(Faith, Trust, and) Pixie Dust
Title: (Faith, Trust, and) Pixie Dust
Author: Anonymous until 1/30/14
For: sprouthyun
Pairing: Baekhyun/Chanyeol [side: Chanyeol/Kai]
Word Count: 4,442
Summary: "You know that place between sleep and awake; that place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I will always love you. That's where I will be waiting." PeterPan!AU
Warnings: None
Rating: PG-13
One
There it was again, the elusive shadow that danced out of view. Chanyeol watched as the edge of the silhouette shimmered under the pale moonlight and skittered under the shelter of the billowing curtains. Sometimes, the shadow was in plain view, unexplainably black against the moonbeams. At times, it wasn’t there at all, hiding in the shadows of other objects.
Yet, the silhouette was unmistakably Baekhyun’s. It was delicate and mischievous, but with a grace that Baekhyun lacked. Still, Chanyeol would watch it anyway, when he had gotten out of the haze between his dreams and reality. He would watch it with bated breath, but nothing would happen.
They went out for coffee that day. It was snowing, and every time they breathed, they exhaled mist. The streets were quiet, and snowflakes drifted down slowly. At the end of the street, a girl played the violin, the bow coaxing a melody that sounded strangely upbeat. Chanyeol blinked.
It was nearby where they shared a cup of coffee, stiff fingers warming themselves on hot porcelain while overlapping each other. Apart from the violin, it was quiet, and Chanyeol basked in the silence together with Baekhyun, watching the swirling steam dissipate into the air.
Chanyeol blinked again, and he stared at his fingers. They were no longer frozen and, most importantly, they weren’t wound around a cup along with tips of Baekhyun’s perfect fingers.
Outside, the trees swayed in the breeze and the sun burned bright hot. It was summer.
÷
Chanyeol’s life, he decided, left much to be desired.
By nine, he was out of the door, heading down the street and turning the corner where the girl played the violin every day. He would work at the record store a little further down, where he would stand at the cashier and answer in monosyllables whenever questions were asked.
The one highlight of his day would be when he met up with his friend, Jongin, who would rattle on about his day and pester Chanyeol about his.
“It was fine,” had been his standard answer for the many years now, and Jongin had learnt to shrug it off where he would’ve asked more before.
They never talked about Baekhyun. No one ever spoke to him about it, and Chanyeol guessed that it would’ve been better that way. If he had tried, maybe he would’ve been sent to the psychiatrist three blocks down, the one with the intimidating gaze and the height that exceeded Chanyeol’s.
You see, although Chanyeol preferred to be left alone, there were times when he wanted to talk it through and get things off his chest. But the problem is, he can’t.
And that’s because Baekhyun doesn’t exist.
÷
No matter how strikingly handsome the stranger was, Chanyeol knew that he needed to go.
He stared in uncertainty at the man who lay stretched out on his couch with a lazy air around him. He blinked hard and walked towards him with purpose.
“Look, I don’t know who you are,” Chanyeol said in the sternest voice that he could muster. “But you have to get out of my house.”
It took the stranger a while to realise that Chanyeol was talking to him. At first, he had continued to stay curled up on the couch and had made a pleased purr that Chanyeol swore was the cutest thing that he had ever heard. But when Chanyeol finally cleared his throat loudly and stared pointedly in his direction, the stranger sat up immediately and stared right back.
He had, Chanyeol noted, an adorably stunned expression on his face. All fond thoughts had flown out of his head when a crazed look crept into the stranger’s eyes and he had lunged forward and gripped the collar of Chanyeol’s shirt so tightly that he jerked forward.
“You can see me?”
Pulling back out of his grip and stumbling back a few steps, Chanyeol pressed his back against the wall and breathed heavily. “What the heck? Of course I can see you.”
Baekhyun practically rolled off the couch onto the floor, landing neatly on his feet. “No way,” he stuck his face forward to examine Baekhyun. “I don’t believe it.”
Chanyeol yanked his hand away when Baekhyun reached out to poke him. How in the world had he managed to come so close so quickly?
“He can see me,” Baekhyun marveled, staring at his hands in awe. Only now did Chanyeol notice a bright yellow glow coming from the shorter man.
To Chanyeol’s alarm, Baekhyun’s eyes started to brim over with tears, and the shorter man sank back into a chair while spouting gibberish.
“Are… are you okay?” Chanyeol eyed the strange man warily, still not budging from the spot that he had scrambled to in a bid to get away from the giant.
“My name,” he wheezed, rising to his feet and scrambling towards Chanyeol, “is Baekhyun.”
Chanyeol’s eyes nearly popped out of his head when Baekhyun grasped his hands between his. Going down on his knees, he gazed up at Chanyeol with what looked suspiciously like adoration in his eyes. Licking his lips, he proceeded to speak to a very freaked out Chanyeol.
“Please play with me forever.”
÷
“I kid you not,” Chanyeol groaned, nursing the cup of tea before him. He stared indignantly at Jongin, who was slapping his knee while roaring with laughter.
The people seated near them shot them looks that varied from curiousity to annoyance, and Chanyeol tried in vain to shut Jongin up. “Stop it, people are staring,” he hissed, cheeks flushed with embarrassment.
When Jongin finally quieted down, he looked at Chanyeol and said in a low, solemn voice, “maybe you should report this to the police.”
Chanyeol nodded thoughtfully, and took a sip of tea. “But how am I supposed to report someone that can’t even be seen? I mean, there’s no way that-”
He was interrupted by a snort from Jongin, which led to a series of giggles.
“I hate you,” Chanyeol snapped, gulping down the rest of his tea and whining when he burnt his tongue badly.
“Bring me to your apartment,” Jongin finally said, and Chanyeol started in surprise.
“My things haven’t been unpacked yet,” he protested, but Jongin proceeded to shake his head and shrug his shoulders like it didn’t matter. Chanyeol bit his lower lip and grumbled something unintelligible, before being hoisted to his feet by Jongin and dragged out of the door and down the street.
It wasn’t long before they stood outside Chanyeol’s apartment, staring at the ebony wood of his door.
“Open the door,” Jongin commanded, standing at the side with his arms folded across his chest.
Chanyeol fumbled with the keys for a while before he managed to push the heavy wooden door open. He hasn’t quite gotten used to his new house yet, much less the weirdo who refused to leave his apartment.
Baekhyun’s head snapped up and his gaze immediately fixated on Chanyeol’s gangly form the moment the door creaked open. The latter cursed under his breath. He had hoped that maybe the smaller man would leave the house after a while. Instead, he finds an overexcited puppy bounding towards him with a maniacal expression on his face, knocking him over onto the floor and rambling on about every single little thing that he had seen that day.
Jongin stepped cautiously into the apartment and stood a short distance away from the doorway, watching Chanyeol roll around desperately on the ground in an attempt to escape from Baekhyn.
“Get him off me!” Chanyeol gasped at Jongin, waving his free arm around in the air in desperation.
It took Chanyeol all of thirty seconds to realise that Jongin wasn’t making any moves to help him up. It took another ten seconds for him to register the look on the latter’s face, which screamed ‘what the fu-’
“What the fuck, Chanyeol,” Jongin deadpanned. Baekhyun’s forehead wrinkled up into a very convincing impression of the grandmother that stayed opposite them.
(“I’m a college student, Jongin,” Chanyeol had whined, “I’m supposed to be boring and studying to complete my goddamn degree.”
“No, you loser. You’re supposed to be partying your life away and then rushing to complete assignments at four in the morning with double shots of espresso,” Jongin countered. “I hope you’re happy spending your college life staring at old people more than at hot girls.”)
It took one very hard kick to Baekhyun’s groin before Chanyeol managed to struggle free and scramble behind Jongin.
He tried very hard to ignore the whimpers coming from the corner and turned to face his friend. Jongin just stared back at him with a judging expression, arms folded.
“I told you he can’t be seen,” Chanyeol murmured.
“I thought you were joking,” Jongin raised his eyebrows and proceeded to make Chanyeol feel really small. “Do you seriously expect me to understand that there’s an oversized man living in this apartment that only you can see? I don’t even see any of his belongings,” he commented, eyes sweeping the apartment in one quick glance.
Baekhyun yelped and crossed his legs to protect his crotch when Chanyeol yanked him to his feet. He crossed the room and pushed Baekhyun to stand right in front of Jongin.
“He’s right here!” Chanyeol gestured at Baekhyun.
Jongin stared hard at Chanyeol, through Baekhyun. “The only thing between us right now would be about two meters of the beautiful carpet that I gifted you for your move. I don’t see anything, Yeol. You sure you okay?”
Chanyeol continued to insist on Baekhyun’s presence until Jongin sighed and closed the distance between them with three quick strides, standing a little too close to each other for comfort.
“Look, there’s no one here but you and I,” Jongin said, his face mere inches from Chanyeol’s.
The shock of seeing Jongin walk right through living, breathing flesh and the close proximity made him squeak with nervousness and back away a few steps.
Jongin’s concerned but curious gaze made him avert his gaze, and Chanyeol pretended to be highly interested in a patch of dust on the floor. The air suddenly felt extremely warm, and Chanyeol absolutely refused to entertain the idea that it was because of Jongin’s perfect face being close enough to touch.
“Maybe,” Chanyeol directed his gaze downwards, at the floor. “Maybe it was the coffee that I had earlier on.”
“Tea, you had tea,” Jongin corrected, but finally sighed and moved away. “I’ll see you Monday at school, Yeol. Hopefully, you’ll be better by then.”
Chanyeol stood frozen in place until he heard the door click shut behind Jongin. The moment that he was sure that he was alone, he sagged against the wall behind him, refusing to acknowledge the hulking giant hovering close by.
“Erm, Mr. Park Chanyeol sir, I-”
“You don’t exist!” Chanyeol snapped, before scrambling into his room and locking himself in. There was no way that he was going to allow an oversized imaginary person anywhere near him while he slept.
÷
As the weeks went by, Chanyeol got used to Baekhyun’s presence, although he did forget every once in a while. The number of times that he did forget, however, reduced drastically after that one time he walked into his bedroom stark naked only to be greeted with the sight of a very red Baekhyun.
It was also around then when Chanyeol had realised that Jongin meant something more than a friend. Once innocent text messages were now scrutinized for hidden meanings, so much so that Baekhyun groaned every time Chanyeol’s phone dinged.
“Shut up, okay, you’ll never understand how I feel,” Chanyeol snapped when Baekhyun rolled his eyes.
“I hope I do,” Baekhyun picked at the lining of the couch, and Chanyeol looked up at the unexpected tone of longing in Baekhyun’s voice.
When he got no explanation, Chanyeol prodded Baekhyun in the side and the latter continued to speak after snuggling closer. “I’m sure that you’re familiar with Peter Pan.”
Chanyeol nodded, eyebrows scrunching together in confusion, hands absentmindedly playing with the caramel brown locks that tickled his chin when Baekhyun laid his head on Chanyeol’s shoulder.
“Than you must know that there was a faerie by the name of Tinkerbell, who was Peter’s constant companion. I’ve always wanted a frien-”
“Look,” Chanyeol cut in rather abruptly. “I know that you’re a faerie or whatever, and I hate to rain on your parade, but Peter Pan is a fictional story for little kids.”
“Where there’s smoke, there’s fire, Yeol. All tales come from somewhere.”
“But Tinkerbell is tiny, and you’re, well, to put it simply, huge.” Chanyeol ignored the hurt in Baekhyun’s eyes and continued to speak. “Not that you’re fat or anything. You’re just a thousand times Tinkerbell’s size, or something.”
“Humans just made Tink small because it’s cute. Look, I’ve met her before, and she comes up to my chin, okay,” Baekhyun raised an arm and gestured lazily at approximately where he thought her head would have been if she had been standing in front of the both of them. “It’s common for faeries to find their companion when they reach the age of twenty. Everyone I know has found their Peter.”
Chanyeol didn’t miss the blue tones in his voice, and spoke when Baekhyun stopped. “But you didn’t, did you?”
The silence that hung awkwardly in the air was enough for Chanyeol to know his answer.
“I suppose that’s better, though,” Baekhyun said, although he sounded positively unconvinced that it was. “Every Peter will find his Wendy and when that happens, Tink plays second fiddle. It’d be terrible to be the third wheel. At least, that’s what Jongdae says.”
“Jongdae?”
“A friend of mine, another faerie. He found Joonmyun right before he hit twenty, but he couldn’t stop Joonmyun from finding his Wendy.”
Baekhyun looked up at Chanyeol with soft brown eyes, and he suddenly thought back to when he had a golden retriever that used to lay its head in his lap and beg for kisses.
Even though he had made it seem as if being alone would’ve been better than being ignored, the tone in Baekhyun’s voice and the longing in his eyes made it seem the opposite, somehow.
All the information that Baekhyun had heaped on him seemed to have short-circuited his brain, and Chanyeol began to argue in favour of reality. “But… but faeries don’t really ex-”
Chanyeol started when Baekhyun’s palm came down over his mouth hard. His breath caught in his throat when he met Baekhyun’s eyes. “Don’t you ever say that. No matter what, never say that. Not even as a joke.”
Chanyeol felt a sour pang of guilt in his gut, and twisted his face away from Baekhyun so that he could speak freely. He licked his lips, and cast his gaze towards the floor. As ridiculous as it sounds, that simple sentence would have ended the life of a faerie somewhere. Even though Chanyeol had never really put much (any, really) faith into faeries and the like, it was hard not to be superstitious when there was living, breathing proof of another world leaning against him.
÷
“It’s not that bad, I guess,” Chanyeol admitted.
Baekhyun gave him a wide grin that made his heart beat erratically for a moment. Chanyeol could feel his cheeks heating up a little, but quickly attributed it to Baekhyun’s boyish good looks.
“I honestly thought that it could’ve been worse,” Chanyeol continued. “I mean, living with an imaginary friend is kinda creepy, but it’s definitely better than I had thought it would be.”
A lot better, actually, he thought. There was something about Baekhyun’s presence that both comforted and assured him that he was safe. Living alone has always been difficult, especially since Chanyeol has a (secret) fear of the dark. Knowing that Baekhyun was always nearby soothed him somehow.
Besides, now that Jongin had been elevated to crush status, Chanyeol found it a little hard to be as honest with him as before. To his delight, Baekhyun found Chanyeol speaking to him a lot more, from things such as the weather to every little glorious detail about Jongin.
Baekhyun wasn’t very sure whether it was a blessing or torture to be able to become Chanyeol’s confidante. While it was great knowing that Chanyeol trusted him with his innermost thoughts, it still hurt like a fucking burn whenever the topic of Jongin came up.
He tried not to let it show, though. But all that resulted in was more of Chanyeol’s insensitive ramblings on Jongin’s perfect, perfect face and personality.
÷
The first time Chanyeol texted Jongin to ask him out for a movie, he curled up on the couch like a frightened rabbit, pressed into Baekhyun’s side as he stared hard at his phone and waited for an answer. When the screen finally lit up, he pounced on it and thought better of it, holding out the gadget for Baekhyun to peer at the bright screen instead.
The first time Chanyeol managed to convince Jongin to go for a soccer game with him, he tried to ban Baekhyun from following. One look at Jongin’s face, however, and he chickened out, grabbing onto the faerie’s wrist and physically dragging him out of the door.
Over time, when he got more comfortable, Baekhyun was left behind at his apartment with a hasty goodbye. He never was very good at turning Baekhyun down. Not with those big chocolate brown eyes that pleaded with him every time he left.
It wasn’t until their fifth time at the movies did Jongin actually speak up.
“You know, you’ve been acting weird lately,” Jongin said rather casually as they strolled out of the cinema. He rolled a popcorn kernel between his thumb and index finger absentmindedly.
Chanyeol sipped his coke noisily through the straw and looked up with questioning eyes, urging Jongin to continue. Looking back, he wished he hadn’t, though.
“If I hadn’t known better, I thought that you would have been, like, I don’t know, trying to date me or something. I mean, it’s not like that’s true or anything. After all, we both know how I like girls, don’t we?” Jongin stared pointedly at Chanyeol at that last sentence, but he didn’t get much of a reaction.
Chanyeol had frozen the moment Jongin had began talking. Apart from the numbing sensation in his right hand where he gripped the ice-cold beverage a little too tightly, all Chanyeol could concentrate on was to regulate his breathing and study his shoelaces.
“Right?” Jongin insisted, gaze boring a hole in Chanyeol’s back. The popcorn kernel slipped from between his fingers, and clattered loudly onto the linoleum floor, and the plinking sound resonated in Chanyeol’s ears.
“Right,” Chanyeol murmured in assent, and Jongin left with a satisfied smile and crystallised shards of Chanyeol’s heart.
÷
Baekhyun could understand why Chanyeol blew up over the smallest things that night and the next few days. He didn’t ask what exactly happened with Jongin, but he could tell a little, from the wave of depression that washed over Chanyeol and drowned his goofy smiles.
“Baek, stop it,” Chanyeol snapped from where he was lying face down on his bed.
Baekhyun froze in mid-air, tongue still out and eyes still crossed.
“I know you’re making faces at me. Stop it. It doesn’t help.”
Baekhyun quickly sat down at the edge of the bed and reached out towards Chanyeol. But Chanyeol’s words made him pause before he could place a comforting hand on Chanyeol’s shoulder.
“I don’t even understand what’s wrong with me. I had a great friendship, and I decided to go and ruin it with me one-sided affection. On top of that, I have something wrong with my brain or something, seeing things that aren’t even there. You don’t really exist, do you? You only exist in my imagination or something, right?”
The pillow muffled Chanyeol’s words, but they still rang loud and clear in Baekhyun’s mind. An icy feeling enveloped him, and he backed away from the bed until his back was pressed against the wall. Even than, he almost slipped through concrete, a painful reminder that he didn’t belong.
“You promised,” he whispered, but not loud enough for Chanyeol to hear. “You promised that you would never say that.” He took a few more steps back, vanishing through the wall. For the first time since they have met, Baekhyun did the leaving behind.
When there was no reply from Baekhyun, Chanyeol raised his head and looked around the room.
“Baek?” He called out, eyes searching the room for Baekhyun’s small form. He rolled off the bed and walked out of the room. “Hey, are you there?”
A ray of sunlight from the setting sun streamed into the room, throwing shadows into corners and lighting up everything with an orange cast. The air was still, and the curtains hung heavy and unmoving. The hot summer air was humid and choking, much like a blanket that suffocated him. Somewhere outside, a cricket chirped, the only sound to reverberate through the evening air.
Despite the stifling heat, Chanyeol shivered a little. He had grown used to his small apartment forever being filled with the sounds of Baekhyun’s obnoxious laughter.
“I guess it’s for the better that he’s left,” Chanyeol finally said, when he could find no sign of the faerie in his apartment. “Maybe my life will go back to normal.”
But what if something happened to him? What if, a voice nagged in his mind, what if something bad had happened because you implied that faeries don’t exist?
“Nothing bad will happened,” Chanyeol insisted fiercely, waiting desperately for reassurance.
All he received in reply was the cold silence that engulfed the apartment as darkness descended for the night.
÷
Even though Chanyeol had insisted that nothing had gone wrong, he couldn’t stop him from worrying. He had cursed himself several times over for worrying so often over something that he cannot change, but he couldn’t help it anyway. Horrifying thoughts would pop into his mind ever so often, and all of them had to do with Baekhyun’s welfare.
It lasted until one night, when Chanyeol was stuffing himself with ice cream in an attempt to quiet the concern that gnawed away at his stomach. A small sound could be heard coming from the kitchen, and Chanyeol froze, spoon halfway to his parted lips.
At first, a million thoughts of demons and murderers flitted through his mind, but they were all chased away when a familiar voice cried out in pain.
Within seconds, Chanyeol had scrambled off the couch and dashed into the kitchen, not bothering to turn on the lights. Why would he feel afraid when Baekhyun was there, anyway?
The moment his eyes adjusted to the lack of light, Chanyeol let out a strangled cry.
Baekhyun was on his knees, a hand pressed hard into his stomach, his face contorted in pain. Chanyeol wasted no time in taking Baekhyun’s small form in his arms, and with a pang, he realised how well the latter fit into his own frame.
“What happened to you?”
Baekhyun smiled wanly, but Chanyeol could see the pain swimming behind those eyes. “I went to look for my Peter.”
Chanyeol felt as if his heart was being ripped out of his chest, and only too late did he realise that he had spent his energy over the wrong person. “And he did this to you? What the fuck, who is this perso-”
He stopped talking when Baekhyun shook his head. “I was stupid, Chanyeol, forgive me.”
“There is nothing to forgive,” Chanyeol cried out, gripping Baekhyun’s hand, but letting go quickly when he felt how cold his fingers were. When they had first met, Baekhyun’s glow had been vibrant and almost blinding. But now, as he lay gasping for air, Chanyeol noticed that it was flickering, no different from the dying flame of a burnt-out candle.
“Did you… did you find him?” Chanyeol managed to choke out.
“Yeah,” Baekhyun replied, and Chanyeol bit his lower lip until he tasted blood.
“I’m staring right at him,” Baekhyun finished, and Chanyeol’s breath caught in his throat.
He was at a total loss for what to say, and for a few seconds, his mouth formed consonants and that his throat refused to voice. He looked at Baekhyun through blurred vision and the corners of his mouth twitched downward.
“So there you are. It took me forever to find you,” someone said from behind the pair.
Chanyeol whirled around as best as he could without jostling Baekhyun and stared at the person, no, faerie before him.
He was about Baekhyun’s height, with a sharp jaw and a stern expression on his face. Unlike Baekhyun, this faerie had a healthy glow, but the light danced and spun almost angrily, and Chanyeol shuddered as he approached the pair.
“Jongdae,” Baekhyun sighed.
“You’re in no shape to remain here,” he said, gesturing for Chanyeol to transfer Baekhyun to him. Chanyeol glared at Jongdae, unwilling to let go, until Jongdae huffed. “Look, would you rather he died?”
“Where’re you bringing him?” Chanyeol asked after he had let go of Baekhyun rather reluctantly.
“Back home, where maybe we can nurse him back to health,” Jongdae replied shortly. “It’s all your fault, you know. Faeries survive on faith, and you had next to none in him.”
“Jongdae,” Baekhyun scolded, his breath quickening. Jongdae heaved Baekhyun to his feet and placed an arm around his shoulder to support him.
“Are you going to come back?” Chanyeol asked in a small voice, tears finally flowing down his cheeks the moment Baekhyun’s back was turned.
Baekhyun’s voice was laced with quiet pain when he replied. “You know that place between sleep and awake; that place where you can still remember dreaming? That’s where I will always love you. That’s where I will be waiting.”
Jongdae gave Chanyeol one last look, this time it was tinged with pity and not anger, before the both of them slowly vanished into thin air. Chanyeol grasped desperately where the both of them had been standing, and whimpered loudly when his hand came away with nothing.
÷
Twelve summers Chanyeol has lasted without Baekhyun. Twelve winters, autumns and eleven springs with fitful sleeps and howling winds that carried a poignant tune not unlike the one that Chanyeol’s heart sang quietly.
Oftentimes, Chanyeol wakes up with bruises under his eyes, but lives for nothing but that moment between dreaming and awake, when he can look forward to seeing Baekhyun again.
A/N:
I AM SOOOOOO SORRY THAT THIS IS SO CRAPPY I'M SORRY IT'S AWKWARD AS FUDGE. You may slap me as many times as you want. Seriously.
One
Author: Anonymous until 1/30/14
For: sprouthyun
Pairing: Baekhyun/Chanyeol [side: Chanyeol/Kai]
Word Count: 4,442
Summary: "You know that place between sleep and awake; that place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I will always love you. That's where I will be waiting." PeterPan!AU
Warnings: None
Rating: PG-13
One
There it was again, the elusive shadow that danced out of view. Chanyeol watched as the edge of the silhouette shimmered under the pale moonlight and skittered under the shelter of the billowing curtains. Sometimes, the shadow was in plain view, unexplainably black against the moonbeams. At times, it wasn’t there at all, hiding in the shadows of other objects.
Yet, the silhouette was unmistakably Baekhyun’s. It was delicate and mischievous, but with a grace that Baekhyun lacked. Still, Chanyeol would watch it anyway, when he had gotten out of the haze between his dreams and reality. He would watch it with bated breath, but nothing would happen.
They went out for coffee that day. It was snowing, and every time they breathed, they exhaled mist. The streets were quiet, and snowflakes drifted down slowly. At the end of the street, a girl played the violin, the bow coaxing a melody that sounded strangely upbeat. Chanyeol blinked.
It was nearby where they shared a cup of coffee, stiff fingers warming themselves on hot porcelain while overlapping each other. Apart from the violin, it was quiet, and Chanyeol basked in the silence together with Baekhyun, watching the swirling steam dissipate into the air.
Chanyeol blinked again, and he stared at his fingers. They were no longer frozen and, most importantly, they weren’t wound around a cup along with tips of Baekhyun’s perfect fingers.
Outside, the trees swayed in the breeze and the sun burned bright hot. It was summer.
÷
Chanyeol’s life, he decided, left much to be desired.
By nine, he was out of the door, heading down the street and turning the corner where the girl played the violin every day. He would work at the record store a little further down, where he would stand at the cashier and answer in monosyllables whenever questions were asked.
The one highlight of his day would be when he met up with his friend, Jongin, who would rattle on about his day and pester Chanyeol about his.
“It was fine,” had been his standard answer for the many years now, and Jongin had learnt to shrug it off where he would’ve asked more before.
They never talked about Baekhyun. No one ever spoke to him about it, and Chanyeol guessed that it would’ve been better that way. If he had tried, maybe he would’ve been sent to the psychiatrist three blocks down, the one with the intimidating gaze and the height that exceeded Chanyeol’s.
You see, although Chanyeol preferred to be left alone, there were times when he wanted to talk it through and get things off his chest. But the problem is, he can’t.
And that’s because Baekhyun doesn’t exist.
÷
No matter how strikingly handsome the stranger was, Chanyeol knew that he needed to go.
He stared in uncertainty at the man who lay stretched out on his couch with a lazy air around him. He blinked hard and walked towards him with purpose.
“Look, I don’t know who you are,” Chanyeol said in the sternest voice that he could muster. “But you have to get out of my house.”
It took the stranger a while to realise that Chanyeol was talking to him. At first, he had continued to stay curled up on the couch and had made a pleased purr that Chanyeol swore was the cutest thing that he had ever heard. But when Chanyeol finally cleared his throat loudly and stared pointedly in his direction, the stranger sat up immediately and stared right back.
He had, Chanyeol noted, an adorably stunned expression on his face. All fond thoughts had flown out of his head when a crazed look crept into the stranger’s eyes and he had lunged forward and gripped the collar of Chanyeol’s shirt so tightly that he jerked forward.
“You can see me?”
Pulling back out of his grip and stumbling back a few steps, Chanyeol pressed his back against the wall and breathed heavily. “What the heck? Of course I can see you.”
Baekhyun practically rolled off the couch onto the floor, landing neatly on his feet. “No way,” he stuck his face forward to examine Baekhyun. “I don’t believe it.”
Chanyeol yanked his hand away when Baekhyun reached out to poke him. How in the world had he managed to come so close so quickly?
“He can see me,” Baekhyun marveled, staring at his hands in awe. Only now did Chanyeol notice a bright yellow glow coming from the shorter man.
To Chanyeol’s alarm, Baekhyun’s eyes started to brim over with tears, and the shorter man sank back into a chair while spouting gibberish.
“Are… are you okay?” Chanyeol eyed the strange man warily, still not budging from the spot that he had scrambled to in a bid to get away from the giant.
“My name,” he wheezed, rising to his feet and scrambling towards Chanyeol, “is Baekhyun.”
Chanyeol’s eyes nearly popped out of his head when Baekhyun grasped his hands between his. Going down on his knees, he gazed up at Chanyeol with what looked suspiciously like adoration in his eyes. Licking his lips, he proceeded to speak to a very freaked out Chanyeol.
“Please play with me forever.”
÷
“I kid you not,” Chanyeol groaned, nursing the cup of tea before him. He stared indignantly at Jongin, who was slapping his knee while roaring with laughter.
The people seated near them shot them looks that varied from curiousity to annoyance, and Chanyeol tried in vain to shut Jongin up. “Stop it, people are staring,” he hissed, cheeks flushed with embarrassment.
When Jongin finally quieted down, he looked at Chanyeol and said in a low, solemn voice, “maybe you should report this to the police.”
Chanyeol nodded thoughtfully, and took a sip of tea. “But how am I supposed to report someone that can’t even be seen? I mean, there’s no way that-”
He was interrupted by a snort from Jongin, which led to a series of giggles.
“I hate you,” Chanyeol snapped, gulping down the rest of his tea and whining when he burnt his tongue badly.
“Bring me to your apartment,” Jongin finally said, and Chanyeol started in surprise.
“My things haven’t been unpacked yet,” he protested, but Jongin proceeded to shake his head and shrug his shoulders like it didn’t matter. Chanyeol bit his lower lip and grumbled something unintelligible, before being hoisted to his feet by Jongin and dragged out of the door and down the street.
It wasn’t long before they stood outside Chanyeol’s apartment, staring at the ebony wood of his door.
“Open the door,” Jongin commanded, standing at the side with his arms folded across his chest.
Chanyeol fumbled with the keys for a while before he managed to push the heavy wooden door open. He hasn’t quite gotten used to his new house yet, much less the weirdo who refused to leave his apartment.
Baekhyun’s head snapped up and his gaze immediately fixated on Chanyeol’s gangly form the moment the door creaked open. The latter cursed under his breath. He had hoped that maybe the smaller man would leave the house after a while. Instead, he finds an overexcited puppy bounding towards him with a maniacal expression on his face, knocking him over onto the floor and rambling on about every single little thing that he had seen that day.
Jongin stepped cautiously into the apartment and stood a short distance away from the doorway, watching Chanyeol roll around desperately on the ground in an attempt to escape from Baekhyn.
“Get him off me!” Chanyeol gasped at Jongin, waving his free arm around in the air in desperation.
It took Chanyeol all of thirty seconds to realise that Jongin wasn’t making any moves to help him up. It took another ten seconds for him to register the look on the latter’s face, which screamed ‘what the fu-’
“What the fuck, Chanyeol,” Jongin deadpanned. Baekhyun’s forehead wrinkled up into a very convincing impression of the grandmother that stayed opposite them.
(“I’m a college student, Jongin,” Chanyeol had whined, “I’m supposed to be boring and studying to complete my goddamn degree.”
“No, you loser. You’re supposed to be partying your life away and then rushing to complete assignments at four in the morning with double shots of espresso,” Jongin countered. “I hope you’re happy spending your college life staring at old people more than at hot girls.”)
It took one very hard kick to Baekhyun’s groin before Chanyeol managed to struggle free and scramble behind Jongin.
He tried very hard to ignore the whimpers coming from the corner and turned to face his friend. Jongin just stared back at him with a judging expression, arms folded.
“I told you he can’t be seen,” Chanyeol murmured.
“I thought you were joking,” Jongin raised his eyebrows and proceeded to make Chanyeol feel really small. “Do you seriously expect me to understand that there’s an oversized man living in this apartment that only you can see? I don’t even see any of his belongings,” he commented, eyes sweeping the apartment in one quick glance.
Baekhyun yelped and crossed his legs to protect his crotch when Chanyeol yanked him to his feet. He crossed the room and pushed Baekhyun to stand right in front of Jongin.
“He’s right here!” Chanyeol gestured at Baekhyun.
Jongin stared hard at Chanyeol, through Baekhyun. “The only thing between us right now would be about two meters of the beautiful carpet that I gifted you for your move. I don’t see anything, Yeol. You sure you okay?”
Chanyeol continued to insist on Baekhyun’s presence until Jongin sighed and closed the distance between them with three quick strides, standing a little too close to each other for comfort.
“Look, there’s no one here but you and I,” Jongin said, his face mere inches from Chanyeol’s.
The shock of seeing Jongin walk right through living, breathing flesh and the close proximity made him squeak with nervousness and back away a few steps.
Jongin’s concerned but curious gaze made him avert his gaze, and Chanyeol pretended to be highly interested in a patch of dust on the floor. The air suddenly felt extremely warm, and Chanyeol absolutely refused to entertain the idea that it was because of Jongin’s perfect face being close enough to touch.
“Maybe,” Chanyeol directed his gaze downwards, at the floor. “Maybe it was the coffee that I had earlier on.”
“Tea, you had tea,” Jongin corrected, but finally sighed and moved away. “I’ll see you Monday at school, Yeol. Hopefully, you’ll be better by then.”
Chanyeol stood frozen in place until he heard the door click shut behind Jongin. The moment that he was sure that he was alone, he sagged against the wall behind him, refusing to acknowledge the hulking giant hovering close by.
“Erm, Mr. Park Chanyeol sir, I-”
“You don’t exist!” Chanyeol snapped, before scrambling into his room and locking himself in. There was no way that he was going to allow an oversized imaginary person anywhere near him while he slept.
÷
As the weeks went by, Chanyeol got used to Baekhyun’s presence, although he did forget every once in a while. The number of times that he did forget, however, reduced drastically after that one time he walked into his bedroom stark naked only to be greeted with the sight of a very red Baekhyun.
It was also around then when Chanyeol had realised that Jongin meant something more than a friend. Once innocent text messages were now scrutinized for hidden meanings, so much so that Baekhyun groaned every time Chanyeol’s phone dinged.
“Shut up, okay, you’ll never understand how I feel,” Chanyeol snapped when Baekhyun rolled his eyes.
“I hope I do,” Baekhyun picked at the lining of the couch, and Chanyeol looked up at the unexpected tone of longing in Baekhyun’s voice.
When he got no explanation, Chanyeol prodded Baekhyun in the side and the latter continued to speak after snuggling closer. “I’m sure that you’re familiar with Peter Pan.”
Chanyeol nodded, eyebrows scrunching together in confusion, hands absentmindedly playing with the caramel brown locks that tickled his chin when Baekhyun laid his head on Chanyeol’s shoulder.
“Than you must know that there was a faerie by the name of Tinkerbell, who was Peter’s constant companion. I’ve always wanted a frien-”
“Look,” Chanyeol cut in rather abruptly. “I know that you’re a faerie or whatever, and I hate to rain on your parade, but Peter Pan is a fictional story for little kids.”
“Where there’s smoke, there’s fire, Yeol. All tales come from somewhere.”
“But Tinkerbell is tiny, and you’re, well, to put it simply, huge.” Chanyeol ignored the hurt in Baekhyun’s eyes and continued to speak. “Not that you’re fat or anything. You’re just a thousand times Tinkerbell’s size, or something.”
“Humans just made Tink small because it’s cute. Look, I’ve met her before, and she comes up to my chin, okay,” Baekhyun raised an arm and gestured lazily at approximately where he thought her head would have been if she had been standing in front of the both of them. “It’s common for faeries to find their companion when they reach the age of twenty. Everyone I know has found their Peter.”
Chanyeol didn’t miss the blue tones in his voice, and spoke when Baekhyun stopped. “But you didn’t, did you?”
The silence that hung awkwardly in the air was enough for Chanyeol to know his answer.
“I suppose that’s better, though,” Baekhyun said, although he sounded positively unconvinced that it was. “Every Peter will find his Wendy and when that happens, Tink plays second fiddle. It’d be terrible to be the third wheel. At least, that’s what Jongdae says.”
“Jongdae?”
“A friend of mine, another faerie. He found Joonmyun right before he hit twenty, but he couldn’t stop Joonmyun from finding his Wendy.”
Baekhyun looked up at Chanyeol with soft brown eyes, and he suddenly thought back to when he had a golden retriever that used to lay its head in his lap and beg for kisses.
Even though he had made it seem as if being alone would’ve been better than being ignored, the tone in Baekhyun’s voice and the longing in his eyes made it seem the opposite, somehow.
All the information that Baekhyun had heaped on him seemed to have short-circuited his brain, and Chanyeol began to argue in favour of reality. “But… but faeries don’t really ex-”
Chanyeol started when Baekhyun’s palm came down over his mouth hard. His breath caught in his throat when he met Baekhyun’s eyes. “Don’t you ever say that. No matter what, never say that. Not even as a joke.”
Chanyeol felt a sour pang of guilt in his gut, and twisted his face away from Baekhyun so that he could speak freely. He licked his lips, and cast his gaze towards the floor. As ridiculous as it sounds, that simple sentence would have ended the life of a faerie somewhere. Even though Chanyeol had never really put much (any, really) faith into faeries and the like, it was hard not to be superstitious when there was living, breathing proof of another world leaning against him.
÷
“It’s not that bad, I guess,” Chanyeol admitted.
Baekhyun gave him a wide grin that made his heart beat erratically for a moment. Chanyeol could feel his cheeks heating up a little, but quickly attributed it to Baekhyun’s boyish good looks.
“I honestly thought that it could’ve been worse,” Chanyeol continued. “I mean, living with an imaginary friend is kinda creepy, but it’s definitely better than I had thought it would be.”
A lot better, actually, he thought. There was something about Baekhyun’s presence that both comforted and assured him that he was safe. Living alone has always been difficult, especially since Chanyeol has a (secret) fear of the dark. Knowing that Baekhyun was always nearby soothed him somehow.
Besides, now that Jongin had been elevated to crush status, Chanyeol found it a little hard to be as honest with him as before. To his delight, Baekhyun found Chanyeol speaking to him a lot more, from things such as the weather to every little glorious detail about Jongin.
Baekhyun wasn’t very sure whether it was a blessing or torture to be able to become Chanyeol’s confidante. While it was great knowing that Chanyeol trusted him with his innermost thoughts, it still hurt like a fucking burn whenever the topic of Jongin came up.
He tried not to let it show, though. But all that resulted in was more of Chanyeol’s insensitive ramblings on Jongin’s perfect, perfect face and personality.
÷
The first time Chanyeol texted Jongin to ask him out for a movie, he curled up on the couch like a frightened rabbit, pressed into Baekhyun’s side as he stared hard at his phone and waited for an answer. When the screen finally lit up, he pounced on it and thought better of it, holding out the gadget for Baekhyun to peer at the bright screen instead.
The first time Chanyeol managed to convince Jongin to go for a soccer game with him, he tried to ban Baekhyun from following. One look at Jongin’s face, however, and he chickened out, grabbing onto the faerie’s wrist and physically dragging him out of the door.
Over time, when he got more comfortable, Baekhyun was left behind at his apartment with a hasty goodbye. He never was very good at turning Baekhyun down. Not with those big chocolate brown eyes that pleaded with him every time he left.
It wasn’t until their fifth time at the movies did Jongin actually speak up.
“You know, you’ve been acting weird lately,” Jongin said rather casually as they strolled out of the cinema. He rolled a popcorn kernel between his thumb and index finger absentmindedly.
Chanyeol sipped his coke noisily through the straw and looked up with questioning eyes, urging Jongin to continue. Looking back, he wished he hadn’t, though.
“If I hadn’t known better, I thought that you would have been, like, I don’t know, trying to date me or something. I mean, it’s not like that’s true or anything. After all, we both know how I like girls, don’t we?” Jongin stared pointedly at Chanyeol at that last sentence, but he didn’t get much of a reaction.
Chanyeol had frozen the moment Jongin had began talking. Apart from the numbing sensation in his right hand where he gripped the ice-cold beverage a little too tightly, all Chanyeol could concentrate on was to regulate his breathing and study his shoelaces.
“Right?” Jongin insisted, gaze boring a hole in Chanyeol’s back. The popcorn kernel slipped from between his fingers, and clattered loudly onto the linoleum floor, and the plinking sound resonated in Chanyeol’s ears.
“Right,” Chanyeol murmured in assent, and Jongin left with a satisfied smile and crystallised shards of Chanyeol’s heart.
÷
Baekhyun could understand why Chanyeol blew up over the smallest things that night and the next few days. He didn’t ask what exactly happened with Jongin, but he could tell a little, from the wave of depression that washed over Chanyeol and drowned his goofy smiles.
“Baek, stop it,” Chanyeol snapped from where he was lying face down on his bed.
Baekhyun froze in mid-air, tongue still out and eyes still crossed.
“I know you’re making faces at me. Stop it. It doesn’t help.”
Baekhyun quickly sat down at the edge of the bed and reached out towards Chanyeol. But Chanyeol’s words made him pause before he could place a comforting hand on Chanyeol’s shoulder.
“I don’t even understand what’s wrong with me. I had a great friendship, and I decided to go and ruin it with me one-sided affection. On top of that, I have something wrong with my brain or something, seeing things that aren’t even there. You don’t really exist, do you? You only exist in my imagination or something, right?”
The pillow muffled Chanyeol’s words, but they still rang loud and clear in Baekhyun’s mind. An icy feeling enveloped him, and he backed away from the bed until his back was pressed against the wall. Even than, he almost slipped through concrete, a painful reminder that he didn’t belong.
“You promised,” he whispered, but not loud enough for Chanyeol to hear. “You promised that you would never say that.” He took a few more steps back, vanishing through the wall. For the first time since they have met, Baekhyun did the leaving behind.
When there was no reply from Baekhyun, Chanyeol raised his head and looked around the room.
“Baek?” He called out, eyes searching the room for Baekhyun’s small form. He rolled off the bed and walked out of the room. “Hey, are you there?”
A ray of sunlight from the setting sun streamed into the room, throwing shadows into corners and lighting up everything with an orange cast. The air was still, and the curtains hung heavy and unmoving. The hot summer air was humid and choking, much like a blanket that suffocated him. Somewhere outside, a cricket chirped, the only sound to reverberate through the evening air.
Despite the stifling heat, Chanyeol shivered a little. He had grown used to his small apartment forever being filled with the sounds of Baekhyun’s obnoxious laughter.
“I guess it’s for the better that he’s left,” Chanyeol finally said, when he could find no sign of the faerie in his apartment. “Maybe my life will go back to normal.”
But what if something happened to him? What if, a voice nagged in his mind, what if something bad had happened because you implied that faeries don’t exist?
“Nothing bad will happened,” Chanyeol insisted fiercely, waiting desperately for reassurance.
All he received in reply was the cold silence that engulfed the apartment as darkness descended for the night.
÷
Even though Chanyeol had insisted that nothing had gone wrong, he couldn’t stop him from worrying. He had cursed himself several times over for worrying so often over something that he cannot change, but he couldn’t help it anyway. Horrifying thoughts would pop into his mind ever so often, and all of them had to do with Baekhyun’s welfare.
It lasted until one night, when Chanyeol was stuffing himself with ice cream in an attempt to quiet the concern that gnawed away at his stomach. A small sound could be heard coming from the kitchen, and Chanyeol froze, spoon halfway to his parted lips.
At first, a million thoughts of demons and murderers flitted through his mind, but they were all chased away when a familiar voice cried out in pain.
Within seconds, Chanyeol had scrambled off the couch and dashed into the kitchen, not bothering to turn on the lights. Why would he feel afraid when Baekhyun was there, anyway?
The moment his eyes adjusted to the lack of light, Chanyeol let out a strangled cry.
Baekhyun was on his knees, a hand pressed hard into his stomach, his face contorted in pain. Chanyeol wasted no time in taking Baekhyun’s small form in his arms, and with a pang, he realised how well the latter fit into his own frame.
“What happened to you?”
Baekhyun smiled wanly, but Chanyeol could see the pain swimming behind those eyes. “I went to look for my Peter.”
Chanyeol felt as if his heart was being ripped out of his chest, and only too late did he realise that he had spent his energy over the wrong person. “And he did this to you? What the fuck, who is this perso-”
He stopped talking when Baekhyun shook his head. “I was stupid, Chanyeol, forgive me.”
“There is nothing to forgive,” Chanyeol cried out, gripping Baekhyun’s hand, but letting go quickly when he felt how cold his fingers were. When they had first met, Baekhyun’s glow had been vibrant and almost blinding. But now, as he lay gasping for air, Chanyeol noticed that it was flickering, no different from the dying flame of a burnt-out candle.
“Did you… did you find him?” Chanyeol managed to choke out.
“Yeah,” Baekhyun replied, and Chanyeol bit his lower lip until he tasted blood.
“I’m staring right at him,” Baekhyun finished, and Chanyeol’s breath caught in his throat.
He was at a total loss for what to say, and for a few seconds, his mouth formed consonants and that his throat refused to voice. He looked at Baekhyun through blurred vision and the corners of his mouth twitched downward.
“So there you are. It took me forever to find you,” someone said from behind the pair.
Chanyeol whirled around as best as he could without jostling Baekhyun and stared at the person, no, faerie before him.
He was about Baekhyun’s height, with a sharp jaw and a stern expression on his face. Unlike Baekhyun, this faerie had a healthy glow, but the light danced and spun almost angrily, and Chanyeol shuddered as he approached the pair.
“Jongdae,” Baekhyun sighed.
“You’re in no shape to remain here,” he said, gesturing for Chanyeol to transfer Baekhyun to him. Chanyeol glared at Jongdae, unwilling to let go, until Jongdae huffed. “Look, would you rather he died?”
“Where’re you bringing him?” Chanyeol asked after he had let go of Baekhyun rather reluctantly.
“Back home, where maybe we can nurse him back to health,” Jongdae replied shortly. “It’s all your fault, you know. Faeries survive on faith, and you had next to none in him.”
“Jongdae,” Baekhyun scolded, his breath quickening. Jongdae heaved Baekhyun to his feet and placed an arm around his shoulder to support him.
“Are you going to come back?” Chanyeol asked in a small voice, tears finally flowing down his cheeks the moment Baekhyun’s back was turned.
Baekhyun’s voice was laced with quiet pain when he replied. “You know that place between sleep and awake; that place where you can still remember dreaming? That’s where I will always love you. That’s where I will be waiting.”
Jongdae gave Chanyeol one last look, this time it was tinged with pity and not anger, before the both of them slowly vanished into thin air. Chanyeol grasped desperately where the both of them had been standing, and whimpered loudly when his hand came away with nothing.
÷
Twelve summers Chanyeol has lasted without Baekhyun. Twelve winters, autumns and eleven springs with fitful sleeps and howling winds that carried a poignant tune not unlike the one that Chanyeol’s heart sang quietly.
Oftentimes, Chanyeol wakes up with bruises under his eyes, but lives for nothing but that moment between dreaming and awake, when he can look forward to seeing Baekhyun again.
A/N:
I AM SOOOOOO SORRY THAT THIS IS SO CRAPPY I'M SORRY IT'S AWKWARD AS FUDGE. You may slap me as many times as you want. Seriously.
One