really?
arrived at a frat at 4 pm, sorority girls were being (though not as obviously as one might expect) exploited on the sidewalk, i don't really need to say anything else except that i woke up in the bathroom of the frat house at 7:30 pm, barefoot. wandering to my phone/stuff was nothing short of a miracle. jeff's apartment,bed, things i learned that night include: i am and will always be a rockstar, but alcohol is really not my drug of choice. it was all very ridiculous. saturday, woke up less hungover than anticipated, getting our lives together took longer than needed but was well timed as we walked over to jeff's just in time to meet up with milo and sophie, who of course i love, but we all could have anticipated milo's stellar taste in friends. vaping in the car was good, so good, tequila and ten fingers at jeff's, went to study hall for more tequila, found a joint on the floor and smoked a lot of cigarettes, broke into extravaganza basically, didn't need to be there for as long as i was and i should have been way more drunk by the time i got there, but i love cold weather, pot, free pot, laying on the grass, photobooths, and oh hell yes girl talk. so i let it all go and focused on the music, it's really hard for me to go to concerts with other people, i think. anyway. we left before luda because it wasn't like i was going to find kami and anna anyway, got freebirds, went back to the apartment and got stoned, drank wine, when everyone got back it was actually lovely. i remember more lovely moments than not- how i leaned my chin on the couch and you brushed your hair out of my eyes, how kam rapped all of "it's tricky," how terribly sweet and genuine and fabulous anna pearl is, when you reach for me, when you whisper "i missed you" and fucking really meant it. kami and i talked against the crashing waves for a while, it was...good. i didn't sleep that entire night, and in the morning i curled up into a ball on the carpet, so inside myself. you reached for me again then, and i feel like milo *has* to know that inviting us to cuddle together is a very sweet and acknowledging thing to do. slept most of the drive back up and finished my movie with a rejuvenated sense of everyone around me.
this was way easier to write about a week after the fact.
aliza came for the night sunday, she came back on tuesday, and it was encouraging, to get along with her and allison so well. now that i can see her as an adult, i feel like i let myself learn a lot more from her. my narrative was well received, some people particularly found what i was going for and so i felt good in general. haven't been productive anywhere else in my life, really, because i want so badly to not have the emotional maturity of a fifteen year old that sadie benning and dawson's creek are reminding me i very much still have. in the preproduction stages of my next movie. the assignment is a personal documentary, but i'm making the most narcissistic thing i have ever produced. renee reminds me, this is healing and necessary. and i have never done anything like this before. new tattoo SO in the works its ridiculous, i am thrilled and scared for it. i am not going to graduate with a good job in the works, i fucking hope i can make coffee all summer because i'm totally boned otherwise. i'm post-menstrual, which shouldnt be an excuse, but also my roommates didnt pay comcast for 2 months, so i haven't had internet and to entertain myself i started season one of dawson's creek, which is dangerous, now i need to pretty much do it in order, me curled up in front of my computer smoking joints and getting all the filmic references in the show for the first time and still really seeing myself in it- also dangerous. call it "preproduction" or call it "adolescent obsession" but i am keeping track of all the sweet things you say. lau and yev are going to be here in a few hours and this should also be rejuvenating.
also, i am going to be the senior speaker at my commencement ceremony. i have decided to keep this a secret from my mother to maximize how much she's going to cry. :)
this was way easier to write about a week after the fact.
aliza came for the night sunday, she came back on tuesday, and it was encouraging, to get along with her and allison so well. now that i can see her as an adult, i feel like i let myself learn a lot more from her. my narrative was well received, some people particularly found what i was going for and so i felt good in general. haven't been productive anywhere else in my life, really, because i want so badly to not have the emotional maturity of a fifteen year old that sadie benning and dawson's creek are reminding me i very much still have. in the preproduction stages of my next movie. the assignment is a personal documentary, but i'm making the most narcissistic thing i have ever produced. renee reminds me, this is healing and necessary. and i have never done anything like this before. new tattoo SO in the works its ridiculous, i am thrilled and scared for it. i am not going to graduate with a good job in the works, i fucking hope i can make coffee all summer because i'm totally boned otherwise. i'm post-menstrual, which shouldnt be an excuse, but also my roommates didnt pay comcast for 2 months, so i haven't had internet and to entertain myself i started season one of dawson's creek, which is dangerous, now i need to pretty much do it in order, me curled up in front of my computer smoking joints and getting all the filmic references in the show for the first time and still really seeing myself in it- also dangerous. call it "preproduction" or call it "adolescent obsession" but i am keeping track of all the sweet things you say. lau and yev are going to be here in a few hours and this should also be rejuvenating.
also, i am going to be the senior speaker at my commencement ceremony. i have decided to keep this a secret from my mother to maximize how much she's going to cry. :)