can’t help falling in love with you [2/2]
Two
Their classes resume and everything is as it was before except for the newly acquired clog in Park Chanyeol's throat every time Baekhyun's next to him. Which is really unfortunate for the tall boy because the girl is almost always next to him. He tries to figure out what's changed but he comes up blank.
The problem is, no matter how much he looks, Baekhyun's still the same. She still laughs the same way, fills out her uniform the same way, and pulls on their ears the same way. Her hair's still the same color, she hasn't grown a millimeter since Halloween, and yeah, he can't un-see the bumps on her chest but at the back of his mind he knows they've already been there for some time.
So if Baekhyun isn't changing, was it him who is?
Then he doesn't like it. More so when he realizes just how bad the change is turning out to be.
February, 2013.
The four boys fall into a line, hands held out eagerly as they wait for the girl with the pink paper bag to hand out the goodies. It has become a tradition. Every Valentine's day, Baekhyun would make them heart-shaped chocolate and give it to them before the classes started. Honestly, the boys receive enough chocolates inside their lockers from their admirers but these are Byun Baekhyun's specialty, passing it up is out of the question.
Yifan, being the oldest, has always been the first in line, followed by a rabid Jongdae and then their youngest, Jongin. It’s alright, Chanyeol prefers to come last anyway since for some reason, that place makes him feel a bit special. It's perhaps because Baekhyun spends extra minutes teasing and telling him that the sweets have ran out. She does it every year, too.
Except this time, Chanyeol feels a strange tightening in his gut when Baekhyun hands him his and promptly traipses off to the lockers across the hall. He watches as she walks up to another boy and gives him the last heart-shaped chocolate. The guy smiles and an annoyingly cute dimple appears on his right cheek.
“Hey, isn’t that boy a senior?” Jongdae asks.
“Yeah, he’s in my class,” Yifan answers. “Didn’t know Baekhyun knew him.”
“She gave him chocolate.” Jongin nudges Chanyeol. “Is he her boyfriend?”
Boyfriend? But Baekhyun can’t have a boyfriend, right? She can’t have one without telling them. That will be like a breach of the best friend contract or something. So Chanyeol laughs, and the three boys look weirdly at hm.
“Don’t be silly,” replies, although he doesn’t sound as confident as he would like. And that stitch twisting his insides remains with him until the end of the day. It makes him so uncomfortable that when he sees Baekhyun and Jongdae waiting for him outside his classroom, he makes up some flimsy excuse and tells them to go on home without him. He watches his two friends walk down the corridor and he feels even worse.
For the first time since forever, he ditches his Walk-Baekhyun-Home duty.
At this point, perhaps everyone already knows where this is going except for Chanyeol himself. In his defense, he is just seventeen and his life has revolved too much around games and ice cream and hanging out with the gang to understand that he is falling in love with Baekhyun.
Or has always been.
But he is a silly boy.
March, 2013.
Bright yellow forsythia flowers blossom along streets and highways with the coming of spring. It’s the sixteenth day Chanyeol has walked home alone and he’s getting frustrated. He runs a hand through his chestnut hair while muttering to himself.
If he can just get his brain straight and his stomach to stop twisting then everything will be okay, won’t it? He just wants to hang out with Baekhyun except every time he gets close to her the rollercoaster ride of unsettling emotions starts all over again. And it gets worse because there’s an additional pinch when he sees Baekhyun with that be-dimpled guy.
“Yeol.”
Chanyeol turns in surprise to find Baekhyun marching purposefully towards him. She reaches out to him but she doesn’t speak and just looks up at the taller boy. Most likely satisfied that she has seen Chanyeol squirm enough, she raises a hand and flicks the boy on his nose.
“Ouch?”
“It didn’t even hurt,” she says with a scoff but then she loses the expression and it's replaced by a frown. “Park Chanyeol, is something wrong?”
Her tone sounds sad and Chanyeol feels like a worm. “No.”
“Really?” She looks away. “Because I feel like you don’t want to see me.”
“That’s not true,” he denies. He always, always wants to see her and be with her but he has to get over this weird feeling first and learn how to breathe again.
She studies his face and disappointment fills her eyes. “I miss you, Yeol,” she whispers.
Chanyeol opens his mouth but Baekhyun‘s already moving away.
I miss you, too.
He tries really hard to bridge that gap he himself made. One day, he finally decides to stop running and instead he endures the breathlessness and the high flying monkeys. He stations himself outside Baekhyun and Jongdae’s class room. The latter rolls his eyes when he sees Chanyeol while the girl looks surprised. That afternoon, he walks Baekhyun home and the smile she gives him before going in makes him feel that it’s all worth it.
The two friends go back to their routine but alas, it doesn’t last for long. As it has been said before, Chanyeol is a silly boy.
June, 2013.
“At first I was afraid, I was petrified!”
“Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side,” Baekhyun immediately picks up after Jongdae. “But then I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong~”
“And I grew strong,” Chanyeol pipes in with his baritone. “And I learned how to get alonggggg!”
“Not another note,” Yifan warns the trio at the back, not taking his eyes from the road while he drives. “Or I’ll push you all out and let you walk the rest of the way.”
“But it’s our special song for you,” Jongdaewhines from Baekhyun's left side. “We want you to know we’ll live without you-We will survive! Yeah, yeah!”
“I don’t need a song.”
“We do!” Baekhyun says and dramatically plops her head down on Chanyeol’s chest. “Don’t leave us.”
“I’m not dying so stop with that, Baek,” Yifan sighs.
“It’s the same thing!”
“Seriously, shut up guys. You're all gonna wake Jongin up,” the eldest says.
Their eyes drift over to the said boy in the passenger’s seat eternally lost in his dreamland. The three quiet down and the rest of the drive to the beach continues peacefully. Well, for the others at least. Baekhyun has yet to remove her head from Chanyeol’s chest and the boy fervently hopes she isn’t hearing how his heart is floundering about in his ribcage.
“Borrowing you for a while, okay? I’m sleepy,” Baekhyun murmurs.
“S-sure,” Chanyeol stutters. He can’t help but feel that Baekhyun fits quite well against him, though. A desire to pull her closer makes Chanyeol look out the window to focus on the passing scenery instead. By now, he can see the ocean’s water sparkling into the early afternoon sun as they drive along the highway.
School's out so it's time for a little fun. It’s hotter than normal this summer and since it will be the last one they get to spend with Yifan before he goes off to college, they got permission to spend overnight on the beach. It was quite tricky to convince Mr. Byun to let his daughter go with four young men. They had to remind him that Baekhyun knows hapkido and can very well kick all their butts if they tried anything funny. Mr. Byun took a good look at their weak and skinny asses and said yes.
They reach their destination soon enough. The resort is crowded with people trying to fight off the heat with a swim into the cool ocean. The boys run excitedly towards the water, discarding their clothes on the way until they’re down to their shorts. Baekhyun laughs, amused, and collects them before taking off her dress, revealing her one piece bathing suit underneath.
The dark blue swimsuit is by no means provocative in the least but one glimpse of it gets Chanyeol rapidly running back to the shore and covering her up with a towel. “Baek, what are you wearing?’
“A swimsuit,” she answers, squirming out of the towel. “What are you doing?”
“You can’t wear that!” It’s the Dorothy costume all over again. With more skin!
“Park Chanyeol.” Baekhyun scowls.
“ByunBaekhyun,” he replies with a frown of his own.
“Kim Jongdae!” Jongdae butts in, suddenly standing a foot away from them. “What is this? A roll call?”
“No!” Chanyeol looks pleadingly at the other boy. “Jongdae, tell her!”
“Tell her what?”
“That she can’t wear this thing!”
Jongdae glances at Baekhyun’s suit. “It’s just a swimsuit, Chanyeol.”
“Look at it! It’s not decent!” the tall boy exclaims.
He expects Baekhyun to agree with him just like last time but she stands her ground. She's being unreasonable! That swimsuit’s all wrong. It outlines her body and hugs her hips and shows her thighs and-it’s just wrong.
"You want everybody ogling you?" At that, the girl shoves him off indignantly, forcing him to let go of her.
“I can't believe you!” the girl hisses and then she angrily strides away, ignoring Chanyeol’s calls. Jongdae shakes his head and goes back to swimming. Chanyeol looks at his friends in disbelief. Why are they letting Baekhyun wear that when clearly every male there will look at her and want her?
And that's bad.
Baekhyun ignores him for the rest of the afternoon which is fine as Chanyeol is not pleased with her, either. On second thought, it isn't fine for the boy at all because he was looking forward to this trip and now he can't enjoy it because Baekhyun's not even looking his way. The girl talks to everyone else, even to the greasy looking boys who stop by their large umbrella. His mood darkens further when she accepts an invitation for beach volleyball, only partly relieved when she hauls Jongin to accompany her.
Chanyeol is a mess of ugly and baffling emotions so he stands and takes a stroll to clear his head. He needs to shake this off, whatever it is that's making him feel so awful. It seems that his condition only gets worse with time. It's a mistake, bottling it all inside for there's hardly any room to breathe to begin with and now it's suffocating him.
He walks and walks until he sees a group of large rocks jutting out into the ocean. It's not high enough for it to be difficult to climb and so he does. He reaches the top and sits down, staring at the horizon and letting the wind play with his short hair. Well, this is nice, rock. I wish I was just like you. Then I wouldn't have to feel anything at all.
"Communing with nature, Park Chanyeol? Are you one with the rock now?" Chanyeol looks down and sees Yifan standing on the ground with his hands on his hips.
"Yes. We are one," he replies and returns to his pseudo self-meditation.
"Chanyeol, what's wrong?" Yifan persists. "Don't think I didn't notice anything. You've been acting really weird lately. Actually, far longer than lately."
I'm acting weird because I'm feeling weird, he wants to say. But if you're gonna ask me why, I won't know what to answer because-
"I don't know," he says. There must be something in his tone that alerts Yifan of the turmoil he's going through because he goes into his 'spiritual adviser' mode or some shit and it's obvious with the tone he uses next.
"Young one, I am here. You can talk to me."
"Spare me, please," Chanyeol replies, burying his face in his hands.
"Well, fuck Chanyeol, I'm trying to be helpful here. It's one of the few times left that I get to talk to any of you before I go and I don't want to leave all you idiots like this."
Chanyeol feels guilty. And relieved because why not? If he can't understand himself, maybe Yifan-who has always cut through their bullshit-can help him.
"I don't feel well. About Baekhyun. I feel different," Chanyeol sighs. "It's really bad."
"Since when?" Yifan asks, leaning his back against the rock Chanyeol's sitting on.
"Halloween, I guess."
"I thought so."
"It's just she's a girl, Yifan. Baekhyun's a girl," Chanyeol says, tone laced heavily with frustration.
"And so what if Baek's a girl?"
"Ugh, I don't know!" he fairly shouts, angry at himself, at the whole situation and at the rock because it's hard and it's poking sharply on his butt cheeks. There's silence and Chanyeol can't blame the blonde boy if he thinks he's crazy.
"You know it," Yifan finally says. "Talk to her. She's your best friend. Don't be dumb, Chanyeol. Don’t mess things up."
The older boy walks back to the others, leaving Chanyeol with his rock and with a lot more questions buzzing in his brain. Don't be dumb? But how to not be dumb when Baekhyun does things that make his heart do things and makes him feel a lot of things that he hasn't felt before?
Still, Yifan has a point. ByunBaekhyun is his best friend. It has never been difficult to talk her about anything before any of this happened. With resolution, he climbs down the rock, promises it that they'll meet again soon and follows Yifan back.
They're now having dinner at the beachside restaurant Jongin chose. Chanyeol doesn’t get the chance to talk to Baekhyun right away. He doesn't want to speak to her while Jongdae and his nosy self is around so he busies himself with his plate instead. He gets the silent treatment from the girl which is actually fine because he doesn't think he'll be able to say anything when Baekhyun's looking like this, hair loose, face glowing and smooth shoulders bared by her white sundress.
She looks really nice even though her smiles are a bit off. Chanyeol wants to kick himself for he knows his existence is most probably the reason. At the end of the meal, Jongdae harasses Yifan to pay for the food which, of course, everybody seconds. The eldest does pay but he drags Jongdae and Jongin with him for night swimming, ordering Chanyeol to accompany Baekhyun back to their cottage.
The girl doesn't wait for him before she stands up and exits the restaurant, obviously still miffed at what Chanyeol said earlier. She doesn't leave him completely, though, and her short steps allow Chanyeol to catch up. They walk side by side in silence and it does indeed feel awkward but the boy takes this chance to talk.
"Baekhyun," he begins. "I'm sorry."
"Do you know what you're sorry for?" she asks quietly, eyes on the path they are walking on.
"For what I said this afternoon."
“Then why did you say them?"
"Because I didn't like seeing you displayed like that," Chanyeol answers.
"I wasn't wearing it to display myself," Baekhyun says. "It was a simple swimsuit which I wore because I was going swimming.
"But it was still so revealing. Just look at all those boys who chatted you up today. I don't think they're even looking at your face!" Chanyeol's aware that his tone is becoming harsher but he can't help it. When he remembers those guys staring at Baekhyun, he just gets-angry. "I don't want everyone looking at you as if you're-I just, I don't."
Baekhyun stops walking and faces him. "Why?"
The boy pauses too and looks back at his friend. Why? Everyone's asking him why. But he doesn't know. It's been months and months of torture but he's still not sure why.
"Why, Yeol?"
"I don't know," he answers with gritted teeth.
"That's impossible. You must know because you're angry. You're angry at me and you don't want others to look at me. There must be a reason. You can't just act like that because of nothing! You know it but you're-"
"You’re a girl!" he bursts out.
“You’re acting this way just because of that?”
“Yes!” Chanyeol wants to tell her that it isn’t as flimsy as she thinks it is but he doesn’t know how and it’s killing him. “Because I'm a boy and you’re a girl, okay?!”
“Well, that’s funny.” She lets out a short laugh and it doesn't sound happy at all. “I didn’t think it ever mattered. I thought you’re Chanyeol and I’m Baekhyun and we’re best friends.” She sounds tired-tired of him-and Chanyeol feels like he’s living his worst nightmare. She steps back and walks away but pauses in stride to look back at him. “Oh and for the record, Yeol. I have always been a girl, so you don’t get to punish me for it because you realized it too late!”
Then she’s gone and he stands there at a loss. The troubled boy wants to pull his hair out and cry at his stupid self for it certainly feels like he’s losing his friend.
So you see, it’s quite understandable that he hates L. Frank Baum.
He made Chanyeol see things that led to him seeing other things that he has no explanation for. He believes it also resulted to the worst summer of his life. Kris leaves for college (as well as be-dimpled guy, thank god for small blessings). Jongdae’s traipsing about in the countryside with his family. Jongin’s always with Baekhyun and Baekhyun-she doesn’t want anything to do with him.
He’s so caught up with Baekhyun being a girl that he loses sight of the fact that Bekhyun is also his best friend. Good thing she really is smarter than all the four boys combined.
September, 2013.
First day of senior year and Chanyeol doesn’t want to get up from his bed.
It’s not that he doesn’t want to go to school. It’s the bus ride there that’s scaring him. He can maybe go there late and just wait for the next one but he doesn’t think his mom will let him. Yet the thought of meeting Baekhyun and riding the same bus to school is making him break out in hives. Sure, Jongdae will be there but he bets it will only get more awkward when the other boy starts asking questions.
“Chanyeol! Get up now or you’re going to be late!” his mom calls from downstairs.
He drags himself from his bed and prepares for school, taking his time, dreading the inevitable meeting at the bus stop. And perhaps secretly looking forward to it, too, because he misses his friends. He terribly misses Baekhyun.
You can try to apologize again, you know,he tells himself on the way. It has been more than a month, the longest stretch that the two friends haven’t talked. Chanyeol knows he can’t go on like this for much longer. He really can’t function well without Baekhyun.
He soon arrives at the stop and he’s wrong, Jongdae isn’t there yet but the girl he can’t stop thinking about is. He makes his way slowly towards her, stopping when he’s standing beside Baekhyun. He clears his throat-not that the clog disappears-and Baekhyun glances up at him, unsmiling but she doesn’t look angry so Chanyeol takes that as a sign to continue.
“Baekhyun, I’m-“ He stutters and chokes. “I’m sorry. I’m-“
He can’t continue because Baekhyun smiles. He hasn’t seen it for a while nonetheless he doesn’t forget just how amazing it is. As usual he can’t breathe but it’s okay. She smiles and everything is okay. She reaches up with her brow raised. Chanyeol knows what it means and he gladly bends down so Baekhyun can reach his ear and pull on it. He yelps because it fucking hurts (she has a strong grip) but he’s happy, too.
Something unravels within him while he stares at Baekhyun’s eyes. He is beginning to understand that the twisting and churning he has been suffering for so long was just his undiscovered smarter self clearing all the clutter inside and making way for something infinitely wonderful.
He’s in love with her.
Somewhere between her toothy eight-year-old smile and her ruby red slippers, Park Chanyeol realizes that Byun Baekhyun has always been what he wanted. She’s pretty, she’s smart, and she’s bossy but she’s also caring and sweet. Everything she does is just so fucking cute that Chanyeol melts into a pile of useless blob every time. Either that or she makes him want to burst into a song.
And she doesn’t even know it.
At least not yet because how does a silly boy even confess?
October, 2013.
Halloween isn’t as fun when the Cowardly Lion is not around. The four friends are haphazardly lying on Jongdae’s bed, staring at the ceiling, bored.
“It’s still early. We can still go trick-or-treating,” Jongin suggests.
“We can!” Jongdae exclaims, sitting up. “Chanyeol can be Dorothy again.”
“No. No. No.” Chanyeol is quick to refuse. “Nope.”
Jongdae scoffs at him. “If Baekhyun votes yes then you can’t do anything about it.”
The boys all turn to Baekhyun who was on her stomach beside Chanyeol. She looks smugly at the tallest boy. “You are at my mercy.”
Chanyeol gets lost for a moment at the mischievous curve of Baekhyun’s lips and he decides he doesn’t care if he wears the small dress again as long as she keeps smiling like that at him.
I am.
“So be thankful that I’m really not in the mood for candy,” she says and then she laughs and Chanyeol falls in love with her again. It’s ridiculous how it’s so easy saying it in his mind over and over again (just like how he falls over and over again) but he can’t tell Baekhyun how he feels. He wants to confess but his tongue keeps tripping over the words and what if she doesn’t accept him?
He knows he’ll cry.
“Ugh, Baekhyun. Don’t tell me you got tricked by Chanyeol’s puppy eyes?” Jongdae asks, dismayed. “Well, what else can we do?”
Baekhyun appears to think for a second before she clutches excitedly on Jongdae’s shirt and shakes him. “I know! Take out your camera. Let’s film a message for Yifan!”
“Huh?”
“Come on, guys. It’ll be fun. We can even sing our song!”
At the mention of singing, Jongdae nods enthusiastically and goes on to get his camcorder. Baekhyun drags the two remaining boys up on their feet. The girl turns on the laptop and plugs in the speakers for their background music just as Jongdae was returning. Jongin starts to think of choreography and Chanyeol gets handed the camcorder.
“Hey, what if I want to sing, too?” the tall boy asks when Jongdae tells him he’ll be the cameraman. The older boy just smirks at him and pulls Baekhyun with him in the middle of the room where they discuss the blocking with Jongin. Chanyeol looks at them with exasperation but it’s fine because Baekhyun gives him an approving grin.
They start filming soon. The video begins with a message from each one of them and Chanyeol can’t help zooming in on Baekhyun’s face and he hopes Yifan appreciates it because he’ll probably end up focusing on the girl most of the time.
“We miss you, ugly man, and we hope to see you this Christmas. Until then, because we know you’re dying without us, here’s our special song for you,” Jongdae wink. The music starts and Chanyeol can barely hold his laughter in when his three friends start to sing and act out the lyrics of the song, Jongin looking like a zombie come to life at the ‘petrified’ part.
They finish after only one take, everyone dropping down in heaps of laughter when Chanyeol belts out the last line from behind the camera. Still clutching at his stomach, Jongdae offers to get food from the kitchen and asks Baekhyun to come along. Jongin grabs the camera from Chanyeol and plays the video back. After a few minutes, he returns it to Chanyeol and stares at him.
“You should tell her,” the youngest boy says.
Chanyeol stares back at him wordlessly.
“You should tell Baekhyunnie that you like her.”
“It’s that obvious from the video, huh?” Chanyeol says, embarrassed.
“Well, yeah but you’ve been running around like a free range chicken all year. Don’t you think it’s about time?”
Before Chanyeol can gape at Jongin, the door to the room suddenly opens and Baekhyun slips her head in, making Chanyeol’s stomach fall in panic. “Time for what?”
The youngest shrugs. ”For food?”
Baekhyun laughs. “Yes, it’s time for food. Come on!”
Chanyeol tells them he’ll follow shortly. He needs to take a few moments to recover from the scare. Alone, he replays the video and his eyes follow Baekhyun as she danced and twirled and skipped and stole his heart. It has been a year. Jongin’s right. It’s time.
But it’s easier said than done. He holds up the camera and wishes that confessing is as simple as singing a tacky song and pinning a message at the end. His mind gets caught up on the thought. Wait, hold up. Maybe it is.
Much later, he walks Baekhyun home and Chanyeol’s mighty glad that he’s back to doing so. Still he knows, it’s no longer enough. He wants to be able to kiss her by her doorstep at the end of the walk and do so until he doesn’t have to do it because she’s already coming home to him. He wants to hold her hand and proudly tell everybody she’s his. He wants to make her laugh and make her fall in love with him again and again. But all of those won’t have a chance of happening if he doesn’t confess.
And he’s getting to that part now. Park Chanyeol, remember to breathe.
They reach Baekhyun’s house and it’s now or never (He’s kidding he’ll probably try again if he can’t do it now but still, shit, he’s just really nervous, okay?).
“Goodnight, Yeol,” Baekhyun says with a small wave.
“Um, Baek, wait.”Chanyeol takes out his phone and almost hits the girl’s nose with it when he holds it up to her face. “Oh god, sorry! Just-I want you to see this.”
Baekhyun peers at him in confusion but eventually takes the phone from his hands. The girl presses play and Chanyeol cringes as he hears himself sing. Damn, here it comes.
“I’ve got sunshine on a cloudy day,” goes his deep voice. “When it's cold outside I've got the month of May.” He sees Baekhyun cover her mouth with a hand.
But oh no, it doesn’t stop there, Baek.
“I guess you'd say. What can make me feel this way? My girl. Talkin' 'bout my girl… My girl~” he ends the song. “I’m sorry I don’t know the lyrics and it’s English so.”
Baekhyun laughs into her hand and Chanyeol feels a tiny bit better because she didn’t throw his phone at him. The next few moments are still wince-worthy though. The video’s still playing.
“I’m sorry I can’t do this face to face. It’s bad enough when recorded, oh god. But I just want to say that I keep harping on and on about the fact that you’re a girl. And I realize just how dumb that is because I’m pretty sure that even if you’re a guy I’d still like you because you’re right. I am Chanyeol and you are Baekhyun and I’m always in love with you.”
Baekhyun finally looks at him and her eyes are bright. Chanyeol prays that she isn’t tearing up because of pity. “Baek, so well?” he asks, fidgeting with shirt.
“You big idiot.”Chanyeol has no time to be offended honestly, for Baekhyun’s suddenly in his arms, hugging him with all the strength in her small body. “Took you so long, I can’t believe it. You’re so dumb.”
“I know,” he whispers in her hair. “I’m sorry.”
He knows he’s the dumb-est but he’s the luckiest person, too, because Baekhyun’s pulling his head down and meeting his lips for a kiss. And Chanyeol thinks this is the kind of breathlessness he’ll be happy to live with for the rest of his days.
On Halloweens, Baekhyun still wears those ruby red slippers. But only on the condition the Dorothy dress gets worn, too.
(He didn’t know Baekhyun was kinky like that.)
A/N:
to my recipient, I am so sorry. I butchered your pretty prompt and it turned into this. But I still hope you like it. Even a little bit. To e and r for your help, I’d have died without you. And to the mods, thank you, I’m sorry I’ve been a pest. ♥♥♥
One | Two