(no subject)
I had a perfectly wonderful time on Saturday; I can't remember the last time I was that happy in the presence of someone. And I needed to be happy. Tomorrow would have been Alistair and mine's 3 year anniversary. It's scary to see someone you loved fade away into memories, and even scarier to watch yourself begin to move on.
Pero esto no puede suceder. No ahora. He mezclado sensaciones de faltar quiénes él era antes y faltando a alguien nuevo. Deseo como a usted, yo deseo familiarizarse con le, quisiera caer en amor con usted, pero por las razones derechas y en el tiempo derecho.
Damnit damnit damnit!!! Tenía un nuevo pensamientode la vida. Un bueno pensamiento. Un pensamiento que permitiría que se fuera, al vaya, al recorrido otra vez sin la preocupación, y fue arruinado tan pronto como me sintiera los dedos en el míos. FUCK!
No tengo gusto. Nada nada nada! Tenía un nuevo pensamiento. Iba a estar parado en mis propios dos pies, pero usted me golpeó completamente en mi cara.
It's funny, because what started the fight that ended us was SO ridiculous! I realized that often we would argue about nothing, because things would always work out alright. The fight was about one of his 8 month friend's 20th birthday, which is tomorrow. Her party was yesterday. He's back tomorrow. I was hurt but didn't mind really, because a) He promised her he'd go, even though he only visited me ONCE throughout the year and he's known me for 2.5 years and her for 8 b.c he didnt have any money (that could be spared from beer) b) I worked Sunday and Monday, and c) Before he said that WE'D go, and I was planning on visiting you Toronto people... If he had only listened to me when I said it was OK to go, and not in that manipulative "ITS OK TO GO BUT YOU'RE CUT OFF FOREVER" way, but in the "It's ACTUALLY ok to go because I've got other things to do as well and you're gonna be back for the actual day anyways" way. And only if I had said it better, since I am not without fault here.
Ah well. C'est La Vie I guess. Besides, every morning I wake up I realize that the Old Alistair whom I wanted back SO badly is MIA, presumed DEAD.And this new Alistair I don't know who he is, therefore there really is no reason to celebrate a relationship that started with someone completely different and ended with.... well, you know.
Anyways, I'm off to meet Devs!