Life for life....day for Day..

[theatricorchid]

Quote: In the depth of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer. -----Albert Camus, Lyrical and Critical Essays

Sometimes the days go by so fast I can't even see straight. It's weird. My dad, Aleesha, Daleesha, Pam...These are all people that have been reintroduced into my life.  I think I have culture shock as well. I

Comments

[injunius]

Its strange how feelings come from nowhere and take you by surprise. But you'll have to be strong, what happened in the past stays....just make up for the lost times.

...

[theatricorchid]

Sometimes what happens in the past...doesn't stay in the past in my family and that is what Im afraid of.

[lovebuzz0327]

it's okay to be angry at him. You know how much I dislike my Dad. But I love him because he is my Dad even though I get really mad at him. Although my situation is not the same as yours I too feel rejected by my dad I feel like he has chosen another family over me and he just wants to put his "old life" behind him. Now I'm stuck with the path of distruction he has left, he just left us and left me to pick up all the pieces. Is your Dad trying to clean his life up? I hope so. You should try to encourage him to clean up. Don't let your anger consume you.

[theatricorchid]

Im not so much angry as I am broken. I don't kow what I mean by that either but I know that is the main thing I feel. I feel like I have lost control of my life. I know it isn't that big of a deal but people don't know what it was like..or at least some don't. I feel like Im spinning outta control and the only thing that will slow me down is the brick wall of reality I have so carefully hid from. I can't catch my breath with all this chaos and my heart feels like it's bleeding out into my body and Im slowly dying, while spinning endlessly to my doom and to my reality. A two way tie of heartbreak and an emotion breakdown if not all at once, then one right after the other. But needless to say the anger had passes into a mindlesss rambling of paranoia and finding a way to shelter myself from my breakdown.

[lovebuzz0327]

I'm worried about you. I've never heard you say things like that. I'm praying for you and your Dad. If you want to talk you can call anytime. I don't know what to say other than that. The situation does suck and you have every right to be mad. but try not to let that comsume you, I know that's easier said than done.

[mistylynn25]

Have you talked to him about it? I think that would help alot. You can have a parent/child conversation, but I think it would be wise to consider having a convo with him as one adult to another. Ask him the questions that are eating you up inside, let him know how you feel about the situation and find out how he feels.

[theatricorchid]

It's really hard to talk to a diagnosed manic depressive and shizophrenic. It's almost like he is my dad but he is also not my dad... I can't explain this very well. I love him and dislike him. He would take a conversation like that as an attack. He's paranoid and strange. It's been almost 5 years. I don't know who I am enough to know who he really is. His culture shock makes me scared. I don't know guys I feel like I could just break down but I haven't just yet. .This is hard.

[amyheartsyou]

I don't know what else to say. Everyone else has said it.
Just hang in there kiddo.

easier

[theatricorchid]

Much easier said than done ya know?