Fic: Happy Days Are Here Again - 11/?
Title: Happy Days Are Here Again - 11/?
Pairing: Rachel/Finn, Strong Rachel/Kurt friendship. Rachel/Dave friendship
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Rachel Berry has a secret she wants to reveal but is far too afraid to do so.
Warnings: Transgendered Character, Transphobia,
AN: Previous chapters can be found here.
I have been working on some songs for Regionals, even though the glee club shot down my idea to use them at Regionals. I have always wanted to be a songwriter, even though it falls short of my other dreams, but I am finding it very difficult. All of my songs are either extremely shallow (I tried to write a song about a headband, for real) or they reveal a part of me that I'm not sure I could share with the glee club anyway.
I wrote a really good song called "Being Me" that I love, but I don't think I could ever share it with the glee club because it essentially outs me as transgendered and is also deeply personal. I did share it with Kurt though. He stared at me through teary eyes and told me it was the most beautiful song he had ever heard. He told me that it showed the person that exists beneath all of my defenses. That's big from Kurt.
I have been contemplating coming out lately. I feel like I can't be a good role model while living a lie. I always imagined coming out to my close personal acquaintances first and I am already out to my best friend and my boyfriend. I think that the glee club will be the place that I come out, but I am also afraid. Who is to say that people like Quinn and Santana wouldn't take the confession as a way to torture me? They could always confirm it to the crowd that still whispers a little bit about Jacob's stupid rumors. I have to admit that coming out could lead to my identity being revealed to a larger crowd.
My parents always said I was blessed that I passed so well. My daddy reminds me sometimes when I feel insecure that most transgendered young people don't have the luxuries I do. My fathers both supported me and helped me transition young. I'm naturally of small stature and nobody has ever doubted me as female. I get that. If I am outed then the protections of passing go out the window.
My phone buzzes with a text message as I am completely lost in thought. It is from an unknown number.
Hey. It's Dave.
I blink and pause. I gave Dave Karofsky my phone number in case he needed some kind of help. I calm down and quickly answer his text with a "what's up?" wondering why exactly he was texting me.
I did it. It was ok. Can we meet up?
Now that is surprising. I hate to admit that I thought he would be the type to stay silent. It's pretty inspiring. If a guy like Dave Karofsky can come out to his parents then maybe I can come out to my close friends about my less-than-typical identity. I agree to meet him at the coffee shop despite the fact that doing so makes me nervous. He seems like he's very distressed so I guess that it's the least I can do.
When I walk into the coffee shop a half hour later, he's already there. He looks at me with exhausted eyes. "Hi," he says softly. "I - uh - I took your advice. I told my parents that I thought I might be - you know - gay. They took it pretty well, I guess, but they looked really, really surprised by it."
"They weren't angry at all?" I ask, making sure that everything is alright before I start celebrating for the no longer closeted teenager.
"No, they weren't angry at all," he said quickly. "My mom looked honestly confused and my dad said that it was okay, as long as I was happy. They gave me a little lecture about how I needed to make sure that I was happy with whatever I chose. I think that I blindsided them though because my mom left the house a few minutes later and my dad went to his room."
"It probably means that they're trying to process it," I assure him. It is a big deal for a parent to find out that their child is anything outside of the cultural norm, especially when it comes to gender and sexuality. My dads, both gay men, were devastated to find out that I was transgendered because of all the hate they'd received through their life. They didn't want that for their daughter and I'm sure David's parents feel the same about him.
He looks absolutely exhausted. He looks at me and sighs. "I don't know what to do now," he says.
"Take it one day at a time," I say.
I have to take it one day at a time as well. I keep writing, but I don't find any songs within myself that don't reveal the true me. I also keep working with New Directions and the McKinley Alliance. Finn comes to our next Alliance meeting, as does Dave. Things seem to be changing for the better. My reputation, however, is still suffering. I am not a reputation-seeker like Finn or anything but still, it sucks being labeled as boring, stuffy and all of the things I am.
The party happens on a Friday. It started with me inviting a few people over from glee and the alliance while my fathers are both out. I even invite Dave (with Kurt's permission!) because I know just how tough it is. He has a lot of friends but he knows that those friends won't stay loyal when he comes out of the closet at school. The party is simple and boring, until Noah breaks out a little bit of alcohol.
I've never drank before and I have to admit the first drink I taste is absolutely repulsive. It reminds me of drinking a coconut flavored version of Nyquil, honestly. I finish it very quickly though and it starts to taste a lot better. Yes, I quickly find myself in a room of intoxicated teenagers and I like it. Finn looks at me with worry as I saunter up to him, but I don't know why. I wrap my arms around him.
"Everyone's getting a little tipsy," he mumbles under his breath. "I think Santana just did a shot off of Brittany actually…"
"So, who cares?" I say. "Dance with me Finn."
Dancing with Finn is a blur. I wrap my arms around him and press myself close. Before this I was a little cautious about such close contact with Finn because I never knew what would happen. If I was to become aroused, that would have opened up a whole world of awkwardness. Now that he knows my body is biologically male it hardly seems like it'd be an issue though. I laugh and kiss him as we dance around.
After lots and lots of dancing, spin the bottle happens. It's pretty amusing, with such gems as Brittany kissing Sam and Santana glaring daggers at the couple (I often wonder if she's interested in Brittany) and Kurt awkwardly laying a kiss on Quinn's cheek. I spin the bottle, however, and it lands on an awkward David, who is trying not to look anyone in the eye. "C'mon K'rofsky," Sam slurs, laughing and leaning up against Mike. "Show us all you're 'smuch of a stud as you keep saying."
I see Dave's nerves, but it's just a game so I lean over and peck him on the lips before sitting back down. I realize that I'm definitely a little drunk. The idea makes me burst into giggles. I'm drunk. I'm drunk for the very first time.
"What the heck is so funny Rachel?" Finn asks, wrapping his arm around me particularly tight. I am enjoying my night.
"I have no clue!" I declare. "It's karaoke time!"
Pairing: Rachel/Finn, Strong Rachel/Kurt friendship. Rachel/Dave friendship
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Rachel Berry has a secret she wants to reveal but is far too afraid to do so.
Warnings: Transgendered Character, Transphobia,
AN: Previous chapters can be found here.
I have been working on some songs for Regionals, even though the glee club shot down my idea to use them at Regionals. I have always wanted to be a songwriter, even though it falls short of my other dreams, but I am finding it very difficult. All of my songs are either extremely shallow (I tried to write a song about a headband, for real) or they reveal a part of me that I'm not sure I could share with the glee club anyway.
I wrote a really good song called "Being Me" that I love, but I don't think I could ever share it with the glee club because it essentially outs me as transgendered and is also deeply personal. I did share it with Kurt though. He stared at me through teary eyes and told me it was the most beautiful song he had ever heard. He told me that it showed the person that exists beneath all of my defenses. That's big from Kurt.
I have been contemplating coming out lately. I feel like I can't be a good role model while living a lie. I always imagined coming out to my close personal acquaintances first and I am already out to my best friend and my boyfriend. I think that the glee club will be the place that I come out, but I am also afraid. Who is to say that people like Quinn and Santana wouldn't take the confession as a way to torture me? They could always confirm it to the crowd that still whispers a little bit about Jacob's stupid rumors. I have to admit that coming out could lead to my identity being revealed to a larger crowd.
My parents always said I was blessed that I passed so well. My daddy reminds me sometimes when I feel insecure that most transgendered young people don't have the luxuries I do. My fathers both supported me and helped me transition young. I'm naturally of small stature and nobody has ever doubted me as female. I get that. If I am outed then the protections of passing go out the window.
My phone buzzes with a text message as I am completely lost in thought. It is from an unknown number.
Hey. It's Dave.
I blink and pause. I gave Dave Karofsky my phone number in case he needed some kind of help. I calm down and quickly answer his text with a "what's up?" wondering why exactly he was texting me.
I did it. It was ok. Can we meet up?
Now that is surprising. I hate to admit that I thought he would be the type to stay silent. It's pretty inspiring. If a guy like Dave Karofsky can come out to his parents then maybe I can come out to my close friends about my less-than-typical identity. I agree to meet him at the coffee shop despite the fact that doing so makes me nervous. He seems like he's very distressed so I guess that it's the least I can do.
When I walk into the coffee shop a half hour later, he's already there. He looks at me with exhausted eyes. "Hi," he says softly. "I - uh - I took your advice. I told my parents that I thought I might be - you know - gay. They took it pretty well, I guess, but they looked really, really surprised by it."
"They weren't angry at all?" I ask, making sure that everything is alright before I start celebrating for the no longer closeted teenager.
"No, they weren't angry at all," he said quickly. "My mom looked honestly confused and my dad said that it was okay, as long as I was happy. They gave me a little lecture about how I needed to make sure that I was happy with whatever I chose. I think that I blindsided them though because my mom left the house a few minutes later and my dad went to his room."
"It probably means that they're trying to process it," I assure him. It is a big deal for a parent to find out that their child is anything outside of the cultural norm, especially when it comes to gender and sexuality. My dads, both gay men, were devastated to find out that I was transgendered because of all the hate they'd received through their life. They didn't want that for their daughter and I'm sure David's parents feel the same about him.
He looks absolutely exhausted. He looks at me and sighs. "I don't know what to do now," he says.
"Take it one day at a time," I say.
I have to take it one day at a time as well. I keep writing, but I don't find any songs within myself that don't reveal the true me. I also keep working with New Directions and the McKinley Alliance. Finn comes to our next Alliance meeting, as does Dave. Things seem to be changing for the better. My reputation, however, is still suffering. I am not a reputation-seeker like Finn or anything but still, it sucks being labeled as boring, stuffy and all of the things I am.
The party happens on a Friday. It started with me inviting a few people over from glee and the alliance while my fathers are both out. I even invite Dave (with Kurt's permission!) because I know just how tough it is. He has a lot of friends but he knows that those friends won't stay loyal when he comes out of the closet at school. The party is simple and boring, until Noah breaks out a little bit of alcohol.
I've never drank before and I have to admit the first drink I taste is absolutely repulsive. It reminds me of drinking a coconut flavored version of Nyquil, honestly. I finish it very quickly though and it starts to taste a lot better. Yes, I quickly find myself in a room of intoxicated teenagers and I like it. Finn looks at me with worry as I saunter up to him, but I don't know why. I wrap my arms around him.
"Everyone's getting a little tipsy," he mumbles under his breath. "I think Santana just did a shot off of Brittany actually…"
"So, who cares?" I say. "Dance with me Finn."
Dancing with Finn is a blur. I wrap my arms around him and press myself close. Before this I was a little cautious about such close contact with Finn because I never knew what would happen. If I was to become aroused, that would have opened up a whole world of awkwardness. Now that he knows my body is biologically male it hardly seems like it'd be an issue though. I laugh and kiss him as we dance around.
After lots and lots of dancing, spin the bottle happens. It's pretty amusing, with such gems as Brittany kissing Sam and Santana glaring daggers at the couple (I often wonder if she's interested in Brittany) and Kurt awkwardly laying a kiss on Quinn's cheek. I spin the bottle, however, and it lands on an awkward David, who is trying not to look anyone in the eye. "C'mon K'rofsky," Sam slurs, laughing and leaning up against Mike. "Show us all you're 'smuch of a stud as you keep saying."
I see Dave's nerves, but it's just a game so I lean over and peck him on the lips before sitting back down. I realize that I'm definitely a little drunk. The idea makes me burst into giggles. I'm drunk. I'm drunk for the very first time.
"What the heck is so funny Rachel?" Finn asks, wrapping his arm around me particularly tight. I am enjoying my night.
"I have no clue!" I declare. "It's karaoke time!"