Bring It Down
Title: Bring It Down
Author: Anonymous until 1/30/14
For: Everyone
Pairing: OT3: Baekhyun/Kai/Sehun
Word Count: 4,148
Summary: While witnessing the love blooming between Jongin and Sehun, Baekhyun finds himself drawn in more than he expected.
Warnings: None
Rating: PG-13
One
Baekhyun’s too tired to drag his eyes away from the duo on the practice room floor. Everyone is sweating and heaving to take in enough air, but Sehun and Jongin still manage to flop atop each other, legs tangled and Jongin’s head propped under Sehun’s chin. It makes Baekhyun hotter just looking at them, but he can’t stop.
It isn’t as if he’s interested in the two maknaes, but it’s fascinating to watch their relationship growing. What started as playful punches against arms and chests during pre-debut has evolved into something a lot more complicated. Baekhyun’s witnessed them at their worst - yelling at each other, slamming each other against walls hard enough to knock the air from their lungs before it all culminated in feverish kisses and groping (that Baekhyun’s, unfortunately, walked in on a few times).
Sehun and Jongin seem to rotate between being sickeningly sweet with each other and violent. Right now Jongin has fingers skimming the band of skin that’s visible between Sehun’s shirt and sweats, teasing with a smile on his face. Baekhyun knows Sehun will only allow it for so long and it’s no surprise when he bats Jongin’s hand away with a scowl despite the tent forming in his pants.
Baekhyun finally looks away, eyes settling on the reflection of himself in the mirror.
There’s really never quite enough space in the vans even when they’re split into two. Baekhyun crawls in, plopping his haggard ass in the nearest seat just so he’s off his feet. It doesn’t matter who he’s next to because he plans to pass out and everyone is already used to him drooling on their shoulder. The person beside him smells like Sehun, which means it’s either Sehun or Jongin and when Baekhyun leans his head on a sturdy shoulder, he deems it to actually be Jongin. (Sehun’s shoulders are more uncomfortable.)
Sometime during his dozing, Baekhyun registers a palm on his thigh, the heat radiating through his pants and into his skin. It’s pleasant, comforting, and he sighs, nuzzling further against Jongin before slipping out of consciousness again.
A playful pinch on the side of his neck has Baekhyun bolting upright, cursing and reaching around to bat at a snickering Sehun. He doesn’t think much of it - mostly due to his brain being too sluggish from his short nap. It’s time to file out of the vans and back into the dorms, sluggishly peeling himself off the seat and filing out behind Chanyeol. It’s nice when Jongin’s chest bumps into his back as they shuffle toward the door. It’s the kind of steady strength he’s always wanted and all he has to do is lean back a little.
Baekhyun lets his weight fall on Jongin, hums in appreciation as arms wrap around his chest to walk him down the hall. It’s awkward and Jongin does all the work, dragging Baekhyun along for the ride until they manage to squeeze through the door of Baekhyun’s room. He shares with Sehun so it isn’t as if Jongin wasn’t going to end up in here anyway.
(There’s been many a night where he’s woken to the hushed sounds of Jongin and Sehun making out - or more - in the bed across from his. Baekhyun rolls to face the wall on these nights, ignoring the ache between his legs and the longing in his heart for someone to want to do the same thing with him. It’s been so long since he’s felt love and his already broken heart can only take so much.)
Baekhyun is marveling at the space he has on the couch before it’s taken away from him, his smile turning upside-down when the cushions dip on either side of him. A quick survey and he sees Jongin on his right and Sehun on his left, already spreading a blanket over the three of them. The aircon really isn’t on low enough for it to be chilly, but he accepts it anyway. It’s easy to relax between the two of them, let his shoulders melt into the softness and his body droop pleasantly.
Surprisingly, when Joonmyun asks everyone what they want to watch, neither Baekhyun, Jongin or Sehun speak up. Baekhyun doesn’t particularly care as long as no one bothers him and Sehun and Jongin have already managed to link hands under the blanket, resting them on Baekhyun’s lap. (It doesn’t send his heart racing because his heart is still too fragile for something as reckless as that.)
He decides to soak it in anyway, bask in the comfort of Sehun and Jongin’s heads on his shoulders, hair tickling against his neck and chin. Their clasped hands burrow between Baekhyun’s thighs slowly, but not slow enough for him not to notice. It sends a spike of something through him so suddenly that his stomach drops and he has to hold his breath for a quick moment to ground himself.
They just want to keep warm.
It doesn’t matter that they’re already burning up because Baekhyun can’t think of any other reason for them to be so close, crossing the boundaries of snuggling. The movie drones on in the background - something in the horror genre judging by the way Joonmyun is pretending to watch and Chanyeol is balled up in the recliner, knees to his chest and lip in his teeth.
He thinks Jongin and Sehun are asleep and Baekhyun rests his head on the back of the couch, eyes slipping closed because he hasn’t been getting the sleep he needs. Sometimes he feels as if he’s being pulled in too many directions at once, spread thin enough for his bones to poke through skin because he hasn’t been eating enough. Right now, however, he feels nice, content. Jongin nuzzles further into Baekhyun’s neck, a sigh against his skin that sends a chill down Baekhyun’s spine.
Sehun’s fingers twitch between Baekhyun’s thighs and he wonders what it is these two boys dream of.
They’re all crowded backstage in a dressing room that’s too small for six. Baekhyun feels stifled, unable to breathe and he tugs at the high collar of his shirt, frowning. The stylists left them alone a few minutes ago after final touches and all they can do now is wait.
Baekhyun is leaning on one of the tables, arms crossed and eyes focused on his feet as pre-show jitters flutter around in his stomach. It doesn’t matter how many times he goes out there; he’ll always be nervous. The bright lights are blinding and the sweltering heat melts him from the inside out and he wouldn’t have it any other way.
Sehun pops up in his vision, his feet first, Baekhyun’s gaze trailing up long legs and a narrow torso to settle on his face. Sehun’s makeup is light, hair slicked back and it makes him seem older, more in control than he really is. Baekhyun kinda envies it.
“Hold still. Don’t blink,” Sehun instructs in a soft voice before reaching out. Baekhyun wants to twitch when he feels the pad of Sehun’s finger sweeping just beneath his eye, swiping from the center and toward the outside. He can only conclude that he’s managed to smudge his eyeliner already, sometimes rubbing his eyes without thinking about it.
Sehun’s wearing cologne, something new, which he only notices because after living in such close quarters for so long, they’re all attuned to their regular bathing products. But right now he smells spicy, manly and Baekhyun’s mouth feels dry as he stares at Sehun’s throat, at the swell of his adam’s apple as he swallows and the slow drag of his tongue along his lower lip. It makes Baekhyun’s already unstable stomach flop and he breathes in deep to calm himself.
This is an irrational reaction.
“Better?” Baekhyun asks when Sehun takes a step back. The waft of fresh air clears Baekhyun’s head and he feels a lot better almost instantly.
“Perfect, hyung.”
Baekhyun barely manages a smile before Sehun is walking off, back over toward Jongin in the corner.
Chanyeol descends on Baekhyun as soon as Sehun is out of earshot. “What was that about?” he asks, bending down to peer at Baekhyun with his lips in a flat line and eyebrows furrowed. Baekhyun smoothes the wrinkles in Chanyeol’s forehead out with his thumb before thumping him.
“Nothing. My eyeliner was smudged or something.”
“Your eyeliner was fine,” Chanyeol says, standing to his full height as he presses a finger to his lip. “Those two are up to something.”
Baekhyun glances over at Jongin and Sehun who are now rubbing different flavors of chapstick on their lips in a new attempt at finding the perfect combination. They kiss, giggling into each other’s mouths and declaring coconut and mint a terrible blend before kissing again with a lot more fervor.
“I don’t think those two could navigate themselves out of a paper bag, let alone pull off anything in secret.”
“They were fucking without anyone knowing until Wolf promotions.”
Baekhyun eyes Chanyeol critically. “Maybe you didn’t know.”
Baekhyun’s always wanted to sing - to be in the spotlight and belt his heart out because he knows he has the voice for it. His stage presence may be lacking, but that’s something that can always be learned. But when he’s rejected again, another door closed in his face, those dreams faded into the background and college became his second choice.
Matriculating with every other average person, without a way to stand out from the crowd, Baekhyun walks with his head down and hands in his pockets, shoulders hunched so he’s as small a target at possible. He feels insignificant, one of the masses and everything is drab and mundane until he meets him.
Baekhyun’s dated before - a few girls in high school who he broke up with after a while because he didn’t need baggage on his way to fame. But the guy he meets is a shining star, brilliant in the midst of a plain black sky. Baekhyun gravitates toward him like a moon, caught in his orbit. With all his eggs in one basket, Baekhyun falls in love.
Baekhyun also learns the sharp sting of rejection, of unrequited feelings gnawing through him until he’s left a pile of bones. When he musters up the courage to admit how he feels, he has his love laughed off as hero worship and brushed away as if it means nothing. It hurts and he withdraws, vowing that he’ll never let himself be so weak again.
Sometimes he thinks about him, the wave of heartbreak that follows crashing a bit softer each time until there’s nothing left. It’s washed away, a sanded-down groove in his heart that he doesn’t want to refill because he doesn’t want to ever hurt like that again.
He watches Jongin and Sehun together, sees them knocking shoulders and exchanging playful punches until Sehun is falling to the floor with Jongin over him, laughing as Jongin digs fingers in his sides to tickle. Baekhyun is on the couch and they keep bumping into his legs, seemingly uncaring of his presence.
It’s wild and free and turns into teenage love in a moment, Sehun dragging Jongin in by the loose fabric of his tank top to kiss his chin, the corner of his mouth. Sometimes Baekhyun wonders how things will be when their love runs out and heartbreak takes its place. Other times he thinks about them turning to him, kissing Baekhyun instead of each other and that’s exactly the sort of thing he worries about and has him leaving them on the floor. He can’t afford to be weak, to fall into that trap called love again.
It’s a mere indulgence, these fantasies he keeps having when he’s trapped inside his head. Normally, Baekhyun likes to be loud and draw attention to himself, but there are moments when he prefers the calm, eyes floating from one place in the room to another without a real target. This is when his mind wanders and the problem begins.
Lingering glances stolen at a couple of boys barely out of their teenage years turns into watching, critical of every move and every breath. Baekhyun studies the way Jongin will graze his fingertips lightly over the sharp curve of Sehun’s cheek and then those same fingers will run over Jongin’s lips like he’s trying to taste him without being obvious. Sehun notices; Sehun’s face will start going red and he’ll get this shy smile that makes Jongin glow.
Baekhyun can’t pull his gaze away even when the moment becomes private, a hand languidly raising to brush through coarse dyed strands of blond and Sehun leaning until he’s a hairsbreadth from Jongin, staring at him like he’s still amazed that he exists.
It pulls at Baekhyun’s heart, loosens the strings that keep it beating. Sometimes he thinks Sehun and Jongin are attempting to worm their way inside, infest his heart until he can’t be rid of them and it frightens him. Baekhyun doesn’t want to feel anything when he sees them. Together or apart, it’s always the same punch in the gut.
Baekhyun wants. And Baekhyun hates that he wants.
“You’re quiet.” Jongin’s voice is loud and Baekhyun startles, surprised because he was sure Jongin was too wrapped up in Sehun to notice. But there he is, closing in and Baekhyun is trapped because there’s a tacky cloud wall behind him and a mostly asleep Chanyeol sitting by his feet.
“Tired,” Baekhyun answers with a shrug, swallowing down his emotions because he’s terrified that one day they’re going to look at him and see the longing there.
“You don’t look tired,” Sehun supplies, walking up to join Jongin. Baekhyun feels cornered. “They look tired,” he adds, gesturing to the random piles of their groupmates now dozing on the practice room floor, tucked away in the corners and mostly out of the way. “You look like you still have a dance left in you.”
Baekhyun lets out a weak groan of protest when Jongin pulls him away from his perch. “What do you say?” Jongin asks, resting one hand on Baekhyun’s hip. His arm is raised, hand clasped in Jongin’s and the smile on Jongin’s face is not one he can say no to. He can’t bring himself to say yes either, so he simply lets it be.
Jongin drags Baekhyun out to the middle of the floor and Sehun follows, pushing Baekhyun forward and mimicking Jongin’s moves. Now Baekhyun is sandwiched between them as they waltz around the room. Sehun’s fingers dig into Baekhyun’s skin a little harder, leading him around so they keep pace with Jongin. The footwork is a nightmare and Jongin’s humming something terribly off-key. The singer in Baekhyun wants to correct him, but he’s a little overwhelmed with his heart threatening to beat right out of his chest to land on the floor with a sick plop.
“Is that an initiation dance?” Jongdae asks from his spot in the corner, head almost hitting the floor when Joonmyun jerks as he’s woken up. “That’s the last thing we need - a new person for those two to grope.”
Jongin and Sehun pay Jongdae no mind, but Baekhyun does. Sehun rests his chin on Baekhyun’s shoulder and he can feel him smiling, now starting to hum along with Jongin. It’s all so very terrible and wonderful at once. They’re so warm, comforting and Baekhyun could allow himself to drown so very easily in it if he wanted.
Or perhaps if he wasn’t so stubborn.
They’re stopped when Yifan steps in. Literally. Jongin’s back hits Yifan’s chest and then the three of them go stumbling the other direction, landing on the floor in a heap. “Let’s go home.”
Baekhyun is pulled to his feet by Sehun, nearly blushing until he’s thumped in the ear. He swivels, prepared to give Chanyeol a good berating, but it’s Jongin wearing a mischievous grin instead and the wind is taken out of Baekhyun’s sails.
It doesn’t stop there. Baekhyun seems to be the new focus of Sehun and Jongin’s pent up energy. Quite frequently he finds himself wedged between the two of them, either as the filling when they’re cuddling in a pile on the floor or the divider when they can’t stop hitting each other.
It really shouldn’t come as a surprise when they start adding him into their battles, more often than not leaving Baekhyun with stinging red marks from pinches and light-hearted slaps that match the ones they slink off with. They’ve also stopped trying to be so quiet at night when Jongin slips into Sehun’s bed. That’s the part that gets to Baekhyun the most even if all he does is bury his head under his pillow and resist the urge to crawl over and beg to join.
From airport to airport, Incheon to Beijing to New York and back, Baekhyun finds himself seeking out the sturdy support from either Jongin or Sehun (sometimes both because they’re damn near inseparable) instead of Chanyeol or Kyungsoo. It doesn’t take long for him to feel comfortable enough to leave playful pinches and snarky comments in his wake, leaving them chasing him with laughs and plans of revenge.
It never goes any further than exchanging barbed words with feigned malice dripping off the ends or playful hitting that leaves Baekhyun feeling more and more at ease with it all. He doesn’t even see it coming.
They’re all piled on a hotel bed, Sehun sneaking into the room Jongin and Baekhyun are sharing. (Or was it Jongin who snuck in? They’re always mixing up the rooms half a dozen times before everyone ends up settled.) Jongin is under Baekhyun, laughing so hard his face is red and he’s fighting to breathe, but Baekhyun and Sehun are relentless. Tickling turns to pinching, which naturally leads to Jongin trying to hit everyone and everything in his path because that’s his way. Baekhyun takes a few slaps to the chest before leaning to the side, but Sehun draws him back up as a shield.
It happens so suddenly that Baekhyun barely has time to process the information. One moment he’s engrossed in the game and the next, he tumbles forward, laying completely on top of Jongin. Baekhyun’s nose hits against Jongin’s cheek and Baekhyun groans at the fleeting rush of pain before turning his head. Sehun’s weight lands on Baekhyun, compressing them all into the mattress.
Baekhyun wiggles, trying to get free because this is too much. He’s too close. Jongin is staring at him, almost as if he’s trying to talk himself into or out of something and Baekhyun is afraid of what that might be. Another shift and Baekhyun freezes as Jongin’s eyes widen. He’s hard. Jongin is hard and Baekhyun can feel it through their clothing.
It feels like an icy punch to the gut, like Baekhyun is an intruder in this duet Sehun and Jongin dance. In the shock, it’s easy to crawl out from between them, heart pounding and head spinning with too many emotions. Baekhyun mumbles an apology and makes for the door. He need to get out.
“Baekhyun, please -” Sehun calls, reaching for him, but Baekhyun rushes out the door anyway.
In his haste, he knocks on three hotel doors before finding the right one. He barges in passed Chanyeol and throws himself down on the bed, smothering his face in the scratchy blanket.
“Is this a thing where I need to ask you what happened or a thing where I should keep my mouth shut?” Chanyeol blurts out after he closes the door.
Baekhyun heaves out a sigh and rolls over to stare at the tacky popcorn ceiling. “Have you ever liked two people at once?” he asks. “Hypothetically, of course.”
“Romantically, no.”
“Then this is a keep your mouth shut and let me wallow thing.”
Chanyeol sits on the bed next to Baekhyun, slapping a hand down on his leg. “You can wallow until Yifan gets done with his skin care routine.”
“Trade rooms with me?” Baekhyun asks hopefully, batting his eyelashes at his best friend and adding a pout just for good measure.
Chanyeol scoffs. “I’d rather deal with Yifan’s snoring than listen to Jongin and Sehun hump each other.”
Baekhyun’s stomach swoops dangerously and he swallows, falling back into his misery. “I’m fucked.”
Chanyeol laughs. “Not yet.”
The lights are off when Baekhyun makes it back to his room - kicked out by a scowling Yifan who grumbled about needing all the sleep he can get. Baekhyun was tempted, for a moment, to go seek solace in someone else, but they all have been run ragged lately, so he's back in his own room. The flood of light from the hall shows two lumps on one bed, Sehun and Jongin curled together under the blankets and probably asleep.
Something in Baekhyun's heart pulls and he sighs, tip toeing to the bathroom to brush his teeth. It's going to be a long night.
Baekhyun wakes up before the alarm, too warm for being under a hotel blanket, but it's nice and he wriggles in further. What he doesn't expect is to feel bodies on either side of him and he gasps, eyes flying open and adrenaline serving well to wake him fully. Arms lock around his waist and Baekhyun looks over to see Sehun blinking at him sleepily. Behind Baekhyun, Jongin is rubbing his face on Baekhyun's shirt like he does in the mornings before he opens his eyes.
"We're sorry, hyung," Sehun croaks and despite the way Baekhyun's on the verge of panic, he goes limp and lets his head fall back on his pillow.
"We thought you knew," Jongin adds in a low voice, mumbling as he presses more against Baekhyun. "We thought you were alright with it."
Baekhyun swallows hard over the lump in his throat. "Knew what?"
"How we feel about you," Sehun answers.
Baekhyun is terrified and thrilled, confused and more clear-headed than he has been in a long time. "How do you feel about me?"
The first response is the light press of Jongin's lips on the back of Baekhyun's neck that sends a jolt through his entire system. And then Sehun is moving in, face nuzzling against Baekhyun's cheek. "It's not obvious, hyung? We care about you."
Baekhyun's heart gives a painful throb and for a brief moment, he contemplates pulling away and telling them he doesn't want this. It would be a lie, something put up to keep him from being hurt again when their relationship runs its course. But that's not what he wants. Baekhyun doesn't want to be broken anymore. He desires love and happiness no matter how much it will pain him in the end because sometimes it's just worth it.
Sehun and Jongin are worth it.
"I care about you both, too," he finally breathes, letting it seep out into the air.
"Is this ok?" Sehun whispers as he nears Baekhyun's mouth. Baekhyun nods and Sehun kisses him softly, humming like a content cat when Baekhyun melts against him.
A rap on the door has them all jumping. "We need to be up and out in twenty," Joonmyun yells, probably to make sure they're actually awake.
Groaning, the three of them pile out of the bed, but not before Jongin sneaks in a kiss of his own, smiling shyly when Baekhyun bumps their noses together purposely.
This is going to be great, even if only for a little while.
It’s going to take some getting used to - the not pulling away when things get too intense. Baekhyun still pulls away when Jongin and Sehun lunge at each other, but then they turn on him and he finds himself sandwiched between them in a crushing hug. Sometimes Baekhyun’s even the one to lead, to grab their hands and tug them to him until they hit against the wall and he’s trapped. That’s when Jongin and Sehun take turns kissing him until he can’t breathe, until his knees are weak and his heart is racing.
All Baekhyun can do is stand there breathless, watching as Jongin and Sehun smile at each other and then at him, lost in a world where only the three of them matter. It hits hard, as love is wont to do to a heart that needs a little work.
With each beat, it whispers their names, etches them in his soul where they can’t be erased.
Jongin. Sehun.
Jongin. Sehun.
Jongin. Sehun.
“Sehun, I think he’s broken.” Jongin’s voice cuts through, his face clear in Baekhyun’s vision before he waves a hand. Sehun shoulders Jongin out of the way and snaps his fingers close enough to Baekhyun’s eyes that he jumps back a little.
“Nah, he’s fine.”
One
Author: Anonymous until 1/30/14
For: Everyone
Pairing: OT3: Baekhyun/Kai/Sehun
Word Count: 4,148
Summary: While witnessing the love blooming between Jongin and Sehun, Baekhyun finds himself drawn in more than he expected.
Warnings: None
Rating: PG-13
One
Baekhyun’s too tired to drag his eyes away from the duo on the practice room floor. Everyone is sweating and heaving to take in enough air, but Sehun and Jongin still manage to flop atop each other, legs tangled and Jongin’s head propped under Sehun’s chin. It makes Baekhyun hotter just looking at them, but he can’t stop.
It isn’t as if he’s interested in the two maknaes, but it’s fascinating to watch their relationship growing. What started as playful punches against arms and chests during pre-debut has evolved into something a lot more complicated. Baekhyun’s witnessed them at their worst - yelling at each other, slamming each other against walls hard enough to knock the air from their lungs before it all culminated in feverish kisses and groping (that Baekhyun’s, unfortunately, walked in on a few times).
Sehun and Jongin seem to rotate between being sickeningly sweet with each other and violent. Right now Jongin has fingers skimming the band of skin that’s visible between Sehun’s shirt and sweats, teasing with a smile on his face. Baekhyun knows Sehun will only allow it for so long and it’s no surprise when he bats Jongin’s hand away with a scowl despite the tent forming in his pants.
Baekhyun finally looks away, eyes settling on the reflection of himself in the mirror.
There’s really never quite enough space in the vans even when they’re split into two. Baekhyun crawls in, plopping his haggard ass in the nearest seat just so he’s off his feet. It doesn’t matter who he’s next to because he plans to pass out and everyone is already used to him drooling on their shoulder. The person beside him smells like Sehun, which means it’s either Sehun or Jongin and when Baekhyun leans his head on a sturdy shoulder, he deems it to actually be Jongin. (Sehun’s shoulders are more uncomfortable.)
Sometime during his dozing, Baekhyun registers a palm on his thigh, the heat radiating through his pants and into his skin. It’s pleasant, comforting, and he sighs, nuzzling further against Jongin before slipping out of consciousness again.
A playful pinch on the side of his neck has Baekhyun bolting upright, cursing and reaching around to bat at a snickering Sehun. He doesn’t think much of it - mostly due to his brain being too sluggish from his short nap. It’s time to file out of the vans and back into the dorms, sluggishly peeling himself off the seat and filing out behind Chanyeol. It’s nice when Jongin’s chest bumps into his back as they shuffle toward the door. It’s the kind of steady strength he’s always wanted and all he has to do is lean back a little.
Baekhyun lets his weight fall on Jongin, hums in appreciation as arms wrap around his chest to walk him down the hall. It’s awkward and Jongin does all the work, dragging Baekhyun along for the ride until they manage to squeeze through the door of Baekhyun’s room. He shares with Sehun so it isn’t as if Jongin wasn’t going to end up in here anyway.
(There’s been many a night where he’s woken to the hushed sounds of Jongin and Sehun making out - or more - in the bed across from his. Baekhyun rolls to face the wall on these nights, ignoring the ache between his legs and the longing in his heart for someone to want to do the same thing with him. It’s been so long since he’s felt love and his already broken heart can only take so much.)
Baekhyun is marveling at the space he has on the couch before it’s taken away from him, his smile turning upside-down when the cushions dip on either side of him. A quick survey and he sees Jongin on his right and Sehun on his left, already spreading a blanket over the three of them. The aircon really isn’t on low enough for it to be chilly, but he accepts it anyway. It’s easy to relax between the two of them, let his shoulders melt into the softness and his body droop pleasantly.
Surprisingly, when Joonmyun asks everyone what they want to watch, neither Baekhyun, Jongin or Sehun speak up. Baekhyun doesn’t particularly care as long as no one bothers him and Sehun and Jongin have already managed to link hands under the blanket, resting them on Baekhyun’s lap. (It doesn’t send his heart racing because his heart is still too fragile for something as reckless as that.)
He decides to soak it in anyway, bask in the comfort of Sehun and Jongin’s heads on his shoulders, hair tickling against his neck and chin. Their clasped hands burrow between Baekhyun’s thighs slowly, but not slow enough for him not to notice. It sends a spike of something through him so suddenly that his stomach drops and he has to hold his breath for a quick moment to ground himself.
They just want to keep warm.
It doesn’t matter that they’re already burning up because Baekhyun can’t think of any other reason for them to be so close, crossing the boundaries of snuggling. The movie drones on in the background - something in the horror genre judging by the way Joonmyun is pretending to watch and Chanyeol is balled up in the recliner, knees to his chest and lip in his teeth.
He thinks Jongin and Sehun are asleep and Baekhyun rests his head on the back of the couch, eyes slipping closed because he hasn’t been getting the sleep he needs. Sometimes he feels as if he’s being pulled in too many directions at once, spread thin enough for his bones to poke through skin because he hasn’t been eating enough. Right now, however, he feels nice, content. Jongin nuzzles further into Baekhyun’s neck, a sigh against his skin that sends a chill down Baekhyun’s spine.
Sehun’s fingers twitch between Baekhyun’s thighs and he wonders what it is these two boys dream of.
They’re all crowded backstage in a dressing room that’s too small for six. Baekhyun feels stifled, unable to breathe and he tugs at the high collar of his shirt, frowning. The stylists left them alone a few minutes ago after final touches and all they can do now is wait.
Baekhyun is leaning on one of the tables, arms crossed and eyes focused on his feet as pre-show jitters flutter around in his stomach. It doesn’t matter how many times he goes out there; he’ll always be nervous. The bright lights are blinding and the sweltering heat melts him from the inside out and he wouldn’t have it any other way.
Sehun pops up in his vision, his feet first, Baekhyun’s gaze trailing up long legs and a narrow torso to settle on his face. Sehun’s makeup is light, hair slicked back and it makes him seem older, more in control than he really is. Baekhyun kinda envies it.
“Hold still. Don’t blink,” Sehun instructs in a soft voice before reaching out. Baekhyun wants to twitch when he feels the pad of Sehun’s finger sweeping just beneath his eye, swiping from the center and toward the outside. He can only conclude that he’s managed to smudge his eyeliner already, sometimes rubbing his eyes without thinking about it.
Sehun’s wearing cologne, something new, which he only notices because after living in such close quarters for so long, they’re all attuned to their regular bathing products. But right now he smells spicy, manly and Baekhyun’s mouth feels dry as he stares at Sehun’s throat, at the swell of his adam’s apple as he swallows and the slow drag of his tongue along his lower lip. It makes Baekhyun’s already unstable stomach flop and he breathes in deep to calm himself.
This is an irrational reaction.
“Better?” Baekhyun asks when Sehun takes a step back. The waft of fresh air clears Baekhyun’s head and he feels a lot better almost instantly.
“Perfect, hyung.”
Baekhyun barely manages a smile before Sehun is walking off, back over toward Jongin in the corner.
Chanyeol descends on Baekhyun as soon as Sehun is out of earshot. “What was that about?” he asks, bending down to peer at Baekhyun with his lips in a flat line and eyebrows furrowed. Baekhyun smoothes the wrinkles in Chanyeol’s forehead out with his thumb before thumping him.
“Nothing. My eyeliner was smudged or something.”
“Your eyeliner was fine,” Chanyeol says, standing to his full height as he presses a finger to his lip. “Those two are up to something.”
Baekhyun glances over at Jongin and Sehun who are now rubbing different flavors of chapstick on their lips in a new attempt at finding the perfect combination. They kiss, giggling into each other’s mouths and declaring coconut and mint a terrible blend before kissing again with a lot more fervor.
“I don’t think those two could navigate themselves out of a paper bag, let alone pull off anything in secret.”
“They were fucking without anyone knowing until Wolf promotions.”
Baekhyun eyes Chanyeol critically. “Maybe you didn’t know.”
Baekhyun’s always wanted to sing - to be in the spotlight and belt his heart out because he knows he has the voice for it. His stage presence may be lacking, but that’s something that can always be learned. But when he’s rejected again, another door closed in his face, those dreams faded into the background and college became his second choice.
Matriculating with every other average person, without a way to stand out from the crowd, Baekhyun walks with his head down and hands in his pockets, shoulders hunched so he’s as small a target at possible. He feels insignificant, one of the masses and everything is drab and mundane until he meets him.
Baekhyun’s dated before - a few girls in high school who he broke up with after a while because he didn’t need baggage on his way to fame. But the guy he meets is a shining star, brilliant in the midst of a plain black sky. Baekhyun gravitates toward him like a moon, caught in his orbit. With all his eggs in one basket, Baekhyun falls in love.
Baekhyun also learns the sharp sting of rejection, of unrequited feelings gnawing through him until he’s left a pile of bones. When he musters up the courage to admit how he feels, he has his love laughed off as hero worship and brushed away as if it means nothing. It hurts and he withdraws, vowing that he’ll never let himself be so weak again.
Sometimes he thinks about him, the wave of heartbreak that follows crashing a bit softer each time until there’s nothing left. It’s washed away, a sanded-down groove in his heart that he doesn’t want to refill because he doesn’t want to ever hurt like that again.
He watches Jongin and Sehun together, sees them knocking shoulders and exchanging playful punches until Sehun is falling to the floor with Jongin over him, laughing as Jongin digs fingers in his sides to tickle. Baekhyun is on the couch and they keep bumping into his legs, seemingly uncaring of his presence.
It’s wild and free and turns into teenage love in a moment, Sehun dragging Jongin in by the loose fabric of his tank top to kiss his chin, the corner of his mouth. Sometimes Baekhyun wonders how things will be when their love runs out and heartbreak takes its place. Other times he thinks about them turning to him, kissing Baekhyun instead of each other and that’s exactly the sort of thing he worries about and has him leaving them on the floor. He can’t afford to be weak, to fall into that trap called love again.
It’s a mere indulgence, these fantasies he keeps having when he’s trapped inside his head. Normally, Baekhyun likes to be loud and draw attention to himself, but there are moments when he prefers the calm, eyes floating from one place in the room to another without a real target. This is when his mind wanders and the problem begins.
Lingering glances stolen at a couple of boys barely out of their teenage years turns into watching, critical of every move and every breath. Baekhyun studies the way Jongin will graze his fingertips lightly over the sharp curve of Sehun’s cheek and then those same fingers will run over Jongin’s lips like he’s trying to taste him without being obvious. Sehun notices; Sehun’s face will start going red and he’ll get this shy smile that makes Jongin glow.
Baekhyun can’t pull his gaze away even when the moment becomes private, a hand languidly raising to brush through coarse dyed strands of blond and Sehun leaning until he’s a hairsbreadth from Jongin, staring at him like he’s still amazed that he exists.
It pulls at Baekhyun’s heart, loosens the strings that keep it beating. Sometimes he thinks Sehun and Jongin are attempting to worm their way inside, infest his heart until he can’t be rid of them and it frightens him. Baekhyun doesn’t want to feel anything when he sees them. Together or apart, it’s always the same punch in the gut.
Baekhyun wants. And Baekhyun hates that he wants.
“You’re quiet.” Jongin’s voice is loud and Baekhyun startles, surprised because he was sure Jongin was too wrapped up in Sehun to notice. But there he is, closing in and Baekhyun is trapped because there’s a tacky cloud wall behind him and a mostly asleep Chanyeol sitting by his feet.
“Tired,” Baekhyun answers with a shrug, swallowing down his emotions because he’s terrified that one day they’re going to look at him and see the longing there.
“You don’t look tired,” Sehun supplies, walking up to join Jongin. Baekhyun feels cornered. “They look tired,” he adds, gesturing to the random piles of their groupmates now dozing on the practice room floor, tucked away in the corners and mostly out of the way. “You look like you still have a dance left in you.”
Baekhyun lets out a weak groan of protest when Jongin pulls him away from his perch. “What do you say?” Jongin asks, resting one hand on Baekhyun’s hip. His arm is raised, hand clasped in Jongin’s and the smile on Jongin’s face is not one he can say no to. He can’t bring himself to say yes either, so he simply lets it be.
Jongin drags Baekhyun out to the middle of the floor and Sehun follows, pushing Baekhyun forward and mimicking Jongin’s moves. Now Baekhyun is sandwiched between them as they waltz around the room. Sehun’s fingers dig into Baekhyun’s skin a little harder, leading him around so they keep pace with Jongin. The footwork is a nightmare and Jongin’s humming something terribly off-key. The singer in Baekhyun wants to correct him, but he’s a little overwhelmed with his heart threatening to beat right out of his chest to land on the floor with a sick plop.
“Is that an initiation dance?” Jongdae asks from his spot in the corner, head almost hitting the floor when Joonmyun jerks as he’s woken up. “That’s the last thing we need - a new person for those two to grope.”
Jongin and Sehun pay Jongdae no mind, but Baekhyun does. Sehun rests his chin on Baekhyun’s shoulder and he can feel him smiling, now starting to hum along with Jongin. It’s all so very terrible and wonderful at once. They’re so warm, comforting and Baekhyun could allow himself to drown so very easily in it if he wanted.
Or perhaps if he wasn’t so stubborn.
They’re stopped when Yifan steps in. Literally. Jongin’s back hits Yifan’s chest and then the three of them go stumbling the other direction, landing on the floor in a heap. “Let’s go home.”
Baekhyun is pulled to his feet by Sehun, nearly blushing until he’s thumped in the ear. He swivels, prepared to give Chanyeol a good berating, but it’s Jongin wearing a mischievous grin instead and the wind is taken out of Baekhyun’s sails.
It doesn’t stop there. Baekhyun seems to be the new focus of Sehun and Jongin’s pent up energy. Quite frequently he finds himself wedged between the two of them, either as the filling when they’re cuddling in a pile on the floor or the divider when they can’t stop hitting each other.
It really shouldn’t come as a surprise when they start adding him into their battles, more often than not leaving Baekhyun with stinging red marks from pinches and light-hearted slaps that match the ones they slink off with. They’ve also stopped trying to be so quiet at night when Jongin slips into Sehun’s bed. That’s the part that gets to Baekhyun the most even if all he does is bury his head under his pillow and resist the urge to crawl over and beg to join.
From airport to airport, Incheon to Beijing to New York and back, Baekhyun finds himself seeking out the sturdy support from either Jongin or Sehun (sometimes both because they’re damn near inseparable) instead of Chanyeol or Kyungsoo. It doesn’t take long for him to feel comfortable enough to leave playful pinches and snarky comments in his wake, leaving them chasing him with laughs and plans of revenge.
It never goes any further than exchanging barbed words with feigned malice dripping off the ends or playful hitting that leaves Baekhyun feeling more and more at ease with it all. He doesn’t even see it coming.
They’re all piled on a hotel bed, Sehun sneaking into the room Jongin and Baekhyun are sharing. (Or was it Jongin who snuck in? They’re always mixing up the rooms half a dozen times before everyone ends up settled.) Jongin is under Baekhyun, laughing so hard his face is red and he’s fighting to breathe, but Baekhyun and Sehun are relentless. Tickling turns to pinching, which naturally leads to Jongin trying to hit everyone and everything in his path because that’s his way. Baekhyun takes a few slaps to the chest before leaning to the side, but Sehun draws him back up as a shield.
It happens so suddenly that Baekhyun barely has time to process the information. One moment he’s engrossed in the game and the next, he tumbles forward, laying completely on top of Jongin. Baekhyun’s nose hits against Jongin’s cheek and Baekhyun groans at the fleeting rush of pain before turning his head. Sehun’s weight lands on Baekhyun, compressing them all into the mattress.
Baekhyun wiggles, trying to get free because this is too much. He’s too close. Jongin is staring at him, almost as if he’s trying to talk himself into or out of something and Baekhyun is afraid of what that might be. Another shift and Baekhyun freezes as Jongin’s eyes widen. He’s hard. Jongin is hard and Baekhyun can feel it through their clothing.
It feels like an icy punch to the gut, like Baekhyun is an intruder in this duet Sehun and Jongin dance. In the shock, it’s easy to crawl out from between them, heart pounding and head spinning with too many emotions. Baekhyun mumbles an apology and makes for the door. He need to get out.
“Baekhyun, please -” Sehun calls, reaching for him, but Baekhyun rushes out the door anyway.
In his haste, he knocks on three hotel doors before finding the right one. He barges in passed Chanyeol and throws himself down on the bed, smothering his face in the scratchy blanket.
“Is this a thing where I need to ask you what happened or a thing where I should keep my mouth shut?” Chanyeol blurts out after he closes the door.
Baekhyun heaves out a sigh and rolls over to stare at the tacky popcorn ceiling. “Have you ever liked two people at once?” he asks. “Hypothetically, of course.”
“Romantically, no.”
“Then this is a keep your mouth shut and let me wallow thing.”
Chanyeol sits on the bed next to Baekhyun, slapping a hand down on his leg. “You can wallow until Yifan gets done with his skin care routine.”
“Trade rooms with me?” Baekhyun asks hopefully, batting his eyelashes at his best friend and adding a pout just for good measure.
Chanyeol scoffs. “I’d rather deal with Yifan’s snoring than listen to Jongin and Sehun hump each other.”
Baekhyun’s stomach swoops dangerously and he swallows, falling back into his misery. “I’m fucked.”
Chanyeol laughs. “Not yet.”
The lights are off when Baekhyun makes it back to his room - kicked out by a scowling Yifan who grumbled about needing all the sleep he can get. Baekhyun was tempted, for a moment, to go seek solace in someone else, but they all have been run ragged lately, so he's back in his own room. The flood of light from the hall shows two lumps on one bed, Sehun and Jongin curled together under the blankets and probably asleep.
Something in Baekhyun's heart pulls and he sighs, tip toeing to the bathroom to brush his teeth. It's going to be a long night.
Baekhyun wakes up before the alarm, too warm for being under a hotel blanket, but it's nice and he wriggles in further. What he doesn't expect is to feel bodies on either side of him and he gasps, eyes flying open and adrenaline serving well to wake him fully. Arms lock around his waist and Baekhyun looks over to see Sehun blinking at him sleepily. Behind Baekhyun, Jongin is rubbing his face on Baekhyun's shirt like he does in the mornings before he opens his eyes.
"We're sorry, hyung," Sehun croaks and despite the way Baekhyun's on the verge of panic, he goes limp and lets his head fall back on his pillow.
"We thought you knew," Jongin adds in a low voice, mumbling as he presses more against Baekhyun. "We thought you were alright with it."
Baekhyun swallows hard over the lump in his throat. "Knew what?"
"How we feel about you," Sehun answers.
Baekhyun is terrified and thrilled, confused and more clear-headed than he has been in a long time. "How do you feel about me?"
The first response is the light press of Jongin's lips on the back of Baekhyun's neck that sends a jolt through his entire system. And then Sehun is moving in, face nuzzling against Baekhyun's cheek. "It's not obvious, hyung? We care about you."
Baekhyun's heart gives a painful throb and for a brief moment, he contemplates pulling away and telling them he doesn't want this. It would be a lie, something put up to keep him from being hurt again when their relationship runs its course. But that's not what he wants. Baekhyun doesn't want to be broken anymore. He desires love and happiness no matter how much it will pain him in the end because sometimes it's just worth it.
Sehun and Jongin are worth it.
"I care about you both, too," he finally breathes, letting it seep out into the air.
"Is this ok?" Sehun whispers as he nears Baekhyun's mouth. Baekhyun nods and Sehun kisses him softly, humming like a content cat when Baekhyun melts against him.
A rap on the door has them all jumping. "We need to be up and out in twenty," Joonmyun yells, probably to make sure they're actually awake.
Groaning, the three of them pile out of the bed, but not before Jongin sneaks in a kiss of his own, smiling shyly when Baekhyun bumps their noses together purposely.
This is going to be great, even if only for a little while.
It’s going to take some getting used to - the not pulling away when things get too intense. Baekhyun still pulls away when Jongin and Sehun lunge at each other, but then they turn on him and he finds himself sandwiched between them in a crushing hug. Sometimes Baekhyun’s even the one to lead, to grab their hands and tug them to him until they hit against the wall and he’s trapped. That’s when Jongin and Sehun take turns kissing him until he can’t breathe, until his knees are weak and his heart is racing.
All Baekhyun can do is stand there breathless, watching as Jongin and Sehun smile at each other and then at him, lost in a world where only the three of them matter. It hits hard, as love is wont to do to a heart that needs a little work.
With each beat, it whispers their names, etches them in his soul where they can’t be erased.
Jongin. Sehun.
Jongin. Sehun.
Jongin. Sehun.
“Sehun, I think he’s broken.” Jongin’s voice cuts through, his face clear in Baekhyun’s vision before he waves a hand. Sehun shoulders Jongin out of the way and snaps his fingers close enough to Baekhyun’s eyes that he jumps back a little.
“Nah, he’s fine.”
One