And if I ever need someone to come along...
Who: Kotetsu and Kaede
Where: The memorial tree in Anatole
What: It's the anniversary of Tomoe's death. A father and daughter spend a day in remembrance.
Warnings: T&B spoilers. Spoilers everywhere.
Kotetsu has trouble sleeping the night before. What sleep he does get is fitful and filled with dreams, both pleasant and unpleasant, memories and questions of "what if?"
What if he'd known about Tomoe's illness sooner? What if he'd incurred fewer damage fines, and thus had more money to spend on her treatment?
Her condition suddenly worsened after you left.
What if he'd stayed by her side instead of going on call, that day? (The other heroes and Ms. Agnes would have understood, wouldn't they?)
Never stop being a hero, no matter what happens. Promise me that.
He lies awake in bed in the morning, staring up at the ceiling, and it's hard to believe today is the eighth anniversary of that promise.
The eighth anniversary of Tomoe's death.
But he's not in Sternbild anymore. There are no Heroes here. The Alliance is the closest he's found, and it's...not quite the same. He doesn't really miss the cameras or points (he'd never cared about those, anyway) or even being Wild Tiger--it's pointless to try to maintain a double identity when the Forge assigns him an ID# anyway--because he'd be perfectly okay saving people as just Kotetsu Kaburagi.
The problem is really more that there's not much saving to do on a regular basis. The Police and Search and Rescue are mostly situational, and truth be told, he finds himself a little uncomfortable with attacking sentient creatures in the ruins. It's not quite the same as destroying androids programmed only to hurt and kill, even if protecting people is more important than pondering the ethics of fighting mist-monsters.
The bottom line is, he feels like he's not doing enough, but there's not much more he can do. Anatole, on average, is more peaceful than Sternbild on a similar scale, even though Anatole at its worst was much more dangerous than Sternbild ever was. Kotetsu knows he should feel grateful for that; less need for Heroes is a good thing, but it leaves him feeling groundless and unsure what to do.
That's not the only thing that worries him, either. Kaede's here too, and all of a sudden, he's the only parental figure she has around, when there had been his mom and brother as her main support for six years.
It leaves Kotetsu terrified. He's already screwed up big-time before, and he's honestly lucky to have the understanding he does with her now. But now he'll be responsible for everything: protecting her in this strange world, taking care of her, raising her as best he can. She may even hit her teens while here, and it'd be his responsibility to guide her through those awkward years without a mother.
And Kotetsu is so, so afraid he'll mess it all up. Again.
That's why he finally abandons his attempts to sleep any further, gets dressed, and quietly slips out of the apartment before Kaede can wake up, and heads to a very particular landmark in the city.
The memorial tree, with the names of all who have come and gone from this place, seems the most apt. Tomoe's name won't be on it, and it's certainly not her grave, but somehow the place makes him feel more balanced. Like her spirit is there, somehow, even if that's impossible.
Kotetsu sits cross-legged before the tree, with his hat off in respect, a thumb gently running over one of the intricately crafted metal leaves. And then he tilts his head up a little towards the sky, not even caring if someone will see him talking essentially to himself. It's still early--there aren't too many people around yet, and it's no one else's business, anyway.
"...Aa, Tomoe. I hope you'll forgive the location; I wasn't exactly expecting the worldshift, you know.
Kaede's here too. So far it's just the two of us from home. Not sure how long we'll be here, but apparently it won't matter once we leave? ...It's a bit creepy, really. Not as bad as what Maverick did to Bunny, but...that kind of thing just shouldn't be messed with." Tampering with memories in any way is really just an awful thing to do to someone.
But he's beating around the bush, isn't he?
"I hope I don't get sent back before her. I hate the idea that she could be living all alone here, and I wouldn't even know."
Though really...that leads to the crux of his concerns, doesn't it? He laughs a little, self-deprecating.
"Not so sure it'd make much difference either way, though. To be honest...I don't really know what in the hell I'm doing anymore."
He's tried, god knows he has--he's tried and failed and gotten right back up to keep trying, time and time again, because that's just who he is. But being a dad has always subordinated to being a Hero. Even lately, as he'd been trying to fix things, he slipped up sometimes and treated Kaede like that four-year-old from when their family was still whole.
"Heh. Feels like just yesterday we were helping her take her first steps, and now she's gone and grown up on me."
A small smile crosses Kotetsu's face, and it's tinged with both pride and sadness.
"You'd be proud of her, Tomoe. She even helped our ol' Wild Tiger out of a pretty big jam a bit over a year ago."
Another slight chuckle, but it's strained, like he's trying not to cry, now.
"Reminding me more and more of you around the time we met, as kids..."
His breath catches, then, and he lowers his head as the tears he'd been holding back finally escape.
"I've heard things about this place, you know. It's wrong to wish for them, I think." Kotetsu's hand clenches into a fist, the wedding ring he still wears glinting off the rising morning sun.
"...but it'd be a lie to say I haven't." Because it's one of those things that never really heals, not completely, anyway--losing the one you'd wanted to spend the rest of your life with. He's healed a lot since then, true, and his heart has been able to let go of that crushing despair that once felt as if nothing in the world would ever be good or right again, but that doesn't mean there aren't days when he wouldn't give anything for another hour or minute or second with her, another chance for his family to be together again. Days like today.
"I miss you, Tomoe. ...I love you."
Kotetsu doesn't say anymore, but he also makes no move to get up yet, remaining in that cross-legged position with his head bowed, tears still streaming silently down his cheeks. He knows he has to get up eventually, has to be there for Kaede when she wakes up, but it's still early. He should still have some time. And right now, he's just...so tired.
Where: The memorial tree in Anatole
What: It's the anniversary of Tomoe's death. A father and daughter spend a day in remembrance.
Warnings: T&B spoilers. Spoilers everywhere.
Kotetsu has trouble sleeping the night before. What sleep he does get is fitful and filled with dreams, both pleasant and unpleasant, memories and questions of "what if?"
What if he'd known about Tomoe's illness sooner? What if he'd incurred fewer damage fines, and thus had more money to spend on her treatment?
Her condition suddenly worsened after you left.
What if he'd stayed by her side instead of going on call, that day? (The other heroes and Ms. Agnes would have understood, wouldn't they?)
Never stop being a hero, no matter what happens. Promise me that.
He lies awake in bed in the morning, staring up at the ceiling, and it's hard to believe today is the eighth anniversary of that promise.
The eighth anniversary of Tomoe's death.
But he's not in Sternbild anymore. There are no Heroes here. The Alliance is the closest he's found, and it's...not quite the same. He doesn't really miss the cameras or points (he'd never cared about those, anyway) or even being Wild Tiger--it's pointless to try to maintain a double identity when the Forge assigns him an ID# anyway--because he'd be perfectly okay saving people as just Kotetsu Kaburagi.
The problem is really more that there's not much saving to do on a regular basis. The Police and Search and Rescue are mostly situational, and truth be told, he finds himself a little uncomfortable with attacking sentient creatures in the ruins. It's not quite the same as destroying androids programmed only to hurt and kill, even if protecting people is more important than pondering the ethics of fighting mist-monsters.
The bottom line is, he feels like he's not doing enough, but there's not much more he can do. Anatole, on average, is more peaceful than Sternbild on a similar scale, even though Anatole at its worst was much more dangerous than Sternbild ever was. Kotetsu knows he should feel grateful for that; less need for Heroes is a good thing, but it leaves him feeling groundless and unsure what to do.
That's not the only thing that worries him, either. Kaede's here too, and all of a sudden, he's the only parental figure she has around, when there had been his mom and brother as her main support for six years.
It leaves Kotetsu terrified. He's already screwed up big-time before, and he's honestly lucky to have the understanding he does with her now. But now he'll be responsible for everything: protecting her in this strange world, taking care of her, raising her as best he can. She may even hit her teens while here, and it'd be his responsibility to guide her through those awkward years without a mother.
And Kotetsu is so, so afraid he'll mess it all up. Again.
That's why he finally abandons his attempts to sleep any further, gets dressed, and quietly slips out of the apartment before Kaede can wake up, and heads to a very particular landmark in the city.
The memorial tree, with the names of all who have come and gone from this place, seems the most apt. Tomoe's name won't be on it, and it's certainly not her grave, but somehow the place makes him feel more balanced. Like her spirit is there, somehow, even if that's impossible.
Kotetsu sits cross-legged before the tree, with his hat off in respect, a thumb gently running over one of the intricately crafted metal leaves. And then he tilts his head up a little towards the sky, not even caring if someone will see him talking essentially to himself. It's still early--there aren't too many people around yet, and it's no one else's business, anyway.
"...Aa, Tomoe. I hope you'll forgive the location; I wasn't exactly expecting the worldshift, you know.
Kaede's here too. So far it's just the two of us from home. Not sure how long we'll be here, but apparently it won't matter once we leave? ...It's a bit creepy, really. Not as bad as what Maverick did to Bunny, but...that kind of thing just shouldn't be messed with." Tampering with memories in any way is really just an awful thing to do to someone.
But he's beating around the bush, isn't he?
"I hope I don't get sent back before her. I hate the idea that she could be living all alone here, and I wouldn't even know."
Though really...that leads to the crux of his concerns, doesn't it? He laughs a little, self-deprecating.
"Not so sure it'd make much difference either way, though. To be honest...I don't really know what in the hell I'm doing anymore."
He's tried, god knows he has--he's tried and failed and gotten right back up to keep trying, time and time again, because that's just who he is. But being a dad has always subordinated to being a Hero. Even lately, as he'd been trying to fix things, he slipped up sometimes and treated Kaede like that four-year-old from when their family was still whole.
"Heh. Feels like just yesterday we were helping her take her first steps, and now she's gone and grown up on me."
A small smile crosses Kotetsu's face, and it's tinged with both pride and sadness.
"You'd be proud of her, Tomoe. She even helped our ol' Wild Tiger out of a pretty big jam a bit over a year ago."
Another slight chuckle, but it's strained, like he's trying not to cry, now.
"Reminding me more and more of you around the time we met, as kids..."
His breath catches, then, and he lowers his head as the tears he'd been holding back finally escape.
"I've heard things about this place, you know. It's wrong to wish for them, I think." Kotetsu's hand clenches into a fist, the wedding ring he still wears glinting off the rising morning sun.
"...but it'd be a lie to say I haven't." Because it's one of those things that never really heals, not completely, anyway--losing the one you'd wanted to spend the rest of your life with. He's healed a lot since then, true, and his heart has been able to let go of that crushing despair that once felt as if nothing in the world would ever be good or right again, but that doesn't mean there aren't days when he wouldn't give anything for another hour or minute or second with her, another chance for his family to be together again. Days like today.
"I miss you, Tomoe. ...I love you."
Kotetsu doesn't say anymore, but he also makes no move to get up yet, remaining in that cross-legged position with his head bowed, tears still streaming silently down his cheeks. He knows he has to get up eventually, has to be there for Kaede when she wakes up, but it's still early. He should still have some time. And right now, he's just...so tired.