Jennifer Craw and the Phoenix Wand Chapter 1, Part 2
Hello,
We return with the next exciting installment in which...nothing happens!
and Jennifer pulled back the curtains around the window to see the castle complex
McGonagall: If the curtains were closed how could she tell that they were flying over the channel?
that housed the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. It was without question much bigger than the Beauxbatons, and she found herself staring at it, awestruck.
Dumbledore: This author seems to have some sort of grievance against Beauxbatons.
Snape: She didn’t get accepted.
"Breftakin' ain' it?
McGonagall: Hagrid can speak English.
We'll be landin' soon. Not much goin' on at the moment, of course. Not much of the staff is back yet
Dumbledore: Clearly, the coma key on the author’s keyboard is broken.
Snape: The more likely scenario is that he or she simply does not know how to use comas.
except our full year residents. But wait 'til you see it when everyone is 'ere and it's crawlin' with students, it's even more amazin'"
Snape: Apparently to Hagrid “amazing” is synonymous with unbelievably irritating. Hogwarts is much better without the students. Also, she misused a coma in that sentence, with clearly disproves your theory. *smirks*
Hagrid said, pointing out the different wings and the Quidditch Pitch.
Dumbledore: Shouldn’t he be telling her what classes are in these wings and why is he randomly pointing at different parts of the castle when he is discussing the amount of students that come to Hogwarts in the fall?
It was there on the
McGonagall: -whomping willow
field that the coach finally landed.
Dumbledore: Why? All the other professors just apparate to the gates and walk from there. I do not give special treatment to certain professors, especially new and inexperienced ones.
Hagrid and Jennifer slowly stepped out
Snape: Did someone set them in slow motion?
and stretched a bit. The breeze in the air was very damp and chilly
McGonagall: The air can be damp. A breeze cannot.
, so she pulled her cloak around her as she watched the goblin fuss with
Snape: -his long, golden locks.
the ties on
Snape: -his bondage gear.
the top of the coach.
"'Ere now, I'll take those," Hagrid told the goblin, throwing the large trunk over the shoulder
McGonagall: -of the road into a giant ravine.
and grabbing her suitcase in the other hand.
Dumbledore: She could make Hagrid’s job easier by shrinking her luggage.
Snape: Ah, but that would require her to think of someone besides herself and her ego is almost as big as James Potter’s.
"Let's get you out of this night air, Professor. I expect you're not quite used to the cold so early in the year."
McGonagall: It’s not as if she’s from Brazil. She ought to be used to cold as Scotland and Paris have similar climates. Scotland may be colder in the summer, but someone could’ve easily told her to bringer a warmer cloak. Better yet, she can cast a damn warming charm.
Jennifer quickly fell into step behind him as they entered, pausing when Hagrid stopped to fish around his pockets. "I got the room an' floor written down here somm'eres," he assured her.
Dumbledore: The room and floor of her living quarters, I assume?
Snape: Hagrid ought to know better than to place something important in “somm’eres.” Those accursed “somm’ere-ians” are kleptomaniacs.
"Hagrid? Professor Craw?"
Jennifer glanced up to the sound of a woman's voice to behold on older witch,
McGonagall: *sighs heavily*
Snape: Be thankful that you don’t have to sleep with her.
Dumbledore: Cheer up, Minerva. It could be Pomona or Poppy.
dressed in fine green professor's robes.
McGonagall: The robes I wear are simply formal robes. There is no such thing as “professor’s robes”
Her hair was redder than Jennifer's but greying, and she wore spectacles on her nose.
McGonagall: My hair is black and why, pre tell, do my nostrils need corrective lenses?
In a way she reminded Jennifer of every witch teacher she ever had when she went to school.
McGonagall: Yes, we all look the same. *mutters* bloody imbecile.
"Ah, 'alo there, Professor McGonagall. Professor Craw, this is Professor McGonagall, Deputy Headmaster,
Dumbledore: Something you need to share, Minerva?
Snape: What was your name before the transformation, if I may be so bold? Was it Minervo?
McGonagall: Bear in mind, Professor Snape, that I was once your teacher and I know things about you.
and Transfiguration Professor."
"Minerva McGonagall," she smiled, offering her hand.
McGonagall: That’s my hand, damn it. The Sue cannot have it.
"Jennifer Craw," Jennifer smiled back and took her hand,
Snape: First Dumbledore hires an idiot with Voldemort growing on the back of his head, then just a plain, garden-variety arrogant prick, then a werewolf, than a death-eater impersonating an auror, and now he hires a thief. I am more than slightly insulted, Dumbledore.
immediately deciding she liked her
McGonagall: Absolutely not. I wanted to be either nonexistent in this fic or the Scary Sue. I refuse to be her best friend!!
from the thoughts she read in the other woman's face.
McGonagall: What, in the name of Merlin, does that mean?!
Snape: I’m afraid it’s my fault, Minerva. Last night I grew board of giving my students T’s and decided to go around the castle and write random messages across my colleagues’ faces. I’m afraid you are quite the heavy sleeper.
"I thought I might come and help you get settled.
Dumbledore: Don’t you have better things to do?
As Hagrid probably mentioned, the staircases here tend to have a mind of their own." Minerva warned, turning to lead the way.
McGonagall: We don’t even assist the students with all the tricks of the castle so why, pre tell, would I be helping an adult witch? I actually like the students.
"I should'a
Dumbledore: -switched to Geico.
mentioned that," Hagrid nodded, following behind the two witches.
Snape: -and a partridge in a pear tree.
"Your office is located by your classroom at the far end of the second floor, but your personal rooms will be on the fifth. We'll head there first."
Dumbledore: *begins to fall asleep*
McGonagall: *cleans her spectacles repeatedly*
Snape: *starts unbuttoning and buttoning the cuffs of his sleeves*
Jennifer was actually more anxious to see her office but dutifully followed Minerva up to her rooms, pausing now and again to gaze at the pictures in the stairwell.
Dumbledore: Of course, she got lost because she was too busy staring at the pictures and not paying attention to where Minerva was going.
"Quite an impressive collection," she remarked as they waited for
McGonagall: The suits of armor I summoned to destroy the sue.
a staircase to settle into place.
"Yes it is, although I admit they were a bit nerve wracking when I first came here as a student all those many years ago," Minerva admitted with a chuckle.
McGonagall: Over my many years as a teacher not one student has been frightened of the portraits.
"It must have been something. I would have loved to have been able to accept my invitation to be a student here, but my mother wanted to keep me closer to home." Jennifer said.
Dumbledore: Moving portraits are not a rarity. Beauxbatons has them too.
They climbed up the last stair
Snape: -way to heaven
to the fifth floor and Minerva led her down the hall. Minerva glanced back and nodded to her distractedly.
McGonagall: I think the power of this fic lies in how terribly boring it is.
"Yes, your mother was
Snape: -Diana Ross.
Alice Corsiva, wasn't she?" Minerva asked. "Quite an honor student here.
Dumbledore: We don’t have honors students.
These are your rooms," she added, stopping at a painting of a large black bird
McGonagall: Why is there a picture of Severus near her quarters?
Snape: I’m most often compared to a bat, if you recall.
. "This is Dewhurst,
Dumbledore: That is a ridiculous name.
and the password at the moment is 'orange marmalade.'" The raven in the picture
McGonagall: -donned a top hat and a bow tie and begin singing Dean Martin songs.
flapped, and the door began to creep
Snape: -towards her bathroom window in order to watch her shower.
open. "You may change it at your convenience, of course."
The room consisted of
Dumbledore: -various magical creatures sent to destroy the sue.
a sleeping room, bathroom, and sitting room laden with
Snape: Venomous Tentacula’s?
McGonagall: One can only hope.
ornate rugs and tapestries. One wall was left bare, more than likely so that Jennifer could fill it with her own pictures and trinkets.
McGonagall: Pictures of Severus, no doubt and things she stole from his room, for example, locks of hair, dirty undergarments…
Snape: *disgusted* As if she could sneak into my room, I would kill her in seconds.
Jennifer quickly spotted the window and strode over to open it, putting her hand out expectantly.
"Hmm, perhaps he hasn't arrived yet," Jennifer frowned after a moment.
McGonagall: Damn prostitutes, always late.
"I sent him this way a couple days ago. I'd thought he'd have made it here by now."
Snape: He had to stop at his local pharmacists for some blue pills.
"You have an owl? Perhaps he's roosting up in the Owlery."
"Well, no, he's no a…"
Dumbledore: I’m sure Minerva could have easily guessed that her owl was not the letter “A”.
Just then there was a flutter at the window and something landed on her head, squeaking in annoyance.
"Settle down, Ratfly,
Snape: That is such an impossibly stupid name that I have quite possibly suffered neurological damage from merely uttering it.
you silly bat." The large fruit bat perched itself upside down on the owl stand by the window, surveying the room with bored interest.
Dumbledore: He moved on to exploring the castle with apathetic curiosity.
McGonagall: Ah, she has a bat and Severus looks like a bat. What a beautiful basis for a relationship.
Snape: So that’s supposed to mean that she is my soul mate? If I were interested in any sort of relationship I have other requirements except owning a bat and having red hair.
McGonagall: That’s right.
Dumbledore: What would you know about that, Minerva?
McGonagall: Don’t be a fool, Dumbledore, we all know Severus has high standards. Has he shown an interest in any woman since Lily Evans.?
Dumbledore: …no I suppose not.
"He's rather uppity sometimes, and he's quite a character. I like characters." Jennifer chuckled, taking the suitcase from Hagrid and setting it on the table.
"Then you should feel right at home here, because if there's one thing Hogwarts is definitely full of, it's characters," Minerva said with a lopsided smile.
Snape: It seems you are having a stroke, Minerva.
McGonagall: Good, it’ll get me out of this bloody fic.
Jennifer laughed at that.
"May we go see my office now?" Jennifer asked.
McGonagall: Why couldn’t I be the scary sue?
Snape: You still don’t have to sleep with her.
"I had a feeling you would want to see it tonight. Let's run on down, then."
Dumbledore: Why doesn’t fic!you tell her to wait until the morning?
McGonagall: Because she and I have to become best friends, obviously.
"Could you bring the trunk please, Hagrid? If it's not too much trouble." Jennifer asked.
Snape: Why does she need the trunk in her office?
"None for me, Professor," Hagrid said cheerfully, acting as if he were rather enjoying himself.
McGonagall: That’s insulting to Hagrid. Does anyone really think he has nothing better to do than haul around people’s luggage?
Snape: Does anyone think you have nothing better to do than give the sue the grand tour in the middle of the night or that I am desperate enough to sleep with the sue?
Dumbledore: Apparently the author does. Besides, I rather think you have different preferences than what the sue can offer. *gazes at Severus and Minerva pointedly*
As they descended the stairs, Jennifer suddenly got the feeling as if the castle itself was watching them
Dumbledore: -shower.
McGonagall: The castle was known to be rather perverted.
Snape: Moaning Myrtle does need to learn a few lessons about personal boundaries.
Dumbledore: Ah, yes, I heard about that incident earlier this week.
McGonagall: What incident?
Dumbledore: Myrtle used the plumbing to hide out in Severus’ shower drain.
McGonagall: Why? Aren’t there more attractive men she could’ve violated, like say…anyone else?
Snape: And you’re a regular beauty queen.
. Hagrid had said something about ghosts, she remembered, and wondered if that was the eeriness she was sensing.
McGonagall: *exaggerated gasp* Did you catch that, Severus?
Snape: I’m not sure, Minerva, but I think I did sense some…
Both: Subtle foreshadowing!!!!
"Here we are," Minerva announced, opening the door.
Jennifer walked straight in. It was mostly empty except for the rudimentary shelves, tables, walls and a desk with only an ornate carpet for décor. "Well! It looks like I have my work cut out for me in here," she declared, sounding pleased. "Can you put the trunk down on the floor, Hagrid? You've been so wonderful!"
"No trouble, Professor," Hagrid assured her. "You'll have to come out an' visit, an' see some of them pets I was tellin' you abou'."
Snape: We can only hope that oaf has the good sense to feed her to his acromantulas.
"You've been a wonderful companion, and I'm sure I'll be speaking with you about them. I have a couple of ideas in mind in my class that might need a creature or two."
Dumbledore: I can’t imagine why. Fic!me is paying her to teach DADA not Care of Magical Creatures.
McGonagall: I’m sure by the end of this series she’ll have taken over all of our classes and every other position in the school except those held by house elves.
"O course! Wull now, I best be gett'in the Pegasi fed, Professors."
Minerva waved and watched him leave before turning back to Jennifer.
"So! Do you suppose you're up to a meeting with the Headmaster tonight?
Dumbledore: I had hoped to escape with my dignity intact.
Snape: You must suffer with us, old man.
You still have a while before term starts to set up, so you needn't worry about the office quite yet."
"It's more than a one night job in any case," Jennifer grinned, thinking of all the delicate equipment she brought that had to be set up by hand. Besides, her curiosity had been growing ever since she got her acceptance letter. Who was this legendary wizard who would hire her to his staff without batting an eye? "I am quite ready for a meeting now, thank you." Minerva quickly led her up to Dumbledore's private study, taking a moment to introduce them before slipping off to retire.
Dumbledore: Clearly the author has not learned that dialogue starts a new paragraph.
McGonagall: This is dreadfully boring. It makes me wish for the poorly written, sappy dialogue with the tremendously out-of-character Severus.
Snape: We have suffered through three fics that involve sues teaching me how to love and transforming me into a nauseating sop. It is only fair that the next one be a Minerva stu fic, if there are any, of course.
McGonagall: No.
Dumbledore: Actually, he does have a point.
What will happen next? Will the sue meet Dumbledore? Will she approve of Dumbledore? Will anyone care? Find out on next week's episode of Soap in our next installment!
We return with the next exciting installment in which...nothing happens!
and Jennifer pulled back the curtains around the window to see the castle complex
McGonagall: If the curtains were closed how could she tell that they were flying over the channel?
that housed the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. It was without question much bigger than the Beauxbatons, and she found herself staring at it, awestruck.
Dumbledore: This author seems to have some sort of grievance against Beauxbatons.
Snape: She didn’t get accepted.
"Breftakin' ain' it?
McGonagall: Hagrid can speak English.
We'll be landin' soon. Not much goin' on at the moment, of course. Not much of the staff is back yet
Dumbledore: Clearly, the coma key on the author’s keyboard is broken.
Snape: The more likely scenario is that he or she simply does not know how to use comas.
except our full year residents. But wait 'til you see it when everyone is 'ere and it's crawlin' with students, it's even more amazin'"
Snape: Apparently to Hagrid “amazing” is synonymous with unbelievably irritating. Hogwarts is much better without the students. Also, she misused a coma in that sentence, with clearly disproves your theory. *smirks*
Hagrid said, pointing out the different wings and the Quidditch Pitch.
Dumbledore: Shouldn’t he be telling her what classes are in these wings and why is he randomly pointing at different parts of the castle when he is discussing the amount of students that come to Hogwarts in the fall?
It was there on the
McGonagall: -whomping willow
field that the coach finally landed.
Dumbledore: Why? All the other professors just apparate to the gates and walk from there. I do not give special treatment to certain professors, especially new and inexperienced ones.
Hagrid and Jennifer slowly stepped out
Snape: Did someone set them in slow motion?
and stretched a bit. The breeze in the air was very damp and chilly
McGonagall: The air can be damp. A breeze cannot.
, so she pulled her cloak around her as she watched the goblin fuss with
Snape: -his long, golden locks.
the ties on
Snape: -his bondage gear.
the top of the coach.
"'Ere now, I'll take those," Hagrid told the goblin, throwing the large trunk over the shoulder
McGonagall: -of the road into a giant ravine.
and grabbing her suitcase in the other hand.
Dumbledore: She could make Hagrid’s job easier by shrinking her luggage.
Snape: Ah, but that would require her to think of someone besides herself and her ego is almost as big as James Potter’s.
"Let's get you out of this night air, Professor. I expect you're not quite used to the cold so early in the year."
McGonagall: It’s not as if she’s from Brazil. She ought to be used to cold as Scotland and Paris have similar climates. Scotland may be colder in the summer, but someone could’ve easily told her to bringer a warmer cloak. Better yet, she can cast a damn warming charm.
Jennifer quickly fell into step behind him as they entered, pausing when Hagrid stopped to fish around his pockets. "I got the room an' floor written down here somm'eres," he assured her.
Dumbledore: The room and floor of her living quarters, I assume?
Snape: Hagrid ought to know better than to place something important in “somm’eres.” Those accursed “somm’ere-ians” are kleptomaniacs.
"Hagrid? Professor Craw?"
Jennifer glanced up to the sound of a woman's voice to behold on older witch,
McGonagall: *sighs heavily*
Snape: Be thankful that you don’t have to sleep with her.
Dumbledore: Cheer up, Minerva. It could be Pomona or Poppy.
dressed in fine green professor's robes.
McGonagall: The robes I wear are simply formal robes. There is no such thing as “professor’s robes”
Her hair was redder than Jennifer's but greying, and she wore spectacles on her nose.
McGonagall: My hair is black and why, pre tell, do my nostrils need corrective lenses?
In a way she reminded Jennifer of every witch teacher she ever had when she went to school.
McGonagall: Yes, we all look the same. *mutters* bloody imbecile.
"Ah, 'alo there, Professor McGonagall. Professor Craw, this is Professor McGonagall, Deputy Headmaster,
Dumbledore: Something you need to share, Minerva?
Snape: What was your name before the transformation, if I may be so bold? Was it Minervo?
McGonagall: Bear in mind, Professor Snape, that I was once your teacher and I know things about you.
and Transfiguration Professor."
"Minerva McGonagall," she smiled, offering her hand.
McGonagall: That’s my hand, damn it. The Sue cannot have it.
"Jennifer Craw," Jennifer smiled back and took her hand,
Snape: First Dumbledore hires an idiot with Voldemort growing on the back of his head, then just a plain, garden-variety arrogant prick, then a werewolf, than a death-eater impersonating an auror, and now he hires a thief. I am more than slightly insulted, Dumbledore.
immediately deciding she liked her
McGonagall: Absolutely not. I wanted to be either nonexistent in this fic or the Scary Sue. I refuse to be her best friend!!
from the thoughts she read in the other woman's face.
McGonagall: What, in the name of Merlin, does that mean?!
Snape: I’m afraid it’s my fault, Minerva. Last night I grew board of giving my students T’s and decided to go around the castle and write random messages across my colleagues’ faces. I’m afraid you are quite the heavy sleeper.
"I thought I might come and help you get settled.
Dumbledore: Don’t you have better things to do?
As Hagrid probably mentioned, the staircases here tend to have a mind of their own." Minerva warned, turning to lead the way.
McGonagall: We don’t even assist the students with all the tricks of the castle so why, pre tell, would I be helping an adult witch? I actually like the students.
"I should'a
Dumbledore: -switched to Geico.
mentioned that," Hagrid nodded, following behind the two witches.
Snape: -and a partridge in a pear tree.
"Your office is located by your classroom at the far end of the second floor, but your personal rooms will be on the fifth. We'll head there first."
Dumbledore: *begins to fall asleep*
McGonagall: *cleans her spectacles repeatedly*
Snape: *starts unbuttoning and buttoning the cuffs of his sleeves*
Jennifer was actually more anxious to see her office but dutifully followed Minerva up to her rooms, pausing now and again to gaze at the pictures in the stairwell.
Dumbledore: Of course, she got lost because she was too busy staring at the pictures and not paying attention to where Minerva was going.
"Quite an impressive collection," she remarked as they waited for
McGonagall: The suits of armor I summoned to destroy the sue.
a staircase to settle into place.
"Yes it is, although I admit they were a bit nerve wracking when I first came here as a student all those many years ago," Minerva admitted with a chuckle.
McGonagall: Over my many years as a teacher not one student has been frightened of the portraits.
"It must have been something. I would have loved to have been able to accept my invitation to be a student here, but my mother wanted to keep me closer to home." Jennifer said.
Dumbledore: Moving portraits are not a rarity. Beauxbatons has them too.
They climbed up the last stair
Snape: -way to heaven
to the fifth floor and Minerva led her down the hall. Minerva glanced back and nodded to her distractedly.
McGonagall: I think the power of this fic lies in how terribly boring it is.
"Yes, your mother was
Snape: -Diana Ross.
Alice Corsiva, wasn't she?" Minerva asked. "Quite an honor student here.
Dumbledore: We don’t have honors students.
These are your rooms," she added, stopping at a painting of a large black bird
McGonagall: Why is there a picture of Severus near her quarters?
Snape: I’m most often compared to a bat, if you recall.
. "This is Dewhurst,
Dumbledore: That is a ridiculous name.
and the password at the moment is 'orange marmalade.'" The raven in the picture
McGonagall: -donned a top hat and a bow tie and begin singing Dean Martin songs.
flapped, and the door began to creep
Snape: -towards her bathroom window in order to watch her shower.
open. "You may change it at your convenience, of course."
The room consisted of
Dumbledore: -various magical creatures sent to destroy the sue.
a sleeping room, bathroom, and sitting room laden with
Snape: Venomous Tentacula’s?
McGonagall: One can only hope.
ornate rugs and tapestries. One wall was left bare, more than likely so that Jennifer could fill it with her own pictures and trinkets.
McGonagall: Pictures of Severus, no doubt and things she stole from his room, for example, locks of hair, dirty undergarments…
Snape: *disgusted* As if she could sneak into my room, I would kill her in seconds.
Jennifer quickly spotted the window and strode over to open it, putting her hand out expectantly.
"Hmm, perhaps he hasn't arrived yet," Jennifer frowned after a moment.
McGonagall: Damn prostitutes, always late.
"I sent him this way a couple days ago. I'd thought he'd have made it here by now."
Snape: He had to stop at his local pharmacists for some blue pills.
"You have an owl? Perhaps he's roosting up in the Owlery."
"Well, no, he's no a…"
Dumbledore: I’m sure Minerva could have easily guessed that her owl was not the letter “A”.
Just then there was a flutter at the window and something landed on her head, squeaking in annoyance.
"Settle down, Ratfly,
Snape: That is such an impossibly stupid name that I have quite possibly suffered neurological damage from merely uttering it.
you silly bat." The large fruit bat perched itself upside down on the owl stand by the window, surveying the room with bored interest.
Dumbledore: He moved on to exploring the castle with apathetic curiosity.
McGonagall: Ah, she has a bat and Severus looks like a bat. What a beautiful basis for a relationship.
Snape: So that’s supposed to mean that she is my soul mate? If I were interested in any sort of relationship I have other requirements except owning a bat and having red hair.
McGonagall: That’s right.
Dumbledore: What would you know about that, Minerva?
McGonagall: Don’t be a fool, Dumbledore, we all know Severus has high standards. Has he shown an interest in any woman since Lily Evans.?
Dumbledore: …no I suppose not.
"He's rather uppity sometimes, and he's quite a character. I like characters." Jennifer chuckled, taking the suitcase from Hagrid and setting it on the table.
"Then you should feel right at home here, because if there's one thing Hogwarts is definitely full of, it's characters," Minerva said with a lopsided smile.
Snape: It seems you are having a stroke, Minerva.
McGonagall: Good, it’ll get me out of this bloody fic.
Jennifer laughed at that.
"May we go see my office now?" Jennifer asked.
McGonagall: Why couldn’t I be the scary sue?
Snape: You still don’t have to sleep with her.
"I had a feeling you would want to see it tonight. Let's run on down, then."
Dumbledore: Why doesn’t fic!you tell her to wait until the morning?
McGonagall: Because she and I have to become best friends, obviously.
"Could you bring the trunk please, Hagrid? If it's not too much trouble." Jennifer asked.
Snape: Why does she need the trunk in her office?
"None for me, Professor," Hagrid said cheerfully, acting as if he were rather enjoying himself.
McGonagall: That’s insulting to Hagrid. Does anyone really think he has nothing better to do than haul around people’s luggage?
Snape: Does anyone think you have nothing better to do than give the sue the grand tour in the middle of the night or that I am desperate enough to sleep with the sue?
Dumbledore: Apparently the author does. Besides, I rather think you have different preferences than what the sue can offer. *gazes at Severus and Minerva pointedly*
As they descended the stairs, Jennifer suddenly got the feeling as if the castle itself was watching them
Dumbledore: -shower.
McGonagall: The castle was known to be rather perverted.
Snape: Moaning Myrtle does need to learn a few lessons about personal boundaries.
Dumbledore: Ah, yes, I heard about that incident earlier this week.
McGonagall: What incident?
Dumbledore: Myrtle used the plumbing to hide out in Severus’ shower drain.
McGonagall: Why? Aren’t there more attractive men she could’ve violated, like say…anyone else?
Snape: And you’re a regular beauty queen.
. Hagrid had said something about ghosts, she remembered, and wondered if that was the eeriness she was sensing.
McGonagall: *exaggerated gasp* Did you catch that, Severus?
Snape: I’m not sure, Minerva, but I think I did sense some…
Both: Subtle foreshadowing!!!!
"Here we are," Minerva announced, opening the door.
Jennifer walked straight in. It was mostly empty except for the rudimentary shelves, tables, walls and a desk with only an ornate carpet for décor. "Well! It looks like I have my work cut out for me in here," she declared, sounding pleased. "Can you put the trunk down on the floor, Hagrid? You've been so wonderful!"
"No trouble, Professor," Hagrid assured her. "You'll have to come out an' visit, an' see some of them pets I was tellin' you abou'."
Snape: We can only hope that oaf has the good sense to feed her to his acromantulas.
"You've been a wonderful companion, and I'm sure I'll be speaking with you about them. I have a couple of ideas in mind in my class that might need a creature or two."
Dumbledore: I can’t imagine why. Fic!me is paying her to teach DADA not Care of Magical Creatures.
McGonagall: I’m sure by the end of this series she’ll have taken over all of our classes and every other position in the school except those held by house elves.
"O course! Wull now, I best be gett'in the Pegasi fed, Professors."
Minerva waved and watched him leave before turning back to Jennifer.
"So! Do you suppose you're up to a meeting with the Headmaster tonight?
Dumbledore: I had hoped to escape with my dignity intact.
Snape: You must suffer with us, old man.
You still have a while before term starts to set up, so you needn't worry about the office quite yet."
"It's more than a one night job in any case," Jennifer grinned, thinking of all the delicate equipment she brought that had to be set up by hand. Besides, her curiosity had been growing ever since she got her acceptance letter. Who was this legendary wizard who would hire her to his staff without batting an eye? "I am quite ready for a meeting now, thank you." Minerva quickly led her up to Dumbledore's private study, taking a moment to introduce them before slipping off to retire.
Dumbledore: Clearly the author has not learned that dialogue starts a new paragraph.
McGonagall: This is dreadfully boring. It makes me wish for the poorly written, sappy dialogue with the tremendously out-of-character Severus.
Snape: We have suffered through three fics that involve sues teaching me how to love and transforming me into a nauseating sop. It is only fair that the next one be a Minerva stu fic, if there are any, of course.
McGonagall: No.
Dumbledore: Actually, he does have a point.
What will happen next? Will the sue meet Dumbledore? Will she approve of Dumbledore? Will anyone care? Find out on next week's episode of Soap in our next installment!