're good too, right?" Buffy asked. She wanted him to be okay, really.
Xander: "Totally fine." Xander nodded, reassuring. "Utterly and completely." He wondered where he could get a shirt without being conspicuous too much. "Should work on the shirt thing." He remembered where the bus was. "So I'm... going to do that."
Buffy: "Right," Buffy nodded. She wanted to avoid talking to. "But it's good, that you're okay," She replied, putting her hand on his arm. Touching, she was touching him and she looked down at her hand resisting keeping her hand there. She let her hand fall by her side.
Xander: Xander fought to keep his arms folded the way they were. "I'm okay if you are." What were they, three?
Buffy: "I said I was okay, didn't I?" Buffy asked, her eyes meeting his. She noticed the deep brown of his, at least the one that wasn't covered by his eye patch. He had really nice eyes.
Xander: "You did." Xander agreed. "So we're both okay." He nodded, and felt he should do something, but didn't know what that wouldn't involve touching. Xander sighed, nodded again, and started out the door.
Buffy: Buffy wanted to say something. She didn't want him to have to leave. It seemed like every other time that way. She couldn't get her vocal cords to work, so she just turned and went to sit on the bed.
Xander: Xander managed to make it back to the bus without geting too many weird/interested looks. He sat down on the seats after finding a bag with some of his things in it. Xander pulled on a shirt, and sighed. He wanted back in that room, with Buffy. This was just annoying.
Buffy: Buffy ran her fingers through her hair. Why was this so confusing? She hadn't felt this way towards Xander before. Why /now/? Why did he leave? She couldn't she get him to stay? Why did she even want him to stay? The 'why's continued to attack her brain.
Xander: He leaned back in the seat, thinking. Suddenly, Xander made a desicion. He walked right back to the hotel, and opened the door. "I'm not okay." He told her, half blurting it out. "And I'm not sorry. I'm sorry that I'm not, but I'm not sorry..." He froze, and realized how that came out. Xander grumbled slightly. This could have gone so much better.
Buffy: Buffy looked up quickly, "You're what? Huh?" She made that little confused facial expression.
Xander: "I'm not sorry that it happened." Xander sighed. "I tried, but it didn't work."
Buffy: Buffy was taken aback. How should she react to that. "O-okay..." She was difficult. She knew this. She'd be difficult to be with.
Xander: "And, y'know, correct me if I'm wrong, but I get the vauge idea that you're not too sorry either." Xander was petrified he was wrong.
Buffy: "No... It was good.... like nice. I mean you were good and we were nice. And this is starting to sound really wrong." Buffy said.
Xander: Xander went past it effortlessly. "Then why are we acting like there was something wrong?" Anya flashed across his mind, and then Spike. Xander closed his eyes... or 'eye' as the case my be. He could still feel a ghost eye in it's place. (Yeah.) "Buff..."
Xander: Xander went past it effortlessly. "Then why are we acting like there was something wrong?" Anya flashed across his mind, and then Spike. Xander closed his eyes... or 'eye' as the case my be. He could still feel a ghost eye in it's place. "Buff..."
Buffy: Buffy felt her heart rise in her throat. "Because the only reason we did what we did was because... they died and we're- we're just lonely." She looked away from him.
Xander: "Yeah I know..." Xander sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "I just..." He looked at her slowly. "I don't know, okay? But it feels different Buff."
Buffy: "Different?" Buffy asked him, biting her lower lip and looking up.
Xander: "Yeah." Xander sighed and looked down at the floor. "Okay, Xander's going to take his wounded pride, and get away from you now." He was getting the idea that maybe he'd been wrong, and it was killing him.
Buffy: "Don't go..." Buffy breathed, quickly moving towards him. "Just... different how?"
Xander: "I don't know how." He looked at her. Xander still couldn't completely look her in the eye. "Just different. Like... wanting to kiss you again different." He was going out on a limb, and feeling every inch of the nerves.
Buffy: Buffy could feel her stomach twisting inside of her. "I don't think I'd completely mind that," she said softly, honestly.
Xander: "..." Xander stared, startled. "Woah, back up. Weren't you just on the 'it was wrong' standpoint?"
Buffy: "Yes... it - Xander. This is... You're my friend and that was simple... and I don't know. I'm now completely confused. Utterly." Buffy sunk onto the bed, putting her head in her hands.
Xander: Xander sighed. "Yeah, I know." He did too, he was feeling it. But he knew what else he felt too, and Xander had a hard time ignoring it.
Buffy: Buffy looked up to him, "I don't want our friendship to go... kaboom." She made an emphatic hand gesture.
Xander: "Neither do I." Xander shook his head. "But I sorta have a hard time ignoring feeling anything right now. I didn't think I was going to feel anything again, y'know? I just..." He couldn't think of the right words. "I don't know."
Buffy: Buffy let out a breath, "So... what do you want to do?"
Xander: "Good question." Xander said quietly.
Buffy: Buffy nodded, looking up towards him. She held her hand out for his.
Xander: Xander hesitated for a split second, and then took her hand.
Buffy: She gave his hand a soft tug, "I don't know either." She said quietly.
Xander: He fought the urge to kiss her right then and there. Xander sat down next to her. "Buffy... if you want to pretend nothing happened, I can do that. It's up to you."
Buffy: Buffy shook her head, "That's... I wouldn't do that. Not to you." She briefly thought of Spike but pushed thoughts of him out of her mind.
Xander: "Then what do you want to do?"
Buffy: "I don't know. I really don't." Buffy frowned.
Xander: "We're screwed." Xander grimaced.
Buffy: "But at least in a literal way." Buffy joked. Bad, bad joke.
Xander: "Not even in the fun way." Xander agreed, and then saw the badness of the joke.
Buffy: "I thought you liked it." Buffy said after a moment
Xander: "No, I meant the metaphorical screwing... sorry Xander's off balance." Xander shook it off. "Still a little hungover."
Buffy: "Oh." Buffy said quietly, now embarrassed again.
Xander: "Look, we'll take things as they come, okay? Jump off bridges when we come to them, and all that sort of stuff." Xander put an arm around her without thinking.
Buffy: Buffy leaned against him. Comfort. "Meaning?" She asked.
Xander: "Meaning nothing needs to happen one way or the other yet." Xander shrugged lightly. He hoped that was true.
Buffy: Buffy nodded and let out a breath of relief. "Okay. I can work with that."
Buffy (12:06:54 PM): - The Great Escape -
Buffy (12:08:28 PM): Buffy paced briefly in
the hallway of the hotel they'd been staying at for
the last while. She considered knocking on Xander's
door. She knew that she had to talk with him, after
all that they had been through. That last thing she
wanted was him to feel like she was abandoning him.
She gave a hard sigh and knocked.
Xander (12:10:15 PM): Xander was in a decent
mood. Over the past few days, things had been pretty
docile, and he was getting fond of that. He opened the
door to see Buffy standing there, and suddenly he got
the idea things weren't going to be so good relatively
soon. "Hey Buff..."
Buffy (12:11:58 PM): "Hey," Buffy tried to
give him a weak smile at the least. Okay, she was
still awkward around him. She couldn't help it. She
slept with her best friend and that's not something
you exactly forget.
Xander (12:12:55 PM): Xander fought the urge
to do something right off the bat, especially since he
wasn't sure how to get rid of the awkward air that now
hung almost automatically. "What's up?" He tried to be
as casual as he could.
Buffy (12:14:48 PM): "I-I wanted to talk with
you." Buffy said as naturally as she could, even
though she was chewing lightly at her lower lip out of
nervousness. Letting out a heavy sigh, she entered his
room. No reason to beat around the bush. "Dawn and I
are leaving."
Xander (12:16:16 PM): He froze, not sure he
heard her right. When her expression didn't change,
Xander realized that he did. His own expression
slipped off his face, leaving not too much readable
there. "Where?"
Buffy (12:17:41 PM): "Italy." Buffy replied
softly, "Giles says there are a whole bunch of new
slayers there. - They need - I should help them."
Xander (12:18:41 PM): "You should." He
nodded, eyes everywhere but on hers, face still
unreadable. "You definitely should." Xander had no
idea what else he should say, besides asking her to
stay, and that wasn't really an option. He couldn't
hold her back, could he?
Buffy (12:20:58 PM): Buffy looked up towards
Xander, trying to read him. Trying to know what he was
feeling. She reached out and gently touched his cheek.
She wanted to ask him to go with her. She wanted to be
close to him again - she just couldn't. It wasn't
right. She wasn't right for him.
Xander (12:23:24 PM): He moved away from it,
and then nodded, as if confirming something in his
head. It wouldn't have worked anyway, and he was still
hurting over Anya. He had to keep telling himself
there'd been nothing to hope for, that it'd just been
one night... Xander looked back to her. "Tell Dawn
about it yet?"
Buffy (12:24:48 PM): "No." Buffy said
quietly, swallowing. She could just imagine Dawn's
reaction. Seething hatred. She didn't want to deal
with that now. Putting her hand back down by her side,
she looked down.
Xander (12:25:27 PM): "Sure she's going to
take it well?" He offered a small smile to her,
speaking quietly. Xander wasn't sure he had it in him
to crack a decent joke right that second.
Buffy (12:26:19 PM): "Think I could get away
with telling her we were just going on vacation?"
Buffy asked, looking almost hopeful.
Xander (12:26:41 PM): Xander laughed softly
and shook his head. "No, I really don't think so
Buff."
Buffy (12:27:50 PM): Buffy smiled at his
laughter softly, she paused, "She's gonna miss you."
She said quietly, "Dawn... you were there for her."
Xander (12:28:44 PM): "How could I not be?
She's--" Xander cut himself off before he said 'your
sister'. "She's Dawn." He shrugged, feeling awkward
all over again and shoving it away.
Buffy (12:29:41 PM): She was going to miss
Xander too. Buffy nodded at his words, "Yeah, she is."
Xander (12:30:41 PM): "You know I can't go
with you." He broke the momentary silence, looking at
her.
Buffy (12:32:07 PM): Buffy grimanced, though
tried to hide it. She nodded, unable to meet his eyes,
"I wouldn't ask you to." That was a lie.
Xander (12:32:51 PM): "Good." He wished she
would, but Xander didn't show it. "It wouldn't work
Buffy."
Buffy (12:33:28 PM): "You mean, us, don't
you?" Buffy asked, looking up this time.
Xander (12:34:04 PM): Xander looked caught
off gaurd. "No." He said almost automatically. Then,
"Yes." He sighed. "I don't know. In general I guess."
Buffy (12:35:59 PM): Buffy's cheeks looked
flushed. She kept internally debating if she should
kiss him or not. Goodbye kisses? Wrong bad ideas. "It
wouldn't." She agreed.
Xander (12:36:49 PM): Xander nodded, but
didn't have the faintest idea what to do next.
Internal conflicts truly sucked.
Buffy: Buffy let out a breath, "So... this is
a sort of goodbye, isn't it?"
Xander: Xander rubbed the back of his neck,
and shrugged just a little. "Yeah, I guess it is." He
said quietly, looking at the ground. "But hey, we'll
always have cave Buffys." He glanced up with a small
smile.
Buffy: She didn't want to say goodbye to him.
Xander was her best friend. Right now, joking about
drunk Buffy wasn't helping either.
Xander: Xander sighed, unsure what to do in
general. "Look..." He realized he wasn't sure what to
say to her.
Buffy: Buffy looked up at Xander, waiting for
him to continue.
Xander: "I'm sorry." He said finally, not
entirely sure what he was apologizing for. Everything,
if one had to guess at it.
Buffy: "What about?" Buffy asked.
Xander: "All of it. The whole thing. And the
goodbye." Xander sighed.
Buffy: Buffy shook her head and sighed,
"Look, just forget about the 'Sorry's. We're still
friends. You and me."
Xander: "Good. Good for friends. Good for
us." Xander nodded, trying to say it with as much
conviction as he could.
Buffy: "So... we'll keep in touch then."
Buffy said quietly.
Xander: "Definitely." Xander nodded again.
Buffy: "Good." Buffy nodded slightly before
turning around and starting out the door.
Xander: "Buffy." He called her back before he
could really stop himself.
Buffy: Buffy turned back quickly, "Yeah?"
Xander: "Can I..." Could he what? Xander
didn't know. He wanted desperately to go with her, beg
her to stay, something for god's sake but all he could
do was stand there like an idiot and hate himself.
"Can I get a goodbye hug?" He said with a tiny smile,
and kicked himself over and over again inwardly.
Buffy: Buffy smiled, her features softening
at that. Moving quickly towards him, she grasped him
in a tight hug. Inside she ached.
Xander: Xander's smile brightened a little
bit more, and he hugged her back, gently. He stayed
that way a long moment before letting her go.
Buffy: Buffy lifted her chin upwards, her
lips brushing against his briefly before she backed
away. Bad Buffy.
Xander: His impulses did the rest, Xander
moved forward without thinking, busted by his own
emotions for her that'd long since laid dormant. He
kissed her, and then realized what he was doing.
Xander moved away. "I'm sorry." he said quickly.
"Y'know you should probably go talk to Dawn now."
Buffy: Buffy nodded, touching her lips with
her fingertips. She didn't look to him. "Bye, Xander."
Xander: He swallowed, and nodded. "Yeah."
Xander resisted every last impulse with every fiber of
his being. "Bye Buffy." He headed back into his hotel
room, and shut the door.
Done for _evil_inc_.
Where: Outside Sunnydale, Nearby town bar, etc.
When: Post Chosen
Xander: Xander Harris shook his head with a small smile, leaning against the bus as they looked out at what was left of Sunnydale. "Well... there goes all the real estate rates..." He muttered, not exactly at his best right now. Anya was gone. The one woman he'd seriously fallen for, could have spent the rest of his life with... was gone.
Buffy: Buffy let out a huge breath of relief. They were on their own now. She, herself, could start a life that she had wanted so long ago. She longed for that normality and now that she finally had it? It complete threw her off balance. She hadn't made those plans. She never thought that they'd be put into use. Glancing towards Xander, she put her hand on his arm. Anya hadn't come out of this and neither had Spike. A frown graced her face, "Guess we'll have to settle for more than the dirt cheap price of Sunnydale real estate."
Xander: "And I thought business would really be boomin' any time now... Those little bald guys just kept pluggin' away..." Temporarily lost to the joke he didn't even like, Xander glanced at the others before he looked back to Buffy. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry about Spike." He'd never really liked the vampire, and if he hadn't been hit so hard, Xander would have probably been doing inner snoopy dances had Spike not died the way he did.
Buffy: Buffy looked down for a moment at the thought of Spike and what we was now. She wanted to block out that. She just wanted to forget; it made her ache to remember. "Thanks, Xander," she replied softly before looking back up towards him. "I'm sorry Anya didn't make it." She couldn't help but remember to earlier that year when she had attempted to kill Anya herself and how Xander had reacted. How she now felt.
Xander: Forgetting about himself for a moment, Xander pulled her into a hug. "Yeah, so am I." He said quietly. "But we made it out Buff." He offered a weak smile. "Someone's gotta give us props for that... or whatever the heck Faith calls it..."
Buffy: Buffy gave a short small laugh, "Uh-huh. We made it. So..." Her voice faltered momentarily, before continuing even quieter than before, "So, we should be happy."
Xander: "We should be happy." He nodded... but he wasn't, and despite how he was trying to look it, it wasn't working. Xander badly needed a drink. "I think maybe we should hit the nearest town before we start thinking about what's next." He said quietly.
Buffy: "Yeah," Buffy agreed, running her fingers through her hair. "Apocolypse can take a lot out of you. We can stop at a hotel. Sleep some."
Xander: "Get a couple of drinks maybe." He said, nodding. Xander tried to play it off as best he could, fairly sure he could get away with that.
Buffy: "God, that sounds nice right about now," Buffy breathed. Yes, maybe after a couple what ever she was supressing inside would only feel like a dull ache.
Xander: "Yay for alcohol." Xander nodded, and got everyone into the bus. No one asked any questions, and for that he was thankful. He was sure no one would mind the idea anyway.
Buffy: Buffy watched over the newly slayerfied girls. She knew that she was going to need to help train them. Controlling powers was a struggle at times, right now she just wanted to stop somewhere. She wanted to get a drink like Xander suggested and maybe drown away her sorrow. Who said that didn't solve anything?
Xander: Relieved when they arrived in the nearest town, everyone seperated after agreeing to meet back in the morning. The potentials got strict orders to stay together and not to go too far. Xander waited for Buffy. "Want that drink now?"
Buffy: Buffy nodded to Xander, "Sorta needed tonight, isn't it?"
Xander: "Strictly for my sanity purposes." Xander wouldn't admit it, but he was deathly afraid there was going to be dreams if he went to sleep tonight sober. He walked with her, looking for the nearest bar.
Buffy: Buffy entered the nearest bar with Xander, "What's our poison tonight?"
Xander: "You pick." Xander sat down at the bar calmly. "I think I've only drank with you once anyway." He suddenly realized how little time he'd really gotten to spend with Buffy and Willow and... well... everyone, technically.
Buffy: "Well, as long as we don't turn into cave people, because that would be less than fun." Buffy said remembering the time he had worked as a bartender.
Xander: "And that, my dear Slayer, is why Xander gave up bartending. Fear of another cave slayer incident. You ruined the profession for me." Xander smiled, this one a little better than the last. "Profession wrecker." Hey, he'd go with what he could get.
Buffy: Buffy laughed, "That was a doomed profession to start with. Dealing with miserable lonely drunks." She let out a sharp breath. That's what they were now... miserable... lonely... - well, they needed to drink.
Xander: "There was the occasional cute college chick though..." Xander said with an absent nod. He wanted to be one of those lonely miserable drunks right now. Drinking was nice. "Okay, Xander's picking the poison." He looked at the bartender. "Jack Daniels, two shots. And leave the bottle." The bartender nodded, and went to get the drinks.
Buffy: Buffy nodded to Xander as the bartender brought over their drinks. "Beer, bad. Jack Daniels, good." She lifted her shot glass to his.
Xander: "Here's to cave slayers and drinking." Xander raised his glass, and downed his in one gulp, feeling the burn of it as it went down. "Woah. Forgot it was like that."
Buffy: Buffy after gulping her own drink made a 'yeaggfh' face along with some sort of noise that sounded like that. Her cheeks felt instantly warm. "Uh-huh," she replied before pouring them both another shot. "To surviving the end of the world again."
Xander: Xander suddenly realized this may get interesting. He knew there was no way he could drink a slayer under the table... but hey, a guy could try his damndest, couldn't he? He nodded, taking another shot, and felt the burn get a little less.
-- And here's to being drunkety drunk drunk --
Buffy: Buffy gave a giggle towards Xander, no longer really caring about how icky the alcohol taste, nor how much she was drinking. "To drunk...drinking."
Xander: Xander snickered, and raised his glass. He drank it down, and put the shot glass down. "I think... I've had enough..." He felt his vision sway. "Actually this is sort of nice... in a tilt a whirly sort of way..."
Buffy: Buffy felt dizzy herself, "Feels better." Her words felt like they were becoming just one really long word. She finished her last shot. "We're... way too drunk." She finished her sentence in giggles again.
Xander: He grinned. "You're drunker than me, definitely." He wasn't too sure of that... but Xander didn't care about much at the moment, and that was of the good. "Or am I drunker than you? Or... who cares?" He laughed.
Buffy: Buffy giggled again, grinning back towards him, "One of us is drunk... - or... wait. Both of us are... but..." Buffy shook her head, "Something." She giggled again.
Xander: Xander grinned goofily. "Definitely something." He'd never noticed how cute a drunk Buffy was... Sure, he'd noticed Buffy in general, almost killed himself the first day of school when she'd come to Sunnydale over her on that dreaded skateboard. But this was sort of different. "I think both. We'll go with... both." He grinned. "I also think we should do that leaving thing... people are staring..." This amused him greatly, and Xander supressed another snicker. "Aw man, I think we're back in high school..."
Buffy: "That'd be illegal for... the drinking..." Buffy reminded him, amused. She noticed every one looking at them. "Do you... know the way back to the hotel?"
Xander: "... I think so." Xander frowned, trying to think. The staring truly did make him feel like he was in high school again, he usually got similar looks of 'who the hell is that moron' variety. "Okay. We're going to do the impossible..." He grinned. "We're going to attempt actually getting back to the hotel..." Some of the words in between were a bit slurred. "Without getting... dead."
Buffy: Buffy half grinned and dizzily went to get up with him. "Not dead is good. I-I like alive."
Xander: "Yes. Alive is good." He got up, swayed a bit, and steadied himself. "Okay, we're going...." He started out with her, letting her lean on him if she so desired. Xander did his best to keep walking right, and found the whole experience just hysterical.
Buffy: Buffy again started to laugh as soon as she fresh air hit them. "If we end up lost. I'm blaming you." She slurred slightly.
Xander: "Hey, I'm just me." Xander laughed. "You're the big superhero, you should be the one with the better sense of direction y'know..."
Buffy: "Well. I never said I had super directions... powers... thingy." Buffy replied, leaning against him, her arm around him.
Xander: "There should be some sort of... installable... type... upgrade... like... I don't know... Slayer 2.0. A bigger and better Buffster." Xander snickered and started working on figuring out where the hotel was. Right, or left? He put an arm around her, and found the new set up very comfy.
Buffy: Buffy exhaled, "Maybe we can get the teeny slayers those. They need it more than me." She breathed in the scent of his shirt as she found warmth in his arms.
Xander: "Teeny slayers do need it more." Xander nodded sagely, starting right and hoping that he was going the correct way. "I like Buffy 1.0., but that's just a personal opinion, y'know?" There was slurs in between, Xander was hazily suprised he still could be understood.
Buffy: "It's gonna hurt in the morning... all of this." Buffy thought aloud as she let Xander lead.
Xander: "Yeah, but it's fun while it lasted." Xander grinned. "Non thoughts are easier on the... non thinking mind... or something." He took a left, and realized that he was infact getting it right.
Buffy: Buffy nodded into his shoulder. "We should get drunk more often."
Xander: "Mhmm." Xander frowned hazily, trying to figure out where to turn next. He looked down at her. "Okay there Buff?" He asked, lifting her chin just to be sure.
Buffy: Buffy nodded again towards him, "As long as I still have a spine."
Xander: "Spine's a check..." He looked at her back, just to be sure. "And since nothing's around to to rip it out... I think we're good." A turn here... another turn there... and poof! The hotel! "I did it!"
Buffy: Buffy couldn't help but give a small grin. "In case of drunk disasters I'm so going to you." She giggled, leaning on him, her breath against his cheek.
Xander: He turned his head to respond, and accidentally brushed lips with her. Xander froze, blinked a little stupidly, and wondered how that happened. "Sorry 'bout that..."
Buffy: Buffy paused at the slight tingle of his lips against hers. Oh god, she missed that feeling. Her stomach did a little tumble before she put her hand on his cheek and leaned in to kiss him.
Xander: He had only a split second to react, but Xander didn't think about it. If she wasn't upset, he wasn't either. He put his arm a little tighter around her, pulling her closer, and his lips met hers.
Buffy: Buffy wrapped her arms around his shoulder as she kissed him. Her body pressed up against his. This was fine because it felt good, no other thoughts came to mind.
Xander: Feeling good about anything was complete alright with Xander, even though little sobriety demons screamed in the back of his head for him to stop it. This was Buffy. Buffy who never wanted him. This was bad. Xander couldn't quite hear the sobriety demons yet though.
--- The Morning After Syndrome --
Buffy: Oh man, Buffy had a headache of doom. She could literally feel the light streaming into the room and into her closed eyes. Everything throbbed. "Owwy," Buffy half whimpered into something. Okay. She was talking into skin. Someone's chest. She went to bed with someone last night? What! She felt dizzy as she quickly opened her eyes. Suddenly everything came rushing back. She slept with Xander. Best friend. Oh god, this was bad!
Xander: Xander could hear her, but not really 'hear her' hear her. His head was occupied by a cloud of ouch. And there was WAY too much sun. Squinting, he opened his eyes slowly, realizing that he wasn't alone. "Could someone turn down the lights...?" He said hazily.
Buffy: Buffy's forehead creased with discontent. She shut down the shades and winced at the noise it made as the metal hit the window still. "Owwy," she said again, though most of her thoughts were still on remembering last night.
Xander: Xander's vision started to clear just a little, and he realized who was in the bed with him. It was like a dart through the pain that let actual reasoning in. "What... Oh my god." He was dreaming. He had to be dreaming.
Buffy: Buffy quickly pulled the sheets around her body, a little embarrassed, even though he had felt her last night. For some reason she just want to crawl into a hole and hide. "Xander..." She started softly, wishing she was less sober. "We-we..."
Xander: "Yeah..." Xander was tempted to bolt, but didn't move one way or the other. "We uh... we did." His memory was coming back slowly.
Buffy: Okay, running seemed like a good idea. Except she was nude and she didn't want to hurt his delicate male ego. "It's not as if... - I mean, we were drunk and..." This was coming out wrong.
Xander: "We were drunk." Xander agreed with a quick nod. "Drunk as it gets." What to do, what to do...
Buffy: "And .... things happened." Well, obviously. She looked down at herself and wrapped the sheet around tighter.
Xander: Xander didn't move, but felt the sudden impulse to comfort her. Slowly, he could remember that last night was very very nice... and some how he felt he took advantage. "I'm sorry." He wasn't, but he wanted to say it anyway.
Buffy: Buffy bit at her lower lip. It wasn't bad was it? I mean, she didn't remember it being bad. She had this fighting impulse to ask if she was any good at all. She held her breath, "It's not like... it was bad, was it?" So not the point, she chastised herself.
Xander: His eyes widened. "What? No. Not bad, definitely not." He shook his head. Xander wasn't sure how to reassure her that it wasn't bad without making it sound slutty.
Buffy: Buffy coughed and looked away, "It was just. We shouldn't have because... " She tried to give him a smile, but somehow it didn't work with what they had shared. "....you're my Xander - Shaped friend."
Xander: Xander- Shaped friend? He was getting hit with that again? Post sex? Yeah, that was a shot to ego. He nodded, trying not to betray that. "Right. Shouldn't have."
Buffy: Okay, he looked hurt. She knew that she had just said exactly what she shouldn't have by the kicked puppy look on his face. Buffy looked around for her clothing, Where did that stuff go? Really would be nice. "We-we should get dressed."
Xander: Xander nodded. "Dressed would be good..." He looked around, trying to figure out what happened to his own clothes. "Okay I see pants there." He looked across the bedroom. "I'm not sure who's... but those are pants.
Buffy: Buffy, stealing the sheets from the bed, wrapped them tighter around herself before darting out to get what she found out to be Xander's pants. "They're yours." Looking around she saw some clothing in the bathroom. They were doing stuff in the bathroom too. She resisted a small groan. She messed things up majorly. Tossing the pants to him, she went into the bathroom to retreve clothing.
Xander: Xander had a flash memory as he caught his pants. "Uh... I'm ninety percent sure my shirt's... gone." He could pretty much remember her ripping it somewhere in between the waltz/stumble fest to the bedroom, and falling on the actual bed itself.
Buffy: Buffy remember that. Her cheeks flushed red quickly. "I'm... sorry about that." It 's not like she was at the time because everything he was doing had felt good and thinking about it even felt good. She wasn't supposed to feel like that. She wasn't supposed to want to kiss him again. Finding her jeans, she quickly pulled them on.
Xander: He pulled on his pants and shrugged. "It's alright... no worries..." He wondered where his luggage was and if he could get to it. "I'll just walk out like manly stud guy and pray I don't get laughed at..." He muttered with a small smirk.
Buffy: Her shirt was still missing, but at least she had found a bra. Do you remember where you had put my shirt before we had wild sex? Buffy looked around the bedroom, "Doubtful you'd get laughed at."
Xander: Xander stood up, ignoring the last comment because of the situation at hand. He noticed something white under the bed, and snatched it. Her shirt. "That'd be yours." He tossed it to her, and couldn't quite look her in the eye. He was pretty sure if he did too long, there'd be kissing again.
Buffy: "Thanks," Buffy breathed, their hands brushing as she took her shirt from him. Okay, lustful wrong feelings.
Xander: Xander felt that familiar spark of electricity, and nodded, looking away. "Yeah, anytime." He badly needed a shirt, this was getting weird, and he only had so much control.
Buffy: Buffy let out another breath. Was she getting enough oxygen. She tugged her shirt on a little too quickly and almost put her head through on of the arms. Ack! More embarrassment.
Xander: Xander grinned slightly, a little amused he wasn't the only one who was uncomfortable. "Easy..." He went to help her, and his hand brushed her arm. Xander felt the little shock again, and pulled his hand away, rethinking the movement.
Buffy: Buffy's cheeks, she was sure, were the same color as Willow's hair. She felt goose bumps rise on her skin as he went to help her and then pulled away. Wrong, Buffy, this is wrong. She untangled herself from her shirt.
Xander: Xander decided it'd be best to just fold his arms. No touching that way. Safe. Safe was good. "You okay?" He asked quietly.
Buffy: "Yeah. Yes!" She reassured him too quickly, nodding. Sighing, she spoke again more calmly, looking into his eyes, "I'm good, really."
Xander: Xander automatically had a hard time looking away from her gaze. "Good. Great even." The sobriety demons laughed maliciously inside his head.
Buffy: "You're good too, right?" Buffy asked. She wanted him to be okay, really.
Xander: "Totally fine." Xander nodded, reassuring. "Utterly and completely." He wondered where he could get a shirt without being conspicuous too much. "Should work on the shirt thing." He remembered where the bus was. "So I'm... going to do that."
Buffy: "Right," Buffy nodded. She wanted to avoid talking to. "But it's good, that you're okay," She replied, putting her hand on his arm. Touching, she was touching him and she looked down at her hand resisting keeping her hand there. She let her hand fall by her side.
Xander: Xander fought to keep his arms folded the way they were. "I'm okay if you are." What were they, three?
Buffy: "I said I was okay, didn't I?" Buffy asked, her eyes meeting his. She noticed the deep brown of his, at least the one that wasn't covered by his eye patch. He had really nice eyes.
Xander: "You did." Xander agreed. "So we're both okay." He nodded, and felt he should do something, but didn't know what that wouldn't involve touching. Xander sighed, nodded again, and started out the door.
Buffy: Buffy wanted to say something. She didn't want him to have to leave. It seemed like every other time that way. She couldn't get her vocal cords to work, so she just turned and went to sit on the bed.
Xander: Xander managed to make it back to the bus without geting too many weird/interested looks. He sat down on the seats after finding a bag with some of his things in it. Xander pulled on a shirt, and sighed. He wanted back in that room, with Buffy. This was just annoying.
Buffy: Buffy ran her fingers through her hair. Why was this so confusing? She hadn't felt this way towards Xander before. Why /now/? Why did he leave? She couldn't she get him to stay? Why did she even want him to stay? The 'why's continued to attack her brain.
Xander: He leaned back in the seat, thinking. Suddenly, Xander made a desicion. He walked right back to the hotel, and opened the door. "I'm not okay." He told her, half blurting it out. "And I'm not sorry. I'm sorry that I'm not, but I'm not sorry..." He froze, and realized how that came out. Xander grumbled slightly. This could have gone so much better.
Buffy: Buffy looked up quickly, "You're what? Huh?" She made that little confused facial expression.
Xander: "I'm not sorry that it happened." Xander sighed. "I tried, but it didn't work."
Buffy: Buffy was taken aback. How should she react to that. "O-okay..." She was difficult. She knew this. She'd be difficult to be with.
Xander: "And, y'know, correct me if I'm wrong, but I get the vauge idea that you're not too sorry either." Xander was petrified he was wrong.
Buffy: "No... It was good.... like nice. I mean you were good and we were nice. And this is starting to sound really wrong." Buffy said.
Xander: Xander went past it effortlessly. "Then why are we acting like there was something wrong?" Anya flashed across his mind, and then Spike. Xander closed his eyes... or 'eye' as the case my be. He could still feel a ghost eye in it's place. (Yeah.) "Buff..."
Xander: Xander went past it effortlessly. "Then why are we acting like there was something wrong?" Anya flashed across his mind, and then Spike. Xander closed his eyes... or 'eye' as the case my be. He could still feel a ghost eye in it's place. "Buff..."
Buffy: Buffy felt her heart rise in her throat. "Because the only reason we did what we did was because... they died and we're- we're just lonely." She looked away from him.
Xander: "Yeah I know..." Xander sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "I just..." He looked at her slowly. "I don't know, okay? But it feels different Buff."
Buffy: "Different?" Buffy asked him, biting her lower lip and looking up.
Xander: "Yeah." Xander sighed and looked down at the floor. "Okay, Xander's going to take his wounded pride, and get away from you now." He was getting the idea that maybe he'd been wrong, and it was killing him.
Buffy: "Don't go..." Buffy breathed, quickly moving towards him. "Just... different how?"
Xander: "I don't know how." He looked at her. Xander still couldn't completely look her in the eye. "Just different. Like... wanting to kiss you again different." He was going out on a limb, and feeling every inch of the nerves.
Buffy: Buffy could feel her stomach twisting inside of her. "I don't think I'd completely mind that," she said softly, honestly.
Xander: "..." Xander stared, startled. "Woah, back up. Weren't you just on the 'it was wrong' standpoint?"
Buffy: "Yes... it - Xander. This is... You're my friend and that was simple... and I don't know. I'm now completely confused. Utterly." Buffy sunk onto the bed, putting her head in her hands.
Xander: Xander sighed. "Yeah, I know." He did too, he was feeling it. But he knew what else he felt too, and Xander had a hard time ignoring it.
Buffy: Buffy looked up to him, "I don't want our friendship to go... kaboom." She made an emphatic hand gesture.
Xander: "Neither do I." Xander shook his head. "But I sorta have a hard time ignoring feeling anything right now. I didn't think I was going to feel anything again, y'know? I just..." He couldn't think of the right words. "I don't know."
Buffy: Buffy let out a breath, "So... what do you want to do?"
Xander: "Good question." Xander said quietly.
Buffy: Buffy nodded, looking up towards him. She held her hand out for his.
Xander: Xander hesitated for a split second, and then took her hand.
Buffy: She gave his hand a soft tug, "I don't know either." She said quietly.
Xander: He fought the urge to kiss her right then and there. Xander sat down next to her. "Buffy... if you want to pretend nothing happened, I can do that. It's up to you."
Buffy: Buffy shook her head, "That's... I wouldn't do that. Not to you." She briefly thought of Spike but pushed thoughts of him out of her mind.
Xander: "Then what do you want to do?"
Buffy: "I don't know. I really don't." Buffy frowned.
Xander: "We're screwed." Xander grimaced.
Buffy: "But at least in a literal way." Buffy joked. Bad, bad joke.
Xander: "Not even in the fun way." Xander agreed, and then saw the badness of the joke.
Buffy: "I thought you liked it." Buffy said after a moment
Xander: "No, I meant the metaphorical screwing... sorry Xander's off balance." Xander shook it off. "Still a little hungover."
Buffy: "Oh." Buffy said quietly, now embarrassed again.
Xander: "Look, we'll take things as they come, okay? Jump off bridges when we come to them, and all that sort of stuff." Xander put an arm around her without thinking.
Buffy: Buffy leaned against him. Comfort. "Meaning?" She asked.
Xander: "Meaning nothing needs to happen one way or the other yet." Xander shrugged lightly. He hoped that was true.
Buffy: Buffy nodded and let out a breath of relief. "Okay. I can work with that."
Buffy (12:06:54 PM): - The Great Escape -
Buffy (12:08:28 PM): Buffy paced briefly in
the hallway of the hotel they'd been staying at for
the last while. She considered knocking on Xander's
door. She knew that she had to talk with him, after
all that they had been through. That last thing she
wanted was him to feel like she was abandoning him.
She gave a hard sigh and knocked.
Xander (12:10:15 PM): Xander was in a decent
mood. Over the past few days, things had been pretty
docile, and he was getting fond of that. He opened the
door to see Buffy standing there, and suddenly he got
the idea things weren't going to be so good relatively
soon. "Hey Buff..."
Buffy (12:11:58 PM): "Hey," Buffy tried to
give him a weak smile at the least. Okay, she was
still awkward around him. She couldn't help it. She
slept with her best friend and that's not something
you exactly forget.
Xander (12:12:55 PM): Xander fought the urge
to do something right off the bat, especially since he
wasn't sure how to get rid of the awkward air that now
hung almost automatically. "What's up?" He tried to be
as casual as he could.
Buffy (12:14:48 PM): "I-I wanted to talk with
you." Buffy said as naturally as she could, even
though she was chewing lightly at her lower lip out of
nervousness. Letting out a heavy sigh, she entered his
room. No reason to beat around the bush. "Dawn and I
are leaving."
Xander (12:16:16 PM): He froze, not sure he
heard her right. When her expression didn't change,
Xander realized that he did. His own expression
slipped off his face, leaving not too much readable
there. "Where?"
Buffy (12:17:41 PM): "Italy." Buffy replied
softly, "Giles says there are a whole bunch of new
slayers there. - They need - I should help them."
Xander (12:18:41 PM): "You should." He
nodded, eyes everywhere but on hers, face still
unreadable. "You definitely should." Xander had no
idea what else he should say, besides asking her to
stay, and that wasn't really an option. He couldn't
hold her back, could he?
Buffy (12:20:58 PM): Buffy looked up towards
Xander, trying to read him. Trying to know what he was
feeling. She reached out and gently touched his cheek.
She wanted to ask him to go with her. She wanted to be
close to him again - she just couldn't. It wasn't
right. She wasn't right for him.
Xander (12:23:24 PM): He moved away from it,
and then nodded, as if confirming something in his
head. It wouldn't have worked anyway, and he was still
hurting over Anya. He had to keep telling himself
there'd been nothing to hope for, that it'd just been
one night... Xander looked back to her. "Tell Dawn
about it yet?"
Buffy (12:24:48 PM): "No." Buffy said
quietly, swallowing. She could just imagine Dawn's
reaction. Seething hatred. She didn't want to deal
with that now. Putting her hand back down by her side,
she looked down.
Xander (12:25:27 PM): "Sure she's going to
take it well?" He offered a small smile to her,
speaking quietly. Xander wasn't sure he had it in him
to crack a decent joke right that second.
Buffy (12:26:19 PM): "Think I could get away
with telling her we were just going on vacation?"
Buffy asked, looking almost hopeful.
Xander (12:26:41 PM): Xander laughed softly
and shook his head. "No, I really don't think so
Buff."
Buffy (12:27:50 PM): Buffy smiled at his
laughter softly, she paused, "She's gonna miss you."
She said quietly, "Dawn... you were there for her."
Xander (12:28:44 PM): "How could I not be?
She's--" Xander cut himself off before he said 'your
sister'. "She's Dawn." He shrugged, feeling awkward
all over again and shoving it away.
Buffy (12:29:41 PM): She was going to miss
Xander too. Buffy nodded at his words, "Yeah, she is."
Xander (12:30:41 PM): "You know I can't go
with you." He broke the momentary silence, looking at
her.
Buffy (12:32:07 PM): Buffy grimanced, though
tried to hide it. She nodded, unable to meet his eyes,
"I wouldn't ask you to." That was a lie.
Xander (12:32:51 PM): "Good." He wished she
would, but Xander didn't show it. "It wouldn't work
Buffy."
Buffy (12:33:28 PM): "You mean, us, don't
you?" Buffy asked, looking up this time.
Xander (12:34:04 PM): Xander looked caught
off gaurd. "No." He said almost automatically. Then,
"Yes." He sighed. "I don't know. In general I guess."
Buffy (12:35:59 PM): Buffy's cheeks looked
flushed. She kept internally debating if she should
kiss him or not. Goodbye kisses? Wrong bad ideas. "It
wouldn't." She agreed.
Xander (12:36:49 PM): Xander nodded, but
didn't have the faintest idea what to do next.
Internal conflicts truly sucked.
Buffy: Buffy let out a breath, "So... this is
a sort of goodbye, isn't it?"
Xander: Xander rubbed the back of his neck,
and shrugged just a little. "Yeah, I guess it is." He
said quietly, looking at the ground. "But hey, we'll
always have cave Buffys." He glanced up with a small
smile.
Buffy: She didn't want to say goodbye to him.
Xander was her best friend. Right now, joking about
drunk Buffy wasn't helping either.
Xander: Xander sighed, unsure what to do in
general. "Look..." He realized he wasn't sure what to
say to her.
Buffy: Buffy looked up at Xander, waiting for
him to continue.
Xander: "I'm sorry." He said finally, not
entirely sure what he was apologizing for. Everything,
if one had to guess at it.
Buffy: "What about?" Buffy asked.
Xander: "All of it. The whole thing. And the
goodbye." Xander sighed.
Buffy: Buffy shook her head and sighed,
"Look, just forget about the 'Sorry's. We're still
friends. You and me."
Xander: "Good. Good for friends. Good for
us." Xander nodded, trying to say it with as much
conviction as he could.
Buffy: "So... we'll keep in touch then."
Buffy said quietly.
Xander: "Definitely." Xander nodded again.
Buffy: "Good." Buffy nodded slightly before
turning around and starting out the door.
Xander: "Buffy." He called her back before he
could really stop himself.
Buffy: Buffy turned back quickly, "Yeah?"
Xander: "Can I..." Could he what? Xander
didn't know. He wanted desperately to go with her, beg
her to stay, something for god's sake but all he could
do was stand there like an idiot and hate himself.
"Can I get a goodbye hug?" He said with a tiny smile,
and kicked himself over and over again inwardly.
Buffy: Buffy smiled, her features softening
at that. Moving quickly towards him, she grasped him
in a tight hug. Inside she ached.
Xander: Xander's smile brightened a little
bit more, and he hugged her back, gently. He stayed
that way a long moment before letting her go.
Buffy: Buffy lifted her chin upwards, her
lips brushing against his briefly before she backed
away. Bad Buffy.
Xander: His impulses did the rest, Xander
moved forward without thinking, busted by his own
emotions for her that'd long since laid dormant. He
kissed her, and then realized what he was doing.
Xander moved away. "I'm sorry." he said quickly.
"Y'know you should probably go talk to Dawn now."
Buffy: Buffy nodded, touching her lips with
her fingertips. She didn't look to him. "Bye, Xander."
Xander: He swallowed, and nodded. "Yeah."
Xander resisted every last impulse with every fiber of
his being. "Bye Buffy." He headed back into his hotel
room, and shut the door.
Done for _evil_inc_.