Pretty Down To Your Bones
Title: Pretty Down To Your Bones
Author: Anonymous until 1/30/14
For: seafoamblues
Pairings: Baekhyun/Kris, [side Kyungsoo/AOA's Jimin]
Word count: 5,468
Summary: Baekhyun is a sucker for hookups and random sex, but the lack of emotion is not enough. Reality comes crashing down on him when he finally falls in love.
Warnings: smut, drunken but consensual sex, straight Kyungsoo
Rating: NC-17
One
Waking up in a dirty motel is nothing new to Baekhyun. It’s come to be something he loves; seeing the sheets stained and relishing in the soreness in his lower back. The guy this time isn't bad looking, either. He’s a nice catch for someone he picked up in a gay bar. Or was it a gay bar? Baekhyun’s not entirely sure anymore but it doesn’t really matter. The sex was good and the guy was easy to seduce. Most guys are easy to seduce. Girls are even easier.
That being said, he still doesn’t want to stick around. He’s good at getting dressed in record time by now, and he proves that by being ready and out the door in five minutes. He looks like a mess, but at least he’s escaped the humiliation of having to talk to the guy whose name he doesn’t even remember.
It’s morning, and while the sun glimmering in the sky should be beautiful, it’s mostly just giving Baekhyun a headache. To be quite honest, Baekhyun kind of hates the sun. He prefers nighttime, where he can be whoever and whatever he wants to be. Things that he wants to stay a mystery can stay a mystery. And anything can happen at night. But when the sun shines, reality comes flooding back and Baekhyun’s forced to face the fact that he’s absolutely and utterly alone.
Right now, with his red eyes, his messy hair and his slight limp, nobody would be able to tell that he’s a vixen at night. Nobody would be able to tell that he’s been told dozens of times how beautiful he is, how in love with him people are. No, right now he looks like a ridiculous college dropout with no job.
Which is exactly what he is.
He takes the bus back to his cousin’s house. Kyungsoo was nice enough to take him in when he dropped out of college, because he had nowhere else to go. He hates imposing on Kyungsoo, because Kyungsoo has a girlfriend who lives with him as well, and he hates being a burden to them. He tries to stay out of their way as much as possible.
“You’re back,” Kyungsoo says, looking over from the kitchen when Baekhyun walks in the door.
“How do you feel?”
“Shitty, like I do most mornings, but last night was good,” Baekhyun says, slipping off his shoes.
“He told me he loved me.”
“Baek…” Kyungsoo says, handing his cousin a glass of water and an aspirin.
“I know,” Baekhyun sighs. “I know. He didn’t mean it. They never mean it, but at least it feels nice to hear it when you’re being held. You understand, right? Just hearing the words makes me feel good.” He downs the painkiller and sighs. “Anyway, it’s not like I love him either. I don’t love any of them. It’s not going to happen, so why bother.”
Kyungsoo stirs a small pot of stew on the stove and lets out a sigh too.
“What if you found a nice girl to settle down with?” Kyungsoo suggests, and Baekhyun groans.
“You sound like my mother. I don’t want a nice girl, I want a hot guy, and I don’t want to settle down. No.”
“Okay, okay,” Kyungsoo replies. “I’m just saying, you need stability. You’d be happier. Get a routine.”
Baekhyun drums his fingers on the table impatiently. “Kyungsoo, look, I know you’re just trying to look out for me, but I have a routine. It’s chores during the day, dancing and drinking and fucking at night.”
“And I’m saying that your routine is bad for you,” Kyungsoo says. Baekhyun can hear the concern in his cousin’s voice and see it in his eyes, and he knows that he can’t give a snarky reply because Kyungsoo really is worried about him.
“Thanks, Kyungsoo. But don’t worry about me, okay? I’m enough of a burden as it is.”
“Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo says, rounding on his cousin, “do not say that. You’ve never been a burden, okay? You do all of our housework, you cook for yourself and usually for us too, you’ve never been in our way at all, and you’ve been nothing but respectful. Just because you don’t pay rent doesn’t make you a burden.”
Baekhyun smiles, standing up. “Just don’t worry about me,” Baekhyun says, retreating to his room. He promptly passes out - apparently he didn’t sleep as well as he thought he had.
÷
Baekhyun rarely comes to this club, and he always tells himself he doesn’t know why. That’s a lie, of course, he knows perfectly well why. This club is too classy for him. It’s too glitzy and they have expensive drinks and the most beautiful patrons. Baekhyun doesn’t even have the means to dress well enough for this club on a regular basis, much less buy drinks there. He feels ashamed to order cheap beer or low-quality vodka.
But at least, when he comes here, he always manages to find a good lay. He’s not sure if it’s the eyeliner that draws people in, or maybe the way he sways his hips on the dance floor, but in any case, he usually gets taken home by an attractive (and evidently quite rich) guy who spoils him like mad. That’s another reason he hardly comes here. It’s so easy to feel loved when they caress him and kiss him and tell him what they’re going to buy for him when they’re married.
Of course, they’re all alcohol-induced lies, but Baekhyun likes to believe them if only for a little while.
Tonight, though, Baekhyun craves that love. He craves the attention and affection and he knows he’ll be able to find a momentary consolation here. He scouts out the dance floor, but nobody there quite catches his eye. It’s by the bar that he spots a very handsome man who looks particularly dour.
Baekhyun especially likes the guys who look unhappy, because when they’re with him, they smile. And Baekhyun likes to imagine that he’s the only one who can elicit that smile, even though in the back of his mind, he knows he’s definitely not the only one.
In any case, he sidles up to the bar, taking the happily empty seat next to the cold-looking man. He orders the second-cheapest fruity drink on the menu - and he’s learned to order the second cheapest because people assume he buys it because he likes it and not because it’s the least expensive one. He taps his fingers on the bar for a bit, waiting for the man to strike up a conversation, but he doesn’t, so Baekhyun figures he’ll take charge.
“Girlfriend dancing too much?” Baekhyun asks, side-eyeing the guy sitting next to him. The bartender hands him the martini glass filled to the brim with an artificially green colored liquid, which Baekhyun sips slowly.
“No, I’m here alone,” the man replies in a hard-to-distinguish accent. “Let me guess. You’re here alone too?”
Baekhyun chooses his battles. “Yeah,” he admits. “It’s been a rough week.”
“You can say that again,” the man sighs, resting his head in the palm of his hand. He looks at Baekhyun, his gaze lingering on Baekhyun’s kohl-rimmed eyes. “I’m Yifan, by the way. Wu Yifan.”
“Byun Baekhyun. You’re Chinese?” Baekhyun asks, turning his head to attempt to show Yifan the best angle of his face.
“Yeah. I spent a lot of time in Canada as well,” Yifan says. He smiles suddenly, turning to Baekhyun to face him fully. “That’s boring, though. Doesn’t starting a conversation by asking stuff like that feel like a script? You know, where are you from, what do you do, do you come here often?”
Baekhyun turns towards Yifan fully now, suddenly realizing he’d made an interesting choice in a potential hook-up for tonight. “Okay, sure. So what would you rather talk about?”
Yifan grins, and Baekhyun can’t help but smile too because Yifan’s gums are showing and suddenly he doesn’t look nearly as cold as he had when Baekhyun first spotted him. “I’m going to ask you questions you probably haven’t been asked before, instead. Because then you have to think up something on the spot, and you’re less likely to lie.”
“Oh,” Baekhyun chuckles, “you think I’m lying to you? All I’ve told you about myself is my name.”
“You’re telling the truth, I’m sure,” Yifan says, “but isn’t the truth more fun than a scripted lie anyway?”
“I always thought lies were pretty fun,” Baekhyun says, feeling the words clump up in his mouth because lies are the reason he hates himself. He can’t even smile as he says it, and instead, he washes down the unsavory taste of dishonesty with another swig of his alcoholic concoction.
“That didn’t seem that fun,” Yifan remarks, and Baekhyun almost spits out his drink.
“Are you a detective or something? How are you so perceptive? You knew I was alone,
you knew I was telling the truth and then you knew I just lied!” Baekhyun whines.
Yifan shrugs. “Not a detective,” he says. “Hey. Question. What did you want to be when you were five?”
“What?”
“What did you want to be when you were five?” Yifan asks again, more slowly and louder this time. “It’s a question you probably haven’t been asked before, right?”
“Yeah,” Baekhyun replies, going through old thoughts and memories. He had so many ambitions as a child, so many big ideas, so many role models. And now… “I guess...I guess I wanted to be a paleontologist. Every little kid liked dinosaurs, right?”
Yifan nods with a smile. “Of course. What did you want to be when you were ten?”
“Hey,” Baekhyun stops him, “you have to answer your own question.”
Yifan bites his lip, looking amused with himself. “I wanted to be the same thing all my life. It just wasn’t meant to be.”
“What did you want to be?” Baekhyun presses, sincerely interested in a conversation for once in his life.
“An artist,” Yifan replies, turning to Baekhyun to gauge his reaction. Baekhyun doesn’t react, though, because he doesn’t see why that’s so crazy. Sure, artists get a bad rap for not having real jobs, but Baekhyun understands that someone as non-conventional as Yifan would want to follow his dreams.
“So? Why didn’t you become an artist? Parents? Or just was it impractical?” Baekhyun asks, and Yifan chuckles, shaking his head.
“Nah,” he says, “I was complete shit at drawing.”
“I’m sure that’s not true,” Baekhyun says pityingly, but Yifan laughs outright.
“You’d be surprised,” he says. “Now. What did you want to be when you were ten?”
“A fashion model,” Baekhyun replies right away. He knows the answer to that without thinking. “I wanted to be a fashion model until I was sixteen, which is when I realized I would never grow tall enough.” He eyes Yifan’s long legs and sighs. “Let me guess. You’re a model.”
“No,” Yifan laughs.
Baekhyun smirks, knowing that when the opportunity to flirt presents itself, he needs to go and take advantage of it. “Come on, you’re handsome as fuck, you’re tall, fit...you’re definitely a model, right?”
“I’m not! And anyway, look who’s talking. You could be an idol with a face like yours,” Yifan says, sounding a little timid. Baekhyun pats himself on the back for choosing the perfect guy to hook up with tonight. He almost regrets the fact that after tomorrow they’ll never see each other again.
“I sing, too,” Baekhyun replies, and Yifan raises his full eyebrows.
“Can I listen?” he asks, and Baekhyun sighs.
“It’s so loud in this club,” he says, shaking his head and wondering if Yifan is thinking what he’s thinking. “I can’t.”
Yifan side-eyes Baekhyun and smiles again. “If I buy you a drink, will you sing for me later?”
Baekhyun sits up a little straighter, proud of himself. “Maybe,” he smiles.
÷
Baekhyun thinks he’s had too much to drink, because why else would he feel this dizzy as Yifan kisses him over and over again?
They stumble into Yifan’s apartment, and Baekhyun’s not really sure where they’re going but he finds himself pressed against a kitchen counter as Yifan towers over him, kissing at his lips, his cheeks, his neck, his ears. Baekhyun’s heart is pounding and that could be the alcohol but he feels like it’s probably something far more sinister and far less material. He takes the lead, palming at the growing bulge in Yifan’s pants while he pushes his tongue into Yifan’s mouth.
“Fuck,” Yifan breathes, straightening up and suddenly hoisting Baekhyun onto the countertop. Baekhyun claws at the buttons on Yifan’s shirt, pulling them apart with far more dexterity than he thought he had. He runs his fingers down the hem of Yifan’s undershirt, pulling that away as well to feel Yifan’s warm skin. Yifan pulls back, ridding himself of both his shirts and then moving to do the same for Baekhyun.
Baekhyun makes it easy for Yifan to remove his shirt, and then it’s not long before Yifan’s hands are in Baekhyun’s pants, caressing his ass. Baekhyun sucks marks into the pliant skin underneath Yifan’s jaw as Yifan nibbles at Baekhyun’s ears. Baekhyun sighs with pleasure, thinking that this will possibly be the best lay he’s had in a while.
It doesn’t take long for Baekhyun to throw his arms over Yifan’s shoulders, and Yifan rids Baekhyun of his pants and briefs with one tug. Baekhyun’s completely naked when Yifan picks him up, wrapping Baekhyun’s legs around his hips, and carries him into the bedroom.
In all the passion, Baekhyun expects to be thrown onto the bed and descended upon, but that’s not what happens. Yifan lays him down on the bed gently, moving a pillow underneath Baekhyun’s shoulders to keep him comfortable. And then he kisses Baekhyun once more before doing away with the rest of his clothes. Baekhyun gulps thickly. This is different. This is very different.
Yifan finally climbs back onto the bed, kissing Baekhyun again, and Baekhyun kind of forgets where he is. He figures he might as well just give in to the luxurious treatment he’s getting, because why waste a gentleman’s chivalry? He smiles at Yifan, sitting up when Yifan pulls back from the kisses to take a breath.
“I don’t usually do this, but…” Baekhyun trails off, not wanting to sound cheesy or desperate, but he kind of wants to do this anyway. He kisses down the column of Yifan’s neck, down his collarbones, his chest. He has a little fat on his belly, and Baekhyun wants to laugh because he expected rock solid abs. He sucks red marks into the soft skin, listening to the little puffs of air coming out of Yifan’s mouth. Finally situated between his legs, Baekhyun looks up at Yifan, prepared to give him the flirty smile he always gave his hookups.
He can’t, though, because Yifan is looking down at him\ with soft, soft eyes. Not lustful like the ones Baekhyun is used to seeing.
“You’re beautiful,” Yifan says, running his fingers through Baekhyun’s hair. “But Baekhyun, if you don’t want to do this, you don’t have to.” He gives Baekhyun a reassuring smile.
“I want to,” Baekhyun says determinedly, kissing at the base of Yifan’s cock without another thought. Baekhyun reaches a hand up to cup Yifan’s balls, squeezing ever so lightly now and then as he licks up and down Yifan’s cock. Baekhyun’s used to the musky taste by now - he loves it, craves it - and yet it feels like his first time sucking someone off. Yifan isn’t small (though he’s also not the biggest Baekhyun’s encountered), and while it should be uncomfortable, it’s not. Baekhyun likes how this is going, sucking, kissing at Yifan’s sensitive head, pressing his tongue into the slit and hearing Yifan’s stifled groans. Yifan’s hand is still in Baekhyun’s hair, his fingers having found purchase in a few locks. He doesn’t pull, but tugs gently when Baekhyun sucks at a particularly sensitive spot.
He’s got Yifan starting to squirm when Yifan stops him. Baekhyun can see from the excited glint in his eye that he wants to make Baekhyun feel good, too.
“Can I?” he asks, reaching for the lube in his nightstand drawer. He looks eager and flushed, and Baekhyun wonders if the expression is mirrored on his own face.
“Yes,” Baekhyun breathes. Yifan cradles Baekhyun and flips them over, lowering him to the bed once again. He slicks up his fingers and presses the first digit tentatively to Baekhyun’s entrance. Baekhyun’s excited. Yifan’s hands are huge, his fingers large. They’re perfect, and when Yifan inserts a second finger, they just go deeper and deeper inside of him and Baekhyun feels electric. When they scissor, Baekhyun starts to breathe deeper, relishing in the stretch. It feels so good, Baekhyun wants to scream with pleasure.
When Yifan finally enters him, he starts slow and shallow. “Baekhyun,” he chants, “Baekhyun.”
It feels so good, each thrust a little deeper than before. When Baekhyun’s breath starts to go ragged, Yifan reaches around Baekhyun’s back and circles his waist with large hands, lifting him up so they’re chest to chest. Yifan’s still buried deep inside Baekhyun, sliding in a little deeper when he lifts him up.
“You’re beautiful,” Yifan says, letting Baekhyun bounce a little.
“You’re beautiful,” Baekhyun replies with a genuine smile, gasping when Yifan’s cock hits his prostate. He’s still untouched and he usually hates the wait but tonight it feels like he just wants to prolong this for as long as possible. He opens his eyes to see Yifan flushed and sweaty, concentrating on bucking his hips as best he can to hit Baekhyun’s sweet spot again.
Baekhyun reaches up to push away a lock of hair from Yifan’s face, and Yifan looks up, smiling.
All of the smiles feel terrifyingly real and emotion-filled.
But Baekhyun doesn’t want the illusion to end.
Yifan reaches up to fist Baekhyun’s cock, putting the perfect amount of pressure, twisting his wrist perfectly to have Baekhyun coming just a minute later. Baekhyun moans, collapsing against Yifan while Yifan bucks up just a little more before he’s coming too.
When they pull apart, Yifan disposes of the condom and climbs into bed next to Baekhyun. Baekhyun grins when Yifan wraps his arms around his slim waist, and Baekhyun snuggles up to Yifan.
“At risk of being incredibly cheesy, I’m glad I met you today,” Yifan says quietly. “And not just because of this. You’re different, Baekhyun.”
Baekhyun smiles, kissing Yifan’s lips quickly. It’s too good to be true.
“You’re different, too,” he replies.
÷
He hears a knock at the door.
“Baekhyun?” comes Kyungsoo’s voice. “Are you okay?”
10:17 AM and Baekhyun’s been asleep for almost three hours - it’s been that long since he got back from Yifan’s.
“I’m...fine, Soo,” Baekhyun replies weakly. He’s not okay. He’s not fucking okay. He’s in love, for real this time, and it sucks.
“Are you sure? Do you want something to eat? I made kimchi jjigae if you want some,” Kyungsoo presses, but Baekhyun really can’t stomach his feelings right now, much less food.
“I’m positive, Soo. I think I drank too much last night,” Baekhyun says, even though he’d only had maybe two, three drinks the entire night.
“Okay,” Kyungsoo says, sounding disbelieving. “Jimin and I are going out. You sound a little off so call us if you need anything, okay? Don’t hesitate, Baekhyun.”
“Thanks, Soo,” Baekhyun replies, burying his head in his pillow as he hears his cousin’s retreating footsteps. He’s gone and done it this time. He’s fallen in love with one of his hookups.
He didn’t even think it was possible to fall in love so fast, but he can’t stop thinking about Yifan and his gentle manner. He hadn’t told Baekhyun he loved him, and he might have been the first hookup not to. Baekhyun hadn’t said anything either, but for some reason it all felt so much more genuine.
Baekhyun can still feel the ghost of Yifan’s grip around his waist as they fell asleep together. He almost wishes he’d stuck around to see how Yifan looked in the morning, to hear his cracked voice as he wakes up and says good morning.
But, as Baekhyun knows, it wouldn’t be “good morning.” It would be “why are you still here?” or “sorry, I have nothing for breakfast.”
Baekhyun knows well enough that one-night stands never have happy endings. The point of a one-night stand is for it to be one night only. It’s not supposed to have an ending at all. You fuck, you sleep, you disappear. That’s how it works. Love is not part of the equation. Someone as perfect and put together as Yifan will not love him.
He gets up out of bed, and his head doesn’t ache like it usually does after a night of drinking. Today, his heart aches. He realizes how cliche that is, but he doesn’t care. It’s too true. He feels like he has a pain in his chest that won’t go away, that he’ll throw up at any moment. He’s not supposed to fall in love. He’s supposed to always remember that none of these things will ever end in anything substantial.
And yet, he can’t help but hope anyway. He’d gone and fallen in love, and now he has to figure out what to do.
÷
“Figure out what to do” ends up meaning he goes back to the bar that night. He knows it’s stupid to expect Yifan to be there on a Sunday night, especially when he’s some sort of business bigshot who has work and stuff.
And Yifan’s not there. Baekhyun orders the same fruity drink he had the night before, gets hit on by a guy and two girls, and refuses them all right off the bat. He goes home at midnight, surprising Kyungsoo and Jimin when he stumbles into the house, drunker than he’s been in a while and completely miserable.
Kyungsoo takes in a deep breath, as if his patience is being tried as Baekhyun shuffles to his bedroom. It’s Jimin who gets up to come help Baekhyun out.
“Baekhyun,” she says gently, “let’s get you some water and a little food. You need to sober up.”
Baekhyun just nods as she takes him by the arms and leads him to the kitchen slowly. She starts the small rice cooker and pours Baekhyun a glass of water, then sits in front of Baekhyun.
“What’s wrong?” she asks.
Everything, Baekhyun wants to say. He’s fallen in love and that’s not allowed or practical.
“Nothing,” he blubbers instead. Jimin isn’t convinced.
“You’re never this mopey after a one-night…” Horror suddenly floods her face. “Oh,Baekhyun, did something happen?”
Baekhyun wants to cry. “No,” he says miserably, and Jimin breathes a sigh of relief. “Reality caught up with me.”
It’s then that Kyungsoo comes over, looking Baekhyun in the eye. “You’ve always been aware of reality,” he says, looking puzzled. “What’s wrong now?”
“It’s really true,” Baekhyun says, because that’s all he knows how to say when his blood is made of alcohol. “I’ll never be loved,” he starts to cry.
Jimin reaches to wipe his tears, and Baekhyun feels so ashamed of himself. He’s making the people who took him in so graciously take care of him like he’s a child. He’s a nasty freeloader.
He’s a college dropout. He’s a slut. And nobody will ever love him.
“Baekhyun,” Jimin says, “you’re just going about it the wrong way. I know it’s jarring to stop what you always do and start something else, but maybe it’s time to forget about hooking up and instead start doing something productive with your life?”
Baekhyun can’t even start to think about that right now. “I’m drunk,” he says, and Kyungsoo sighs again, pouring another glass of water and checking on the rice.
Baekhyun throws up that night, a combined result of the alcohol and the nauseating feelings bubbling up inside of him. Jimin helps him wash up his face and puts him to bed, where he doesn’t feel like he sleeps at all.
÷
After a long talk with Kyungsoo and Jimin, Baekhyun decides to enroll in a few college classes and pick up a part time job at the art cafe down the street from the school. It’s probably for the best. Even if he found Yifan again, there was no way he’d love him.
Baekhyun registers for an English class and an introductory business class, hoping that maybe it will help him get an office job someday. The job at the art cafe is every day from four to nine, and on weekends he works from four to midnight, when the cafe closes. The idea is that he’ll be so tired afterwards that he won’t have the energy to go to clubs or bars. It’s a good arrangement.
He starts work on the Saturday before classes start. The cafe is a nice place, and he makes friends with the other employees. Park Chanyeol is the tall, goofy head chef, who has a pretty girlfriend who really should be way out of his league. Kim Jongdae is the sous chef, and he’s sarcastic beyond belief. He, too, has a girlfriend, and while she’s plainer than Chanyeol’s, she’s much more down-to-earth. Kim Minseok, the barista, has a very dedicated customer who Baekhyun understands is a Chinese grad student studying at the university Baekhyun’s enrolled in. Kim Junmyeon is the curator of the cafe’s art gallery, but he’s hardly ever there. Jongdae explains that they get him on the phone sometimes if someone wants to buy an art piece. Kim Junmyeon’s girlfriend comes in more often than he does, and she is fabulous and petite and they match perfectly.
Baekhyun’s a little jealous of them, all having people who really seem to love them, but he tries not to let it bother him. Working at the cafe is fun.
He confides in Chanyeol on the second day of work that he’s nervous about going to college. He hasn’t been in three years and he doesn’t remember a bit of English. Chanyeol claps him on the back.
“You’ll be fine. College is fun, right, Lu Han?” Chanyeol calls to Minseok’s biggest fan, who’s in the midst of flirting with the barista. Lu Han turns to Chanyeol and Baekhyun and grins.
“Sure! Though it would be better if Minseokie was there,” Lu Han smiles at Minseok, poking his cheek. Minseok rolls his eyes.
“I graduated from college two years ago and went to barista school and I’m happier than ever, Lu Han. I don’t need to do your dumb graduate business school,” Minseok says, but he’s smiling at Lu Han too. Baekhyun looks away. Too many feelings.
“Anyway, who knows?” Jongdae says. “Maybe you’ll meet someone there.”
Baekhyun laughs, because there’s only one person he wants to meet.
÷
He remembers the first day of school always feeling like this. He didn’t expect to be nervous, but at twenty-three years old, he still feels like a high schooler on his first day.
Baekhyun barely makes it to his accounting class on time, but he finds a seat in the front row next to a sleepy-looking boy who’s only brought a pencil and a notebook to class. It could be worse.
The class goes fine; it seems like it’ll be a vaguely interesting subject. It’s when he leaves the room that his day takes a turn for the worse.
Yifan is standing a little ways down the hall, talking to what seems to be a professor. Baekhyun can’t help but stare, eyes wide. Here, of all places, is where he sees Yifan.
They make eye contact for a split second, but Baekhyun knows it was too long. He speed walks in the other direction, too embarrassed to stick around. He scampers onto the bus, feeling safe on his way to work.
Yifan, at his school. It incites a little flicker of hope in his heart that he knows he has to extinguish because it’s unrealistic. It’s sad, Baekhyun thinks. The person he’s in love with will never love him back.
The bus ride is unnecessarily long, but Baekhyun gets to work on time, feeling a little better that he’s going to be distracted from his thoughts.
That is, until he gets inside.
“Baekhyun!” Chanyeol calls from the art counter. “Come here! You haven’t met Yifan yet! He’s our biggest art buyer.”
Baekhyun gulps, and Yifan whips around, his eyes wide.
“Baekhyun?” Yifan starts.
“H-hi,” Baekhyun mumbles, smiling awkwardly with a half-hearted wave. He looks anywhere but Yifan’s face, and Chanyeol seems to sense that something’s wrong.
He clears his throat. “Oh, you guys know each other?” he asks, and before Baekhyun can try to deny it, Yifan nods. Realization dawns on Chanyeol’s face. “Oh! Baekhyun, you’re the guy Yifan has a cr-”
“Chanyeol!” Yifan scolds, punching him in the shoulder. Chanyeol makes a fuss, and whines about how he’s going to get Minseok to beat Yifan up. He leaves the room, winking completely not subtly as he leaves.
“Hey,” Yifan says when Chanyeol is behind the kitchen doors. He walks over to Baekhyun, and Baekhyun suddenly feels much more awkward than he had before. He looks troubled, and Baekhyun doesn’t know what to say. “Sorry,” Yifan says suddenly, “but can I just ask you a question?”
Baekhyun looks up, surprised. “I...I guess,” he replies.
“Why’d you leave?” Yifan asks, and Baekhyun is a little taken aback.
“Isn’t that how one-night stands work?” Baekhyun wonders, as much as he didn’t want to leave at the time.
Yifan sighs, looking away momentarily. “I thought you felt something for me, but I guess I was wrong.”
“No!” Baekhyun cries before he can stop himself. “I mean...you know, I don’t...feelings are...I don’t want to fall in love with someone who won’t love me back.” He looks at the ground, ashamed, because he has fallen in love.
“So what you’re saying is that this was just a one-night stand with no feelings involved?” Yifan asks.
“Wasn’t it?”
“I...guess?” Yifan says, running a hand through his hair. “I don’t know; personally, I
thought there was something there. But maybe I’m naive.”
Baekhyun grabs Yifan’s arm, which surprises Yifan. “You thought something was there?”
Yifan laughs nervously. “Yeah. Sorry if that freaks you out.” He’s blushing, and the little flicker of hope in Baekhyun’s heart has just become a full on bonfire.
“There was something there. There was. There is,” Baekhyun says quietly, but he’s excited.
Yifan lights up too.
“Sorry, but I have to do this,” he says, hugging Baekhyun around the waist and lifting him up. “I fell in love a little that night.”
“So did I,” Baekhyun laughs. “And then I freaked out when I saw you at school today.”
“It was you!” Yifan puts Baekhyun down. “I was talking to my grad professor and saw you there and I wasn’t sure, but I had hope.”
“I didn’t think hope was realistic,” Baekhyun laughs again.
“It was. Baekhyun...can I take you to dinner?”
“Tonight?” Baekhyun asks, checking the clock.
“Every night,” Yifan says, and Baekhyun grins.
“I get off at eight,” he says, and Yifan pecks him on the cheek.
“See you then, in that case.”
÷
(Yifan picks him up that night and almost every night afterwards. When they move in together four months later, Kyungsoo is happier than Baekhyun has ever seen him, and he thinks that maybe people loved him more than he thought they did.)
One
Author: Anonymous until 1/30/14
For: seafoamblues
Pairings: Baekhyun/Kris, [side Kyungsoo/AOA's Jimin]
Word count: 5,468
Summary: Baekhyun is a sucker for hookups and random sex, but the lack of emotion is not enough. Reality comes crashing down on him when he finally falls in love.
Warnings: smut, drunken but consensual sex, straight Kyungsoo
Rating: NC-17
One
Waking up in a dirty motel is nothing new to Baekhyun. It’s come to be something he loves; seeing the sheets stained and relishing in the soreness in his lower back. The guy this time isn't bad looking, either. He’s a nice catch for someone he picked up in a gay bar. Or was it a gay bar? Baekhyun’s not entirely sure anymore but it doesn’t really matter. The sex was good and the guy was easy to seduce. Most guys are easy to seduce. Girls are even easier.
That being said, he still doesn’t want to stick around. He’s good at getting dressed in record time by now, and he proves that by being ready and out the door in five minutes. He looks like a mess, but at least he’s escaped the humiliation of having to talk to the guy whose name he doesn’t even remember.
It’s morning, and while the sun glimmering in the sky should be beautiful, it’s mostly just giving Baekhyun a headache. To be quite honest, Baekhyun kind of hates the sun. He prefers nighttime, where he can be whoever and whatever he wants to be. Things that he wants to stay a mystery can stay a mystery. And anything can happen at night. But when the sun shines, reality comes flooding back and Baekhyun’s forced to face the fact that he’s absolutely and utterly alone.
Right now, with his red eyes, his messy hair and his slight limp, nobody would be able to tell that he’s a vixen at night. Nobody would be able to tell that he’s been told dozens of times how beautiful he is, how in love with him people are. No, right now he looks like a ridiculous college dropout with no job.
Which is exactly what he is.
He takes the bus back to his cousin’s house. Kyungsoo was nice enough to take him in when he dropped out of college, because he had nowhere else to go. He hates imposing on Kyungsoo, because Kyungsoo has a girlfriend who lives with him as well, and he hates being a burden to them. He tries to stay out of their way as much as possible.
“You’re back,” Kyungsoo says, looking over from the kitchen when Baekhyun walks in the door.
“How do you feel?”
“Shitty, like I do most mornings, but last night was good,” Baekhyun says, slipping off his shoes.
“He told me he loved me.”
“Baek…” Kyungsoo says, handing his cousin a glass of water and an aspirin.
“I know,” Baekhyun sighs. “I know. He didn’t mean it. They never mean it, but at least it feels nice to hear it when you’re being held. You understand, right? Just hearing the words makes me feel good.” He downs the painkiller and sighs. “Anyway, it’s not like I love him either. I don’t love any of them. It’s not going to happen, so why bother.”
Kyungsoo stirs a small pot of stew on the stove and lets out a sigh too.
“What if you found a nice girl to settle down with?” Kyungsoo suggests, and Baekhyun groans.
“You sound like my mother. I don’t want a nice girl, I want a hot guy, and I don’t want to settle down. No.”
“Okay, okay,” Kyungsoo replies. “I’m just saying, you need stability. You’d be happier. Get a routine.”
Baekhyun drums his fingers on the table impatiently. “Kyungsoo, look, I know you’re just trying to look out for me, but I have a routine. It’s chores during the day, dancing and drinking and fucking at night.”
“And I’m saying that your routine is bad for you,” Kyungsoo says. Baekhyun can hear the concern in his cousin’s voice and see it in his eyes, and he knows that he can’t give a snarky reply because Kyungsoo really is worried about him.
“Thanks, Kyungsoo. But don’t worry about me, okay? I’m enough of a burden as it is.”
“Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo says, rounding on his cousin, “do not say that. You’ve never been a burden, okay? You do all of our housework, you cook for yourself and usually for us too, you’ve never been in our way at all, and you’ve been nothing but respectful. Just because you don’t pay rent doesn’t make you a burden.”
Baekhyun smiles, standing up. “Just don’t worry about me,” Baekhyun says, retreating to his room. He promptly passes out - apparently he didn’t sleep as well as he thought he had.
÷
Baekhyun rarely comes to this club, and he always tells himself he doesn’t know why. That’s a lie, of course, he knows perfectly well why. This club is too classy for him. It’s too glitzy and they have expensive drinks and the most beautiful patrons. Baekhyun doesn’t even have the means to dress well enough for this club on a regular basis, much less buy drinks there. He feels ashamed to order cheap beer or low-quality vodka.
But at least, when he comes here, he always manages to find a good lay. He’s not sure if it’s the eyeliner that draws people in, or maybe the way he sways his hips on the dance floor, but in any case, he usually gets taken home by an attractive (and evidently quite rich) guy who spoils him like mad. That’s another reason he hardly comes here. It’s so easy to feel loved when they caress him and kiss him and tell him what they’re going to buy for him when they’re married.
Of course, they’re all alcohol-induced lies, but Baekhyun likes to believe them if only for a little while.
Tonight, though, Baekhyun craves that love. He craves the attention and affection and he knows he’ll be able to find a momentary consolation here. He scouts out the dance floor, but nobody there quite catches his eye. It’s by the bar that he spots a very handsome man who looks particularly dour.
Baekhyun especially likes the guys who look unhappy, because when they’re with him, they smile. And Baekhyun likes to imagine that he’s the only one who can elicit that smile, even though in the back of his mind, he knows he’s definitely not the only one.
In any case, he sidles up to the bar, taking the happily empty seat next to the cold-looking man. He orders the second-cheapest fruity drink on the menu - and he’s learned to order the second cheapest because people assume he buys it because he likes it and not because it’s the least expensive one. He taps his fingers on the bar for a bit, waiting for the man to strike up a conversation, but he doesn’t, so Baekhyun figures he’ll take charge.
“Girlfriend dancing too much?” Baekhyun asks, side-eyeing the guy sitting next to him. The bartender hands him the martini glass filled to the brim with an artificially green colored liquid, which Baekhyun sips slowly.
“No, I’m here alone,” the man replies in a hard-to-distinguish accent. “Let me guess. You’re here alone too?”
Baekhyun chooses his battles. “Yeah,” he admits. “It’s been a rough week.”
“You can say that again,” the man sighs, resting his head in the palm of his hand. He looks at Baekhyun, his gaze lingering on Baekhyun’s kohl-rimmed eyes. “I’m Yifan, by the way. Wu Yifan.”
“Byun Baekhyun. You’re Chinese?” Baekhyun asks, turning his head to attempt to show Yifan the best angle of his face.
“Yeah. I spent a lot of time in Canada as well,” Yifan says. He smiles suddenly, turning to Baekhyun to face him fully. “That’s boring, though. Doesn’t starting a conversation by asking stuff like that feel like a script? You know, where are you from, what do you do, do you come here often?”
Baekhyun turns towards Yifan fully now, suddenly realizing he’d made an interesting choice in a potential hook-up for tonight. “Okay, sure. So what would you rather talk about?”
Yifan grins, and Baekhyun can’t help but smile too because Yifan’s gums are showing and suddenly he doesn’t look nearly as cold as he had when Baekhyun first spotted him. “I’m going to ask you questions you probably haven’t been asked before, instead. Because then you have to think up something on the spot, and you’re less likely to lie.”
“Oh,” Baekhyun chuckles, “you think I’m lying to you? All I’ve told you about myself is my name.”
“You’re telling the truth, I’m sure,” Yifan says, “but isn’t the truth more fun than a scripted lie anyway?”
“I always thought lies were pretty fun,” Baekhyun says, feeling the words clump up in his mouth because lies are the reason he hates himself. He can’t even smile as he says it, and instead, he washes down the unsavory taste of dishonesty with another swig of his alcoholic concoction.
“That didn’t seem that fun,” Yifan remarks, and Baekhyun almost spits out his drink.
“Are you a detective or something? How are you so perceptive? You knew I was alone,
you knew I was telling the truth and then you knew I just lied!” Baekhyun whines.
Yifan shrugs. “Not a detective,” he says. “Hey. Question. What did you want to be when you were five?”
“What?”
“What did you want to be when you were five?” Yifan asks again, more slowly and louder this time. “It’s a question you probably haven’t been asked before, right?”
“Yeah,” Baekhyun replies, going through old thoughts and memories. He had so many ambitions as a child, so many big ideas, so many role models. And now… “I guess...I guess I wanted to be a paleontologist. Every little kid liked dinosaurs, right?”
Yifan nods with a smile. “Of course. What did you want to be when you were ten?”
“Hey,” Baekhyun stops him, “you have to answer your own question.”
Yifan bites his lip, looking amused with himself. “I wanted to be the same thing all my life. It just wasn’t meant to be.”
“What did you want to be?” Baekhyun presses, sincerely interested in a conversation for once in his life.
“An artist,” Yifan replies, turning to Baekhyun to gauge his reaction. Baekhyun doesn’t react, though, because he doesn’t see why that’s so crazy. Sure, artists get a bad rap for not having real jobs, but Baekhyun understands that someone as non-conventional as Yifan would want to follow his dreams.
“So? Why didn’t you become an artist? Parents? Or just was it impractical?” Baekhyun asks, and Yifan chuckles, shaking his head.
“Nah,” he says, “I was complete shit at drawing.”
“I’m sure that’s not true,” Baekhyun says pityingly, but Yifan laughs outright.
“You’d be surprised,” he says. “Now. What did you want to be when you were ten?”
“A fashion model,” Baekhyun replies right away. He knows the answer to that without thinking. “I wanted to be a fashion model until I was sixteen, which is when I realized I would never grow tall enough.” He eyes Yifan’s long legs and sighs. “Let me guess. You’re a model.”
“No,” Yifan laughs.
Baekhyun smirks, knowing that when the opportunity to flirt presents itself, he needs to go and take advantage of it. “Come on, you’re handsome as fuck, you’re tall, fit...you’re definitely a model, right?”
“I’m not! And anyway, look who’s talking. You could be an idol with a face like yours,” Yifan says, sounding a little timid. Baekhyun pats himself on the back for choosing the perfect guy to hook up with tonight. He almost regrets the fact that after tomorrow they’ll never see each other again.
“I sing, too,” Baekhyun replies, and Yifan raises his full eyebrows.
“Can I listen?” he asks, and Baekhyun sighs.
“It’s so loud in this club,” he says, shaking his head and wondering if Yifan is thinking what he’s thinking. “I can’t.”
Yifan side-eyes Baekhyun and smiles again. “If I buy you a drink, will you sing for me later?”
Baekhyun sits up a little straighter, proud of himself. “Maybe,” he smiles.
÷
Baekhyun thinks he’s had too much to drink, because why else would he feel this dizzy as Yifan kisses him over and over again?
They stumble into Yifan’s apartment, and Baekhyun’s not really sure where they’re going but he finds himself pressed against a kitchen counter as Yifan towers over him, kissing at his lips, his cheeks, his neck, his ears. Baekhyun’s heart is pounding and that could be the alcohol but he feels like it’s probably something far more sinister and far less material. He takes the lead, palming at the growing bulge in Yifan’s pants while he pushes his tongue into Yifan’s mouth.
“Fuck,” Yifan breathes, straightening up and suddenly hoisting Baekhyun onto the countertop. Baekhyun claws at the buttons on Yifan’s shirt, pulling them apart with far more dexterity than he thought he had. He runs his fingers down the hem of Yifan’s undershirt, pulling that away as well to feel Yifan’s warm skin. Yifan pulls back, ridding himself of both his shirts and then moving to do the same for Baekhyun.
Baekhyun makes it easy for Yifan to remove his shirt, and then it’s not long before Yifan’s hands are in Baekhyun’s pants, caressing his ass. Baekhyun sucks marks into the pliant skin underneath Yifan’s jaw as Yifan nibbles at Baekhyun’s ears. Baekhyun sighs with pleasure, thinking that this will possibly be the best lay he’s had in a while.
It doesn’t take long for Baekhyun to throw his arms over Yifan’s shoulders, and Yifan rids Baekhyun of his pants and briefs with one tug. Baekhyun’s completely naked when Yifan picks him up, wrapping Baekhyun’s legs around his hips, and carries him into the bedroom.
In all the passion, Baekhyun expects to be thrown onto the bed and descended upon, but that’s not what happens. Yifan lays him down on the bed gently, moving a pillow underneath Baekhyun’s shoulders to keep him comfortable. And then he kisses Baekhyun once more before doing away with the rest of his clothes. Baekhyun gulps thickly. This is different. This is very different.
Yifan finally climbs back onto the bed, kissing Baekhyun again, and Baekhyun kind of forgets where he is. He figures he might as well just give in to the luxurious treatment he’s getting, because why waste a gentleman’s chivalry? He smiles at Yifan, sitting up when Yifan pulls back from the kisses to take a breath.
“I don’t usually do this, but…” Baekhyun trails off, not wanting to sound cheesy or desperate, but he kind of wants to do this anyway. He kisses down the column of Yifan’s neck, down his collarbones, his chest. He has a little fat on his belly, and Baekhyun wants to laugh because he expected rock solid abs. He sucks red marks into the soft skin, listening to the little puffs of air coming out of Yifan’s mouth. Finally situated between his legs, Baekhyun looks up at Yifan, prepared to give him the flirty smile he always gave his hookups.
He can’t, though, because Yifan is looking down at him\ with soft, soft eyes. Not lustful like the ones Baekhyun is used to seeing.
“You’re beautiful,” Yifan says, running his fingers through Baekhyun’s hair. “But Baekhyun, if you don’t want to do this, you don’t have to.” He gives Baekhyun a reassuring smile.
“I want to,” Baekhyun says determinedly, kissing at the base of Yifan’s cock without another thought. Baekhyun reaches a hand up to cup Yifan’s balls, squeezing ever so lightly now and then as he licks up and down Yifan’s cock. Baekhyun’s used to the musky taste by now - he loves it, craves it - and yet it feels like his first time sucking someone off. Yifan isn’t small (though he’s also not the biggest Baekhyun’s encountered), and while it should be uncomfortable, it’s not. Baekhyun likes how this is going, sucking, kissing at Yifan’s sensitive head, pressing his tongue into the slit and hearing Yifan’s stifled groans. Yifan’s hand is still in Baekhyun’s hair, his fingers having found purchase in a few locks. He doesn’t pull, but tugs gently when Baekhyun sucks at a particularly sensitive spot.
He’s got Yifan starting to squirm when Yifan stops him. Baekhyun can see from the excited glint in his eye that he wants to make Baekhyun feel good, too.
“Can I?” he asks, reaching for the lube in his nightstand drawer. He looks eager and flushed, and Baekhyun wonders if the expression is mirrored on his own face.
“Yes,” Baekhyun breathes. Yifan cradles Baekhyun and flips them over, lowering him to the bed once again. He slicks up his fingers and presses the first digit tentatively to Baekhyun’s entrance. Baekhyun’s excited. Yifan’s hands are huge, his fingers large. They’re perfect, and when Yifan inserts a second finger, they just go deeper and deeper inside of him and Baekhyun feels electric. When they scissor, Baekhyun starts to breathe deeper, relishing in the stretch. It feels so good, Baekhyun wants to scream with pleasure.
When Yifan finally enters him, he starts slow and shallow. “Baekhyun,” he chants, “Baekhyun.”
It feels so good, each thrust a little deeper than before. When Baekhyun’s breath starts to go ragged, Yifan reaches around Baekhyun’s back and circles his waist with large hands, lifting him up so they’re chest to chest. Yifan’s still buried deep inside Baekhyun, sliding in a little deeper when he lifts him up.
“You’re beautiful,” Yifan says, letting Baekhyun bounce a little.
“You’re beautiful,” Baekhyun replies with a genuine smile, gasping when Yifan’s cock hits his prostate. He’s still untouched and he usually hates the wait but tonight it feels like he just wants to prolong this for as long as possible. He opens his eyes to see Yifan flushed and sweaty, concentrating on bucking his hips as best he can to hit Baekhyun’s sweet spot again.
Baekhyun reaches up to push away a lock of hair from Yifan’s face, and Yifan looks up, smiling.
All of the smiles feel terrifyingly real and emotion-filled.
But Baekhyun doesn’t want the illusion to end.
Yifan reaches up to fist Baekhyun’s cock, putting the perfect amount of pressure, twisting his wrist perfectly to have Baekhyun coming just a minute later. Baekhyun moans, collapsing against Yifan while Yifan bucks up just a little more before he’s coming too.
When they pull apart, Yifan disposes of the condom and climbs into bed next to Baekhyun. Baekhyun grins when Yifan wraps his arms around his slim waist, and Baekhyun snuggles up to Yifan.
“At risk of being incredibly cheesy, I’m glad I met you today,” Yifan says quietly. “And not just because of this. You’re different, Baekhyun.”
Baekhyun smiles, kissing Yifan’s lips quickly. It’s too good to be true.
“You’re different, too,” he replies.
÷
He hears a knock at the door.
“Baekhyun?” comes Kyungsoo’s voice. “Are you okay?”
10:17 AM and Baekhyun’s been asleep for almost three hours - it’s been that long since he got back from Yifan’s.
“I’m...fine, Soo,” Baekhyun replies weakly. He’s not okay. He’s not fucking okay. He’s in love, for real this time, and it sucks.
“Are you sure? Do you want something to eat? I made kimchi jjigae if you want some,” Kyungsoo presses, but Baekhyun really can’t stomach his feelings right now, much less food.
“I’m positive, Soo. I think I drank too much last night,” Baekhyun says, even though he’d only had maybe two, three drinks the entire night.
“Okay,” Kyungsoo says, sounding disbelieving. “Jimin and I are going out. You sound a little off so call us if you need anything, okay? Don’t hesitate, Baekhyun.”
“Thanks, Soo,” Baekhyun replies, burying his head in his pillow as he hears his cousin’s retreating footsteps. He’s gone and done it this time. He’s fallen in love with one of his hookups.
He didn’t even think it was possible to fall in love so fast, but he can’t stop thinking about Yifan and his gentle manner. He hadn’t told Baekhyun he loved him, and he might have been the first hookup not to. Baekhyun hadn’t said anything either, but for some reason it all felt so much more genuine.
Baekhyun can still feel the ghost of Yifan’s grip around his waist as they fell asleep together. He almost wishes he’d stuck around to see how Yifan looked in the morning, to hear his cracked voice as he wakes up and says good morning.
But, as Baekhyun knows, it wouldn’t be “good morning.” It would be “why are you still here?” or “sorry, I have nothing for breakfast.”
Baekhyun knows well enough that one-night stands never have happy endings. The point of a one-night stand is for it to be one night only. It’s not supposed to have an ending at all. You fuck, you sleep, you disappear. That’s how it works. Love is not part of the equation. Someone as perfect and put together as Yifan will not love him.
He gets up out of bed, and his head doesn’t ache like it usually does after a night of drinking. Today, his heart aches. He realizes how cliche that is, but he doesn’t care. It’s too true. He feels like he has a pain in his chest that won’t go away, that he’ll throw up at any moment. He’s not supposed to fall in love. He’s supposed to always remember that none of these things will ever end in anything substantial.
And yet, he can’t help but hope anyway. He’d gone and fallen in love, and now he has to figure out what to do.
÷
“Figure out what to do” ends up meaning he goes back to the bar that night. He knows it’s stupid to expect Yifan to be there on a Sunday night, especially when he’s some sort of business bigshot who has work and stuff.
And Yifan’s not there. Baekhyun orders the same fruity drink he had the night before, gets hit on by a guy and two girls, and refuses them all right off the bat. He goes home at midnight, surprising Kyungsoo and Jimin when he stumbles into the house, drunker than he’s been in a while and completely miserable.
Kyungsoo takes in a deep breath, as if his patience is being tried as Baekhyun shuffles to his bedroom. It’s Jimin who gets up to come help Baekhyun out.
“Baekhyun,” she says gently, “let’s get you some water and a little food. You need to sober up.”
Baekhyun just nods as she takes him by the arms and leads him to the kitchen slowly. She starts the small rice cooker and pours Baekhyun a glass of water, then sits in front of Baekhyun.
“What’s wrong?” she asks.
Everything, Baekhyun wants to say. He’s fallen in love and that’s not allowed or practical.
“Nothing,” he blubbers instead. Jimin isn’t convinced.
“You’re never this mopey after a one-night…” Horror suddenly floods her face. “Oh,Baekhyun, did something happen?”
Baekhyun wants to cry. “No,” he says miserably, and Jimin breathes a sigh of relief. “Reality caught up with me.”
It’s then that Kyungsoo comes over, looking Baekhyun in the eye. “You’ve always been aware of reality,” he says, looking puzzled. “What’s wrong now?”
“It’s really true,” Baekhyun says, because that’s all he knows how to say when his blood is made of alcohol. “I’ll never be loved,” he starts to cry.
Jimin reaches to wipe his tears, and Baekhyun feels so ashamed of himself. He’s making the people who took him in so graciously take care of him like he’s a child. He’s a nasty freeloader.
He’s a college dropout. He’s a slut. And nobody will ever love him.
“Baekhyun,” Jimin says, “you’re just going about it the wrong way. I know it’s jarring to stop what you always do and start something else, but maybe it’s time to forget about hooking up and instead start doing something productive with your life?”
Baekhyun can’t even start to think about that right now. “I’m drunk,” he says, and Kyungsoo sighs again, pouring another glass of water and checking on the rice.
Baekhyun throws up that night, a combined result of the alcohol and the nauseating feelings bubbling up inside of him. Jimin helps him wash up his face and puts him to bed, where he doesn’t feel like he sleeps at all.
÷
After a long talk with Kyungsoo and Jimin, Baekhyun decides to enroll in a few college classes and pick up a part time job at the art cafe down the street from the school. It’s probably for the best. Even if he found Yifan again, there was no way he’d love him.
Baekhyun registers for an English class and an introductory business class, hoping that maybe it will help him get an office job someday. The job at the art cafe is every day from four to nine, and on weekends he works from four to midnight, when the cafe closes. The idea is that he’ll be so tired afterwards that he won’t have the energy to go to clubs or bars. It’s a good arrangement.
He starts work on the Saturday before classes start. The cafe is a nice place, and he makes friends with the other employees. Park Chanyeol is the tall, goofy head chef, who has a pretty girlfriend who really should be way out of his league. Kim Jongdae is the sous chef, and he’s sarcastic beyond belief. He, too, has a girlfriend, and while she’s plainer than Chanyeol’s, she’s much more down-to-earth. Kim Minseok, the barista, has a very dedicated customer who Baekhyun understands is a Chinese grad student studying at the university Baekhyun’s enrolled in. Kim Junmyeon is the curator of the cafe’s art gallery, but he’s hardly ever there. Jongdae explains that they get him on the phone sometimes if someone wants to buy an art piece. Kim Junmyeon’s girlfriend comes in more often than he does, and she is fabulous and petite and they match perfectly.
Baekhyun’s a little jealous of them, all having people who really seem to love them, but he tries not to let it bother him. Working at the cafe is fun.
He confides in Chanyeol on the second day of work that he’s nervous about going to college. He hasn’t been in three years and he doesn’t remember a bit of English. Chanyeol claps him on the back.
“You’ll be fine. College is fun, right, Lu Han?” Chanyeol calls to Minseok’s biggest fan, who’s in the midst of flirting with the barista. Lu Han turns to Chanyeol and Baekhyun and grins.
“Sure! Though it would be better if Minseokie was there,” Lu Han smiles at Minseok, poking his cheek. Minseok rolls his eyes.
“I graduated from college two years ago and went to barista school and I’m happier than ever, Lu Han. I don’t need to do your dumb graduate business school,” Minseok says, but he’s smiling at Lu Han too. Baekhyun looks away. Too many feelings.
“Anyway, who knows?” Jongdae says. “Maybe you’ll meet someone there.”
Baekhyun laughs, because there’s only one person he wants to meet.
÷
He remembers the first day of school always feeling like this. He didn’t expect to be nervous, but at twenty-three years old, he still feels like a high schooler on his first day.
Baekhyun barely makes it to his accounting class on time, but he finds a seat in the front row next to a sleepy-looking boy who’s only brought a pencil and a notebook to class. It could be worse.
The class goes fine; it seems like it’ll be a vaguely interesting subject. It’s when he leaves the room that his day takes a turn for the worse.
Yifan is standing a little ways down the hall, talking to what seems to be a professor. Baekhyun can’t help but stare, eyes wide. Here, of all places, is where he sees Yifan.
They make eye contact for a split second, but Baekhyun knows it was too long. He speed walks in the other direction, too embarrassed to stick around. He scampers onto the bus, feeling safe on his way to work.
Yifan, at his school. It incites a little flicker of hope in his heart that he knows he has to extinguish because it’s unrealistic. It’s sad, Baekhyun thinks. The person he’s in love with will never love him back.
The bus ride is unnecessarily long, but Baekhyun gets to work on time, feeling a little better that he’s going to be distracted from his thoughts.
That is, until he gets inside.
“Baekhyun!” Chanyeol calls from the art counter. “Come here! You haven’t met Yifan yet! He’s our biggest art buyer.”
Baekhyun gulps, and Yifan whips around, his eyes wide.
“Baekhyun?” Yifan starts.
“H-hi,” Baekhyun mumbles, smiling awkwardly with a half-hearted wave. He looks anywhere but Yifan’s face, and Chanyeol seems to sense that something’s wrong.
He clears his throat. “Oh, you guys know each other?” he asks, and before Baekhyun can try to deny it, Yifan nods. Realization dawns on Chanyeol’s face. “Oh! Baekhyun, you’re the guy Yifan has a cr-”
“Chanyeol!” Yifan scolds, punching him in the shoulder. Chanyeol makes a fuss, and whines about how he’s going to get Minseok to beat Yifan up. He leaves the room, winking completely not subtly as he leaves.
“Hey,” Yifan says when Chanyeol is behind the kitchen doors. He walks over to Baekhyun, and Baekhyun suddenly feels much more awkward than he had before. He looks troubled, and Baekhyun doesn’t know what to say. “Sorry,” Yifan says suddenly, “but can I just ask you a question?”
Baekhyun looks up, surprised. “I...I guess,” he replies.
“Why’d you leave?” Yifan asks, and Baekhyun is a little taken aback.
“Isn’t that how one-night stands work?” Baekhyun wonders, as much as he didn’t want to leave at the time.
Yifan sighs, looking away momentarily. “I thought you felt something for me, but I guess I was wrong.”
“No!” Baekhyun cries before he can stop himself. “I mean...you know, I don’t...feelings are...I don’t want to fall in love with someone who won’t love me back.” He looks at the ground, ashamed, because he has fallen in love.
“So what you’re saying is that this was just a one-night stand with no feelings involved?” Yifan asks.
“Wasn’t it?”
“I...guess?” Yifan says, running a hand through his hair. “I don’t know; personally, I
thought there was something there. But maybe I’m naive.”
Baekhyun grabs Yifan’s arm, which surprises Yifan. “You thought something was there?”
Yifan laughs nervously. “Yeah. Sorry if that freaks you out.” He’s blushing, and the little flicker of hope in Baekhyun’s heart has just become a full on bonfire.
“There was something there. There was. There is,” Baekhyun says quietly, but he’s excited.
Yifan lights up too.
“Sorry, but I have to do this,” he says, hugging Baekhyun around the waist and lifting him up. “I fell in love a little that night.”
“So did I,” Baekhyun laughs. “And then I freaked out when I saw you at school today.”
“It was you!” Yifan puts Baekhyun down. “I was talking to my grad professor and saw you there and I wasn’t sure, but I had hope.”
“I didn’t think hope was realistic,” Baekhyun laughs again.
“It was. Baekhyun...can I take you to dinner?”
“Tonight?” Baekhyun asks, checking the clock.
“Every night,” Yifan says, and Baekhyun grins.
“I get off at eight,” he says, and Yifan pecks him on the cheek.
“See you then, in that case.”
÷
(Yifan picks him up that night and almost every night afterwards. When they move in together four months later, Kyungsoo is happier than Baekhyun has ever seen him, and he thinks that maybe people loved him more than he thought they did.)
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