fic: Not This Way
Title: Not This Way (Five Situations Drake and Josh Were Never In, and One They Were)
Author: stttmsbwa
Rating: light R
Warnings: AU situations
Summary: “Do you ever think, like, about…what if?”
A/N: Happy Drake and Josh Week! In honor of this wonderful celebration, I come bearing fic! Completely inspired by dancinbutterfly's fic Five Things That Aren't True. Enjoy!
Josh Nichols didn’t think his life was so bad. He figured that college was supposed to be tons of work and hours of studying, so he was only mildly surprised when by the time he had reached his the spring of his junior year he had only been to a grand total of three parties.
The first time was out of curiosity (winter of freshman year, Josh followed a small crowd of people from his dorm floor and into a dingy frat house that made him pay five bucks to come in and step into the puddles of beer that littered the basement). The second time was an accident (spring of sophomore year, his organic chemistry partner told Josh to meet him at his place to work on their project; Josh didn’t know that you could do work during a house party, but somehow they did). The third time was, well, deliberate and self destructive (fall of junior year, Josh had a bad break up with his long-time high school on-off girlfriend Mindy - “I think you’re just confused and don’t want to be alone. I’m sorry, Josh. It’s over.” - and figured it would be a good idea to drown his sorrows by playing five rounds of Kings at his friend’s girlfriend’s friend’s party).
In conclusion, Josh was not a big party kind of guy. The purpose for college was to get an education. Not get drunk off your ass and make a fool of yourself.
“But it’s fun to do that! C’mon, please?”
Josh sighed. Drake Parker was quickly becoming the bane of his existence.
“Drake, I’m not taking you to any parties. You’ve been bothering me about it for two months now. A no is a no. Can you please be as mature as possible over this?”
Two seconds of watching Drake bulge his eyes and pout his lips was enough to make Josh roll his eyes and sigh in exasperation. He was seriously going to bludgeon Mrs. Hayfer for giving him this one.
”He’s a bit of a challenge. Just warning you now. I really hate him.”
Why hadn’t Josh taken that warning to heart?
“Cut that out. We’re supposed to be going over your essay and why you failed it.”
Drake grimaced and glanced down at his paper, a sight of white and black and many, many marks of red.
“I failed this stupid essay because I don’t care. What I do care about is having fun.”
Josh opened his mouth, ready to spew his lecture yet again as to why academics are so much more important than “having fun,” but Drake held up a hand.
“C’mon, Joshie. You’re supposed to be my Big Brother. Aren’t big brothers supposed to help their little brothers have fun? At least every once in a while?”
Again with the eyes. Josh groaned lightly and squished his own eyes shut. And he thought signing up for the Big Brother program would be a great opportunity to make a difference, to help out the community, to have a good time. Not end up tutoring apathetic high school students who simply did not care about their education.
Josh was never this difficult and stubborn when he was seventeen. Although, really, Josh was an only child to a single father. A very lonely single father. A father who Josh was always too worried about to be difficult and stubborn to. A father who, unknowingly, was the reason why Josh chose SDSU over any other school outside of a 20 mile radius of home.
Then again, Josh was also not a Drake Parker. Who had charm and charisma and good looks and dazzling grins and captivating hips and -
Josh groaned a little more, willing his mind to please erase those thoughts from his mind. The last thing he needed was to feel any sort of attraction to his “Little Brother,” nonetheless a boy almost five years younger than him. A high schooler.
A high schooler with a honey-sweet voice and mischievous eyes and splotches of brilliant freckles covering his face and arms and neck and possibly other places -
“Josh? You okay?”
No, Josh was not okay. Josh was lusting. Over a seventeen year old boy who was failing 11th grade English. He was a pedophile. A potential child molester.
“Josh!”
His eyes shot open and he saw Drake, a look of worry on his face.
“Sorry.”
Drake nodded slowly and cautiously. Picking his paper up, Drake cleared his throat.
“So, about my sucky essay - “
“If I take you to one, will you promise to put in the effort I know you have and pass your class?”
Drake blinked. “Take me to one what?”
Exhaling heavily, Josh ignored the shouting voices in his head (Don’t! Don’t! Don’t!) and muttered, “A party.”
Eyebrows shooting up, Drake’s mouth broke out into a wide smile. A smile that Josh felt from his ears to his toes.
“Really?”
“Promise!”
Drake began to nod hurriedly. “Yes, yes. I promise. I swear, I’ll totally do better. I promise, Josh.”
Before Josh could even start to lay out the rules and regulations that came with his party promise, Drake reached across the couch to wrap his arms around Josh for a quick tight hug.
“Please, Drake,” Josh managed to utter once Drake broke away. Something in Josh’s chest was seizing up; he was quite possibly going into cardiac arrest. “Don’t make me regret this.”
Drake winked. “Oh, trust me. I’ll make you wish you’d never said no before.”
---
Drake wasn’t sure how it had happened. He supposed it was somewhere between the fourth shot of Smirnoff he’d downed and the second hit he’d taken from the joint being passed around, but the whole night was a little fuzzy to Drake.
Except for the feeling of his windshield against his forehead. Drake remembered that perfectly. Cold, sharp and wet from the rain.
The fucking rain. Drake wanted to blame the rain so bad. But somehow the faint taste of liquor on his tongue reminded him otherwise.
He vaguely remembered saying, “The rain.” The EMT who sat next to him in the ambulance looked down at him, eyes inquiring - Drake remembered the eyes.
Bright. Blue. Worried.
Drake liked that. People didn’t usually worry about him anymore.
“Beautiful.”
The EMT nodded softly, his fingers softly brushing Drake’s damp bangs out of his face.
“Yes, the rain is beautiful.”
Swallowing tightly, Drake slowly shook his head.
“No. Your eyes.”
Those blue eyes blinked down at Drake, and he didn’t mind that the EMT had gone temporarily speechless.
It didn’t matter; Drake slipped into unconsciousness and didn’t wake up for two days.
When Drake did wake up, the first person he saw was his mother.
Audrey Parker, the poor helpless mother of Drake Parker. Runaway at age 17, prodigal son who returns at 19 - what would he be now? Struggling musician with a zest for living dangerously at 23?
Drake was just a big fuck-up.
But the way he was smothered in Audrey’s arms - well, Drake just felt 15 again. 15 and safe.
After a few hours of his mother crying and his sister rolling her eyes and his doctors lecturing him about his head injury, Drake was finally left alone.
For a grand total of 12 minutes.
The door creaked open and Drake was ready to assault the newcomer with biting words on how patients need privacy -
Until he saw who was carefully walking towards his bed, eyes wide and blue and filled with nervousness.
“Hi.”
Drake’s mouth fell open a little.
“I - uh, well. I just wanted to - Never mind, I’ll go.”
Gasping, Drake reached out a hand towards the turning man. “Wait! Don’t go. Please.”
The man’s face brightened as he turned back and started inching closer to Drake’s side.
“I didn’t know if you’d remember or not. You were in pretty bad shape. I mean, obviously you were. Car accident and all. Blow to the head. Concussion. It was pretty serious. You could have died. What with the - “
“Hey.”
The man stopped his flustered rambling. “Sorry. I do that sometimes.”
“What’s your name?”
“Josh. Nichols. And I know your name. Drake.”
Drake nodded.
“Alright. Josh. Why are you here?”
Josh’s eyes widened and Drake swore he could’ve fallen into them.
“I, um, I wanted to see you. How you were doing.”
“I’m doing fine, thank you very much.”
Josh nodded. Drake stared into those bright and beautiful eyes.
“Actually, I really wanted to see you again. I’ve been coming back here every day for the past few days to check up on you. I wanted to see if you - “
He hesitated and Drake waited patiently, hoping Josh would stay longer, please longer, if only so Drake could continue to fall deeper into Josh’s gaze.
“Maybe you wanted to grab some coffee sometime or - “
“Yes.”
Making Josh happy only made his eyes pop open more, even gave them a brilliant sparkle that shot shivers down Drake’s spine. The kind of shivers that made Drake think that maybe he wasn’t such a fuck-up after all. That maybe Drake could switch gears and work towards something bigger. Something better.
As Josh began to excitedly rattle off places and dates, Drake just smiled and began plotting all the ways he’d figure out how to make Josh’s eyes light up all the time.
---
“We’re getting married!”
Drake was pretty sure those were the worst words he had ever heard in his entire life.
”What?”
Audrey Parker nodded her head. Drake turned to see how Josh was reacting.
He was smiling. A little forcedly. But he didn’t look displeased.
Not like Drake was sure he was looking.
“But! You - and - then that’s means -“
Drake gaped before turning to Walter. “Dad! Are you serious?”
Walter nodded. “Of course.” He turned to Audrey and smiled a sickeningly sweet smile. “I love her.”
“Then that means that we’re gonna be - “ Drake turned to Josh and pointed. “ - stepbrothers?”
Josh grinned and opened his arms. “Hug me, brotha?”
Drake did not hug Josh Parker.
-
Drake was very not happy about this entire situation.
“Please, Drake. I know this is hard on you. But at least try to be a little friendly?”
Drake sighed and didn’t respond. Running one hand through his hair, Drake picked up his duffel bags with the other and slowly climbed the stairs.
Drake Nichols was going to be Josh Parker’s stepbrother. Oh the irony.
Once the nerdy fat kid, Josh Parker had managed to shed his weight and his dorkness and become one of the better liked kids in school. Drake, who was once like Josh, had become reclusive and withdrawn after his mother had died. Five years had changed Drake just as much as it had changed Josh.
Honestly, though. Drake was seventeen. One more year from graduating. His father had to go and get remarried now? He couldn’t have waited until Drake had left? Sometimes Drake hated his karma.
Drake opened the door to his new room and glanced around. Josh was lounging on a loft bed, typing away on his laptop. Drake cleared his throat softly, grabbing Josh’s attention.
“Oh, hey! Come in.”
The room was filled with an assortment of posters of bands and pictures of friends. Drake recognized faces and names and -
“Zero Gravity? You like Zero Gravity?”
Josh climbed down the stairs from his bed and walked over to help Drake with his bags.
“Uh huh. Who doesn’t?”
Drake gazed up at the poster and began to hum the bridge to “Midnight Crush.” Josh watched, his eyes locked on Drake’s concentrating face.
“You play?”
Jumping at the interruption, Drake turned to Josh. “What?”
“You play? Music?”
Drake nodded softly and Josh smiled. “Figured. You’ve always got your headphones on at school. And you’re always reading those music review magazines.”
Raising an eyebrow, Drake gave Josh a once over. “You…see me at school? Pay attention to me?”
“Of course. You’re Drake Nichols. You sit in front of me in Calc. You’re awful at integrals.”
Drake frowned. “You’re kind of a creeper. And you’re also awful at integrals. I’ve seen your grades when the tests are passed back. You’re terrible. Worse than me.”
Josh shrugged. “I don’t really care very much.”
Scrunching up his nose, Drake narrowed his gaze. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“Just means you care more about school than I do. Doesn’t mean that I’m not smarter than you.”
“You think you are?”
“How often do you study?”
Hours. Upon hours. It’s not as if Drake had much of a social life to have had anything else to do. But Josh didn’t have to know that.
“You know, enough.”
Josh smirked. “I don’t study at all.”
Drake tried his best not to smack Josh right then and there. Drake worked hard to earn his grades. Sure, they weren’t always the best, but they made Walter proud and Drake feel accomplished. It killed Drake to know that Josh didn’t even have to try and he was only a few points behind Drake.
Asshole.
“Whatever. That’s you. At least I’m - “ Drake’s eyes lit up as he caught a glimpse of something sticking out from behind a cushion on the couch that sat in the middle of the room.
“At least I’m not a closet Oprah fan.”
Josh darted a panicked glance towards the head that wasn’t completely hidden and scowled.
“How do you know my friends don’t know that I like Oprah a little?”
Drake raised an eyebrow.
“Okay, a lot.”
Finally having the upper hand, Drake crossed his eyes and grinned. “Somehow I just know.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
Drake took a step closer and stuck a finger into Josh’s chest. “Means that I know you, too, Josh Parker. And you’re a big. Fat. Fake.”
With every poke, Josh’s face became more and more flushed.
“You’re a big fake with fake friends and fake grades. You fake your way through life.”
Josh smacked Drake’s hand away and stepped even closer.
“At least I don’t duck and hide every time people look at me. You’re always slinking away and you never talk to anyone. At least I’m not afraid to live my life.”
“Yeah, and that life is a shamble.”
Josh gaped at Drake, incredulous. “You - “ A strangle cry emitted from Josh’s mouth. “Sham, you idiot. Sham.”
Having had enough, Drake growled and shoved Josh, hard, before quickly turning and trying to run away. Before he could even reach the door, he was tackled to the ground.
Within seconds, fists were flying, fingers were pulling and the only noises were the scuffles of bodies moving against the ground and the grunts the boys made when hits were connected. Drake kicked out, aiming for Josh’s nearby shin, hitting Josh’s dresser instead. A plastic lamp fell to the ground with a clatter.
”What are you boys doing up there?”
They immediately paused, limbs tangled up in limbs, chests heaving and faces flushed. Josh gulped and quickly shouted back.
“Nothing! Just, ah, moving furniture!”
Drake barked out a laugh. “You can’t even lie right.”
Josh snarled. “I can lie on top of you.”
Slowly realizing that Josh did indeed have Drake pinned to the ground caused Drake’s blush to spread even further across his cheeks and down his neck. The fighting had caused his pulse to quicken, but somehow thinking about how well Josh’s body covered his own was bringing his heart rate up even faster.
Josh swallowed, inching his nose lower and lower.
“You’re very pretty. For a boy. How come you never date?”
Drake answered shakily. “Never asked. Why don’t you?”
Inches. Less than inches. Drake could feel every puff of Josh’s breath. Josh shrugged.
“I do sometimes. But I get all…spazzy around girls. I’m much more comfortable around guys.”
Drake nodded knowingly.
“So not only are you a closeted Oprah fan, but you’re also a closet gay.”
The moment was broken and Josh was swiftly pushing Drake down as he got up.
“Fuck you, Nichols.”
Drake watched Josh leave the room, sighing heavily once the door slammed shut.
Life just got interesting.
---
It wasn’t much, but Drake figured it was better than nothing. He grabbed a can of beer (Keystone Light? He really was at a college show) and leaned against a wall, observing the small crowd that had formed in the living room.
Trevor was rushing around the house, receiving cash from people and marking their hands with a big red, permanent-marker “x.” Drake sipped his (crappy and cheap) beer and gazed over to the couch, hoping to find an open slot.
On one end sat a couple (boy and girl, hipster and hipster-Asian, both wearing tighter jeans than Drake and pawing at each other’s hair). On the other sat a young man (curly brown hair, slightly sunken eyes from lack of efficient sleep, bright eyes, handsome face, teeth barely nibbling on bottom lip) about Drake’s age, holding a bottle of Miller and reading a book.
Drake smiled and decided to make his move. Approaching the end of the couch where the reading stranger sat, Drake leaned down to read the spine.
“Ulysses? Like, that guy in that really long poem?”
The man blinked twice before looking up at Drake.
“Pardon?”
Drake pointed at the book and realization lit up the stranger’s eyes.
“Oh, yes. Well, not exactly. This is James Joyce. It’s based off of the poem Ulysses, but it’s really just a total mindfuck.”
Perching himself on the arm of the couch, Drake took another sip.
“What class is it for?”
“None. Reading it just because.”
Drake laughed softly. “Wow. Do you always bring books for personal reading pleasure to house shows?”
The other man laughed, too, and Drake enjoyed watching the corners of his eyes scrunch up.
“That’s funny, man. No, I just enjoy reading for pleasure in the comfort of my own home. Well, rented home. But home just the same.”
Drake almost fell off the couch.
“Wait - you live here? You’re one of Trevor’s roommates?”
He nodded and placed his book onto his lap so he could extend a hand.
“Josh. Roommate number three.”
Drake took the hand. “Drake, friend of Trevor.”
Josh nodded and grinned. “Nice. Here for the bands, I’m assuming?”
Drake grinned back. “I thought so. Now I’m thinking maybe not.”
Raising his eyebrows, Josh ran a nervous tongue across his lips.
“Oh really?”
Nodding slowly, Drake leaned in close.
“Care to give me a tour of the, ah, upper level of the house?”
“The level that’s off-limits to the general public?”
“Exactly.”
It took five seconds and a swig from his bottle before Josh got up, tossing his book onto the couch and next to the still cooing couple. Josh led Drake towards the staircase, the boys maneuvering around the clumps of people that stood around waiting for the show to start.
Up the stairs, down a hall and into a dimly lit room, Drake quickly closed the door behind him and reached for Josh. Lips collided awkwardly and hands attempted to find proper placement. As Drake tried to slip a tongue between Josh’s lips, Josh pressed closer, causing teeth to clatter painfully.
“Ack!”
“Gah! Sorry. I - I don’t do this very often.”
“What? Hook up with guys you’ve just met?”
Josh smiled crookedly. “Yeah. Something like that.” Regaining courage, Josh began to leisurely walk Drake backwards against the door. “I’m working on it, though.”
When Josh swooped down to give Drake a second kiss, Drake decided that he thoroughly enjoyed the feel of Ulysses-reading Josh’s lips against his. The weight of Josh’s chest pressing into his own. The soft touch of Josh’s fingers winding into his hair and tracing the outline of his ribs. And when Josh sucked on Drake’s tongue like that, Drake was pretty sure that he never wanted to ever stop kissing Trevor’s-Third-Roommate Josh.
KNOCK KNOCK
”Drake? You in one of these rooms? You guys are up in ten minutes!”
Drake unwillingly pried his lips away from Josh’s, breathily replying.
“Coming! Be down in two!”
His eyes caught Josh’s and he couldn’t help but giggle softly.
“I - ah, I’ve gotta go. My band’s playing soon.”
Josh nodded. “I know. Drake Parker.”
Drake’s eyes lit up. “You - you knew who I was?”
Josh threw his head back and laughed.
“Drake, we went to high school together. Don’t you remember?”
Shaking his head a little, Drake suddenly gasped.
“You! Nichols! You're Nancy Nichols! You were the paper’s Miss Nancy and I outed you to the entire school! Because of that one time my mom went out with your dad and I - “
“- walked in on me wearing my Miss Nancy dress. Yes. I remember. Quite vividly.”
Drake gaped before whispering, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”
Josh shrugged. “I’m not mad at you anymore. Besides, it was a really ugly dress. I don’t really blame you.”
Drake couldn’t help but burst into laughter.
”DRAKE FUCKING PARKER! GET YOUR PRETTY ASS DOWN TO THE BASEMENT! NOW!”
Josh reached a hand up to brush a stray hair out of Drake’s face. “You better go. Your public is waiting.”
“We’ve got some catching up to do. Will you still be around when I get done?”
“I’ll always be around for you, Drake Parker.”
Drake smiled and leaned up to quickly plant a kiss on Josh’s lips.
---
It was days like this that Josh wished that he could just live with being unemployed. Because, seriously? He really did not need to deal with all the drama that went down at The Premiere.
Something’s either too dirty, too messy, too unorganized, too dusty, too broken. It all made Josh feel like he was going crazy.
Josh whipped his head around in fear. He hated even thinking that word while at The Premiere. It just felt wrong, especially with -
“Hey, bro! How’s it going?”
Steve walked up to the counter, immediately leaning on the glass and reaching for a box of candy. Josh slapped his hand away and scowled.
“Dude, you know you can’t do that. You’ve got to do this thing called pay.”
Rolling his eyes, Steve let his eyes follow then linger on the skirt of a lanky blonde who walked by on the arm of another guy. Josh sighed heavily and went back to polishing the glass counters, poking Steve’s elbow when he needed him to move.
“Uh oh.”
Josh looked up. “What. Uh oh what?”
Steve pointed a finger in the direction of theatre 7. Josh’s gaze caught sight of the mass of people quickly exiting. “What’s going on? That movie doesn’t end for another forty minutes and - “
All of a sudden, a young man in a red vest ran into the lobby of the theatre, flailing and yelling and holding a -
A reel of film that was on fire.
Josh immediately swung his body over the counter and launched himself at the frantic boy.
“Stop! Stop! Just drop the film!”
“FIRE! It’s on FIRE! It TRIED to ATTACK me and BURN me! FIRE!”
Josh managed to grab a hold of the screaming boy’s arms and shake them hard enough until the burning film fell to the ground. Instantly jumping onto the flames, Josh stomped until all that was left was a black pile of ashes and singed film.
Steve crept up behind Josh. “Gonna leave, Josh. You have fun with Crazy Drake.”
Josh ignored his stepbrother’s remark, choosing instead to focus his attention on the small, trembling near-tears boy before him.
“You okay, Drake?”
Drake shook his head violently, sniffling and shuffling away from the pile of burned film.
“N-n-no.”
Sighing, Josh wrapped an arm around Drake’s shoulders and guided him towards the employee break room.
“C’mon. Let’s go sit down for a little bit.”
It took a few minutes of coaxing, but somehow Josh had managed to convince Drake to sit down in a chair and let Josh give him a cool glass of water. Josh watched Drake gulp the liquid down swiftly.
“Want to tell me what happened?”
Drake’s lip warbled and he nodded. Josh listened tentatively to Drake’s strange yet strangely understanding story of his battle with the projector that started spewing fireballs at him.
Josh remembers the first time he met Drake (he refuses to call him “Crazy” Drake, like everyone else does). The day he started. Drake was in the middle of an emotional breakdown when Josh walked up to the counter. Flinging a box of Nutter Butters at Josh, Drake had torn his vest off and sprinted out of the theatre, screaming over his shoulder that he had quit. The manager had hired Josh on the spot, handing him Drake’s discarded vest.
A few weeks later, though, Drake was back on staff.
Drake was such a mystery to Josh. A mystery that he wanted to solve. Josh was always friendly to Drake, always going out of his way to make conversation with the twitchy boy. By becoming friendly with Drake, Josh was able to bring Drake down from his fits and outbursts. It turned into Josh’s responsibility to take care of Drake - a responsibility that Josh didn’t really mind very much at all.
Josh learned a lot about Drake when they sat together in the break room.
Like how Drake’s father left him and his mother when he was ten. And how Drake was glad that he left because his dad used to hit him when his mother wasn’t home, but sad that he left because he missed having a dad.
Like how Drake’s favorite comfort song was “Devil’s Paradise” by Zero Gravity, and when Josh discovered this he immediately bought that album and learned all the words (and in the process ended up loving Zero Gravity, a lot). And whenever Drake couldn’t be calmed down, Josh would sing the lyrics to Drake until he was calm enough to let Josh wrap his arms around him.
Like how Drake enjoyed eating Josh’s homemade Fudgie-Boos, and how when Josh and Drake were on the schedule to close, Drake loved it when they would end up watching movies late into the night together in the very back of the theater and how Drake thoroughly enjoyed it when Josh would pull him close in the darkness and kiss him softly. Roughly. Any way, really.
And even though Josh felt guilty about it for hours afterwards, he couldn’t help but do it again. And again. And again.
Because it made Drake happy. And making Drake happy? Well, it was Josh’s responsibility to make Drake happy. And like he said, it was a responsibility that Josh didn’t really mind very much at all.
Drake finished up his epic tale and sipped at the remainder of his water, his fingers still trembling softly. Almost always trembling. Such nimble fingers, Josh thought. Maybe Josh would buy him a guitar for Christmas. Or his birthday. Or maybe just because. And then maybe Drake could channel his nervous habits into something productive and therapeutic.
Drake put down the glass and scooted his chair closer to Josh’s. He leaned his head in until it was resting against Josh’s shoulder.
“Hug me, Josh?”
Instantaneously Josh’s arms were enveloping Drake into a tight embrace. He pulled the slight boy into his lap and cradled him.
“Why does he call me that? Why does everyone call me that?”
Josh frowned. He knew what Drake was asking. He had no idea how to answer.
“Don’t listen to Steve or anyone else. They don’t know you, Drake. Not like I do.”
Drake hummed softly, and Josh recognized the lead into “Devil’s Paradise.”
“Maybe they’re right, Josh. Maybe I am crazy.”
Josh pulled Drake away to lock his eyes with his own.
“Don’t. Say that. You’re not…crazy. You’re Drake. And you’re perfect the way you are.”
“Josh, even the projector thinks I’m crazy. It said so right before it started flinging out fire.”
Josh shook his head.
“No. The projector’s the crazy one. You’re just Drake.”
Drake smiled wide and beautifully. Josh’s heart leapt into his throat every time he saw that smile. He lived for that smile.
“I love you, Josh.”
Josh grinned and pulled Drake’s head back down to rest against his chest.
“I love you, Drake. I love you, too.”
Maybe Drake really was crazy. Then again, maybe Josh was crazy, too.
It didn’t matter to Josh. To him the rest of the whole world was crazy to not see the beauty in such a wonderful person.
---
Drake put down his guitar and sighed.
“Josh?”
Josh swiveled his head around from the couch, halfway through his Physics problems.
“Yeah.”
“Do you ever think, like, about…what if?”
Josh raised an eyebrow.
“What do you mean?”
Drake bit his lip, thinking about how he should form his words.
“You know, like - what if things happened a different way.”
Josh scoffed. “Of course. All the time. Like, I imagine what it would have been like if I’d never plugged that guitar you won into that broken amp, or what it would be like if I’d never run over Oprah, or - “
“Josh, those things - No. That’s not what I mean. I mean, like big things.”
“Big things?”
“Big things.”
“Like what?”
“Like, like Mom and Walter never getting married.”
Josh thought for a moment, trying to imagine such an unthinkable situation.
“But, then. But, then we’d never - “
Drake grinned. “Exactly! We would have never become brothers. And we would never have become friends. And then we’d never have become - “
“Boyfriends?”
“I was gonna say lovers, but sure. Same thing.”
Josh furrowed his brow and Drake ran a hand through his hair.
“You know what?”
Drake glanced back towards Josh. “What?”
Getting up from the couch, Josh walked over to Drake’s bed.
“I think that, no matter what situation we were in, somehow we’d end up together. I mean, if we’re meant to be together, for however long we’re together, then we’re meant to be together. Right? Even if our parents never got married or we never went to the same school.”
Drake smirked.
“What if you were born a girl?”
Josh snorted. “Oh, dude, trust me. If one of us was gonna be born a girl, it would be you.”
Drake rolled his eyes and reached for the collar on Josh’s shirt.
“Well then, if you’re so sure about all this why don’t you get up here and show me how we’re meant to be?”
Josh laughed and hurriedly climbed up the stairs.
“Yes, m’am. With pleasure.”
Author: stttmsbwa
Rating: light R
Warnings: AU situations
Summary: “Do you ever think, like, about…what if?”
A/N: Happy Drake and Josh Week! In honor of this wonderful celebration, I come bearing fic! Completely inspired by dancinbutterfly's fic Five Things That Aren't True. Enjoy!
Josh Nichols didn’t think his life was so bad. He figured that college was supposed to be tons of work and hours of studying, so he was only mildly surprised when by the time he had reached his the spring of his junior year he had only been to a grand total of three parties.
The first time was out of curiosity (winter of freshman year, Josh followed a small crowd of people from his dorm floor and into a dingy frat house that made him pay five bucks to come in and step into the puddles of beer that littered the basement). The second time was an accident (spring of sophomore year, his organic chemistry partner told Josh to meet him at his place to work on their project; Josh didn’t know that you could do work during a house party, but somehow they did). The third time was, well, deliberate and self destructive (fall of junior year, Josh had a bad break up with his long-time high school on-off girlfriend Mindy - “I think you’re just confused and don’t want to be alone. I’m sorry, Josh. It’s over.” - and figured it would be a good idea to drown his sorrows by playing five rounds of Kings at his friend’s girlfriend’s friend’s party).
In conclusion, Josh was not a big party kind of guy. The purpose for college was to get an education. Not get drunk off your ass and make a fool of yourself.
“But it’s fun to do that! C’mon, please?”
Josh sighed. Drake Parker was quickly becoming the bane of his existence.
“Drake, I’m not taking you to any parties. You’ve been bothering me about it for two months now. A no is a no. Can you please be as mature as possible over this?”
Two seconds of watching Drake bulge his eyes and pout his lips was enough to make Josh roll his eyes and sigh in exasperation. He was seriously going to bludgeon Mrs. Hayfer for giving him this one.
”He’s a bit of a challenge. Just warning you now. I really hate him.”
Why hadn’t Josh taken that warning to heart?
“Cut that out. We’re supposed to be going over your essay and why you failed it.”
Drake grimaced and glanced down at his paper, a sight of white and black and many, many marks of red.
“I failed this stupid essay because I don’t care. What I do care about is having fun.”
Josh opened his mouth, ready to spew his lecture yet again as to why academics are so much more important than “having fun,” but Drake held up a hand.
“C’mon, Joshie. You’re supposed to be my Big Brother. Aren’t big brothers supposed to help their little brothers have fun? At least every once in a while?”
Again with the eyes. Josh groaned lightly and squished his own eyes shut. And he thought signing up for the Big Brother program would be a great opportunity to make a difference, to help out the community, to have a good time. Not end up tutoring apathetic high school students who simply did not care about their education.
Josh was never this difficult and stubborn when he was seventeen. Although, really, Josh was an only child to a single father. A very lonely single father. A father who Josh was always too worried about to be difficult and stubborn to. A father who, unknowingly, was the reason why Josh chose SDSU over any other school outside of a 20 mile radius of home.
Then again, Josh was also not a Drake Parker. Who had charm and charisma and good looks and dazzling grins and captivating hips and -
Josh groaned a little more, willing his mind to please erase those thoughts from his mind. The last thing he needed was to feel any sort of attraction to his “Little Brother,” nonetheless a boy almost five years younger than him. A high schooler.
A high schooler with a honey-sweet voice and mischievous eyes and splotches of brilliant freckles covering his face and arms and neck and possibly other places -
“Josh? You okay?”
No, Josh was not okay. Josh was lusting. Over a seventeen year old boy who was failing 11th grade English. He was a pedophile. A potential child molester.
“Josh!”
His eyes shot open and he saw Drake, a look of worry on his face.
“Sorry.”
Drake nodded slowly and cautiously. Picking his paper up, Drake cleared his throat.
“So, about my sucky essay - “
“If I take you to one, will you promise to put in the effort I know you have and pass your class?”
Drake blinked. “Take me to one what?”
Exhaling heavily, Josh ignored the shouting voices in his head (Don’t! Don’t! Don’t!) and muttered, “A party.”
Eyebrows shooting up, Drake’s mouth broke out into a wide smile. A smile that Josh felt from his ears to his toes.
“Really?”
“Promise!”
Drake began to nod hurriedly. “Yes, yes. I promise. I swear, I’ll totally do better. I promise, Josh.”
Before Josh could even start to lay out the rules and regulations that came with his party promise, Drake reached across the couch to wrap his arms around Josh for a quick tight hug.
“Please, Drake,” Josh managed to utter once Drake broke away. Something in Josh’s chest was seizing up; he was quite possibly going into cardiac arrest. “Don’t make me regret this.”
Drake winked. “Oh, trust me. I’ll make you wish you’d never said no before.”
---
Drake wasn’t sure how it had happened. He supposed it was somewhere between the fourth shot of Smirnoff he’d downed and the second hit he’d taken from the joint being passed around, but the whole night was a little fuzzy to Drake.
Except for the feeling of his windshield against his forehead. Drake remembered that perfectly. Cold, sharp and wet from the rain.
The fucking rain. Drake wanted to blame the rain so bad. But somehow the faint taste of liquor on his tongue reminded him otherwise.
He vaguely remembered saying, “The rain.” The EMT who sat next to him in the ambulance looked down at him, eyes inquiring - Drake remembered the eyes.
Bright. Blue. Worried.
Drake liked that. People didn’t usually worry about him anymore.
“Beautiful.”
The EMT nodded softly, his fingers softly brushing Drake’s damp bangs out of his face.
“Yes, the rain is beautiful.”
Swallowing tightly, Drake slowly shook his head.
“No. Your eyes.”
Those blue eyes blinked down at Drake, and he didn’t mind that the EMT had gone temporarily speechless.
It didn’t matter; Drake slipped into unconsciousness and didn’t wake up for two days.
When Drake did wake up, the first person he saw was his mother.
Audrey Parker, the poor helpless mother of Drake Parker. Runaway at age 17, prodigal son who returns at 19 - what would he be now? Struggling musician with a zest for living dangerously at 23?
Drake was just a big fuck-up.
But the way he was smothered in Audrey’s arms - well, Drake just felt 15 again. 15 and safe.
After a few hours of his mother crying and his sister rolling her eyes and his doctors lecturing him about his head injury, Drake was finally left alone.
For a grand total of 12 minutes.
The door creaked open and Drake was ready to assault the newcomer with biting words on how patients need privacy -
Until he saw who was carefully walking towards his bed, eyes wide and blue and filled with nervousness.
“Hi.”
Drake’s mouth fell open a little.
“I - uh, well. I just wanted to - Never mind, I’ll go.”
Gasping, Drake reached out a hand towards the turning man. “Wait! Don’t go. Please.”
The man’s face brightened as he turned back and started inching closer to Drake’s side.
“I didn’t know if you’d remember or not. You were in pretty bad shape. I mean, obviously you were. Car accident and all. Blow to the head. Concussion. It was pretty serious. You could have died. What with the - “
“Hey.”
The man stopped his flustered rambling. “Sorry. I do that sometimes.”
“What’s your name?”
“Josh. Nichols. And I know your name. Drake.”
Drake nodded.
“Alright. Josh. Why are you here?”
Josh’s eyes widened and Drake swore he could’ve fallen into them.
“I, um, I wanted to see you. How you were doing.”
“I’m doing fine, thank you very much.”
Josh nodded. Drake stared into those bright and beautiful eyes.
“Actually, I really wanted to see you again. I’ve been coming back here every day for the past few days to check up on you. I wanted to see if you - “
He hesitated and Drake waited patiently, hoping Josh would stay longer, please longer, if only so Drake could continue to fall deeper into Josh’s gaze.
“Maybe you wanted to grab some coffee sometime or - “
“Yes.”
Making Josh happy only made his eyes pop open more, even gave them a brilliant sparkle that shot shivers down Drake’s spine. The kind of shivers that made Drake think that maybe he wasn’t such a fuck-up after all. That maybe Drake could switch gears and work towards something bigger. Something better.
As Josh began to excitedly rattle off places and dates, Drake just smiled and began plotting all the ways he’d figure out how to make Josh’s eyes light up all the time.
---
“We’re getting married!”
Drake was pretty sure those were the worst words he had ever heard in his entire life.
”What?”
Audrey Parker nodded her head. Drake turned to see how Josh was reacting.
He was smiling. A little forcedly. But he didn’t look displeased.
Not like Drake was sure he was looking.
“But! You - and - then that’s means -“
Drake gaped before turning to Walter. “Dad! Are you serious?”
Walter nodded. “Of course.” He turned to Audrey and smiled a sickeningly sweet smile. “I love her.”
“Then that means that we’re gonna be - “ Drake turned to Josh and pointed. “ - stepbrothers?”
Josh grinned and opened his arms. “Hug me, brotha?”
Drake did not hug Josh Parker.
-
Drake was very not happy about this entire situation.
“Please, Drake. I know this is hard on you. But at least try to be a little friendly?”
Drake sighed and didn’t respond. Running one hand through his hair, Drake picked up his duffel bags with the other and slowly climbed the stairs.
Drake Nichols was going to be Josh Parker’s stepbrother. Oh the irony.
Once the nerdy fat kid, Josh Parker had managed to shed his weight and his dorkness and become one of the better liked kids in school. Drake, who was once like Josh, had become reclusive and withdrawn after his mother had died. Five years had changed Drake just as much as it had changed Josh.
Honestly, though. Drake was seventeen. One more year from graduating. His father had to go and get remarried now? He couldn’t have waited until Drake had left? Sometimes Drake hated his karma.
Drake opened the door to his new room and glanced around. Josh was lounging on a loft bed, typing away on his laptop. Drake cleared his throat softly, grabbing Josh’s attention.
“Oh, hey! Come in.”
The room was filled with an assortment of posters of bands and pictures of friends. Drake recognized faces and names and -
“Zero Gravity? You like Zero Gravity?”
Josh climbed down the stairs from his bed and walked over to help Drake with his bags.
“Uh huh. Who doesn’t?”
Drake gazed up at the poster and began to hum the bridge to “Midnight Crush.” Josh watched, his eyes locked on Drake’s concentrating face.
“You play?”
Jumping at the interruption, Drake turned to Josh. “What?”
“You play? Music?”
Drake nodded softly and Josh smiled. “Figured. You’ve always got your headphones on at school. And you’re always reading those music review magazines.”
Raising an eyebrow, Drake gave Josh a once over. “You…see me at school? Pay attention to me?”
“Of course. You’re Drake Nichols. You sit in front of me in Calc. You’re awful at integrals.”
Drake frowned. “You’re kind of a creeper. And you’re also awful at integrals. I’ve seen your grades when the tests are passed back. You’re terrible. Worse than me.”
Josh shrugged. “I don’t really care very much.”
Scrunching up his nose, Drake narrowed his gaze. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“Just means you care more about school than I do. Doesn’t mean that I’m not smarter than you.”
“You think you are?”
“How often do you study?”
Hours. Upon hours. It’s not as if Drake had much of a social life to have had anything else to do. But Josh didn’t have to know that.
“You know, enough.”
Josh smirked. “I don’t study at all.”
Drake tried his best not to smack Josh right then and there. Drake worked hard to earn his grades. Sure, they weren’t always the best, but they made Walter proud and Drake feel accomplished. It killed Drake to know that Josh didn’t even have to try and he was only a few points behind Drake.
Asshole.
“Whatever. That’s you. At least I’m - “ Drake’s eyes lit up as he caught a glimpse of something sticking out from behind a cushion on the couch that sat in the middle of the room.
“At least I’m not a closet Oprah fan.”
Josh darted a panicked glance towards the head that wasn’t completely hidden and scowled.
“How do you know my friends don’t know that I like Oprah a little?”
Drake raised an eyebrow.
“Okay, a lot.”
Finally having the upper hand, Drake crossed his eyes and grinned. “Somehow I just know.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
Drake took a step closer and stuck a finger into Josh’s chest. “Means that I know you, too, Josh Parker. And you’re a big. Fat. Fake.”
With every poke, Josh’s face became more and more flushed.
“You’re a big fake with fake friends and fake grades. You fake your way through life.”
Josh smacked Drake’s hand away and stepped even closer.
“At least I don’t duck and hide every time people look at me. You’re always slinking away and you never talk to anyone. At least I’m not afraid to live my life.”
“Yeah, and that life is a shamble.”
Josh gaped at Drake, incredulous. “You - “ A strangle cry emitted from Josh’s mouth. “Sham, you idiot. Sham.”
Having had enough, Drake growled and shoved Josh, hard, before quickly turning and trying to run away. Before he could even reach the door, he was tackled to the ground.
Within seconds, fists were flying, fingers were pulling and the only noises were the scuffles of bodies moving against the ground and the grunts the boys made when hits were connected. Drake kicked out, aiming for Josh’s nearby shin, hitting Josh’s dresser instead. A plastic lamp fell to the ground with a clatter.
”What are you boys doing up there?”
They immediately paused, limbs tangled up in limbs, chests heaving and faces flushed. Josh gulped and quickly shouted back.
“Nothing! Just, ah, moving furniture!”
Drake barked out a laugh. “You can’t even lie right.”
Josh snarled. “I can lie on top of you.”
Slowly realizing that Josh did indeed have Drake pinned to the ground caused Drake’s blush to spread even further across his cheeks and down his neck. The fighting had caused his pulse to quicken, but somehow thinking about how well Josh’s body covered his own was bringing his heart rate up even faster.
Josh swallowed, inching his nose lower and lower.
“You’re very pretty. For a boy. How come you never date?”
Drake answered shakily. “Never asked. Why don’t you?”
Inches. Less than inches. Drake could feel every puff of Josh’s breath. Josh shrugged.
“I do sometimes. But I get all…spazzy around girls. I’m much more comfortable around guys.”
Drake nodded knowingly.
“So not only are you a closeted Oprah fan, but you’re also a closet gay.”
The moment was broken and Josh was swiftly pushing Drake down as he got up.
“Fuck you, Nichols.”
Drake watched Josh leave the room, sighing heavily once the door slammed shut.
Life just got interesting.
---
It wasn’t much, but Drake figured it was better than nothing. He grabbed a can of beer (Keystone Light? He really was at a college show) and leaned against a wall, observing the small crowd that had formed in the living room.
Trevor was rushing around the house, receiving cash from people and marking their hands with a big red, permanent-marker “x.” Drake sipped his (crappy and cheap) beer and gazed over to the couch, hoping to find an open slot.
On one end sat a couple (boy and girl, hipster and hipster-Asian, both wearing tighter jeans than Drake and pawing at each other’s hair). On the other sat a young man (curly brown hair, slightly sunken eyes from lack of efficient sleep, bright eyes, handsome face, teeth barely nibbling on bottom lip) about Drake’s age, holding a bottle of Miller and reading a book.
Drake smiled and decided to make his move. Approaching the end of the couch where the reading stranger sat, Drake leaned down to read the spine.
“Ulysses? Like, that guy in that really long poem?”
The man blinked twice before looking up at Drake.
“Pardon?”
Drake pointed at the book and realization lit up the stranger’s eyes.
“Oh, yes. Well, not exactly. This is James Joyce. It’s based off of the poem Ulysses, but it’s really just a total mindfuck.”
Perching himself on the arm of the couch, Drake took another sip.
“What class is it for?”
“None. Reading it just because.”
Drake laughed softly. “Wow. Do you always bring books for personal reading pleasure to house shows?”
The other man laughed, too, and Drake enjoyed watching the corners of his eyes scrunch up.
“That’s funny, man. No, I just enjoy reading for pleasure in the comfort of my own home. Well, rented home. But home just the same.”
Drake almost fell off the couch.
“Wait - you live here? You’re one of Trevor’s roommates?”
He nodded and placed his book onto his lap so he could extend a hand.
“Josh. Roommate number three.”
Drake took the hand. “Drake, friend of Trevor.”
Josh nodded and grinned. “Nice. Here for the bands, I’m assuming?”
Drake grinned back. “I thought so. Now I’m thinking maybe not.”
Raising his eyebrows, Josh ran a nervous tongue across his lips.
“Oh really?”
Nodding slowly, Drake leaned in close.
“Care to give me a tour of the, ah, upper level of the house?”
“The level that’s off-limits to the general public?”
“Exactly.”
It took five seconds and a swig from his bottle before Josh got up, tossing his book onto the couch and next to the still cooing couple. Josh led Drake towards the staircase, the boys maneuvering around the clumps of people that stood around waiting for the show to start.
Up the stairs, down a hall and into a dimly lit room, Drake quickly closed the door behind him and reached for Josh. Lips collided awkwardly and hands attempted to find proper placement. As Drake tried to slip a tongue between Josh’s lips, Josh pressed closer, causing teeth to clatter painfully.
“Ack!”
“Gah! Sorry. I - I don’t do this very often.”
“What? Hook up with guys you’ve just met?”
Josh smiled crookedly. “Yeah. Something like that.” Regaining courage, Josh began to leisurely walk Drake backwards against the door. “I’m working on it, though.”
When Josh swooped down to give Drake a second kiss, Drake decided that he thoroughly enjoyed the feel of Ulysses-reading Josh’s lips against his. The weight of Josh’s chest pressing into his own. The soft touch of Josh’s fingers winding into his hair and tracing the outline of his ribs. And when Josh sucked on Drake’s tongue like that, Drake was pretty sure that he never wanted to ever stop kissing Trevor’s-Third-Roommate Josh.
KNOCK KNOCK
”Drake? You in one of these rooms? You guys are up in ten minutes!”
Drake unwillingly pried his lips away from Josh’s, breathily replying.
“Coming! Be down in two!”
His eyes caught Josh’s and he couldn’t help but giggle softly.
“I - ah, I’ve gotta go. My band’s playing soon.”
Josh nodded. “I know. Drake Parker.”
Drake’s eyes lit up. “You - you knew who I was?”
Josh threw his head back and laughed.
“Drake, we went to high school together. Don’t you remember?”
Shaking his head a little, Drake suddenly gasped.
“You! Nichols! You're Nancy Nichols! You were the paper’s Miss Nancy and I outed you to the entire school! Because of that one time my mom went out with your dad and I - “
“- walked in on me wearing my Miss Nancy dress. Yes. I remember. Quite vividly.”
Drake gaped before whispering, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”
Josh shrugged. “I’m not mad at you anymore. Besides, it was a really ugly dress. I don’t really blame you.”
Drake couldn’t help but burst into laughter.
”DRAKE FUCKING PARKER! GET YOUR PRETTY ASS DOWN TO THE BASEMENT! NOW!”
Josh reached a hand up to brush a stray hair out of Drake’s face. “You better go. Your public is waiting.”
“We’ve got some catching up to do. Will you still be around when I get done?”
“I’ll always be around for you, Drake Parker.”
Drake smiled and leaned up to quickly plant a kiss on Josh’s lips.
---
It was days like this that Josh wished that he could just live with being unemployed. Because, seriously? He really did not need to deal with all the drama that went down at The Premiere.
Something’s either too dirty, too messy, too unorganized, too dusty, too broken. It all made Josh feel like he was going crazy.
Josh whipped his head around in fear. He hated even thinking that word while at The Premiere. It just felt wrong, especially with -
“Hey, bro! How’s it going?”
Steve walked up to the counter, immediately leaning on the glass and reaching for a box of candy. Josh slapped his hand away and scowled.
“Dude, you know you can’t do that. You’ve got to do this thing called pay.”
Rolling his eyes, Steve let his eyes follow then linger on the skirt of a lanky blonde who walked by on the arm of another guy. Josh sighed heavily and went back to polishing the glass counters, poking Steve’s elbow when he needed him to move.
“Uh oh.”
Josh looked up. “What. Uh oh what?”
Steve pointed a finger in the direction of theatre 7. Josh’s gaze caught sight of the mass of people quickly exiting. “What’s going on? That movie doesn’t end for another forty minutes and - “
All of a sudden, a young man in a red vest ran into the lobby of the theatre, flailing and yelling and holding a -
A reel of film that was on fire.
Josh immediately swung his body over the counter and launched himself at the frantic boy.
“Stop! Stop! Just drop the film!”
“FIRE! It’s on FIRE! It TRIED to ATTACK me and BURN me! FIRE!”
Josh managed to grab a hold of the screaming boy’s arms and shake them hard enough until the burning film fell to the ground. Instantly jumping onto the flames, Josh stomped until all that was left was a black pile of ashes and singed film.
Steve crept up behind Josh. “Gonna leave, Josh. You have fun with Crazy Drake.”
Josh ignored his stepbrother’s remark, choosing instead to focus his attention on the small, trembling near-tears boy before him.
“You okay, Drake?”
Drake shook his head violently, sniffling and shuffling away from the pile of burned film.
“N-n-no.”
Sighing, Josh wrapped an arm around Drake’s shoulders and guided him towards the employee break room.
“C’mon. Let’s go sit down for a little bit.”
It took a few minutes of coaxing, but somehow Josh had managed to convince Drake to sit down in a chair and let Josh give him a cool glass of water. Josh watched Drake gulp the liquid down swiftly.
“Want to tell me what happened?”
Drake’s lip warbled and he nodded. Josh listened tentatively to Drake’s strange yet strangely understanding story of his battle with the projector that started spewing fireballs at him.
Josh remembers the first time he met Drake (he refuses to call him “Crazy” Drake, like everyone else does). The day he started. Drake was in the middle of an emotional breakdown when Josh walked up to the counter. Flinging a box of Nutter Butters at Josh, Drake had torn his vest off and sprinted out of the theatre, screaming over his shoulder that he had quit. The manager had hired Josh on the spot, handing him Drake’s discarded vest.
A few weeks later, though, Drake was back on staff.
Drake was such a mystery to Josh. A mystery that he wanted to solve. Josh was always friendly to Drake, always going out of his way to make conversation with the twitchy boy. By becoming friendly with Drake, Josh was able to bring Drake down from his fits and outbursts. It turned into Josh’s responsibility to take care of Drake - a responsibility that Josh didn’t really mind very much at all.
Josh learned a lot about Drake when they sat together in the break room.
Like how Drake’s father left him and his mother when he was ten. And how Drake was glad that he left because his dad used to hit him when his mother wasn’t home, but sad that he left because he missed having a dad.
Like how Drake’s favorite comfort song was “Devil’s Paradise” by Zero Gravity, and when Josh discovered this he immediately bought that album and learned all the words (and in the process ended up loving Zero Gravity, a lot). And whenever Drake couldn’t be calmed down, Josh would sing the lyrics to Drake until he was calm enough to let Josh wrap his arms around him.
Like how Drake enjoyed eating Josh’s homemade Fudgie-Boos, and how when Josh and Drake were on the schedule to close, Drake loved it when they would end up watching movies late into the night together in the very back of the theater and how Drake thoroughly enjoyed it when Josh would pull him close in the darkness and kiss him softly. Roughly. Any way, really.
And even though Josh felt guilty about it for hours afterwards, he couldn’t help but do it again. And again. And again.
Because it made Drake happy. And making Drake happy? Well, it was Josh’s responsibility to make Drake happy. And like he said, it was a responsibility that Josh didn’t really mind very much at all.
Drake finished up his epic tale and sipped at the remainder of his water, his fingers still trembling softly. Almost always trembling. Such nimble fingers, Josh thought. Maybe Josh would buy him a guitar for Christmas. Or his birthday. Or maybe just because. And then maybe Drake could channel his nervous habits into something productive and therapeutic.
Drake put down the glass and scooted his chair closer to Josh’s. He leaned his head in until it was resting against Josh’s shoulder.
“Hug me, Josh?”
Instantaneously Josh’s arms were enveloping Drake into a tight embrace. He pulled the slight boy into his lap and cradled him.
“Why does he call me that? Why does everyone call me that?”
Josh frowned. He knew what Drake was asking. He had no idea how to answer.
“Don’t listen to Steve or anyone else. They don’t know you, Drake. Not like I do.”
Drake hummed softly, and Josh recognized the lead into “Devil’s Paradise.”
“Maybe they’re right, Josh. Maybe I am crazy.”
Josh pulled Drake away to lock his eyes with his own.
“Don’t. Say that. You’re not…crazy. You’re Drake. And you’re perfect the way you are.”
“Josh, even the projector thinks I’m crazy. It said so right before it started flinging out fire.”
Josh shook his head.
“No. The projector’s the crazy one. You’re just Drake.”
Drake smiled wide and beautifully. Josh’s heart leapt into his throat every time he saw that smile. He lived for that smile.
“I love you, Josh.”
Josh grinned and pulled Drake’s head back down to rest against his chest.
“I love you, Drake. I love you, too.”
Maybe Drake really was crazy. Then again, maybe Josh was crazy, too.
It didn’t matter to Josh. To him the rest of the whole world was crazy to not see the beauty in such a wonderful person.
---
Drake put down his guitar and sighed.
“Josh?”
Josh swiveled his head around from the couch, halfway through his Physics problems.
“Yeah.”
“Do you ever think, like, about…what if?”
Josh raised an eyebrow.
“What do you mean?”
Drake bit his lip, thinking about how he should form his words.
“You know, like - what if things happened a different way.”
Josh scoffed. “Of course. All the time. Like, I imagine what it would have been like if I’d never plugged that guitar you won into that broken amp, or what it would be like if I’d never run over Oprah, or - “
“Josh, those things - No. That’s not what I mean. I mean, like big things.”
“Big things?”
“Big things.”
“Like what?”
“Like, like Mom and Walter never getting married.”
Josh thought for a moment, trying to imagine such an unthinkable situation.
“But, then. But, then we’d never - “
Drake grinned. “Exactly! We would have never become brothers. And we would never have become friends. And then we’d never have become - “
“Boyfriends?”
“I was gonna say lovers, but sure. Same thing.”
Josh furrowed his brow and Drake ran a hand through his hair.
“You know what?”
Drake glanced back towards Josh. “What?”
Getting up from the couch, Josh walked over to Drake’s bed.
“I think that, no matter what situation we were in, somehow we’d end up together. I mean, if we’re meant to be together, for however long we’re together, then we’re meant to be together. Right? Even if our parents never got married or we never went to the same school.”
Drake smirked.
“What if you were born a girl?”
Josh snorted. “Oh, dude, trust me. If one of us was gonna be born a girl, it would be you.”
Drake rolled his eyes and reached for the collar on Josh’s shirt.
“Well then, if you’re so sure about all this why don’t you get up here and show me how we’re meant to be?”
Josh laughed and hurriedly climbed up the stairs.
“Yes, m’am. With pleasure.”