Been meaning to for a while
I've had this in what I thought was a safe place for about 2 months now. After a very scary interval where I thought I'd lost it, I decided it was time to make it public. A bit long I'll admit, but here goes.
Peach peaks matched by pink valleys; I've never been here before, but I know exactly where to go, what's being asked of me. I dive in, savoring the sensory overload; sweet smell, soft smooth touch.
Faith, friends and fear, the all encompassing shackles. Fear moves us all, dependency drives us to that which we once swore was evil, that which some spend their lives running from. Claims of happiness come from a pursuit of impossibility, where the rationale is "If you aren't miserable, you're doing it wrong." Good people seem troubled as always. Perhaps they are looking to fill someone else's definition of happy, not their own.
She and you, the driving anguish that splits me daily. What I would do for her to be gone. What I would do to be where you were desired. Anger and frustration, it seems, are better than nothing. Trade one hell for another? I once had to force myself to say no; I didn't make this mess, I'm just stuck in it. There is no rescue party coming, no one running to pull me out. If I am to escape with my mind, it must be on my own. And thus the planning begins, as it should have years ago. My self-imposed mantra rings true; for now anyway.
I see things, impossible and yet real, blurry and yet vivid. Did they happen? Will they? Neither seems likely, but I see them anyway. They linger, taunting me outside reach, beyond where I can change them. They seem content with their lot, to torment purely by existing. And they do love their job, for they do nothing else.
He seems blind to those around him, indifferent to the demons that threaten to swallow him whole. We look and wonder where the show ends and he begins. Brief flashes of a gift are surrounded by a barricade of ignorance. Perhaps it is not he fault; was he never told of these things? We have our vice, and it is certainly shared, but we mostly make it a part of us, while it consumes him as we watch. Does he really not see them, the vile creatures that they are? Or perhaps, is his mind full of beasts we can not see, waiting to pounce on us? Are we free from addiction only to be trapped by something else?
Even the strongest of bonds will have weak points; there is no denying this. Questions hit out of fear and neuroses, small by nature, grow until expressed. At some time, it comes to us all. Ignorance leads to stupidity, acknowledgement leads to rifts. There is no right answer. If someone has never hurt you, are they a good person, or a shark biding their time? I, being weak, have wronged even those close to me. Now the circle has begun. Do I fear because of my deeds, or did I do it out of fear to begin with? Blame is fluid, flowing back and forth like the tides; never ending, never really beginning.
Two move as one, a single thought driving both. It is a common unity, but beautiful nonetheless. Moving in harmony, each with nothing but the other in mind. Both know their time is short, but they will be back. Even still, it is impolite to ignore one's other. Now the end is near, they both feel it. 3. Timing changes quickly, and the focus shifts fully from thought to feeling. 2. Eyes flash at one another, wordlessly saying everything. 1. The moment arrives and eyes shut tight. The explosion hits them at the same time. For just a second, they join together. Complete tension, followed by the sweetest release. Finally, after what could be hours and still be criminally short, both remember to breathe. Worries and hardships float away with the exhale, tension and fears slide out as easily as the dripping sweat. There are no thoughts dancing in their heads during the aftermath; just a glow hovering over them.
Ending is a bit abrupt, but there it is.
Peach peaks matched by pink valleys; I've never been here before, but I know exactly where to go, what's being asked of me. I dive in, savoring the sensory overload; sweet smell, soft smooth touch.
Faith, friends and fear, the all encompassing shackles. Fear moves us all, dependency drives us to that which we once swore was evil, that which some spend their lives running from. Claims of happiness come from a pursuit of impossibility, where the rationale is "If you aren't miserable, you're doing it wrong." Good people seem troubled as always. Perhaps they are looking to fill someone else's definition of happy, not their own.
She and you, the driving anguish that splits me daily. What I would do for her to be gone. What I would do to be where you were desired. Anger and frustration, it seems, are better than nothing. Trade one hell for another? I once had to force myself to say no; I didn't make this mess, I'm just stuck in it. There is no rescue party coming, no one running to pull me out. If I am to escape with my mind, it must be on my own. And thus the planning begins, as it should have years ago. My self-imposed mantra rings true; for now anyway.
I see things, impossible and yet real, blurry and yet vivid. Did they happen? Will they? Neither seems likely, but I see them anyway. They linger, taunting me outside reach, beyond where I can change them. They seem content with their lot, to torment purely by existing. And they do love their job, for they do nothing else.
He seems blind to those around him, indifferent to the demons that threaten to swallow him whole. We look and wonder where the show ends and he begins. Brief flashes of a gift are surrounded by a barricade of ignorance. Perhaps it is not he fault; was he never told of these things? We have our vice, and it is certainly shared, but we mostly make it a part of us, while it consumes him as we watch. Does he really not see them, the vile creatures that they are? Or perhaps, is his mind full of beasts we can not see, waiting to pounce on us? Are we free from addiction only to be trapped by something else?
Even the strongest of bonds will have weak points; there is no denying this. Questions hit out of fear and neuroses, small by nature, grow until expressed. At some time, it comes to us all. Ignorance leads to stupidity, acknowledgement leads to rifts. There is no right answer. If someone has never hurt you, are they a good person, or a shark biding their time? I, being weak, have wronged even those close to me. Now the circle has begun. Do I fear because of my deeds, or did I do it out of fear to begin with? Blame is fluid, flowing back and forth like the tides; never ending, never really beginning.
Two move as one, a single thought driving both. It is a common unity, but beautiful nonetheless. Moving in harmony, each with nothing but the other in mind. Both know their time is short, but they will be back. Even still, it is impolite to ignore one's other. Now the end is near, they both feel it. 3. Timing changes quickly, and the focus shifts fully from thought to feeling. 2. Eyes flash at one another, wordlessly saying everything. 1. The moment arrives and eyes shut tight. The explosion hits them at the same time. For just a second, they join together. Complete tension, followed by the sweetest release. Finally, after what could be hours and still be criminally short, both remember to breathe. Worries and hardships float away with the exhale, tension and fears slide out as easily as the dripping sweat. There are no thoughts dancing in their heads during the aftermath; just a glow hovering over them.
Ending is a bit abrupt, but there it is.