Fic: Happy Days Are Here Again - 7/?
Title: Happy Days Are Here Again - 7/?
Pairing: Rachel/Finn, Strong Rachel/Kurt friendship.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Rachel Berry has a secret she wants to reveal but is far too afraid to do so.
Warnings: Transgendered Character, Transphobia,
AN: Previous chapters can be found here.
The first meeting of the McKinley Alliance is on a Friday afternoon. Kurt and I had previously spent hours trying to figure out what to call it and we decided that was the most all-encompassing name we could come up with. “Oh god, nobody’s going to come,” Kurt says, looking from me to our advisor. Even though I’m still not speaking to Finn, I am thankful that he got Coach Beiste to advise our group. She is enthusiastic, trusting and a lot better than our other go to plan which would have been to get Mr. Schue to do it. I think that could have only ended in disaster.
“I’m sure that someone will come,” the woman says, giving us both an encouraging smile.
Tina and Mike come pretty quickly. I smile. I’m glad that they want to show their support. A few minutes later, Brittany and Artie arrive. I am a little sad to find out that this is going to be a glee kids’ event, but at the same time it shows that I know where my friends’ loyalties lie. They are good friends, something that I never imagined I would have.
Luckily there is one non-glee club member who arrives, a small freshman who introduces herself as Sandra. She smiles and waves, looking a little shy. I wonder if she’s seen the brutality of McKinley bullying yet. I hope not.
“It’s nice to see that someone started something like this,” she says quietly. “You’re very courageous to do so.”
I don’t know if I’m exactly courageous. The words make me wonder. I’m transgendered and yet I can’t open my mouth and tell this group of supportive people about it. If anyone’s courageous, it’s Kurt. We have to talk about something, so I open my mouth and start babbling about the trials and tribulations that my fathers have faced living in this area. It’s all hearsay and stories that I’ve heard a million times or more, but I know how to tell them, at least.
“There really is nothing,” I say, “that’s more terrifying to a little girl than to see the hate her daddies receive.” There’s also nothing scarier than telling already bullied and brutalized men that you weren’t their son but their daughter.
The meeting ends quickly because of the lack of things to do or say. Kurt seems discouraged so I put a hand on his shoulder. “For our first meeting, it could have been a whole lot worse,” I say sincerely. He smiles at me and I honestly know that things will be okay. This is a good start and is making some waves, even if they are only small ones.
Finn comes to me after a few days, absolutely begging for forgiveness. I expected the day would come but I wasn’t exactly prepared for the intensity. Finn has learned his drama well. “I never meant to sleep with Santana,” he says passionately. “It was a mistake and I absolutely regret every second of it. I also never meant to say those horrible things to you. I was angry and I didn’t want that secret to come out and I blurted it out in anger when I realized I was sunk. I am so sorry Rachel.”
It’s a nice apology and seems sincere, but I can’t accept it.
“I want nothing more than to forgive you Finn,” I say. “I just can’t find it within myself to do so yet.” I know that it’s cruel but I honestly can’t think about becoming involved with him again. He made a mistake, yes, and I will forgive him soon but I need time for myself. I need time to figure out what’s going on in my life. It’s stressful and I can’t handle the emotions that are involved. “I don’t mean to be cruel but I just can’t.”
I remember the day that I first told my fathers that I was a girl. It was a pretty calm day when I was about eight years old. They were so freaking scared. They were already harassed so much as a gay couple in small town Ohio. They were given so much hell just for existing and now their little boy announced that she was a girl. I felt so guilty. I was only eight and I just felt so guilty about every little thing.
My daddy was in denial at first, but my papa rose to the occasion. They took me to several therapists. Actually, one of the most horrifying memories I ever had was when one of the therapists called my parents abusive. She was under the impression that the two gay men had pushed the queer agenda on their son and made her think she was a girl.
They struggled so much for me. They took me to get all of the help I needed. They let me grow out my hair and dress as a girl. They went to my teachers and the administration of my school and had my name changed in their systems. They got me on hormone blockers when I was a little over eleven. My name was legally changed to Rachel when I was fourteen, even though I’d been using it for years. I started hormone replacement therapy when I was sixteen. They went through every legal, emotional and personal loop that they had to so that I could be me. My daddies are amazing.
Finn leaves, hurt. I hate to hurt the people I love. I do it enough.
The holiday break rolls around shortly after our first meeting. My daddies are excited for both Hanukah and Christmas, but I find my enthusiasm to be lacking, except in regards to being away from McKinley for a short period of time. I do enjoy the shopping that accompanies the holidays and I already have the perfect gifts set aside for the most important people, but my enthusiasm is limited.
On the last day of school, as I walk through the hallway, I hear low snickering. This is, unfortunately, not that unusual and has become more common since Kurt and I started the McKinley Alliance. I ignore it, holding my head high and getting through my day. Teachers are very lenient when they know that none of their students are paying attention with break more on their minds than anything else.
During lunch, Noah comes up to me. “Rachel,” he says in a low, cautious voice. He has become very protective of the other glee club members since his stint in juvie and I admire him for that. He is a very noble man. I admire who he has become. “Do you want me to send Jewfro on a trip to the dumpster for what he wrote about you?” He has been very low key about any trouble lately, so I don’t understand what he’s saying.
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“That shit in his blog,” Puck says earnestly. “It’s pretty low. Nobody believes it, but they’re still gonna give you hell.”
“Don’t be violent, Noah,” I say, dismissing him. “Whatever lies being spread aren’t worth it. I’ll check it out though.”
I do, however, go to the computer lab to check out Jacob’s blog. I haven’t paid mind to school gossip in quite some time. What I see makes me waver in my chair before hitting the floor, the headline “Glee club Berry not all ‘she’ seems,” burned onto the inside of my eyeballs.
Pairing: Rachel/Finn, Strong Rachel/Kurt friendship.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Rachel Berry has a secret she wants to reveal but is far too afraid to do so.
Warnings: Transgendered Character, Transphobia,
AN: Previous chapters can be found here.
The first meeting of the McKinley Alliance is on a Friday afternoon. Kurt and I had previously spent hours trying to figure out what to call it and we decided that was the most all-encompassing name we could come up with. “Oh god, nobody’s going to come,” Kurt says, looking from me to our advisor. Even though I’m still not speaking to Finn, I am thankful that he got Coach Beiste to advise our group. She is enthusiastic, trusting and a lot better than our other go to plan which would have been to get Mr. Schue to do it. I think that could have only ended in disaster.
“I’m sure that someone will come,” the woman says, giving us both an encouraging smile.
Tina and Mike come pretty quickly. I smile. I’m glad that they want to show their support. A few minutes later, Brittany and Artie arrive. I am a little sad to find out that this is going to be a glee kids’ event, but at the same time it shows that I know where my friends’ loyalties lie. They are good friends, something that I never imagined I would have.
Luckily there is one non-glee club member who arrives, a small freshman who introduces herself as Sandra. She smiles and waves, looking a little shy. I wonder if she’s seen the brutality of McKinley bullying yet. I hope not.
“It’s nice to see that someone started something like this,” she says quietly. “You’re very courageous to do so.”
I don’t know if I’m exactly courageous. The words make me wonder. I’m transgendered and yet I can’t open my mouth and tell this group of supportive people about it. If anyone’s courageous, it’s Kurt. We have to talk about something, so I open my mouth and start babbling about the trials and tribulations that my fathers have faced living in this area. It’s all hearsay and stories that I’ve heard a million times or more, but I know how to tell them, at least.
“There really is nothing,” I say, “that’s more terrifying to a little girl than to see the hate her daddies receive.” There’s also nothing scarier than telling already bullied and brutalized men that you weren’t their son but their daughter.
The meeting ends quickly because of the lack of things to do or say. Kurt seems discouraged so I put a hand on his shoulder. “For our first meeting, it could have been a whole lot worse,” I say sincerely. He smiles at me and I honestly know that things will be okay. This is a good start and is making some waves, even if they are only small ones.
Finn comes to me after a few days, absolutely begging for forgiveness. I expected the day would come but I wasn’t exactly prepared for the intensity. Finn has learned his drama well. “I never meant to sleep with Santana,” he says passionately. “It was a mistake and I absolutely regret every second of it. I also never meant to say those horrible things to you. I was angry and I didn’t want that secret to come out and I blurted it out in anger when I realized I was sunk. I am so sorry Rachel.”
It’s a nice apology and seems sincere, but I can’t accept it.
“I want nothing more than to forgive you Finn,” I say. “I just can’t find it within myself to do so yet.” I know that it’s cruel but I honestly can’t think about becoming involved with him again. He made a mistake, yes, and I will forgive him soon but I need time for myself. I need time to figure out what’s going on in my life. It’s stressful and I can’t handle the emotions that are involved. “I don’t mean to be cruel but I just can’t.”
I remember the day that I first told my fathers that I was a girl. It was a pretty calm day when I was about eight years old. They were so freaking scared. They were already harassed so much as a gay couple in small town Ohio. They were given so much hell just for existing and now their little boy announced that she was a girl. I felt so guilty. I was only eight and I just felt so guilty about every little thing.
My daddy was in denial at first, but my papa rose to the occasion. They took me to several therapists. Actually, one of the most horrifying memories I ever had was when one of the therapists called my parents abusive. She was under the impression that the two gay men had pushed the queer agenda on their son and made her think she was a girl.
They struggled so much for me. They took me to get all of the help I needed. They let me grow out my hair and dress as a girl. They went to my teachers and the administration of my school and had my name changed in their systems. They got me on hormone blockers when I was a little over eleven. My name was legally changed to Rachel when I was fourteen, even though I’d been using it for years. I started hormone replacement therapy when I was sixteen. They went through every legal, emotional and personal loop that they had to so that I could be me. My daddies are amazing.
Finn leaves, hurt. I hate to hurt the people I love. I do it enough.
The holiday break rolls around shortly after our first meeting. My daddies are excited for both Hanukah and Christmas, but I find my enthusiasm to be lacking, except in regards to being away from McKinley for a short period of time. I do enjoy the shopping that accompanies the holidays and I already have the perfect gifts set aside for the most important people, but my enthusiasm is limited.
On the last day of school, as I walk through the hallway, I hear low snickering. This is, unfortunately, not that unusual and has become more common since Kurt and I started the McKinley Alliance. I ignore it, holding my head high and getting through my day. Teachers are very lenient when they know that none of their students are paying attention with break more on their minds than anything else.
During lunch, Noah comes up to me. “Rachel,” he says in a low, cautious voice. He has become very protective of the other glee club members since his stint in juvie and I admire him for that. He is a very noble man. I admire who he has become. “Do you want me to send Jewfro on a trip to the dumpster for what he wrote about you?” He has been very low key about any trouble lately, so I don’t understand what he’s saying.
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“That shit in his blog,” Puck says earnestly. “It’s pretty low. Nobody believes it, but they’re still gonna give you hell.”
“Don’t be violent, Noah,” I say, dismissing him. “Whatever lies being spread aren’t worth it. I’ll check it out though.”
I do, however, go to the computer lab to check out Jacob’s blog. I haven’t paid mind to school gossip in quite some time. What I see makes me waver in my chair before hitting the floor, the headline “Glee club Berry not all ‘she’ seems,” burned onto the inside of my eyeballs.