Freedom of Speech
Title: Freedom of Speech
Author: Anonymous until 1/30/14
For: kei17
Pairing: hateship!Baekhyun/Chanyeol
Word Count: 3,573
Summary: Webcelebrity and cosmetics connoisseur Byun Baekhyun finds himself in a predicament when he finds out his make-up tutorials have been parodied by a Park Chanyeol.
Warnings: Mild use of profanity.
Rating: G
One
Byun Baekhyun, actual messiah of male vanity.
That’s what he wanted to write on his business card, but his flatmate and supposed best friend, Jongdae, campaigned strongly against it, going as far as (jokingly, he claims) taking all of Baekhyun’s make-up as hostage. Baekhyun quickly changed it to webcelebrity and cosmetics connoisseur, and it had stayed that way ever since. In Baekhyun’s defense, Jongdae can be truly ruthless with things he doesn’t care about, and he definitely couldn’t care less about Baekhyun’s make-up. Baekhyun had conceded simply to save his babies.
“But you gotta admit it, Jongdae, I’m a sacred existence,” he’d insist, pushing his laptop onto his friend’s face. The tab he has open is his own youtube channel, ohmybyun, and he forces Jongdae to make eye contact with his subscriptions counter. “Look at this number. Look at all these guys I saved from looking like sleazy onanists.”
Jongdae laughs heartily at the word “onanists”, and pushes the laptop away. “Sorry to say, Baek, but I think half of these are girls who just watch your videos for the eye candy.”
Baekhyun shrugs, grinning smugly. That’s a reality he can live with. Besides, Jongdae just called him “eye candy”. Ha!
Anyway, regardless whether he has it written on his business card or not, Baekhyun is definitely the messiah of male vanity. No other boy on youtube does what he does - no one with the same amount of fame, at least - which is make-up tutorials for men. Teaching guys how to even their skin, apply eyeliner, use things like rouge and lipstain in their favor - no one else does it. And no one else would be able to do it like Baekhyun, of course.
“No matter what your eye shape is, start following its natural contour first,” he instructs in his hit video, Eyeliner for men? I’ll show you how!, while applying the liquid liner along his eyes with practiced ease. “Afterwards, you can decide whether to thicken it all the way or just draw the wings. But remember; if you apply a lot, your result might turn out to be too heavy. Don’t try to draw yourself a second eye. Trust your own natural beauty.” He grins to the camera, tilting his head to show off the result - and to show off his best angle as well.
And, as expected, with great fame, comes great shade. That’s a saying Baekhyun doesn’t allow himself to forget, and repeats like a mantra when he catches people shit-talking him and his videos around the internet. And down voting him. And… parodying him…?
It’s the very first time it happens, and it’s grotesque.
“First, just completely cover your face, as if you were building a wall on it,” the guy in the video - someone who could definitely use some of Baekhyun’s beauty tips - says in a poor imitation of Baekhyun’s natural sultry tone. “Make it thick enough that you can just remove it like a mask when you come home,” he instructs while dabbing truly horrifying amounts of cheap powder on his moisturizer-covered face. Completely the wrong color for his skin tone, too. Baekhyun tries not to gag.
“What are you watching?” Jongdae arrives at the living room at that moment.
“A horror movie,” Baekhyun answers in a weak voice as he watches the guy in the video try to comb his eyelashes. With an actual comb. He snorts weakly.
Jongdae comes closer, frowning. “You-is that Park Chanyeol?” He sounds absolutely outraged, eyeing Baekhyun as if he couldn’t recognize his friend anymore. Baekhyun doesn’t answer, because he has no idea who Park Chanyeol is. “I can’t believe this is happening. My flatmate-my best friend, someone I thought I could trust-”
“What’s a park chanyeol,” Baekhyun asks emotionlessly as he watches the dude in the video pose to the camera with his face covered in orange-y plaster and two dabs of blush where his cheeks were supposed to be (Baekhyun isn’t sure where they are anymore. His eyes are unfocusing).
“Park Chanyeol is the least funny guy in the youtube-o-sphere,” Jongdae clarifies, yanking Baekhyun’s phones out and sitting down beside him to watch. “And the most disgusting. What is he doing…?”
“I use my super expensive Givenchy kohl eyeliner, that comes with flakes of gold in its formula,” Park Chanyeol says, his imitation of Baekhyun’s voice making him sound like he’s choking on a hairball. “But you can use anything as a replacement! Even a black crayon!”
“Is he…” Jongdae trails off as he and Baekhyun watch him try to apply black crayon to his upper eyelid.
“Mocking me? Yes,” Baekhyun clarifies at once, and he’s not annoyed. For the love of Givenchy, he isn’t. (What good would flakes of gold bring to kohl eyeliner…?)
Chanyeol thinks he did a good job. In fact, he’s so pleased with the result that he keeps rewatching it, cackling whenever a particularly good part came on.
“The crayon was a great idea,” he mutters to himself as he watches his own disfigured face in the video, covered by several substances that shouldn’t probably be applied to the skin. At least not combined. He wrinkles his nose at how ugly - uglier than usual, even - he looks in that video, but reminds himself that viewers were pouring in. That shit was funny. The end.
“Remember,” video-Chanyeol narrates in that affected voice, a perfect mimicry of ohmybyun’s slurred tone. “Trust yourself, and shine on.”
Perfect. Absolutely perfect. He wishes ohmybyun himself would watch it.
Thing is, Baekhyun is a famous little thing. He is, really - if he weren’t, that goof wouldn’t have parodied him, after all. So, when people hear about the parody, great frisson is caused.
“Well, Park Chanyeol is famous too, you know,” Jongdae interferes as if he could read Baekhyun’s thoughts. “Possibly even more famous than you.”
Baekhyun’s eye twitches.
“But a higher percentage of people think he’s an asshole,” Jongdae offers, as if trying to comfort him. That actually worsens the situation.
“Well, I wonder why,” Baekhyun spits out acidly, shooting a gelid stare to the comment section of his most recent video, Hairstyling Tips part 4 - Meeting The Parents. There, some people where jokingly commented how Park Chanyeol was a better make-up channel than Baekhyun, whereas others were raging on about what a disrespectful twat that Park Chanyeol was for making such a disgusting parody of someone as good as Baekhyun. Others told everyone to shut up, reasons diverging - “that loser is just jealous”, “it doesnt fvckin matter”, “if u dont like ohmybyun wat r u doin here”, et cetera.
Point is: absolutely everyone was talking about Park Chanyeol’s video. And that, for once, actually annoyed Baekhyun. A lot.
Parodying ohmybyun had been the best idea Chanyeol ever had. PR-wise, at least.
“One thousand views,” he tells Jongin, his Official Youtube Bro, over skype. “In one week.”
“You have a lot more downvotes than upvotes,” Jongin casually points out.
“Who cares? One thousand views!” Chanyeol skims over the comments section, grinning to himself at each comment praising him (which were about 46% of the total). “This is awesome. I know this is like an everyday view count to you,” Jongin maintains a quite popular cover dance youtube channel. “But to me? This is really awesome.”
At that, Jongin says nothing. It’s hard to tell if he’s silently judging Chanyeol or not; and then, when he finally breaks the silence, what he says is, “but why him?”
And Chanyeol halts. He frowns. Crosses his arms, frowns some more, hums in deep thought. He hadn’t bothered to question himself about that before.
“Why not?” he answers finally, and is content with that one simple explanation. Jongin merely sighs.
It’s not Baekhyun’s intention to create drama. Far from that - he’d rather have that subject dead and buried as soon as possible so he can never hear of Park Chanyeol ever again in his youtube life. But then again, he does upload a vlog every week. His fans have learnt to wait for it. If he skips doing it that week just to avoid talking about the parody, they’ll certainly find it strange.
He could try not talking about it at all in the video, but, given how upset he truly is, he doesn’t think that’s actually an option. Baekhyun’s brain-to-mouth filter had always been a little shitty.
“There were some things this week that made me a little upset” he confesses in his camera, minimizing the effect of his words by smiling. “Yeah, you must know what it is. Well, sure, he can make fun of me all he wants, but,” Baekhyun rolls his eyes. He doesn’t want to rant about this. “It makes me pity him. That face of his could use some of my help. Can’t do shit for his personality though,” what a fucking sick burn. Baekhyun shrugs, feigning innocence. “Well, moving on…”
That’s probably what starts it all. Well, it’s hard to determine whether it had all started with Chanyeol’s parody or with Baekhyun’s shady reply to it, but the whole situation sort of escalates drastically after Baekhyun mentions it in his vlog. The first thing to escalate is the comments.
“Holy shit,” Baekhyun mutters when he visits the vlog’s comment section. “There’s a war happening in here.”
Jongdae eyes him with some pity, but says nothing.
“Thirty new comments in, like, three minutes,” he continues, refreshing the section. “Whoa.”
Jongdae merely sighs. Baekhyun shoots him a glance.
“Are you ignoring me?”
Jongdae sighs again. “I want to scold you,” he confesses. “But it’s too much work. I get tired just thinking about it.”
Baekhyun scoffs, disheartened. “I didn’t do anything!” He objects.
Jongdae just sighs again.
In Chanyeol’s next vlog, he talks about it too.
“To everyone asking, yes, I saw what ohmybyun said about me,” he says, smiling as always. “And it’s not my fault he has the stick that far up his ass, so stop pestering me about it!”
It’s good-spirited and all but slightly abrasive, just like everything Chanyeol says in his videos, but, for some reason, it becomes a big deal.
Comments war explodes everywhere. Videos that have nothing to do with it end up involved too when unfortunate individuals draw comparisons. Jongin gets involved, too, when people backtrack Chanyeol’s channel and find him guesting in a video, filmed back when he visited Chanyeol’s hometown; he starts getting comments in his more recent videos asking him to speak up for his friend (Chanyeol’s side pleads) or call him out in his stupidity (Baekhyun’s fans request). Jongin rarely makes vlogs, but it bothers him so much that he posts one as an answer to that, titled I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS.
“I’m not his mother,” he objects (sulks?) in the video. “And what I think about the situation doesn’t matter. It won’t get through his head. I don’t care, please leave me alone.”
The fact that he spoke up about the issue is momentarily obfuscated by Jongin’s fans celebrating the advent of a vlog - but only momentarily. It doesn’t help that, right after that, a well-known lifestyle vlogger, pandaABstyle, also speaks up about the issue.
“The fact that there are people standing up for that clown is disgusting,” he spits out angrily, seeming to be about to beat someone to a pulp. “Baekhyun sshi never did anything but make videos about what he believes. This idiot is just an opportunist trying to ride on Baekhyun’s sshi fame, it’s ridiculous and it makes me angry.”
pandaABstyle, who’s actually a Chinese hairdresser named Zitao, is immediately attacked by all parties, who say he should shut the fuck up because he has nothing to do with the issue. He replies to all comments saying that he makes videos about whatever the hell he wants and, if people don’t like it, they should unsubscribe and fuck off. Defense comes forward, saying that everything he said was on point and that he has the right to defend whoever he wants, et cetera, all is chaos. Baekhyun watches it all from afar in a mix of dazed horror and smugness.
This, combined with Jongin’s video, is enough to divide families and end friendships. Suddenly, everyone is taking a stand and making videos about what they think - Byun Baekhyun versus Park Chanyeol, who’s worthy of more positive support? Baekhyun tries to count the votes, but, when he notices absolutely everyone is making videos about it, he gives up.
waosehun makes a video about it.
“I like Baekhyun sshi’s videos a lot,” the young vlogger called Sehun says to the camera in a sad voice. He seems to be pouting. “But I think everyone is taking this issue too seriously. I mean, Chanyeol sshi’s video wasn’t really offensive or anything…”
With a heavy heart, Baekhyun scratches hm from the ohmybyun Support List.
kriscentvangogh makes a video about it, too.
“I have no idea what’s going on,” he confesses as he draws portraits of both Baekhyun and Chanyeol. “No matter how many times people try to explain - I simply have no clue.”
But he draws Baekhyun with (poorly done) sparkles around his face, while the Chanyeol drawing has his horrid attempt at make-up on. Kriscent (actually just Kris) is officially on the Support List.
cookingbachelors mention the issue too.
“So, Kyungsoo,” Joonmyeon, the man behind the camera, asks his partner Kyungsoo as the latter whisks some egg whites to make merengue. “Have you heard about the… stuff going on these days?”
Kyungsoo snorts, eyes not abandoning the job at hands. “Stuff?”
“Yeah, the stuff,” Joonmyeon seems hesitant for a second, and zooms into the merengue. “A famous make-up channel and a comedy one are having a feudal war.”
Kyungsoo snorts even harder. “Oh. That.” He chuckles. “It was pretty funny at first, but now it’s just getting ridiculous. They should find a job or something.”
Baekhyun never liked that Kyungsoo guy anyway.
Even bloody 2centsfilmschool makes a video about it.
“Oh, Romeo, but we can’t!” As always, Yixing is playing the female role. This flick’s title is ‘Romeo and Juliet - Modern Times”. “If our families find out, we will be shamed for our lives!”
“To hell with our families!” Lu Han’s acting is horrid as always, but that’s one of 2centsfilmschool’s charm points. “Why must they always fight!? Where does all this hate come from?”
Yixing-Juliet sighs forlornly, folding his hands over his dress (actually a bed sheet stapled together under his arms). “So you don’t know…” he whispers, turning his glance back to Lu Han. “A long, long time ago… your great-great-great-great-great-grandfather and mine…”
The door bangs open to reveal their guest for that film - vlogger sweetdumplinngs, actually a Korean guy named Minseok, who has recently become friends with them during one of his trips. Minseok is dressed in a blazer with billion buttons pinned to it, and sports on his face a reproduction of Chanyeol’s parody make-up.
“Juliet of mine! How could you!” He screams in heavily accented Mandarin. “Flirting with the heir of that stuck-up clan full of vain dogs!”
“Tybalt!! No!!” Yixing-Juliet cries out exaggeratedly, and everyone can clearly Lu Han is about to crack up. “No, my cousing! I love him! Don’t separate us! No!”
“Juliet!!” Romeo-Lu Han cries out, voice cracking, as Yixing-Juliet is mercilessly dragged away by his hair. Dramatic BGM plays. Romeo-Lu Han punches the wall in rage, silently wincing from the pain.
“I will get my revenge…” he says, attempting at an ominous, furious tone. “I will make all of my family upload thousands of videos insulting them… I will get… my revenge!!”
Fade to black.
Baekhyun doesn’t know what to think.
Chanyeol, too, follows the war’s progress as it rages on. He has a lot of fun at first - 2centsfilmschool’s Romeo and Juliet is one of their best videos, in his opinion - but it dies down a little when he gets a video call of a very sulky Jongin.
“Stop this shit right now or I’m gonna get mad at you,” he states, crossing his arms.
“Even if I wanted, I don’t think I’d be able to,” Chanyeol confesses, scratching his ear. “It got out of control.”
“Apologize,” Jongin retorts.
“What?”
“Apologize!” he raises his voice, in obvious distress. “Apologize for making fun of him!”
“Why should I apologize?!” Chanyeol frowns, dropping the smile. “It was just a joke! It’s not my fault he can’t take it! What happened to free speech or whatever?”
“Free speech is free speech, but you offended a person,” Jongdae rolls his eyes from where he stands in the kitchen. “It’d be the most polite thing to do.”
“I thought you hated him!” Baekhyun accuses him, pointing at his face with a black eye pencil.
“I do, but I hate getting flamed about this even more,” Jongdae swats the pencil away, earning a black waterproof smudge on the palm of his hand. “And you’re making a fool of yourself. As your flatmate and supposed best friend, my job is to advise you against making a fool of yourself.”
Baekhyun huffs, applying the mascara rather poorly due to the outrage. “He started it, though.”
“I don’t care!!” Jongin screams, bursting through the bass threshold of Chanyeol’s shitty earphones. “I’m tired of this! I’m tired! Apologize or I’ll never talk to you ever again!!”
And he disconnects.
Chanyeol could laugh at Jongin’s childish technique to guilt-trip him, but he can’t. He can’t because it works.
And yet…
“This ‘issue’, so to speak,” Baekhyun makes air quotes at the word “issue”, “has gotten quite out of hand. A lot of you seem to think Park Chanyeol and I hate each other, which is, at least from my side, not true.” Ah, the sweet way the lie slithers off his tongue… “Our jabs at each other were completely good-natured. So, sorry for the misunderstanding, and,” he flashes a sweet smile at the camera. “Let’s all get along, shall we?”
When he finishes the video and uploads it to his channel, titled ‘Clarifying some stuff + new giveaway!!!!’, Jongdae claps from where he’s rehearsing his R&B cover of Always Look on the Bright Side of Life, nodding solemnly at him.
“You did it,” Jongdae congratulates him with a pat on the back. “You’ve become the better person in this.”
Baekhyun grins. “I’ve always been the better person in this.”
The feudal war turns a month old when Chanyeol finally redeems himself, putting an official end to it.
Jongin is not talking to him, and the fact Baekhyun made a video sort-of-apologizing only causes Chanyeol’s conscience to weigh more. He still doesn’t think he should apologize - it was a joke! For God’s sake!! - so he redeems himself Chanyeol-style.
“I take all of you have seen my rather polemic make-up video from before,” he says to the camera, gathering the materials. “That one didn’t go so well, so I’m here to do it seriously now. I’m gonna follow ohmybyun’s instructions from his ‘Basic Make-up for those who need it’,” he links the video in one of his notes, and plays a thumbnail in the right inferior corner for people to follow the tutorial too. “Well, I’m sure I need it, so I’ll do my best to follow the instructions closely. By the way, these are all my sister’s. If she finds out about this, I’m dead.”
The video turns out to be incredibly funny, but not because Chanyeol tries to make it funny; simply because Chanyeol’s incomprehension of make-up terms and incapacity to do things confidently is mysteriously hilarious. For once, Chanyeol makes a video making fun of himself instead of making fun of others, and it becomes an instantaneous hit.
Also, he didn’t look half-bad with proper make-up on.
Baekhyun, for once, finds the video excellent. Jongdae shoots him a dirty glance.
“Traitor,” he hisses.
“Aw, Jongdae, come on. He’s kinda cute,” Baekhyun chuckles at how Chanyeol fumbles with the eyeliner and spoon, apparently confused to what good would a spoon be at the moment. “I’m sure he had no bad intentions to begin with. It was all a huge misunderstanding.”
“Traitor,” Jongdae reiterates, strumming his guitar somberly.
And, eventually, all is good, and Baekhyun and Chanyeol become sort of friends. They add each other on skype, and, when Chanyeol visits Seoul, as depicted in his series of vlogs “Seoul Is Scary And I Want To Go Home”, he and Baekhyun make a video together.
“See, friends, to apply make-up to the mysterious being that is a Chanyeol,” Baekhyun instructs, whipping out his mascara and almost hitting Chanyeol on the cheek with it. Chanyeol reacts exaggeratedly, and Baekhyun pretends not to have noticed. “You have to work hard and concentrate. Do remember you’re not doing a reconstruction job - if it gets too challenging, stand up and leave.”
“Please don’t leave me alone here. Not with them,” he points at Baekhyun cosmetics with mock-fear in his eyes. “They’re scary.”
“How dare you!” Baekhyun squeaks indignantly, hitting Chanyeol on the shoulder quite hard. “They’re my babies! Shut up, Jongdae!!” Jongdae is cackling like a witch in the back. “This is literally the last time I invite you over, Park Chanyeol. I despise you.”
“You love me,” Chanyeol grins at Baekhyun, a hint of sweetness in his eyes. Baekhyun scoffs.
“You should hope so,” he replies, but his lips are smiling. Then, he almost pokes Chanyeol’s eye out with the mascara brush.
The war is most definitely over. For good.
One
Author: Anonymous until 1/30/14
For: kei17
Pairing: hateship!Baekhyun/Chanyeol
Word Count: 3,573
Summary: Webcelebrity and cosmetics connoisseur Byun Baekhyun finds himself in a predicament when he finds out his make-up tutorials have been parodied by a Park Chanyeol.
Warnings: Mild use of profanity.
Rating: G
One
Byun Baekhyun, actual messiah of male vanity.
That’s what he wanted to write on his business card, but his flatmate and supposed best friend, Jongdae, campaigned strongly against it, going as far as (jokingly, he claims) taking all of Baekhyun’s make-up as hostage. Baekhyun quickly changed it to webcelebrity and cosmetics connoisseur, and it had stayed that way ever since. In Baekhyun’s defense, Jongdae can be truly ruthless with things he doesn’t care about, and he definitely couldn’t care less about Baekhyun’s make-up. Baekhyun had conceded simply to save his babies.
“But you gotta admit it, Jongdae, I’m a sacred existence,” he’d insist, pushing his laptop onto his friend’s face. The tab he has open is his own youtube channel, ohmybyun, and he forces Jongdae to make eye contact with his subscriptions counter. “Look at this number. Look at all these guys I saved from looking like sleazy onanists.”
Jongdae laughs heartily at the word “onanists”, and pushes the laptop away. “Sorry to say, Baek, but I think half of these are girls who just watch your videos for the eye candy.”
Baekhyun shrugs, grinning smugly. That’s a reality he can live with. Besides, Jongdae just called him “eye candy”. Ha!
Anyway, regardless whether he has it written on his business card or not, Baekhyun is definitely the messiah of male vanity. No other boy on youtube does what he does - no one with the same amount of fame, at least - which is make-up tutorials for men. Teaching guys how to even their skin, apply eyeliner, use things like rouge and lipstain in their favor - no one else does it. And no one else would be able to do it like Baekhyun, of course.
“No matter what your eye shape is, start following its natural contour first,” he instructs in his hit video, Eyeliner for men? I’ll show you how!, while applying the liquid liner along his eyes with practiced ease. “Afterwards, you can decide whether to thicken it all the way or just draw the wings. But remember; if you apply a lot, your result might turn out to be too heavy. Don’t try to draw yourself a second eye. Trust your own natural beauty.” He grins to the camera, tilting his head to show off the result - and to show off his best angle as well.
And, as expected, with great fame, comes great shade. That’s a saying Baekhyun doesn’t allow himself to forget, and repeats like a mantra when he catches people shit-talking him and his videos around the internet. And down voting him. And… parodying him…?
It’s the very first time it happens, and it’s grotesque.
“First, just completely cover your face, as if you were building a wall on it,” the guy in the video - someone who could definitely use some of Baekhyun’s beauty tips - says in a poor imitation of Baekhyun’s natural sultry tone. “Make it thick enough that you can just remove it like a mask when you come home,” he instructs while dabbing truly horrifying amounts of cheap powder on his moisturizer-covered face. Completely the wrong color for his skin tone, too. Baekhyun tries not to gag.
“What are you watching?” Jongdae arrives at the living room at that moment.
“A horror movie,” Baekhyun answers in a weak voice as he watches the guy in the video try to comb his eyelashes. With an actual comb. He snorts weakly.
Jongdae comes closer, frowning. “You-is that Park Chanyeol?” He sounds absolutely outraged, eyeing Baekhyun as if he couldn’t recognize his friend anymore. Baekhyun doesn’t answer, because he has no idea who Park Chanyeol is. “I can’t believe this is happening. My flatmate-my best friend, someone I thought I could trust-”
“What’s a park chanyeol,” Baekhyun asks emotionlessly as he watches the dude in the video pose to the camera with his face covered in orange-y plaster and two dabs of blush where his cheeks were supposed to be (Baekhyun isn’t sure where they are anymore. His eyes are unfocusing).
“Park Chanyeol is the least funny guy in the youtube-o-sphere,” Jongdae clarifies, yanking Baekhyun’s phones out and sitting down beside him to watch. “And the most disgusting. What is he doing…?”
“I use my super expensive Givenchy kohl eyeliner, that comes with flakes of gold in its formula,” Park Chanyeol says, his imitation of Baekhyun’s voice making him sound like he’s choking on a hairball. “But you can use anything as a replacement! Even a black crayon!”
“Is he…” Jongdae trails off as he and Baekhyun watch him try to apply black crayon to his upper eyelid.
“Mocking me? Yes,” Baekhyun clarifies at once, and he’s not annoyed. For the love of Givenchy, he isn’t. (What good would flakes of gold bring to kohl eyeliner…?)
Chanyeol thinks he did a good job. In fact, he’s so pleased with the result that he keeps rewatching it, cackling whenever a particularly good part came on.
“The crayon was a great idea,” he mutters to himself as he watches his own disfigured face in the video, covered by several substances that shouldn’t probably be applied to the skin. At least not combined. He wrinkles his nose at how ugly - uglier than usual, even - he looks in that video, but reminds himself that viewers were pouring in. That shit was funny. The end.
“Remember,” video-Chanyeol narrates in that affected voice, a perfect mimicry of ohmybyun’s slurred tone. “Trust yourself, and shine on.”
Perfect. Absolutely perfect. He wishes ohmybyun himself would watch it.
Thing is, Baekhyun is a famous little thing. He is, really - if he weren’t, that goof wouldn’t have parodied him, after all. So, when people hear about the parody, great frisson is caused.
“Well, Park Chanyeol is famous too, you know,” Jongdae interferes as if he could read Baekhyun’s thoughts. “Possibly even more famous than you.”
Baekhyun’s eye twitches.
“But a higher percentage of people think he’s an asshole,” Jongdae offers, as if trying to comfort him. That actually worsens the situation.
“Well, I wonder why,” Baekhyun spits out acidly, shooting a gelid stare to the comment section of his most recent video, Hairstyling Tips part 4 - Meeting The Parents. There, some people where jokingly commented how Park Chanyeol was a better make-up channel than Baekhyun, whereas others were raging on about what a disrespectful twat that Park Chanyeol was for making such a disgusting parody of someone as good as Baekhyun. Others told everyone to shut up, reasons diverging - “that loser is just jealous”, “it doesnt fvckin matter”, “if u dont like ohmybyun wat r u doin here”, et cetera.
Point is: absolutely everyone was talking about Park Chanyeol’s video. And that, for once, actually annoyed Baekhyun. A lot.
Parodying ohmybyun had been the best idea Chanyeol ever had. PR-wise, at least.
“One thousand views,” he tells Jongin, his Official Youtube Bro, over skype. “In one week.”
“You have a lot more downvotes than upvotes,” Jongin casually points out.
“Who cares? One thousand views!” Chanyeol skims over the comments section, grinning to himself at each comment praising him (which were about 46% of the total). “This is awesome. I know this is like an everyday view count to you,” Jongin maintains a quite popular cover dance youtube channel. “But to me? This is really awesome.”
At that, Jongin says nothing. It’s hard to tell if he’s silently judging Chanyeol or not; and then, when he finally breaks the silence, what he says is, “but why him?”
And Chanyeol halts. He frowns. Crosses his arms, frowns some more, hums in deep thought. He hadn’t bothered to question himself about that before.
“Why not?” he answers finally, and is content with that one simple explanation. Jongin merely sighs.
It’s not Baekhyun’s intention to create drama. Far from that - he’d rather have that subject dead and buried as soon as possible so he can never hear of Park Chanyeol ever again in his youtube life. But then again, he does upload a vlog every week. His fans have learnt to wait for it. If he skips doing it that week just to avoid talking about the parody, they’ll certainly find it strange.
He could try not talking about it at all in the video, but, given how upset he truly is, he doesn’t think that’s actually an option. Baekhyun’s brain-to-mouth filter had always been a little shitty.
“There were some things this week that made me a little upset” he confesses in his camera, minimizing the effect of his words by smiling. “Yeah, you must know what it is. Well, sure, he can make fun of me all he wants, but,” Baekhyun rolls his eyes. He doesn’t want to rant about this. “It makes me pity him. That face of his could use some of my help. Can’t do shit for his personality though,” what a fucking sick burn. Baekhyun shrugs, feigning innocence. “Well, moving on…”
That’s probably what starts it all. Well, it’s hard to determine whether it had all started with Chanyeol’s parody or with Baekhyun’s shady reply to it, but the whole situation sort of escalates drastically after Baekhyun mentions it in his vlog. The first thing to escalate is the comments.
“Holy shit,” Baekhyun mutters when he visits the vlog’s comment section. “There’s a war happening in here.”
Jongdae eyes him with some pity, but says nothing.
“Thirty new comments in, like, three minutes,” he continues, refreshing the section. “Whoa.”
Jongdae merely sighs. Baekhyun shoots him a glance.
“Are you ignoring me?”
Jongdae sighs again. “I want to scold you,” he confesses. “But it’s too much work. I get tired just thinking about it.”
Baekhyun scoffs, disheartened. “I didn’t do anything!” He objects.
Jongdae just sighs again.
In Chanyeol’s next vlog, he talks about it too.
“To everyone asking, yes, I saw what ohmybyun said about me,” he says, smiling as always. “And it’s not my fault he has the stick that far up his ass, so stop pestering me about it!”
It’s good-spirited and all but slightly abrasive, just like everything Chanyeol says in his videos, but, for some reason, it becomes a big deal.
Comments war explodes everywhere. Videos that have nothing to do with it end up involved too when unfortunate individuals draw comparisons. Jongin gets involved, too, when people backtrack Chanyeol’s channel and find him guesting in a video, filmed back when he visited Chanyeol’s hometown; he starts getting comments in his more recent videos asking him to speak up for his friend (Chanyeol’s side pleads) or call him out in his stupidity (Baekhyun’s fans request). Jongin rarely makes vlogs, but it bothers him so much that he posts one as an answer to that, titled I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS.
“I’m not his mother,” he objects (sulks?) in the video. “And what I think about the situation doesn’t matter. It won’t get through his head. I don’t care, please leave me alone.”
The fact that he spoke up about the issue is momentarily obfuscated by Jongin’s fans celebrating the advent of a vlog - but only momentarily. It doesn’t help that, right after that, a well-known lifestyle vlogger, pandaABstyle, also speaks up about the issue.
“The fact that there are people standing up for that clown is disgusting,” he spits out angrily, seeming to be about to beat someone to a pulp. “Baekhyun sshi never did anything but make videos about what he believes. This idiot is just an opportunist trying to ride on Baekhyun’s sshi fame, it’s ridiculous and it makes me angry.”
pandaABstyle, who’s actually a Chinese hairdresser named Zitao, is immediately attacked by all parties, who say he should shut the fuck up because he has nothing to do with the issue. He replies to all comments saying that he makes videos about whatever the hell he wants and, if people don’t like it, they should unsubscribe and fuck off. Defense comes forward, saying that everything he said was on point and that he has the right to defend whoever he wants, et cetera, all is chaos. Baekhyun watches it all from afar in a mix of dazed horror and smugness.
This, combined with Jongin’s video, is enough to divide families and end friendships. Suddenly, everyone is taking a stand and making videos about what they think - Byun Baekhyun versus Park Chanyeol, who’s worthy of more positive support? Baekhyun tries to count the votes, but, when he notices absolutely everyone is making videos about it, he gives up.
waosehun makes a video about it.
“I like Baekhyun sshi’s videos a lot,” the young vlogger called Sehun says to the camera in a sad voice. He seems to be pouting. “But I think everyone is taking this issue too seriously. I mean, Chanyeol sshi’s video wasn’t really offensive or anything…”
With a heavy heart, Baekhyun scratches hm from the ohmybyun Support List.
kriscentvangogh makes a video about it, too.
“I have no idea what’s going on,” he confesses as he draws portraits of both Baekhyun and Chanyeol. “No matter how many times people try to explain - I simply have no clue.”
But he draws Baekhyun with (poorly done) sparkles around his face, while the Chanyeol drawing has his horrid attempt at make-up on. Kriscent (actually just Kris) is officially on the Support List.
cookingbachelors mention the issue too.
“So, Kyungsoo,” Joonmyeon, the man behind the camera, asks his partner Kyungsoo as the latter whisks some egg whites to make merengue. “Have you heard about the… stuff going on these days?”
Kyungsoo snorts, eyes not abandoning the job at hands. “Stuff?”
“Yeah, the stuff,” Joonmyeon seems hesitant for a second, and zooms into the merengue. “A famous make-up channel and a comedy one are having a feudal war.”
Kyungsoo snorts even harder. “Oh. That.” He chuckles. “It was pretty funny at first, but now it’s just getting ridiculous. They should find a job or something.”
Baekhyun never liked that Kyungsoo guy anyway.
Even bloody 2centsfilmschool makes a video about it.
“Oh, Romeo, but we can’t!” As always, Yixing is playing the female role. This flick’s title is ‘Romeo and Juliet - Modern Times”. “If our families find out, we will be shamed for our lives!”
“To hell with our families!” Lu Han’s acting is horrid as always, but that’s one of 2centsfilmschool’s charm points. “Why must they always fight!? Where does all this hate come from?”
Yixing-Juliet sighs forlornly, folding his hands over his dress (actually a bed sheet stapled together under his arms). “So you don’t know…” he whispers, turning his glance back to Lu Han. “A long, long time ago… your great-great-great-great-great-grandfather and mine…”
The door bangs open to reveal their guest for that film - vlogger sweetdumplinngs, actually a Korean guy named Minseok, who has recently become friends with them during one of his trips. Minseok is dressed in a blazer with billion buttons pinned to it, and sports on his face a reproduction of Chanyeol’s parody make-up.
“Juliet of mine! How could you!” He screams in heavily accented Mandarin. “Flirting with the heir of that stuck-up clan full of vain dogs!”
“Tybalt!! No!!” Yixing-Juliet cries out exaggeratedly, and everyone can clearly Lu Han is about to crack up. “No, my cousing! I love him! Don’t separate us! No!”
“Juliet!!” Romeo-Lu Han cries out, voice cracking, as Yixing-Juliet is mercilessly dragged away by his hair. Dramatic BGM plays. Romeo-Lu Han punches the wall in rage, silently wincing from the pain.
“I will get my revenge…” he says, attempting at an ominous, furious tone. “I will make all of my family upload thousands of videos insulting them… I will get… my revenge!!”
Fade to black.
Baekhyun doesn’t know what to think.
Chanyeol, too, follows the war’s progress as it rages on. He has a lot of fun at first - 2centsfilmschool’s Romeo and Juliet is one of their best videos, in his opinion - but it dies down a little when he gets a video call of a very sulky Jongin.
“Stop this shit right now or I’m gonna get mad at you,” he states, crossing his arms.
“Even if I wanted, I don’t think I’d be able to,” Chanyeol confesses, scratching his ear. “It got out of control.”
“Apologize,” Jongin retorts.
“What?”
“Apologize!” he raises his voice, in obvious distress. “Apologize for making fun of him!”
“Why should I apologize?!” Chanyeol frowns, dropping the smile. “It was just a joke! It’s not my fault he can’t take it! What happened to free speech or whatever?”
“Free speech is free speech, but you offended a person,” Jongdae rolls his eyes from where he stands in the kitchen. “It’d be the most polite thing to do.”
“I thought you hated him!” Baekhyun accuses him, pointing at his face with a black eye pencil.
“I do, but I hate getting flamed about this even more,” Jongdae swats the pencil away, earning a black waterproof smudge on the palm of his hand. “And you’re making a fool of yourself. As your flatmate and supposed best friend, my job is to advise you against making a fool of yourself.”
Baekhyun huffs, applying the mascara rather poorly due to the outrage. “He started it, though.”
“I don’t care!!” Jongin screams, bursting through the bass threshold of Chanyeol’s shitty earphones. “I’m tired of this! I’m tired! Apologize or I’ll never talk to you ever again!!”
And he disconnects.
Chanyeol could laugh at Jongin’s childish technique to guilt-trip him, but he can’t. He can’t because it works.
And yet…
“This ‘issue’, so to speak,” Baekhyun makes air quotes at the word “issue”, “has gotten quite out of hand. A lot of you seem to think Park Chanyeol and I hate each other, which is, at least from my side, not true.” Ah, the sweet way the lie slithers off his tongue… “Our jabs at each other were completely good-natured. So, sorry for the misunderstanding, and,” he flashes a sweet smile at the camera. “Let’s all get along, shall we?”
When he finishes the video and uploads it to his channel, titled ‘Clarifying some stuff + new giveaway!!!!’, Jongdae claps from where he’s rehearsing his R&B cover of Always Look on the Bright Side of Life, nodding solemnly at him.
“You did it,” Jongdae congratulates him with a pat on the back. “You’ve become the better person in this.”
Baekhyun grins. “I’ve always been the better person in this.”
The feudal war turns a month old when Chanyeol finally redeems himself, putting an official end to it.
Jongin is not talking to him, and the fact Baekhyun made a video sort-of-apologizing only causes Chanyeol’s conscience to weigh more. He still doesn’t think he should apologize - it was a joke! For God’s sake!! - so he redeems himself Chanyeol-style.
“I take all of you have seen my rather polemic make-up video from before,” he says to the camera, gathering the materials. “That one didn’t go so well, so I’m here to do it seriously now. I’m gonna follow ohmybyun’s instructions from his ‘Basic Make-up for those who need it’,” he links the video in one of his notes, and plays a thumbnail in the right inferior corner for people to follow the tutorial too. “Well, I’m sure I need it, so I’ll do my best to follow the instructions closely. By the way, these are all my sister’s. If she finds out about this, I’m dead.”
The video turns out to be incredibly funny, but not because Chanyeol tries to make it funny; simply because Chanyeol’s incomprehension of make-up terms and incapacity to do things confidently is mysteriously hilarious. For once, Chanyeol makes a video making fun of himself instead of making fun of others, and it becomes an instantaneous hit.
Also, he didn’t look half-bad with proper make-up on.
Baekhyun, for once, finds the video excellent. Jongdae shoots him a dirty glance.
“Traitor,” he hisses.
“Aw, Jongdae, come on. He’s kinda cute,” Baekhyun chuckles at how Chanyeol fumbles with the eyeliner and spoon, apparently confused to what good would a spoon be at the moment. “I’m sure he had no bad intentions to begin with. It was all a huge misunderstanding.”
“Traitor,” Jongdae reiterates, strumming his guitar somberly.
And, eventually, all is good, and Baekhyun and Chanyeol become sort of friends. They add each other on skype, and, when Chanyeol visits Seoul, as depicted in his series of vlogs “Seoul Is Scary And I Want To Go Home”, he and Baekhyun make a video together.
“See, friends, to apply make-up to the mysterious being that is a Chanyeol,” Baekhyun instructs, whipping out his mascara and almost hitting Chanyeol on the cheek with it. Chanyeol reacts exaggeratedly, and Baekhyun pretends not to have noticed. “You have to work hard and concentrate. Do remember you’re not doing a reconstruction job - if it gets too challenging, stand up and leave.”
“Please don’t leave me alone here. Not with them,” he points at Baekhyun cosmetics with mock-fear in his eyes. “They’re scary.”
“How dare you!” Baekhyun squeaks indignantly, hitting Chanyeol on the shoulder quite hard. “They’re my babies! Shut up, Jongdae!!” Jongdae is cackling like a witch in the back. “This is literally the last time I invite you over, Park Chanyeol. I despise you.”
“You love me,” Chanyeol grins at Baekhyun, a hint of sweetness in his eyes. Baekhyun scoffs.
“You should hope so,” he replies, but his lips are smiling. Then, he almost pokes Chanyeol’s eye out with the mascara brush.
The war is most definitely over. For good.
One