Fic: Happy Days Are Here Again - 18/18
Title: Happy Days Are Here Again - 16/18
Pairing: Rachel/Finn, Strong Rachel/Kurt friendship. Rachel/Dave friendship
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Rachel Berry has a secret she wants to reveal but is far too afraid to do so.
Warnings: Transgendered Character, Transphobia,
AN: Previous chapters can be found here.
I have to say that the Nationals competition at least makes the taunting and teasing I receive different. Instead of being called a man a hundred times daily, girls from Vocal Adrenaline walk by and make snide remarks about eggs. I don't think I'll ever forget Jesse's betrayal, but at the same time it doesn't sting anymore, which makes their remarks useless. Jesse St. James isn't a part of my life anymore. Preparing to perform is terrifying. These are the best show choirs in the whole country, after all. With choirs from big places like Los Angeles, New York City itself and everywhere else, the changes of a small town Ohio choir doing any damage is minimal. The other choirs also have many other Nationals level competitions under their belts while we do not. Still, I have to think on the bright side. Maybe we will be able to defy the expectations of us.
"Are you scared?" Finn asks. I wonder if my fear is obvious. I think I'm the person who's the most afraid here. It's because I want the success so damned much. I turn to him and try my best to manage a smile. I don't think it comes out the way I want it to, because Finn makes a face that is slightly awkward.
"A little," I say, forcing out the words that downplay my terror. "I mean, this is a big deal to me, Finn."
"I know it is," he says, wrapping both arms around me and hugging me tightly. God, he always makes me feel so tiny. I smile and hug him back, feeling genuinely better even though my good attitude is a little on he forced side. "We're going to do fantastic Rachel. Even if we don't come out on top, the fact that we made it here is a big deal. I was looking at the program and a lot of the choirs are from places like LA, Seattle, Chicago, here…nobody expected us to make it. We're awesome."
I love how he always knows exactly what to say. We've had our ups and downs and a rough time with some things, but he is most definitely the one for me. I squeeze him tight and then look at the clock. "I'm going to go fix myself up. My god, Finn, it's almost time for us to go on!"
Running high on adrenaline, I rush to one of the women's rooms. When I arrive, I find a person that I do not expect. It makes me more nervous than public restrooms normally do on a daily basis, honestly. Sunshine was a new student at McKinley in September. Overcome by jealousy of the dainty, feminine girl with a powerhouse of a voice, I did something that was completely unforgivable for her. "Uh hi," I mumble, fixing my hair in the mirror. "Good luck out there today. Everyone's saying that Vocal Adrenaline is…bound to take their next consecutive Nationals title. We're still going to fight hard though."
The anxious girl looks at me. "Why are you talking to me?" she asks. "I haven't forgiven you. I'm not a bitter person Rachel, but I did allow myself to be quite amused at my friend's jokes at your expense."
I blink. Well at least she's bluntly honest. Now is not a good time for an emotional overflow but I let it out. "I'm sorry for what I did to you earlier this year," I say. "If Vocal Adrenaline crushes us again, it will be my fault and I'll deserve it. There was no amount of jealousy that made that okay. You were just so amazing and I didn't want you to take from me what I'd worked so hard to make my own. It was wrong and now I know that every person deserves a chance to shine. Jealousy will only get you so far and the only things that actually worked for me this year were those moments when I was unashamedly myself without hurting others."
She turns to me. She blinks and laughs some.
"You've changed in nine months," she says plainly. "I totally accept your apology Rachel. You know, one of my American born cousins goes to McKinley still. I know what went down. I can see why that would contribute to your obsessive, jealous behavior. You should know that a lot of the Vocal Adrenaline girls make fun of you out of jealousy too. You're beautiful and talented. We're going to win anyway, of course, but we'll have quite a fight with your choir."
She walks out of the bathroom with a lot less anxiety and more confidence. I am still reeling at that. I have hurt people like Sunshine, Quinn, Santana, purely out of the fact that I wanted to be more like them. The truth is though, I like me. I like being me. I finish dressing and cleaning by myself and then it's time to go on. We are flawless. We do three numbers, all which are balanced and showcase the variety and power of our choir. I can't help reflect, just as we finish, about what a beautiful variety we have. There is not one generic voice. We have soul singers, sweet, pure voices, rock and r&b sounds, basically, we have everything the other groups are offering and more. We are as perfect as we can be. The other choirs, of course, are fantastic too.
"Oh dear God," Puck whispers from his seat next to mine, watching as Sunshine leads Vocal Adrenaline in an amazing number. Quinn looks at Santana and both girls look like they're going to throw up when a local choir performs a number with more choreography than we could manage if we were all as good as Mike and Brittany.
When we go to check the rankings, Mr. Schue gathers us all together. "Remember guys," he says, "winning isn't everything. This is our first shot at a Nationals competition and you guys did amazing. I am so proud of you." We do place in the top ten, which is miraculous. I don't think I've ever cried so hard and I just may have broken Kurt by squeezing him so tightly. Unfortunately, when the final judging occurs, we place in seventh.
"That's awesome guys," I say, hugging anyone I can get a hold of. "This was just our first try. Some of us are seniors next year, so we'll try harder than ever. We'll win next year." I know, without a doubt, that next year is ours. I have learned so much this year about who I am, about being myself and I know that this is ours.
Pairing: Rachel/Finn, Strong Rachel/Kurt friendship. Rachel/Dave friendship
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Rachel Berry has a secret she wants to reveal but is far too afraid to do so.
Warnings: Transgendered Character, Transphobia,
AN: Previous chapters can be found here.
I have to say that the Nationals competition at least makes the taunting and teasing I receive different. Instead of being called a man a hundred times daily, girls from Vocal Adrenaline walk by and make snide remarks about eggs. I don't think I'll ever forget Jesse's betrayal, but at the same time it doesn't sting anymore, which makes their remarks useless. Jesse St. James isn't a part of my life anymore. Preparing to perform is terrifying. These are the best show choirs in the whole country, after all. With choirs from big places like Los Angeles, New York City itself and everywhere else, the changes of a small town Ohio choir doing any damage is minimal. The other choirs also have many other Nationals level competitions under their belts while we do not. Still, I have to think on the bright side. Maybe we will be able to defy the expectations of us.
"Are you scared?" Finn asks. I wonder if my fear is obvious. I think I'm the person who's the most afraid here. It's because I want the success so damned much. I turn to him and try my best to manage a smile. I don't think it comes out the way I want it to, because Finn makes a face that is slightly awkward.
"A little," I say, forcing out the words that downplay my terror. "I mean, this is a big deal to me, Finn."
"I know it is," he says, wrapping both arms around me and hugging me tightly. God, he always makes me feel so tiny. I smile and hug him back, feeling genuinely better even though my good attitude is a little on he forced side. "We're going to do fantastic Rachel. Even if we don't come out on top, the fact that we made it here is a big deal. I was looking at the program and a lot of the choirs are from places like LA, Seattle, Chicago, here…nobody expected us to make it. We're awesome."
I love how he always knows exactly what to say. We've had our ups and downs and a rough time with some things, but he is most definitely the one for me. I squeeze him tight and then look at the clock. "I'm going to go fix myself up. My god, Finn, it's almost time for us to go on!"
Running high on adrenaline, I rush to one of the women's rooms. When I arrive, I find a person that I do not expect. It makes me more nervous than public restrooms normally do on a daily basis, honestly. Sunshine was a new student at McKinley in September. Overcome by jealousy of the dainty, feminine girl with a powerhouse of a voice, I did something that was completely unforgivable for her. "Uh hi," I mumble, fixing my hair in the mirror. "Good luck out there today. Everyone's saying that Vocal Adrenaline is…bound to take their next consecutive Nationals title. We're still going to fight hard though."
The anxious girl looks at me. "Why are you talking to me?" she asks. "I haven't forgiven you. I'm not a bitter person Rachel, but I did allow myself to be quite amused at my friend's jokes at your expense."
I blink. Well at least she's bluntly honest. Now is not a good time for an emotional overflow but I let it out. "I'm sorry for what I did to you earlier this year," I say. "If Vocal Adrenaline crushes us again, it will be my fault and I'll deserve it. There was no amount of jealousy that made that okay. You were just so amazing and I didn't want you to take from me what I'd worked so hard to make my own. It was wrong and now I know that every person deserves a chance to shine. Jealousy will only get you so far and the only things that actually worked for me this year were those moments when I was unashamedly myself without hurting others."
She turns to me. She blinks and laughs some.
"You've changed in nine months," she says plainly. "I totally accept your apology Rachel. You know, one of my American born cousins goes to McKinley still. I know what went down. I can see why that would contribute to your obsessive, jealous behavior. You should know that a lot of the Vocal Adrenaline girls make fun of you out of jealousy too. You're beautiful and talented. We're going to win anyway, of course, but we'll have quite a fight with your choir."
She walks out of the bathroom with a lot less anxiety and more confidence. I am still reeling at that. I have hurt people like Sunshine, Quinn, Santana, purely out of the fact that I wanted to be more like them. The truth is though, I like me. I like being me. I finish dressing and cleaning by myself and then it's time to go on. We are flawless. We do three numbers, all which are balanced and showcase the variety and power of our choir. I can't help reflect, just as we finish, about what a beautiful variety we have. There is not one generic voice. We have soul singers, sweet, pure voices, rock and r&b sounds, basically, we have everything the other groups are offering and more. We are as perfect as we can be. The other choirs, of course, are fantastic too.
"Oh dear God," Puck whispers from his seat next to mine, watching as Sunshine leads Vocal Adrenaline in an amazing number. Quinn looks at Santana and both girls look like they're going to throw up when a local choir performs a number with more choreography than we could manage if we were all as good as Mike and Brittany.
When we go to check the rankings, Mr. Schue gathers us all together. "Remember guys," he says, "winning isn't everything. This is our first shot at a Nationals competition and you guys did amazing. I am so proud of you." We do place in the top ten, which is miraculous. I don't think I've ever cried so hard and I just may have broken Kurt by squeezing him so tightly. Unfortunately, when the final judging occurs, we place in seventh.
"That's awesome guys," I say, hugging anyone I can get a hold of. "This was just our first try. Some of us are seniors next year, so we'll try harder than ever. We'll win next year." I know, without a doubt, that next year is ours. I have learned so much this year about who I am, about being myself and I know that this is ours.