Fic: Happy Days Are Here Again - 2/?
Title: Happy Days Are Here Again
Pairing: Rachel/Finn, Strong Rachel/Kurt friendship.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Rachel Berry has a secret she wants to reveal but is far too afraid to do so.
Warnings: Transgendered Character, Transphobia,
AN: Previous chapters can be found here
Things are definitely getting interesting at McKinley High School. Mr. Schuester, out of nowhere, declared that we were going to be performing the Rocky Horror Picture Show. It’s definitely an interesting choice and a potentially dangerous one, but Finn and I have been cast as Brad and Janet, so it’s also very awesome. I’m excited. I know that I can embrace the role and perform it perfectly.
Finn tells me that he’s never seen it before, so the day Mr. Schue announces our play, he and I watch Rocky Horror over at my house. His expression is dazed pretty much through the whole movie. He's unbelievably adorable when he doesn't understand something, which can be often. We snuggle up through the movie but thank God, he doesn't touch this time. I think he's too absorbed in the movie.
When it ends, he frowns.
"I seriously didn't get that," he mumbles, looking at me insecurely. "I mean, it didn't make a bit of sense."
"Just appreciate its oddity," I suggest. "I'll take you to a showing one day. It's really fun. My dads used to love going all the time when they were younger.”
Finn shrugs.
"Guys dressed up as girls, sex, aliens...why does Schue want us to do this play? Aren't we going to get into trouble?"
I consider that. Rocky Horror is definitely a risqué play to put on in high school. I flinch as I think about it. “It could be a little bit dangerous but Mr. Schuester is giving us permission slips and stuff, right? We’re also going to cut out the explicitly sexual stuff.”
Finn nods. “Cool.” He seems satisfied but still keeps that cute little frown of frustration.
Practicing Rocky horror goes fantastic, of course. Finn and I sound excellent as Brad and Janet and even though Finn doesn’t understand the role, he does an amazing job with it. I am so crazy about him. He’s one of the most talented boys I know and he works so hard. Everything seems to be going perfectly, even though Mr. Schuester is acting weird, until Mike tells the club that he’s unable to play Frank. I even hear him mention to Sam and Quinn that his parents were appalled at the play. I know some traditional families could be against Rocky Horror, I guess, and it wouldn’t have hurt if the word “tranny” didn’t come into play. Yes, he actually said tranny.
“Mike, that term is very offensive,” I say, even though I usually let slurs like that go, because as much as I care about what’s right, I do not want to be outed without my consent. I do not want people to know the truth about me before I’m ready for them to know. “My gay dads have gone to many LGBT conferences in the past and you must be considerate of all people.”
Mike looks at me and shrugs. “That’s what my dad said when I asked him if I could do it,” he says, shrugging. “No kid of mine is going to play some tranny. I’m sorry Rachel.”
Mercedes takes over the role of Frank and she does it with skill and style that I could not imagine. She completely reinvents the role. I find a place for offense again though, when Mr. Schuester starts to work with her for the Sweet Transvestite number. I know that number very well and some of the edits were needed, but seriously, they remove the word transsexual from the lyrics. “Mr. Schue,” I say, still trying not to make a big deal about it. Mr. Schuester has never specifically mentioned it to me, but as a staff member and my Spanish teacher, he knows my legal sex. “Why is the word transsexual taken out of this song? I know that there are other parts we must let go for decency’s sake, but that doesn’t make sense…”
Mercedes rolls her eyes a little and I realize I shouldn’t have halted her practice. She already has enough reason to dislike me.
“Never mind,” I say, getting back into place for the number. “It’s just a silly word thing.”
It’s not just a silly word thing. It’s offensive and I hate it, but I just can’t deal with that fight. I need to keep performing and give the best Janet I possibly can. It’s the only thing I can do.
In the end, Mr. Schuester decides to cancel Rocky Horror. I don’t exactly get his motivations and honestly believe that the moral he’s trying to teach is flawed. I hate that I am not performing for an audience, since it is my calling, but the play has become an awkward mess of feelings and emotions anyway. I mean seriously. It’s also brought my boyfriend’s body insecurities into play which is not alright. We perform Rocky Horror for ourselves and it’s amazing. Maybe it’s much better for the insecurities that are going on.
After the play is over and done with and the final curtain has gone down, Finn and I talk about his body image issues. I mean, God, I was so focused on the play and my feelings but my boyfriend nearly got himself expelled walking down the hallway in his underwear. It makes me feel good that Finn has insecurities. Well, not good that he has insecurities but it reminds me that he’s just as human as I am. Everyone has things about their body that they wish they could change. My hatred of certain parts of my body may be extreme compared to my peers, but we’re teenagers, insecurity is a given.
“I dunno,” he says, when I ask him where the insecurity came from. “I mean, I saw Sam. He’s got this fantastic body and he’s just a sort of ideal. He’s starting to take over everything that I was in this school last year. I can keep up with him in most places, but I’m just not model hot like him. I don’t have a perfect body.”
“That’s not true,” I say, even though I know I’ve done the same thing many times. I mean, I compare myself daily to Quinn. I want to be a normal girl, not the girl that I am. “Finn, Sam is nice looking and all, but you can’t compare yourself to him. You guys are completely different. I find you very attractive just the way that you are.”
“Really, Rachel?” he asks and his smile is just overwhelming. He is so adorable. “I find you attractive just the way you are too. “
I stop and frown. “No, Finn, no you really don’t,” I say, quickly. I’m still wearing my costume from the play and now I’m on the verge of crying. He doesn’t. There’s no way that he’d find me attractive if he knew what was under the clothes I wear. I get up, overwhelmed by that depressing realization. “I have to go okay? I’ll talk to you later. I forgot that one of my dads asked me to be home by six tonight to eat dinner. I really, really, have to go. “
I know he doesn’t love me for me. I know that he can’t.
I get a text about an hour later, not from Finn, but from Kurt.
- Finn’s worried about you. What happened today?
I sigh and respond back.
- Can you come over?
Kurt comes over quickly. I have to admit that I like the way we’re becoming close. I never really had friends. I’ve always been so focused on my career and hiding the secret that is my life. I’ve never allowed myself to get closer to someone without an ulterior motive behind it. He’s a good friend now that we’re working out our differences and really talking. “Hey Kurt,” I say softly. “I just…I had a really bad moment I guess.”
He comes into my room and sits down on the end of my bed. “Finn said you freaked out when he said you were attractive the way you are,” he said softly. “Rachel…”
I sniff and shake my head. “It just hurts me, because I know that when Finn finds out the truth he’s not going to like me for who I am,” I admit. “He’s a nice guy but there’s absolutely no way he’s not going to find the fact that I still have a male body disgusting. He’s a straight guy. He likes girls. Natural girls, girls who were born girls.”
“Rachel Berry,” Kurt scolds. “You are as much of a girl as any girl. I also think that maybe you need to give Finn Hudson a bit more credit. I know that he’s made some mistakes in the past when it comes to prejudice. Believe me, I know, but I don’t think that he would give you up for anything in the world. He may have to be educated, of course, because let’s be honest - most small town Ohio boys don’t even know that transgendered people exist, but I think he’ll come through.”
“Would you come with me if I told him?” I ask, terrified at even the thought.
Pairing: Rachel/Finn, Strong Rachel/Kurt friendship.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Rachel Berry has a secret she wants to reveal but is far too afraid to do so.
Warnings: Transgendered Character, Transphobia,
AN: Previous chapters can be found here
Things are definitely getting interesting at McKinley High School. Mr. Schuester, out of nowhere, declared that we were going to be performing the Rocky Horror Picture Show. It’s definitely an interesting choice and a potentially dangerous one, but Finn and I have been cast as Brad and Janet, so it’s also very awesome. I’m excited. I know that I can embrace the role and perform it perfectly.
Finn tells me that he’s never seen it before, so the day Mr. Schue announces our play, he and I watch Rocky Horror over at my house. His expression is dazed pretty much through the whole movie. He's unbelievably adorable when he doesn't understand something, which can be often. We snuggle up through the movie but thank God, he doesn't touch this time. I think he's too absorbed in the movie.
When it ends, he frowns.
"I seriously didn't get that," he mumbles, looking at me insecurely. "I mean, it didn't make a bit of sense."
"Just appreciate its oddity," I suggest. "I'll take you to a showing one day. It's really fun. My dads used to love going all the time when they were younger.”
Finn shrugs.
"Guys dressed up as girls, sex, aliens...why does Schue want us to do this play? Aren't we going to get into trouble?"
I consider that. Rocky Horror is definitely a risqué play to put on in high school. I flinch as I think about it. “It could be a little bit dangerous but Mr. Schuester is giving us permission slips and stuff, right? We’re also going to cut out the explicitly sexual stuff.”
Finn nods. “Cool.” He seems satisfied but still keeps that cute little frown of frustration.
Practicing Rocky horror goes fantastic, of course. Finn and I sound excellent as Brad and Janet and even though Finn doesn’t understand the role, he does an amazing job with it. I am so crazy about him. He’s one of the most talented boys I know and he works so hard. Everything seems to be going perfectly, even though Mr. Schuester is acting weird, until Mike tells the club that he’s unable to play Frank. I even hear him mention to Sam and Quinn that his parents were appalled at the play. I know some traditional families could be against Rocky Horror, I guess, and it wouldn’t have hurt if the word “tranny” didn’t come into play. Yes, he actually said tranny.
“Mike, that term is very offensive,” I say, even though I usually let slurs like that go, because as much as I care about what’s right, I do not want to be outed without my consent. I do not want people to know the truth about me before I’m ready for them to know. “My gay dads have gone to many LGBT conferences in the past and you must be considerate of all people.”
Mike looks at me and shrugs. “That’s what my dad said when I asked him if I could do it,” he says, shrugging. “No kid of mine is going to play some tranny. I’m sorry Rachel.”
Mercedes takes over the role of Frank and she does it with skill and style that I could not imagine. She completely reinvents the role. I find a place for offense again though, when Mr. Schuester starts to work with her for the Sweet Transvestite number. I know that number very well and some of the edits were needed, but seriously, they remove the word transsexual from the lyrics. “Mr. Schue,” I say, still trying not to make a big deal about it. Mr. Schuester has never specifically mentioned it to me, but as a staff member and my Spanish teacher, he knows my legal sex. “Why is the word transsexual taken out of this song? I know that there are other parts we must let go for decency’s sake, but that doesn’t make sense…”
Mercedes rolls her eyes a little and I realize I shouldn’t have halted her practice. She already has enough reason to dislike me.
“Never mind,” I say, getting back into place for the number. “It’s just a silly word thing.”
It’s not just a silly word thing. It’s offensive and I hate it, but I just can’t deal with that fight. I need to keep performing and give the best Janet I possibly can. It’s the only thing I can do.
In the end, Mr. Schuester decides to cancel Rocky Horror. I don’t exactly get his motivations and honestly believe that the moral he’s trying to teach is flawed. I hate that I am not performing for an audience, since it is my calling, but the play has become an awkward mess of feelings and emotions anyway. I mean seriously. It’s also brought my boyfriend’s body insecurities into play which is not alright. We perform Rocky Horror for ourselves and it’s amazing. Maybe it’s much better for the insecurities that are going on.
After the play is over and done with and the final curtain has gone down, Finn and I talk about his body image issues. I mean, God, I was so focused on the play and my feelings but my boyfriend nearly got himself expelled walking down the hallway in his underwear. It makes me feel good that Finn has insecurities. Well, not good that he has insecurities but it reminds me that he’s just as human as I am. Everyone has things about their body that they wish they could change. My hatred of certain parts of my body may be extreme compared to my peers, but we’re teenagers, insecurity is a given.
“I dunno,” he says, when I ask him where the insecurity came from. “I mean, I saw Sam. He’s got this fantastic body and he’s just a sort of ideal. He’s starting to take over everything that I was in this school last year. I can keep up with him in most places, but I’m just not model hot like him. I don’t have a perfect body.”
“That’s not true,” I say, even though I know I’ve done the same thing many times. I mean, I compare myself daily to Quinn. I want to be a normal girl, not the girl that I am. “Finn, Sam is nice looking and all, but you can’t compare yourself to him. You guys are completely different. I find you very attractive just the way that you are.”
“Really, Rachel?” he asks and his smile is just overwhelming. He is so adorable. “I find you attractive just the way you are too. “
I stop and frown. “No, Finn, no you really don’t,” I say, quickly. I’m still wearing my costume from the play and now I’m on the verge of crying. He doesn’t. There’s no way that he’d find me attractive if he knew what was under the clothes I wear. I get up, overwhelmed by that depressing realization. “I have to go okay? I’ll talk to you later. I forgot that one of my dads asked me to be home by six tonight to eat dinner. I really, really, have to go. “
I know he doesn’t love me for me. I know that he can’t.
I get a text about an hour later, not from Finn, but from Kurt.
- Finn’s worried about you. What happened today?
I sigh and respond back.
- Can you come over?
Kurt comes over quickly. I have to admit that I like the way we’re becoming close. I never really had friends. I’ve always been so focused on my career and hiding the secret that is my life. I’ve never allowed myself to get closer to someone without an ulterior motive behind it. He’s a good friend now that we’re working out our differences and really talking. “Hey Kurt,” I say softly. “I just…I had a really bad moment I guess.”
He comes into my room and sits down on the end of my bed. “Finn said you freaked out when he said you were attractive the way you are,” he said softly. “Rachel…”
I sniff and shake my head. “It just hurts me, because I know that when Finn finds out the truth he’s not going to like me for who I am,” I admit. “He’s a nice guy but there’s absolutely no way he’s not going to find the fact that I still have a male body disgusting. He’s a straight guy. He likes girls. Natural girls, girls who were born girls.”
“Rachel Berry,” Kurt scolds. “You are as much of a girl as any girl. I also think that maybe you need to give Finn Hudson a bit more credit. I know that he’s made some mistakes in the past when it comes to prejudice. Believe me, I know, but I don’t think that he would give you up for anything in the world. He may have to be educated, of course, because let’s be honest - most small town Ohio boys don’t even know that transgendered people exist, but I think he’ll come through.”
“Would you come with me if I told him?” I ask, terrified at even the thought.