twist my plot and i’ll twist yours
Title: twist my plot and i'll twist yours
Author: Anonymous until 1/30/14
For: solivagantic
Pairing: Baekhyun/Chanyeol [side: Baekhyun/Luhan, Luhan/Sehun]
Word Count: 7,235
Summary: Baekhyun may or may not have a tiny little crush on Chanyeol but he also loves the person who invented peepholes.
Warnings: some swearing
Rating: PG
One
It's nothing more than a perfectly normal day in Baekhyun's relatively normal life. He's standing on the balcony, wrapped up in a huge cardigan he has probably stolen from his roommate at some point, drinking his morning coffee in peace while viewing the neighborhood. There's nothing particularly unusual about the scene; Baekhyun likes having his morning coffee on the balcony on lazy Saturday mornings. The neighborhood looks peaceful, too, and there seems to be nothing out of ordinary - that is, until an unfamiliar van stops in front of Baekhyun's apartment building. It belongs to a moving company whose annoyingly cheerful commercials can nowadays be spotted everywhere. Feeling curious, Baekhyun sets his now empty cup on the tiny plastic table behind his bad and leans over the rail in order to see what's going on.
The person who eventually steps out of the van is a tall young man who has his dark brown hair in a tiny ponytail. He's wearing thick-rimmed glasses, dark blue skinny jeans, a light grey sweater with red stripes on it, and a pair of red Converse sneakers. He is, quite frankly, the hottest guy Baekhyun has ever seen in his short but eventful life, and no, Baekhyun is not drooling. Definitely not.
Once the man has disappeared into the building, Baekhyun goes back in, takes the cup to the kitchen and plops down on the living room floor, slightly dazed. He gets a weird look from his roommate, Jongin, who is sitting on the couch, hunched over his beloved calculator that Baekhyun thinks probably cost more than a month's worth of groceries.
"We got a new neighbor," Baekhyun informs him. Jongin doesn't look particularly interested but he does glance at his best friend briefly nonetheless.
"Oh. Is that what you were doing just now, hanging off the rail? Spying on our new neighbor?" he asks, raising a brow. Baekhyun rolls his eyes.
"I wasn't spying. I'm just curious by nature. Plus, he's moving into Zitao's old flat, which is right next door to us, so that's why..."
He trails off, realizing that the hot stranger is most certainly on his way to Zitao's apartment, and gets up at the speed of light. He sprints to the front door just in time to see the stranger exit the elevator with his huge cardboard box. It's unfortunate that the box rips right in front of Baekhyun's door, but the adorable pout that spreads on his face makes it hard for Baekhyun to feel bad for him. For a moment Baekhyun considers going out (very casually, of course, in order to make it seem like a pure coincidence) and offering to help his new neighbor, but he soon abandons the idea and decides to settle for admiring him from afar, at least for now.
"You really are spying on him."
Baekhyun yelps and jumps in surprise, the top of his head colliding with Jongin's jaw. "I'm not spying on anyone!" Baekhyun hisses, rubbing his sore head. "You, on the other hand, should stop sneaking around and scaring me all the time!"
"I almost bit my tongue off because of you," Jongin whines. "And I wasn't even sneaking around, you were just too engrossed in ogling eyes at a complete stranger to take notice of anything else going on around you."
"I will not lower myself to reply to such a ridiculous accusation," Baekhyun announces with a huff and turns back to the peephole. Fortunately, the New Guy is still picking up his books and papers and doesn't appear to have heard the commotion in Baekhyun and Jongin's apartment.
Baekhyun feels Jongin's eyes on his back, and senses judgment in them. Baekhyun has known his best friend long enough to be able to tell the tone of his expression without even seeing it. "Stop judging me behind my back. I'm just doing research! There's only a wall separating us from a complete stranger who could be a murderer for all we know! Imagine if one night he broke the wall and..."
Making excuses, however, is useless since Jongin has known Baekhyun long enough to be able to tell when he's coming up with nonsense to camouflage his real motives. "Well, do carry on then," the mathematician-to-be snickers. "Let me know if you need me to call the police, you know, to catch the bad guy before he breaks into our flat and kills us in our sleep."
Baekhyun pointedly ignores the sarcastic tone of Jongin's voice. "Will do. Don't worry, I'll keep us safe."
Jongin heads back to his homework and his precious calculator while Baekhyun stays by the door, keeping an eye on the New Guy who's still gathering his things. Baekhyun spends the next thirty minutes running back and forth between the door and the balcony, much to Jongin's amusement (and after the fifth round, irritation), just to catch glimpses of the good looking stranger as he carries boxes into Zitao's old flat.
"Good news," Baekhyun announces after the New Guy hasn't come out of his apartment for ten minutes. "I'm pretty sure he's not a murderer."
"Yay," Jongin mutters drily, now reading some kind of a textbook while still occasionally tapping at his calculator. Baekhyun hops on the couch, almost crushing poor Jongin in the process, and without paying any attention to Jongin's protests, Baekhyun lies down and rests his head on his best friend's thigh. After a few unsuccessful attempts to swat him off, Jongin lets him be.
"I think he might be a musician. He really looks like one, doesn't he? Plus, he had some music sheets in the box that ripped. I really think he's a musician, maybe a drummer. What do you think?" Baekhyun rattles on, playing with the string of Jongin's hoodie. Jongin tries to snatch it out of Baekhyun's hands but Baekhyun only tightens his grip and refuses to let go.
"I think I'll jump off the balcony if he's a drummer," Jongin deadpans. "The walls are so thin that I can even hear Jongdae's snores from the second floor. I really don't need a drummer as my next door neighbor."
"Liar. Even a hundred vuvuzelas couldn't wake you up," he points out and is about to add something more when he hears a door close. Without a second of hesitation, he jumps up and runs to the door, just in time to see the New Guy step into the elevator. As Baekhyun moves to the balcony (now there's no need to run because he knows it takes some time for the elevator to go from the fourth floor to the first one), Jongin lets out a heavy sigh.
"I hope you get sick of him real soon," he mutters. Baekhyun ignores him rather pointedly.
÷
It isn't stalking. It really, definitely isn't. Curiosity, maybe, but not stalking. That's what Baekhyun tells himself as he sits in the bathtub, ear pressed up against the wall so that he can hear the sounds coming from the New Guy's apartment. His neighbor (thanks to Jongdae's gossipy tendencies, Baekhyun now knows his name is Chanyeol) is singing, and although his version of Urban Zakapa's All the Same is dramatic to say the least, not to mention he could use some singing lessons, Baekhyun doesn't mind. He loves Chanyeol's deep, warm and soothing voice anyway.
He still refuses to admit to being a stalker when he gets up at five past eight just to catch a glimpse of Chanyeol through the peephole as the perfect human being leaves for school or work. However, when he follows Chanyeol to the library one Saturday and spends three hours there pretending to be reading a book on Astronomy although he's actually just stealing glances at Chanyeol, Baekhyun has a brief moment of weakness and begins to question his life choices. Still, at the end of the day he concludes that three hours spent pretending to care about something as boring as Astronomy is worth getting to watch Chanyeol do his homework and bite on his pencil, brows furrowed, and therefore he has no regrets.
It goes without saying that Jongin isn't particularly supporting of Baekhyun's new hobby. He calls it stalking, but Baekhyun calls it admiring from afar - it's just a matter of opinion. Jongin finds it hard to understand why Baekhyun can't just go talk to Chanyeol and make friends with him since Baekhyun is already friends with everyone else living in the building. Striking up conversations and making friends has always been one of Baekhyun's (many) talents, yet when it comes to Chanyeol, Baekhyun seems to turn into a nervous mess and lose all of his social skills. Jongin thinks it's strange, Jongdae finds it fascinating and Baekhyun supposes it's just a sign that he and Chanyeol aren't meant to be.
"Just talk to him," Jongin groans. "Please, talk to him because you're being creepy and I did not sign up to be best friends and roommates with Mr Creepy, thank you very much."
"I just don't want to destroy my fantasies," Baekhyun reasons matter-of-factly and glances at the clock. It's almost half past eight, which means that he has to take a shower soon. "I don't want to get to know him and then realize he's actually nothing like I thought he would be."
"You say you don't want to get to know him yet you're stalking him," Jongdae, who has come over in hopes of getting free food like he often does, pipes in. "In my book, stalking is what you do when you want to know someone but you're either too shy or otherwise unable to approach that someone like a normal, healthy person would. Also, newsflash: Stalking isn't romantic, it's just creepy and wrong."
Baekhyun contemplates throwing a cushion at him, but then decides against it because Jongdae isn't worth the trouble. "I am not stalking him!" he protests instead. "You know, it's like admiring a piece of art at a gallery. I'm like those people who go to Paris just to see the Mona Lisa. I'm a true lover of great art, and Chanyeol's basically a walking sculpture of some Greek god, that's all."
Jongdae and Jongin exchange pointed glances and sigh in unison. "Whatever helps you sleep at night."
÷
The next morning serves as a turning point in Baekhyun's life.
The day starts with a serious disappointment as Chanyeol doesn't leave at his usual time. Baekhyun sits by the peephole for fifteen minutes until he gives up, concluding that Chanyeol either isn't going anywhere or has already left. Baekhyun leaves for class two hours later and walks to the elevator without a care in the world, and just as he's about to press a button, someone bolts into the elevator. A few seconds of blank staring later Baekhyun realizes that yes, Park Chanyeol, his hot neighbor who sings Jisun's parts in Epik High's One like it's the last thing he'll ever sing, catches the 8.15 bus every morning, always stops to look for his keys right in front of Baekhyun's door, and looks devastatingly handsome every hour of the day, is standing right next to him in the very tiny elevator.
"I'm sorry if I'm bothering you or something," Chanyeol apologizes sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. Baekhyun swallows so loudly that he wonders if Chanyeol can hear it. "I'm just in a hurry. I kind of overslept because my alarm didn't go off."
"Oh. I mean, no, it's fine! Totally fine!" Baekhyun exclaims awkwardly, still slightly startled and a bit out of breath. Very out of breath, actually. Chanyeol's hair is messy, the top two buttons of his plaid shirt are undone (most likely only because he simply forgot to do them), his eyes look sleepy, and yes, he still looks absolutely gorgeous. Stunning. Baekhyun fights the urge to fan himself and tries not to stare at Chanyeol's collarbones that are revealed by the undone buttons. The elevator is much too small a space for this kind of situations. It's so hot, and the ride takes too long.
"My name is Chanyeol, by the way," Chanyeol introduces himself, now hitting the button that Baekhyun completely forgot to press. "I live in 71."
"I know," Baekhyun accidentally lets slip, realizing his mistake only a second too late, and starts coughing like a chain smoker. "I mean, I've heard. Um, rumors, I've heard rumors. You can't keep a secret in this building, you see."
On the outside, Baekhyun laughs only a bit nervously, but on the inside, he really wants to hit himself in the face with a whale, and preferably a very big one. Chanyeol only laughs at him, eyes and nose crinkling, and it's just about the most adorable thing Baekhyun has ever seen, cuter than any puppy or kitten, or even a sleepy Jongin. Chanyeol's cuteness is a whole new level of cute, actually. Baekhyun melts.
"Thanks for the heads-up, I'll keep that in mind," Chanyeol says with a wide grin just as the elevator reaches the bottom floor and the two men step out. "I guess even walls have ears in this building."
Baekhyun almost swallows his own tongue in surprise, and Chanyeol flashes him yet another bright smile. They part ways at the front door as Chanyeol heads off to the bus stop and Baekhyun to the subway, and despite being in a hurry, Chanyeol pauses after a few steps, turns around and waves at Baekhyun with a goofy smile plastered all over his stupid, perfect face. Baekhyun has to force himself to swallow the idiotic grin that threatens to creep on his face as he forces himself to turn around and keep walking even though he only wants to lie down and roll around in the colorful autumn leaves, and preferably never get up again.
Once he reaches the subway station, he realizes that he might have a problem.
÷
A couple of days later, the first letter arrives.
“I was blinded by your beauty, so I need your name and phone number for insurance purposes,” Jongdae, who has once again come over because his fridge is empty and he is hungry, reads out loud, laughing. “And, of course, it’s signed by a Secret Admirer.”
Baekhyun reaches for the letter and scrutinizes the handwriting in hopes of recognizing it. “I can’t decide whether this is super cute or super lame.”
In all honesty, Baekhyun finds the letter adorable and incredibly flattering, but there's no way he's ever going to say it out loud in front of Jongdae and Jongin.
“Probably a prank,” Jongin says. Baekhyun immediately glares Jongdae suspiciously, who raises his hands in defense.
“I swear it wasn’t me, but I have to say I wish I had come up with a prank like this,” he confesses. Baekhyun makes a face and pushes Jongdae off the couch.
÷
Over the twenty-two years Baekhyun has spent walking on the face of Earth, he has concluded that he probably isn’t the main character in a romantic comedy, although he kind of wishes he were. That’s why he doesn’t understand why his life suddenly feels like a romantic comedy, and why the world keeps shoving cheesy plot twists in his face all of a sudden, in various different situations. He doesn’t understand why Chanyeol is suddenly attending a Geography course with him, nor does he understand why his new neighbor sits right next to him in class, chatting as if they were actually friends. He also doesn’t understand why he can't wipe the stupid smile off his face even when Chanyeol knocks down a cup of coffee and ruins his notes. If it were Jongdae, Baekhyun would pull his best friend's hair or, if he felt particularly gracious, rub the wet notepad in Jongdae's face.
But when it's Chanyeol, Baekhyun can only smile like a soaked notebook is the best thing that has happened to him all week. “It’s fine,” he hears himself say and almost doesn't recognize his own voice. “I’ll just get the notes from my friend.”
Chanyeol pouts apologetically. “What should I do to make this up for you?” he mumbles. He thinks about it for a while, and soon his face lights up like a Christmas tree. “I’ll copy the notes for you. Just tell me the courses you’re taking and I’ll get all of them for you.”
“You really don’t need to,” Baekhyun starts, wanting to tell Chanyeol that he never actually reads any of his notes because the only reason he even takes notes during lectures is to keep himself from getting distracted. However, it doesn’t seem like Chanyeol is going to take no for an answer. “Well… if you get tenosynovitis or something, I won’t take responsibility.”
Chanyeol beams like a little kid, as if Baekhyun had volunteered to do something for him and not the other way around.
A smiling Chanyeol being a total sweetheart is already a bad thing, but after that, it only gets worse. During the course they are expected to give a presentation on some natural disaster, which as an assignment sounds a bit too simple for university students but that's not what Baekhyun is complaining about. The worst part is that they need to work in pairs, and as soon as he hears about it, Chanyeol immediately asks Baekhyun to work with him. And clings to his arm. And once again smiles too widely and it's sort of blinding. And Baekhyun, despite having a very bad feeling about it, can’t say no. Not to a guy who looks like an elf prince and smiles like he’s living in a world where it’s always Christmas, and certainly not when the whole left side of Baekhyun's body is pressed up against the most perfect person he has ever seen.
When Baekhyun thinks about it later on, when he has returned home and found yet another love letter (Do you have a band-aid? I scraped my knee pretty badly falling for you :'(), the idea of working on a presentation on natural disasters with Chanyeol already sounds like a natural disaster in itself.
÷
During the next week Baekhyun gets a letter from his Secret Admirer every day. The letters usually contain cheesy pick-up lines, but Baekhyun also receives a couple of sappy poems which he suspects were written by the Secret Admirer himself. As the letters keep coming, Jongdae and Jongin are forced to consider the possibility of the letters not being a prank, given that it’s highly unlikely that anyone would have the time and patience to keep sending such things just for the laughs.
“Your legs must be hurting a lot since you’ve spent weeks running through my mind,” Jongdae reads the most recent letter, cackling. “This guy’s my sole source of entertainment in this rapidly darkening season. If you ever find out who he is, don't reject him or even tell him you know because I need these letters in my life."
“Don’t laugh at him,” Baekhyun whines. “He’s just being sincere.”
“Sincerity doesn’t change the fact that these letters are just plain ridiculous,” Jongdae points out. “My favorite so far is the superhero one, what was it again…”
“If I was a superhero, I wouldn’t be Batman, Superman or even Iron Man. I would be Yourman.”
Jongdae snorts. “See? Ridiculous.”
Baekhyun decides it’s time to change the topic before he gets too defensive. “I still wonder who's sending these. We should solve this mystery,” he says. “It must be someone who lives in this building, or at least one of the nearby ones.”
Jongdae hums in agreement. “It has to be someone very lame. Who’s the lamest person in this building?”
“Kris, hands down,” Baekhyun replies right away. “But it can’t be Kris. These letters… aren’t quite Kris’ kind of lame, and Kris wouldn't bother sending letters. I’m actually suspecting Joonmyun.”
“Joonmyun?” Jongdae repeats, scandalized. “Dream on, dumbass, you’re so not his type.”
Baekhyun raises a knowing brow. “And you are?”
“I’m everyone’s type,” Jongdae states suavely. “Anyway, so we've concluded that it’s not Kris or Joonmyun, and definitely not me or Jongin. Who else is there?”
“Minseok, but I’m sure it’s not him. It’s not Kyungsoo either. I’m pretty sure he hates me after that one time I accidentally got off at the wrong floor and stuffed your dirty underwear in his mail slot."
Baekhyun cringes at the memory. It definitely hadn't been one of his finest moments, especially when he hadn't just left it at that. No, he had also spent a good five minutes abusing Kyungsoo's doorbell and yelling at him to open the door (among many other things which he'd rather forget about). When the door had been opened by a very pissed Kyungsoo instead of Jongdae, Baekhyun had whimpered an apology and fled the scene in mortification, barely remembering to grab Jongdae's underwear before leaving. In retrospect, it had been all Jongdae’s fault for repeatedly trying to sneak his dirty clothes in Baekhyun’s laundry basket in hopes of fooling his best friend into washing them for him. That, however, doesn't matter to Kyungsoo who never found out the reason Baekhyun deemed it necessary to put dirty underwear in his mailslot and call him horrible names Baekhyun would never call anyone except for Jongdae.
"Oh, how about Yixing? I could see him sincerely trying to use these kinds of lines on someone,” Baekhyun speculates, trying to get rid of the unpleasant memory.
“Not Yixing. He would be completely obvious about it. I mean, just one look at his face and you’d know if he were picturing you naked,” Jongdae points out, studying the letter in his hand. “How about the new guy? Chanyeol? You guys have been quite chummy lately, haven't you? Your stalking must finally be paying off."
Baekhyun’s heart jumps at the thought and he has to bite back an embarrassing giggle. He already admits that he has a serious problem but now is not the right time to deal with it. “No. He’s out for the same reason as Yixing. He can’t control his face. I’ve only known him for a couple of weeks but I can already tell he has no poker face whatsoever. And, just so you know, we aren't chummy. We have a purely professional relationship and we only talk about tsunamis because we are good students who want to ace that presentation."
“So that leaves us with Sehun and Luhan,” Jongdae muses, ignoring Baekhyun almost completely. “You know what? I’m going to bet my money on Luhan.”
Baekhyun stares at him for a long while, and then bursts out laughing. "Wow, no way. No fucking way. Even Kyungsoo's more likely to send me Superman pick-up lines than Luhan."
“No, Baek, just trust my intuition. Luhan doesn’t look like the type to send lame pick up lines to someone, no?” Jongdae goes on. “I have a theory. Let’s ignore the content of the letters, and focus on the fact that whoever it is that sent those is probably interested in you. Maybe the person who sent them is just trying to match your level with those letters.”
“My level is way higher than ‘I was blinded by your beauty so I’m going to need your name and phone number for insurance purposes’,” Baekhyun protests.
“But the point here is that Luhan doesn’t know that. To him, you’re the weird kid who followed him everywhere and secretly took pictures of him when you thought he didn’t notice. You can’t blame him for thinking you’re mentally about as mature as a girl in her early teens,” Jongdae reasons and easily dodges Baekhyun’s attempt to hit him with a cushion. “What I don’t understand, though, is why he'd have a crush on you. Maybe he thinks you’re so strange that it’s kind of cute in some wicked way.”
As much as he hates to admit it, Baekhyun thinks Jongdae's twisted logic does make sense.
÷
For the next few weeks, Baekhyun's life consists mainly of two things: trying to behave like a normal, mentally stable human being in Chanyeol's presence (which definitely isn't easy when Chanyeol is so enthusiastic about their presentation that he keeps asking Baekhyun out to work on it nearly every day), and keeping an eye on Luhan, who does seem somewhat suspicious when Baekhyun really thinks about it. When they run into each other in the stairway or at the door, or even on their way to class, Luhan often seems a bit awkward, avoiding Baekhyun's eyes and trying to keep their conversations as brief as possible. Baekhyun can't quite explain what it is exactly, but there is an awkward feeling coming from Luhan, which causes Baekhyun to conclude that Jongdae must have been right. Maybe Luhan really is the one responsible for the letters.
Meanwhile, the letters keep coming. On a scale of 1-10, I’m nine and you’re the one I need. Can I have your picture so I can show Santa Claus what I want for Christmas? If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I’d have a galaxy in my hand. Baekhyun would be lying if he said he didn't look forward to them, because to be honest, they are the highlight of his every day. Jongdae loves them, too, although for entirely different reasons, and Jongin simply doesn't care.
Baekhyun sits on his bed, cross-legged, eyeing the letters he has received so far. They are all handwritten, black sharpie on pale purple paper and a few round, big hearts drawn around the text. He would rather go kiss Kyungsoo on the cheek than admit it out loud (especially in Jongin's or Jongdae's presence), but the letters really do make him feel special, like there's someone out there who would actually look at him twice and take the time to send him cute little letters to brighten up his day. Baekhyun has had plenty of crushes before, but no one has ever liked him back or harbored a crush on him. It feels nice to have someone pay attention to him like that, even if it's just an anonymous Secret Admirer who could be anyone. There's also still a chance the letters are just a prank that's been taken too far, but even that doesn't make Baekhyun appreciate them any less.
Someone rings the doorbell. Baekhyun hurriedly collects the letters and puts them back in the box where he keeps them, and pushes the box back under his bed. He is positive it's just Jongdae who forgot to take the key (he has the spare key to Jongin and Baekhyun's flat which is why he often takes the liberty to pop in at random times and raid their kitchen for food), and therefore Baekhyun merely unlocks the door for the visitor without even taking a look at who it is and heads for the kitchen.
"What do you think, should I talk to Luhan?" Baekhyun calls out from the kitchen as he makes coffee, knowing it's the first thing Jongdae's going to ask for. He thinks it's a bit strange that Jongdae doesn't reply, but he doesn't think much of it. "He's been so weird lately... We've never been extremely close but now he's just avoiding me. That's got to mean something, right? Do you really think he's the one?"
He still gets no answer, so he just goes on. "I think I really need to talk to him. It's only the fair thing to do. I mean..."
He drops the empty cup he's holding when he turns around to see Chanyeol standing right next to him in the kitchen. Thanks to Chanyeol's surprisingly quick reflexes, though, the cup doesn't end up on the floor. Chanyeol hands it back to Baekhyun with an adorable smile that almost causes Baekhyun to drop the poor cup again. "I thought you were Jongdae," Baekhyun stammers. Chanyeol grins, and Baekhyun looks away for safety reasons. Chanyeol's smile does things to him.
"I'm sorry if I startled you," Chanyeol says. "And sorry if I heard something I wasn't supposed to. I'll erase it from my memory now."
He lifts his forefingers to his temples, closes his eyes, and Baekhyun just stares because it's pretty weird and sort of childish but also very adorable. Chanyeol purses his lips in concentration, eyes screwed shut as he pretends to empty his mind, and Baekhyun has to use every drop of his self-control to prevent himself from doing or saying something very embarrassing.
"Do you like coffee?" he asks awkwardly, trying to sound as casual as possible. Chanyeol, now done meditating or purging his mind or whatever, nods eagerly, and Baekhyun loses another important piece of his sanity.
÷
Truth to be told, Baekhyun is the kind of person who gets into embarrassing situations quite frequently. It's partially Jongdae's fault because for some reason when he and Jongdae are together, even the most stupid ideas start to seem quite good. He doesn't know why it is that two relatively smart individuals can be so stupid when put together, but he supposes it's because they are good at talking each other into doing things against their better judgement and also because no matter how much they bicker and insult each other all the time, they still trust each other enough to agree to things they usually wouldn't. Whatever it is, the undeniable fact is that Baekhyun has embarrassed himself in his life more than once, but usually it doesn't bother him particularly much because it's in his nature not to be embarrassed easily, and thus he's usually able to just laugh humiliation off without having to dwell on it.
Nonetheless there are some things that he hasn't been able to laugh off even though he has tried. One of them is the thing involving Jongdae's dirty polka dot boxers in Kyungsoo's mail slot (mostly because Baekhyun is quite sure Kyungsoo still thinks they were actually Baekhyun's), and another one is being caught taking a picture of Luhan in class and getting called out on it by the professor. Still, neither of those compare to the utter mortification he faces one Saturday when he wakes up feeling confident and determined, not knowing that he's going to be crushed by the enormous waves of humiliation in less than two hours.
What he does is head straight to Luhan's after breakfast. When he tells Jongin where he's going, he gets a strange look which he ignores although it might have been wise to listen to what Jongin wanted to tell him instead of striding out with his head held high. He's still in high spirits as rings the doorbell, choosing his words and preparing himself for the confrontation. In his hand he has the most recent letter (I think I need a map - I've gotten lost in your eyes), and he clutches it only slightly nervously as he waits for Luhan to open the door.
“Oh, Baekhyun. Hi,” Luhan greets him, visibly surprised to see Baekhyun standing at his door. “What are you doing here?”
His eyes land on the letter in Baekhyun's hand, and although he looks very confused, Baekhyun doesn't stop to reconsider. "I just wanted to thank you,” Baekhyun starts, “for the letters. They are cute. Quite unexpected though, but, you know, cute. Really cute.”
Now Luhan looks completely puzzled, as if the Korean words were too elaborate for him to understand. “What?”
If Baekhyun were a smart and perceptive person, he would abort the mission at that point, seeing how utterly confused Luhan looks, but unfortunately he soldiers on. He doesn’t even know what it is that he came to say, so he just keeps talking about the letters and the crush he used to have on Luhan, and how he really appreciates it but can't return Luhan's feelings. It isn’t until Sehun, Luhan’s roommate, appears behind the Chinese man’s back that Baekhyun finally pauses to think and really take a look at how gobsmacked Luhan looks.
“What’s going on?” Sehun asks, narrowing his eyes at Baekhyun who can only stare at the two dumbly. Luhan turns to look at Sehun, but even he can’t get a word out of his mouth.
“I… just…” Baekhyun starts but he doesn’t even know what he's supposed to say, so in the end he just snaps his mouth shut and keeps staring.
“What’s this thing about you sending love letters to Baekhyun?” Sehun asks Luhan, who only blinks, gaping like a goldfish out of water. And as if things weren’t already bad enough, two things happen. First Sehun wraps an arm around Luhan’s waist in a way that screams this is mine so don’t you even dream about it in Baekhyun's rapidly reddening face, and then, of course, Chanyeol pops into view.
“What’s going on?” he asks behind Sehun’s back, holding a bowl of popcorn and looking confused. “What’s… Baekhyun, what are you doing here? Did you come to watch the football game with us?”
Baekhyun blinks once, and twice. And then, he runs.
÷
Baekhyun is mortified. He is so embarrassed that he'd rather crawl under his bed and stay there until his body decomposes and turns into dirt than go out and show his face to anyone ever again. He doesn't even let Jongdae in when he drops by a few hours after Baekhyun's utter humiliation, and for once Jongdae has the decency not to use the spare key. Although the more rational side of Baekhyun knows Jongdae probably isn't there to mock the living daylights out of him, he still doesn't want to see him just yet.
"Let me in," Jongdae whines. Baekhyun simply lies in front of the door and briefly contemplates accusing Jongdae of brainwashing him into suspecting Luhan, but the more sensible part knows that although Jongdae can be an insufferable prankster at times, he is still a great friend who wouldn't do such a cruel thing.
"Only if you promise you won't say a word about what happened today," Baekhyun finally replies.
"I promise," comes the reply, but it's too fast, and Jongdae himself seems to realize it before Baekhyun even has to point it out to him. "I'll go reflect on my shortcomings as a friend and come back to try again in a couple of hours."
"With dinner. Anything's fine as long as it's not Chinese," Baekhyun demands. If it were a normal day, Jongdae would probably laugh in his face for even wishing to get him to comply with such a request, but today is a special day, and so Jongdae promises to bring some takeaway when he returns.
Jongin stops by, too. Baekhyun lets him in only because he can't really drive him away, given that it's Jongin's home as much as it's his. Jongin drops off his bag and says he's going to Sehun's, causing Baekhyun to hiss at him not to mention that name in his presence.
“I know you aren’t in the mood for discussing this, but how come you and Jongdae didn’t know about Luhan and Sehun?” Jongin asks as he puts on his shoes, eyeing Baekhyun who’s still lying flat on the floor. He hasn't moved an inch since he returned and collapsed on the floor, and he isn't planning on moving anytime soon. “Jongdae knows everything that goes on in this building, but he didn’t know that? They've only been together for a month or so, but still."
Baekhyun whimpers pitifully and hugs his knees to his chest. “I don’t know,” he confesses. “Jongdae never mentioned it so I had no idea. He probably knew, though, because he knows everything. He must have had some sort of a love triangle story going on in his head, or maybe he just got so excited that he forgot about Sehun. I don’t know. I don’t know anything and I want to die so please just go and let me decompose in peace. And if we never meet again, know that I love you a lot even though you are practically married to your stupid calculator."
Jongin casts one last glance at Baekhyun, even bending down to pat his best friend’s head sympathetically, and then he leaves, knowing Baekhyun probably doesn’t want anyone to witness one of the darkest moments in his life.
÷
It's half past four when Baekhyun hears the elevator stop at his floor. Since he's still busy trying to become one with the doormat, he hears the steps quite clearly, and jerks in surprise when someone stops in front of his door. There's the sound of that someone rummaging through their bag, and sure enough, a letter soon falls through the mail slot. Baekhyun stares at it dumbly for a while (I know someone who really likes you, and if I weren’t so shy, I’d tell you who) before jumping up and practically tearing the door open.
He doesn't really expect to see Chanyeol standing there, in the middle of zipping up his backpack. For the longest time, the two of them gape at each other in complete silence, with Chanyeol looking like a deer in headlights for having been caught red handed, and Baekhyun trying to put two and two together.
"So it was... you?" Baekhyun stammers after what feels like forever. Chanyeol rubs the back of his head awkwardly, trying to find something to fix his gaze on, anything that's not Baekhyun.
"I... guess... so," he finally admits. “I didn’t think you’d be home at this time, so. Wow, this is awkward.”
There’s a long silence during which Chanyeol stares at his feet and Baekhyun stares at Chanyeol, trying to comprehend the situation. “So, it was you, all this time?” he finally asks again, just to make sure. Chanyeol fidgets uncomfortably, perhaps thinking he’s in trouble.
“This is going to sound so weird,” Chanyeol begins, cringing visibly, “but I saw you at campus a couple of days after I moved and, well, I thought you were really cute. Like, really, really cute so I kind of followed you home and realized you live right next-door and... That sounds so creepy, but I swear I’m not a stalker! I just… like you. Quite a bit, to be honest.”
Baekhyun keeps staring. Chanyeol, getting even more flustered at the lack of reaction, stammers on. “It’s really not stalking, it’s just… admiring from afar!”
Secrets after secrets spill from Chanyeol’s nervous lips, and within the few next minutes Baekhyun learns that in the end, he hasn't been the only one admiring someone. It turns out that Chanyeol intentionally chose a course in Geography even though he hates the subject, only to have an excuse to make friends with Baekhyun. While Baekhyun had been glued to the peephole in the mornings, Chanyeol had been keeping watch at his door in the afternoons, waiting for Baekhyun to come home. When Baekhyun had followed Chanyeol to the library and pretended to be very interested in galaxies and nebulae, Chanyeol had kept stealing glances at him every now and then when Baekhyun hadn't been looking.
It’s all so crazy that Baekhyun would laugh if he weren’t so surprised. They are still standing at Baekhyun’s open door, taking turns staring at each other and their own feet awkwardly, yet it still doesn’t cross Baekhyun’s mind to pull Chanyeol into the apartment.
“You sing in the shower,” Baekhyun says after one more moment of silence. “I like your voice when you sing Urban Zakapa’s ballads even though you go off-key every three seconds. Also, you look significantly better up close than you do through the peephole. I hate Astronomy and I’ve never gone to library to study because I can't focus in places with lots of other people."
Chanyeol’s lips part in surprise. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”
“I’m saying that we are both creepy, desperate weirdos.”
Chanyeol blinks. “Oh.” He takes a moment to assess the situation, letting the words down on him, and turns to stare at Baekhyun. “Oh.”
There’s another silence. Chanyeol shifts his weight from one foot to the other and Baekhyun tries to recall what people do in such situations in romantic comedies. Kiss, probably, or something like that. Baekhyun looks up at Chanyeol, tilts his head contemplatively, measuring the distance and weighing his options. Before he can reach any sort of conclusion, Chanyeol lifts his gaze and locks eyes with Baekhyun.
“I’m not sure if this is weird,” he begins hesitantly, “but I think this is the part where we kiss. If you want to, that is.”
Weird it definitely is. Absurd, even, but then again, Baekhyun supposes weirdness is their thing, sort of. A relationship can’t possibly get weirder than two lovesick neighbors stalking each other through peepholes, and taking into account every weird thing that the two of them have done so far, a kiss hardly seems like a bad idea. If anything, it sounds very tempting, to say the least.
“A kiss sounds good.”
And of course that is the moment Jongdae decides to let his presence be known.
“Excuse me, coming through!” he hollers so loud that people in the first floor can probably hear it. Baekhyun jumps in surprise and nearly falls on his butt, but fortunately Chanyeol manages to grab his arm to steady him just in time. It’s only then that Baekhyun realizes that oh, they are still standing in the stairway, and practically anyone could have heard their conversation. Jongdae brushes past the two, holding a bag of food, and throws a smug grin in Baekhyun’s direction. “Remember what your father told you about birds and bees. You should still be careful even though you can't pop a baby."
Baekhyun responds by grabbing a shoe from the floor and throwing it at his best friend, who manages to dodge it just in time, cackling as he vanishes into the kitchen.
“I’m sorry about that,” Baekhyun tells Chanyeol.
Chanyeol grins sheepishly. “It’s okay. I guess that means no kissing?”
Baekhyun pauses for a second, then shakes his head and grabs Chanyeol by the collar to pull him into a kiss, not minding the gagging sounds coming from the kitchen or the fact that they still haven’t made it into the apartment and anyone could see them. None of that matters to either of them as they are too busy savoring the best plot twist in their peculiar romantic comedy.
“You can continue sucking face and exchanging spit later, but the food’s getting cold!”
Baekhyun rolls his eyes but Chanyeol only chuckles against his lips, amused, and steals another kiss just because he now has the permission to do so.
"If I were a spotlight, I'd turn red every time you passed by just so that I could be with you a little longer," Chanyeol mutters, smiling shily, and Baekhyun melts once again. "That would have been tomorrow's line."
"Just between you and I, I really liked the letters so I wouldn't mind even if you kept sending them."
Baekhyun’s life isn’t a perfect romantic comedy; it’s just a very strange and unconventional one that involves peepholes, Astronomy and Geography textbooks that no one’s actually very keen on reading, lame pick up lines that work unexpectedly well and embarrassing misunderstandings that lead to something bigger, better and much more significant. And the best thing is that after many twists and turns, the best part has only just begun.
A/N:
- Dear recipient, I’m sorry if this isn’t as funny and cracky as you wanted, but I tried my best so I hope you like it anyway ;;
- Huge thanks to G and D for cheering me on. I couldn't have done it without you guys ♥
One
Author: Anonymous until 1/30/14
For: solivagantic
Pairing: Baekhyun/Chanyeol [side: Baekhyun/Luhan, Luhan/Sehun]
Word Count: 7,235
Summary: Baekhyun may or may not have a tiny little crush on Chanyeol but he also loves the person who invented peepholes.
Warnings: some swearing
Rating: PG
One
It's nothing more than a perfectly normal day in Baekhyun's relatively normal life. He's standing on the balcony, wrapped up in a huge cardigan he has probably stolen from his roommate at some point, drinking his morning coffee in peace while viewing the neighborhood. There's nothing particularly unusual about the scene; Baekhyun likes having his morning coffee on the balcony on lazy Saturday mornings. The neighborhood looks peaceful, too, and there seems to be nothing out of ordinary - that is, until an unfamiliar van stops in front of Baekhyun's apartment building. It belongs to a moving company whose annoyingly cheerful commercials can nowadays be spotted everywhere. Feeling curious, Baekhyun sets his now empty cup on the tiny plastic table behind his bad and leans over the rail in order to see what's going on.
The person who eventually steps out of the van is a tall young man who has his dark brown hair in a tiny ponytail. He's wearing thick-rimmed glasses, dark blue skinny jeans, a light grey sweater with red stripes on it, and a pair of red Converse sneakers. He is, quite frankly, the hottest guy Baekhyun has ever seen in his short but eventful life, and no, Baekhyun is not drooling. Definitely not.
Once the man has disappeared into the building, Baekhyun goes back in, takes the cup to the kitchen and plops down on the living room floor, slightly dazed. He gets a weird look from his roommate, Jongin, who is sitting on the couch, hunched over his beloved calculator that Baekhyun thinks probably cost more than a month's worth of groceries.
"We got a new neighbor," Baekhyun informs him. Jongin doesn't look particularly interested but he does glance at his best friend briefly nonetheless.
"Oh. Is that what you were doing just now, hanging off the rail? Spying on our new neighbor?" he asks, raising a brow. Baekhyun rolls his eyes.
"I wasn't spying. I'm just curious by nature. Plus, he's moving into Zitao's old flat, which is right next door to us, so that's why..."
He trails off, realizing that the hot stranger is most certainly on his way to Zitao's apartment, and gets up at the speed of light. He sprints to the front door just in time to see the stranger exit the elevator with his huge cardboard box. It's unfortunate that the box rips right in front of Baekhyun's door, but the adorable pout that spreads on his face makes it hard for Baekhyun to feel bad for him. For a moment Baekhyun considers going out (very casually, of course, in order to make it seem like a pure coincidence) and offering to help his new neighbor, but he soon abandons the idea and decides to settle for admiring him from afar, at least for now.
"You really are spying on him."
Baekhyun yelps and jumps in surprise, the top of his head colliding with Jongin's jaw. "I'm not spying on anyone!" Baekhyun hisses, rubbing his sore head. "You, on the other hand, should stop sneaking around and scaring me all the time!"
"I almost bit my tongue off because of you," Jongin whines. "And I wasn't even sneaking around, you were just too engrossed in ogling eyes at a complete stranger to take notice of anything else going on around you."
"I will not lower myself to reply to such a ridiculous accusation," Baekhyun announces with a huff and turns back to the peephole. Fortunately, the New Guy is still picking up his books and papers and doesn't appear to have heard the commotion in Baekhyun and Jongin's apartment.
Baekhyun feels Jongin's eyes on his back, and senses judgment in them. Baekhyun has known his best friend long enough to be able to tell the tone of his expression without even seeing it. "Stop judging me behind my back. I'm just doing research! There's only a wall separating us from a complete stranger who could be a murderer for all we know! Imagine if one night he broke the wall and..."
Making excuses, however, is useless since Jongin has known Baekhyun long enough to be able to tell when he's coming up with nonsense to camouflage his real motives. "Well, do carry on then," the mathematician-to-be snickers. "Let me know if you need me to call the police, you know, to catch the bad guy before he breaks into our flat and kills us in our sleep."
Baekhyun pointedly ignores the sarcastic tone of Jongin's voice. "Will do. Don't worry, I'll keep us safe."
Jongin heads back to his homework and his precious calculator while Baekhyun stays by the door, keeping an eye on the New Guy who's still gathering his things. Baekhyun spends the next thirty minutes running back and forth between the door and the balcony, much to Jongin's amusement (and after the fifth round, irritation), just to catch glimpses of the good looking stranger as he carries boxes into Zitao's old flat.
"Good news," Baekhyun announces after the New Guy hasn't come out of his apartment for ten minutes. "I'm pretty sure he's not a murderer."
"Yay," Jongin mutters drily, now reading some kind of a textbook while still occasionally tapping at his calculator. Baekhyun hops on the couch, almost crushing poor Jongin in the process, and without paying any attention to Jongin's protests, Baekhyun lies down and rests his head on his best friend's thigh. After a few unsuccessful attempts to swat him off, Jongin lets him be.
"I think he might be a musician. He really looks like one, doesn't he? Plus, he had some music sheets in the box that ripped. I really think he's a musician, maybe a drummer. What do you think?" Baekhyun rattles on, playing with the string of Jongin's hoodie. Jongin tries to snatch it out of Baekhyun's hands but Baekhyun only tightens his grip and refuses to let go.
"I think I'll jump off the balcony if he's a drummer," Jongin deadpans. "The walls are so thin that I can even hear Jongdae's snores from the second floor. I really don't need a drummer as my next door neighbor."
"Liar. Even a hundred vuvuzelas couldn't wake you up," he points out and is about to add something more when he hears a door close. Without a second of hesitation, he jumps up and runs to the door, just in time to see the New Guy step into the elevator. As Baekhyun moves to the balcony (now there's no need to run because he knows it takes some time for the elevator to go from the fourth floor to the first one), Jongin lets out a heavy sigh.
"I hope you get sick of him real soon," he mutters. Baekhyun ignores him rather pointedly.
÷
It isn't stalking. It really, definitely isn't. Curiosity, maybe, but not stalking. That's what Baekhyun tells himself as he sits in the bathtub, ear pressed up against the wall so that he can hear the sounds coming from the New Guy's apartment. His neighbor (thanks to Jongdae's gossipy tendencies, Baekhyun now knows his name is Chanyeol) is singing, and although his version of Urban Zakapa's All the Same is dramatic to say the least, not to mention he could use some singing lessons, Baekhyun doesn't mind. He loves Chanyeol's deep, warm and soothing voice anyway.
He still refuses to admit to being a stalker when he gets up at five past eight just to catch a glimpse of Chanyeol through the peephole as the perfect human being leaves for school or work. However, when he follows Chanyeol to the library one Saturday and spends three hours there pretending to be reading a book on Astronomy although he's actually just stealing glances at Chanyeol, Baekhyun has a brief moment of weakness and begins to question his life choices. Still, at the end of the day he concludes that three hours spent pretending to care about something as boring as Astronomy is worth getting to watch Chanyeol do his homework and bite on his pencil, brows furrowed, and therefore he has no regrets.
It goes without saying that Jongin isn't particularly supporting of Baekhyun's new hobby. He calls it stalking, but Baekhyun calls it admiring from afar - it's just a matter of opinion. Jongin finds it hard to understand why Baekhyun can't just go talk to Chanyeol and make friends with him since Baekhyun is already friends with everyone else living in the building. Striking up conversations and making friends has always been one of Baekhyun's (many) talents, yet when it comes to Chanyeol, Baekhyun seems to turn into a nervous mess and lose all of his social skills. Jongin thinks it's strange, Jongdae finds it fascinating and Baekhyun supposes it's just a sign that he and Chanyeol aren't meant to be.
"Just talk to him," Jongin groans. "Please, talk to him because you're being creepy and I did not sign up to be best friends and roommates with Mr Creepy, thank you very much."
"I just don't want to destroy my fantasies," Baekhyun reasons matter-of-factly and glances at the clock. It's almost half past eight, which means that he has to take a shower soon. "I don't want to get to know him and then realize he's actually nothing like I thought he would be."
"You say you don't want to get to know him yet you're stalking him," Jongdae, who has come over in hopes of getting free food like he often does, pipes in. "In my book, stalking is what you do when you want to know someone but you're either too shy or otherwise unable to approach that someone like a normal, healthy person would. Also, newsflash: Stalking isn't romantic, it's just creepy and wrong."
Baekhyun contemplates throwing a cushion at him, but then decides against it because Jongdae isn't worth the trouble. "I am not stalking him!" he protests instead. "You know, it's like admiring a piece of art at a gallery. I'm like those people who go to Paris just to see the Mona Lisa. I'm a true lover of great art, and Chanyeol's basically a walking sculpture of some Greek god, that's all."
Jongdae and Jongin exchange pointed glances and sigh in unison. "Whatever helps you sleep at night."
÷
The next morning serves as a turning point in Baekhyun's life.
The day starts with a serious disappointment as Chanyeol doesn't leave at his usual time. Baekhyun sits by the peephole for fifteen minutes until he gives up, concluding that Chanyeol either isn't going anywhere or has already left. Baekhyun leaves for class two hours later and walks to the elevator without a care in the world, and just as he's about to press a button, someone bolts into the elevator. A few seconds of blank staring later Baekhyun realizes that yes, Park Chanyeol, his hot neighbor who sings Jisun's parts in Epik High's One like it's the last thing he'll ever sing, catches the 8.15 bus every morning, always stops to look for his keys right in front of Baekhyun's door, and looks devastatingly handsome every hour of the day, is standing right next to him in the very tiny elevator.
"I'm sorry if I'm bothering you or something," Chanyeol apologizes sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. Baekhyun swallows so loudly that he wonders if Chanyeol can hear it. "I'm just in a hurry. I kind of overslept because my alarm didn't go off."
"Oh. I mean, no, it's fine! Totally fine!" Baekhyun exclaims awkwardly, still slightly startled and a bit out of breath. Very out of breath, actually. Chanyeol's hair is messy, the top two buttons of his plaid shirt are undone (most likely only because he simply forgot to do them), his eyes look sleepy, and yes, he still looks absolutely gorgeous. Stunning. Baekhyun fights the urge to fan himself and tries not to stare at Chanyeol's collarbones that are revealed by the undone buttons. The elevator is much too small a space for this kind of situations. It's so hot, and the ride takes too long.
"My name is Chanyeol, by the way," Chanyeol introduces himself, now hitting the button that Baekhyun completely forgot to press. "I live in 71."
"I know," Baekhyun accidentally lets slip, realizing his mistake only a second too late, and starts coughing like a chain smoker. "I mean, I've heard. Um, rumors, I've heard rumors. You can't keep a secret in this building, you see."
On the outside, Baekhyun laughs only a bit nervously, but on the inside, he really wants to hit himself in the face with a whale, and preferably a very big one. Chanyeol only laughs at him, eyes and nose crinkling, and it's just about the most adorable thing Baekhyun has ever seen, cuter than any puppy or kitten, or even a sleepy Jongin. Chanyeol's cuteness is a whole new level of cute, actually. Baekhyun melts.
"Thanks for the heads-up, I'll keep that in mind," Chanyeol says with a wide grin just as the elevator reaches the bottom floor and the two men step out. "I guess even walls have ears in this building."
Baekhyun almost swallows his own tongue in surprise, and Chanyeol flashes him yet another bright smile. They part ways at the front door as Chanyeol heads off to the bus stop and Baekhyun to the subway, and despite being in a hurry, Chanyeol pauses after a few steps, turns around and waves at Baekhyun with a goofy smile plastered all over his stupid, perfect face. Baekhyun has to force himself to swallow the idiotic grin that threatens to creep on his face as he forces himself to turn around and keep walking even though he only wants to lie down and roll around in the colorful autumn leaves, and preferably never get up again.
Once he reaches the subway station, he realizes that he might have a problem.
÷
A couple of days later, the first letter arrives.
“I was blinded by your beauty, so I need your name and phone number for insurance purposes,” Jongdae, who has once again come over because his fridge is empty and he is hungry, reads out loud, laughing. “And, of course, it’s signed by a Secret Admirer.”
Baekhyun reaches for the letter and scrutinizes the handwriting in hopes of recognizing it. “I can’t decide whether this is super cute or super lame.”
In all honesty, Baekhyun finds the letter adorable and incredibly flattering, but there's no way he's ever going to say it out loud in front of Jongdae and Jongin.
“Probably a prank,” Jongin says. Baekhyun immediately glares Jongdae suspiciously, who raises his hands in defense.
“I swear it wasn’t me, but I have to say I wish I had come up with a prank like this,” he confesses. Baekhyun makes a face and pushes Jongdae off the couch.
÷
Over the twenty-two years Baekhyun has spent walking on the face of Earth, he has concluded that he probably isn’t the main character in a romantic comedy, although he kind of wishes he were. That’s why he doesn’t understand why his life suddenly feels like a romantic comedy, and why the world keeps shoving cheesy plot twists in his face all of a sudden, in various different situations. He doesn’t understand why Chanyeol is suddenly attending a Geography course with him, nor does he understand why his new neighbor sits right next to him in class, chatting as if they were actually friends. He also doesn’t understand why he can't wipe the stupid smile off his face even when Chanyeol knocks down a cup of coffee and ruins his notes. If it were Jongdae, Baekhyun would pull his best friend's hair or, if he felt particularly gracious, rub the wet notepad in Jongdae's face.
But when it's Chanyeol, Baekhyun can only smile like a soaked notebook is the best thing that has happened to him all week. “It’s fine,” he hears himself say and almost doesn't recognize his own voice. “I’ll just get the notes from my friend.”
Chanyeol pouts apologetically. “What should I do to make this up for you?” he mumbles. He thinks about it for a while, and soon his face lights up like a Christmas tree. “I’ll copy the notes for you. Just tell me the courses you’re taking and I’ll get all of them for you.”
“You really don’t need to,” Baekhyun starts, wanting to tell Chanyeol that he never actually reads any of his notes because the only reason he even takes notes during lectures is to keep himself from getting distracted. However, it doesn’t seem like Chanyeol is going to take no for an answer. “Well… if you get tenosynovitis or something, I won’t take responsibility.”
Chanyeol beams like a little kid, as if Baekhyun had volunteered to do something for him and not the other way around.
A smiling Chanyeol being a total sweetheart is already a bad thing, but after that, it only gets worse. During the course they are expected to give a presentation on some natural disaster, which as an assignment sounds a bit too simple for university students but that's not what Baekhyun is complaining about. The worst part is that they need to work in pairs, and as soon as he hears about it, Chanyeol immediately asks Baekhyun to work with him. And clings to his arm. And once again smiles too widely and it's sort of blinding. And Baekhyun, despite having a very bad feeling about it, can’t say no. Not to a guy who looks like an elf prince and smiles like he’s living in a world where it’s always Christmas, and certainly not when the whole left side of Baekhyun's body is pressed up against the most perfect person he has ever seen.
When Baekhyun thinks about it later on, when he has returned home and found yet another love letter (Do you have a band-aid? I scraped my knee pretty badly falling for you :'(), the idea of working on a presentation on natural disasters with Chanyeol already sounds like a natural disaster in itself.
÷
During the next week Baekhyun gets a letter from his Secret Admirer every day. The letters usually contain cheesy pick-up lines, but Baekhyun also receives a couple of sappy poems which he suspects were written by the Secret Admirer himself. As the letters keep coming, Jongdae and Jongin are forced to consider the possibility of the letters not being a prank, given that it’s highly unlikely that anyone would have the time and patience to keep sending such things just for the laughs.
“Your legs must be hurting a lot since you’ve spent weeks running through my mind,” Jongdae reads the most recent letter, cackling. “This guy’s my sole source of entertainment in this rapidly darkening season. If you ever find out who he is, don't reject him or even tell him you know because I need these letters in my life."
“Don’t laugh at him,” Baekhyun whines. “He’s just being sincere.”
“Sincerity doesn’t change the fact that these letters are just plain ridiculous,” Jongdae points out. “My favorite so far is the superhero one, what was it again…”
“If I was a superhero, I wouldn’t be Batman, Superman or even Iron Man. I would be Yourman.”
Jongdae snorts. “See? Ridiculous.”
Baekhyun decides it’s time to change the topic before he gets too defensive. “I still wonder who's sending these. We should solve this mystery,” he says. “It must be someone who lives in this building, or at least one of the nearby ones.”
Jongdae hums in agreement. “It has to be someone very lame. Who’s the lamest person in this building?”
“Kris, hands down,” Baekhyun replies right away. “But it can’t be Kris. These letters… aren’t quite Kris’ kind of lame, and Kris wouldn't bother sending letters. I’m actually suspecting Joonmyun.”
“Joonmyun?” Jongdae repeats, scandalized. “Dream on, dumbass, you’re so not his type.”
Baekhyun raises a knowing brow. “And you are?”
“I’m everyone’s type,” Jongdae states suavely. “Anyway, so we've concluded that it’s not Kris or Joonmyun, and definitely not me or Jongin. Who else is there?”
“Minseok, but I’m sure it’s not him. It’s not Kyungsoo either. I’m pretty sure he hates me after that one time I accidentally got off at the wrong floor and stuffed your dirty underwear in his mail slot."
Baekhyun cringes at the memory. It definitely hadn't been one of his finest moments, especially when he hadn't just left it at that. No, he had also spent a good five minutes abusing Kyungsoo's doorbell and yelling at him to open the door (among many other things which he'd rather forget about). When the door had been opened by a very pissed Kyungsoo instead of Jongdae, Baekhyun had whimpered an apology and fled the scene in mortification, barely remembering to grab Jongdae's underwear before leaving. In retrospect, it had been all Jongdae’s fault for repeatedly trying to sneak his dirty clothes in Baekhyun’s laundry basket in hopes of fooling his best friend into washing them for him. That, however, doesn't matter to Kyungsoo who never found out the reason Baekhyun deemed it necessary to put dirty underwear in his mailslot and call him horrible names Baekhyun would never call anyone except for Jongdae.
"Oh, how about Yixing? I could see him sincerely trying to use these kinds of lines on someone,” Baekhyun speculates, trying to get rid of the unpleasant memory.
“Not Yixing. He would be completely obvious about it. I mean, just one look at his face and you’d know if he were picturing you naked,” Jongdae points out, studying the letter in his hand. “How about the new guy? Chanyeol? You guys have been quite chummy lately, haven't you? Your stalking must finally be paying off."
Baekhyun’s heart jumps at the thought and he has to bite back an embarrassing giggle. He already admits that he has a serious problem but now is not the right time to deal with it. “No. He’s out for the same reason as Yixing. He can’t control his face. I’ve only known him for a couple of weeks but I can already tell he has no poker face whatsoever. And, just so you know, we aren't chummy. We have a purely professional relationship and we only talk about tsunamis because we are good students who want to ace that presentation."
“So that leaves us with Sehun and Luhan,” Jongdae muses, ignoring Baekhyun almost completely. “You know what? I’m going to bet my money on Luhan.”
Baekhyun stares at him for a long while, and then bursts out laughing. "Wow, no way. No fucking way. Even Kyungsoo's more likely to send me Superman pick-up lines than Luhan."
“No, Baek, just trust my intuition. Luhan doesn’t look like the type to send lame pick up lines to someone, no?” Jongdae goes on. “I have a theory. Let’s ignore the content of the letters, and focus on the fact that whoever it is that sent those is probably interested in you. Maybe the person who sent them is just trying to match your level with those letters.”
“My level is way higher than ‘I was blinded by your beauty so I’m going to need your name and phone number for insurance purposes’,” Baekhyun protests.
“But the point here is that Luhan doesn’t know that. To him, you’re the weird kid who followed him everywhere and secretly took pictures of him when you thought he didn’t notice. You can’t blame him for thinking you’re mentally about as mature as a girl in her early teens,” Jongdae reasons and easily dodges Baekhyun’s attempt to hit him with a cushion. “What I don’t understand, though, is why he'd have a crush on you. Maybe he thinks you’re so strange that it’s kind of cute in some wicked way.”
As much as he hates to admit it, Baekhyun thinks Jongdae's twisted logic does make sense.
÷
For the next few weeks, Baekhyun's life consists mainly of two things: trying to behave like a normal, mentally stable human being in Chanyeol's presence (which definitely isn't easy when Chanyeol is so enthusiastic about their presentation that he keeps asking Baekhyun out to work on it nearly every day), and keeping an eye on Luhan, who does seem somewhat suspicious when Baekhyun really thinks about it. When they run into each other in the stairway or at the door, or even on their way to class, Luhan often seems a bit awkward, avoiding Baekhyun's eyes and trying to keep their conversations as brief as possible. Baekhyun can't quite explain what it is exactly, but there is an awkward feeling coming from Luhan, which causes Baekhyun to conclude that Jongdae must have been right. Maybe Luhan really is the one responsible for the letters.
Meanwhile, the letters keep coming. On a scale of 1-10, I’m nine and you’re the one I need. Can I have your picture so I can show Santa Claus what I want for Christmas? If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I’d have a galaxy in my hand. Baekhyun would be lying if he said he didn't look forward to them, because to be honest, they are the highlight of his every day. Jongdae loves them, too, although for entirely different reasons, and Jongin simply doesn't care.
Baekhyun sits on his bed, cross-legged, eyeing the letters he has received so far. They are all handwritten, black sharpie on pale purple paper and a few round, big hearts drawn around the text. He would rather go kiss Kyungsoo on the cheek than admit it out loud (especially in Jongin's or Jongdae's presence), but the letters really do make him feel special, like there's someone out there who would actually look at him twice and take the time to send him cute little letters to brighten up his day. Baekhyun has had plenty of crushes before, but no one has ever liked him back or harbored a crush on him. It feels nice to have someone pay attention to him like that, even if it's just an anonymous Secret Admirer who could be anyone. There's also still a chance the letters are just a prank that's been taken too far, but even that doesn't make Baekhyun appreciate them any less.
Someone rings the doorbell. Baekhyun hurriedly collects the letters and puts them back in the box where he keeps them, and pushes the box back under his bed. He is positive it's just Jongdae who forgot to take the key (he has the spare key to Jongin and Baekhyun's flat which is why he often takes the liberty to pop in at random times and raid their kitchen for food), and therefore Baekhyun merely unlocks the door for the visitor without even taking a look at who it is and heads for the kitchen.
"What do you think, should I talk to Luhan?" Baekhyun calls out from the kitchen as he makes coffee, knowing it's the first thing Jongdae's going to ask for. He thinks it's a bit strange that Jongdae doesn't reply, but he doesn't think much of it. "He's been so weird lately... We've never been extremely close but now he's just avoiding me. That's got to mean something, right? Do you really think he's the one?"
He still gets no answer, so he just goes on. "I think I really need to talk to him. It's only the fair thing to do. I mean..."
He drops the empty cup he's holding when he turns around to see Chanyeol standing right next to him in the kitchen. Thanks to Chanyeol's surprisingly quick reflexes, though, the cup doesn't end up on the floor. Chanyeol hands it back to Baekhyun with an adorable smile that almost causes Baekhyun to drop the poor cup again. "I thought you were Jongdae," Baekhyun stammers. Chanyeol grins, and Baekhyun looks away for safety reasons. Chanyeol's smile does things to him.
"I'm sorry if I startled you," Chanyeol says. "And sorry if I heard something I wasn't supposed to. I'll erase it from my memory now."
He lifts his forefingers to his temples, closes his eyes, and Baekhyun just stares because it's pretty weird and sort of childish but also very adorable. Chanyeol purses his lips in concentration, eyes screwed shut as he pretends to empty his mind, and Baekhyun has to use every drop of his self-control to prevent himself from doing or saying something very embarrassing.
"Do you like coffee?" he asks awkwardly, trying to sound as casual as possible. Chanyeol, now done meditating or purging his mind or whatever, nods eagerly, and Baekhyun loses another important piece of his sanity.
÷
Truth to be told, Baekhyun is the kind of person who gets into embarrassing situations quite frequently. It's partially Jongdae's fault because for some reason when he and Jongdae are together, even the most stupid ideas start to seem quite good. He doesn't know why it is that two relatively smart individuals can be so stupid when put together, but he supposes it's because they are good at talking each other into doing things against their better judgement and also because no matter how much they bicker and insult each other all the time, they still trust each other enough to agree to things they usually wouldn't. Whatever it is, the undeniable fact is that Baekhyun has embarrassed himself in his life more than once, but usually it doesn't bother him particularly much because it's in his nature not to be embarrassed easily, and thus he's usually able to just laugh humiliation off without having to dwell on it.
Nonetheless there are some things that he hasn't been able to laugh off even though he has tried. One of them is the thing involving Jongdae's dirty polka dot boxers in Kyungsoo's mail slot (mostly because Baekhyun is quite sure Kyungsoo still thinks they were actually Baekhyun's), and another one is being caught taking a picture of Luhan in class and getting called out on it by the professor. Still, neither of those compare to the utter mortification he faces one Saturday when he wakes up feeling confident and determined, not knowing that he's going to be crushed by the enormous waves of humiliation in less than two hours.
What he does is head straight to Luhan's after breakfast. When he tells Jongin where he's going, he gets a strange look which he ignores although it might have been wise to listen to what Jongin wanted to tell him instead of striding out with his head held high. He's still in high spirits as rings the doorbell, choosing his words and preparing himself for the confrontation. In his hand he has the most recent letter (I think I need a map - I've gotten lost in your eyes), and he clutches it only slightly nervously as he waits for Luhan to open the door.
“Oh, Baekhyun. Hi,” Luhan greets him, visibly surprised to see Baekhyun standing at his door. “What are you doing here?”
His eyes land on the letter in Baekhyun's hand, and although he looks very confused, Baekhyun doesn't stop to reconsider. "I just wanted to thank you,” Baekhyun starts, “for the letters. They are cute. Quite unexpected though, but, you know, cute. Really cute.”
Now Luhan looks completely puzzled, as if the Korean words were too elaborate for him to understand. “What?”
If Baekhyun were a smart and perceptive person, he would abort the mission at that point, seeing how utterly confused Luhan looks, but unfortunately he soldiers on. He doesn’t even know what it is that he came to say, so he just keeps talking about the letters and the crush he used to have on Luhan, and how he really appreciates it but can't return Luhan's feelings. It isn’t until Sehun, Luhan’s roommate, appears behind the Chinese man’s back that Baekhyun finally pauses to think and really take a look at how gobsmacked Luhan looks.
“What’s going on?” Sehun asks, narrowing his eyes at Baekhyun who can only stare at the two dumbly. Luhan turns to look at Sehun, but even he can’t get a word out of his mouth.
“I… just…” Baekhyun starts but he doesn’t even know what he's supposed to say, so in the end he just snaps his mouth shut and keeps staring.
“What’s this thing about you sending love letters to Baekhyun?” Sehun asks Luhan, who only blinks, gaping like a goldfish out of water. And as if things weren’t already bad enough, two things happen. First Sehun wraps an arm around Luhan’s waist in a way that screams this is mine so don’t you even dream about it in Baekhyun's rapidly reddening face, and then, of course, Chanyeol pops into view.
“What’s going on?” he asks behind Sehun’s back, holding a bowl of popcorn and looking confused. “What’s… Baekhyun, what are you doing here? Did you come to watch the football game with us?”
Baekhyun blinks once, and twice. And then, he runs.
÷
Baekhyun is mortified. He is so embarrassed that he'd rather crawl under his bed and stay there until his body decomposes and turns into dirt than go out and show his face to anyone ever again. He doesn't even let Jongdae in when he drops by a few hours after Baekhyun's utter humiliation, and for once Jongdae has the decency not to use the spare key. Although the more rational side of Baekhyun knows Jongdae probably isn't there to mock the living daylights out of him, he still doesn't want to see him just yet.
"Let me in," Jongdae whines. Baekhyun simply lies in front of the door and briefly contemplates accusing Jongdae of brainwashing him into suspecting Luhan, but the more sensible part knows that although Jongdae can be an insufferable prankster at times, he is still a great friend who wouldn't do such a cruel thing.
"Only if you promise you won't say a word about what happened today," Baekhyun finally replies.
"I promise," comes the reply, but it's too fast, and Jongdae himself seems to realize it before Baekhyun even has to point it out to him. "I'll go reflect on my shortcomings as a friend and come back to try again in a couple of hours."
"With dinner. Anything's fine as long as it's not Chinese," Baekhyun demands. If it were a normal day, Jongdae would probably laugh in his face for even wishing to get him to comply with such a request, but today is a special day, and so Jongdae promises to bring some takeaway when he returns.
Jongin stops by, too. Baekhyun lets him in only because he can't really drive him away, given that it's Jongin's home as much as it's his. Jongin drops off his bag and says he's going to Sehun's, causing Baekhyun to hiss at him not to mention that name in his presence.
“I know you aren’t in the mood for discussing this, but how come you and Jongdae didn’t know about Luhan and Sehun?” Jongin asks as he puts on his shoes, eyeing Baekhyun who’s still lying flat on the floor. He hasn't moved an inch since he returned and collapsed on the floor, and he isn't planning on moving anytime soon. “Jongdae knows everything that goes on in this building, but he didn’t know that? They've only been together for a month or so, but still."
Baekhyun whimpers pitifully and hugs his knees to his chest. “I don’t know,” he confesses. “Jongdae never mentioned it so I had no idea. He probably knew, though, because he knows everything. He must have had some sort of a love triangle story going on in his head, or maybe he just got so excited that he forgot about Sehun. I don’t know. I don’t know anything and I want to die so please just go and let me decompose in peace. And if we never meet again, know that I love you a lot even though you are practically married to your stupid calculator."
Jongin casts one last glance at Baekhyun, even bending down to pat his best friend’s head sympathetically, and then he leaves, knowing Baekhyun probably doesn’t want anyone to witness one of the darkest moments in his life.
÷
It's half past four when Baekhyun hears the elevator stop at his floor. Since he's still busy trying to become one with the doormat, he hears the steps quite clearly, and jerks in surprise when someone stops in front of his door. There's the sound of that someone rummaging through their bag, and sure enough, a letter soon falls through the mail slot. Baekhyun stares at it dumbly for a while (I know someone who really likes you, and if I weren’t so shy, I’d tell you who) before jumping up and practically tearing the door open.
He doesn't really expect to see Chanyeol standing there, in the middle of zipping up his backpack. For the longest time, the two of them gape at each other in complete silence, with Chanyeol looking like a deer in headlights for having been caught red handed, and Baekhyun trying to put two and two together.
"So it was... you?" Baekhyun stammers after what feels like forever. Chanyeol rubs the back of his head awkwardly, trying to find something to fix his gaze on, anything that's not Baekhyun.
"I... guess... so," he finally admits. “I didn’t think you’d be home at this time, so. Wow, this is awkward.”
There’s a long silence during which Chanyeol stares at his feet and Baekhyun stares at Chanyeol, trying to comprehend the situation. “So, it was you, all this time?” he finally asks again, just to make sure. Chanyeol fidgets uncomfortably, perhaps thinking he’s in trouble.
“This is going to sound so weird,” Chanyeol begins, cringing visibly, “but I saw you at campus a couple of days after I moved and, well, I thought you were really cute. Like, really, really cute so I kind of followed you home and realized you live right next-door and... That sounds so creepy, but I swear I’m not a stalker! I just… like you. Quite a bit, to be honest.”
Baekhyun keeps staring. Chanyeol, getting even more flustered at the lack of reaction, stammers on. “It’s really not stalking, it’s just… admiring from afar!”
Secrets after secrets spill from Chanyeol’s nervous lips, and within the few next minutes Baekhyun learns that in the end, he hasn't been the only one admiring someone. It turns out that Chanyeol intentionally chose a course in Geography even though he hates the subject, only to have an excuse to make friends with Baekhyun. While Baekhyun had been glued to the peephole in the mornings, Chanyeol had been keeping watch at his door in the afternoons, waiting for Baekhyun to come home. When Baekhyun had followed Chanyeol to the library and pretended to be very interested in galaxies and nebulae, Chanyeol had kept stealing glances at him every now and then when Baekhyun hadn't been looking.
It’s all so crazy that Baekhyun would laugh if he weren’t so surprised. They are still standing at Baekhyun’s open door, taking turns staring at each other and their own feet awkwardly, yet it still doesn’t cross Baekhyun’s mind to pull Chanyeol into the apartment.
“You sing in the shower,” Baekhyun says after one more moment of silence. “I like your voice when you sing Urban Zakapa’s ballads even though you go off-key every three seconds. Also, you look significantly better up close than you do through the peephole. I hate Astronomy and I’ve never gone to library to study because I can't focus in places with lots of other people."
Chanyeol’s lips part in surprise. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”
“I’m saying that we are both creepy, desperate weirdos.”
Chanyeol blinks. “Oh.” He takes a moment to assess the situation, letting the words down on him, and turns to stare at Baekhyun. “Oh.”
There’s another silence. Chanyeol shifts his weight from one foot to the other and Baekhyun tries to recall what people do in such situations in romantic comedies. Kiss, probably, or something like that. Baekhyun looks up at Chanyeol, tilts his head contemplatively, measuring the distance and weighing his options. Before he can reach any sort of conclusion, Chanyeol lifts his gaze and locks eyes with Baekhyun.
“I’m not sure if this is weird,” he begins hesitantly, “but I think this is the part where we kiss. If you want to, that is.”
Weird it definitely is. Absurd, even, but then again, Baekhyun supposes weirdness is their thing, sort of. A relationship can’t possibly get weirder than two lovesick neighbors stalking each other through peepholes, and taking into account every weird thing that the two of them have done so far, a kiss hardly seems like a bad idea. If anything, it sounds very tempting, to say the least.
“A kiss sounds good.”
And of course that is the moment Jongdae decides to let his presence be known.
“Excuse me, coming through!” he hollers so loud that people in the first floor can probably hear it. Baekhyun jumps in surprise and nearly falls on his butt, but fortunately Chanyeol manages to grab his arm to steady him just in time. It’s only then that Baekhyun realizes that oh, they are still standing in the stairway, and practically anyone could have heard their conversation. Jongdae brushes past the two, holding a bag of food, and throws a smug grin in Baekhyun’s direction. “Remember what your father told you about birds and bees. You should still be careful even though you can't pop a baby."
Baekhyun responds by grabbing a shoe from the floor and throwing it at his best friend, who manages to dodge it just in time, cackling as he vanishes into the kitchen.
“I’m sorry about that,” Baekhyun tells Chanyeol.
Chanyeol grins sheepishly. “It’s okay. I guess that means no kissing?”
Baekhyun pauses for a second, then shakes his head and grabs Chanyeol by the collar to pull him into a kiss, not minding the gagging sounds coming from the kitchen or the fact that they still haven’t made it into the apartment and anyone could see them. None of that matters to either of them as they are too busy savoring the best plot twist in their peculiar romantic comedy.
“You can continue sucking face and exchanging spit later, but the food’s getting cold!”
Baekhyun rolls his eyes but Chanyeol only chuckles against his lips, amused, and steals another kiss just because he now has the permission to do so.
"If I were a spotlight, I'd turn red every time you passed by just so that I could be with you a little longer," Chanyeol mutters, smiling shily, and Baekhyun melts once again. "That would have been tomorrow's line."
"Just between you and I, I really liked the letters so I wouldn't mind even if you kept sending them."
Baekhyun’s life isn’t a perfect romantic comedy; it’s just a very strange and unconventional one that involves peepholes, Astronomy and Geography textbooks that no one’s actually very keen on reading, lame pick up lines that work unexpectedly well and embarrassing misunderstandings that lead to something bigger, better and much more significant. And the best thing is that after many twists and turns, the best part has only just begun.
A/N:
- Dear recipient, I’m sorry if this isn’t as funny and cracky as you wanted, but I tried my best so I hope you like it anyway ;;
- Huge thanks to G and D for cheering me on. I couldn't have done it without you guys ♥
One