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Today I looked through old “selfies” as we call them and for the first time ever I felt like I didn’t recognize myself. It’s scary to have looked over these images a zillion times and over the Mirror zillions more than that and to just think I don’t know who I recognize, what do I look like? -
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Well this journal entry will not be easy because it will be the first time I sit here and try to lay out my most true feelings without putting up some face to protect others character or others emotions. The reason I am even typing this entry is not pretty or easy it started with a break down a full on ugly cry on the floor boogers tripping from my ( Read more... ) -
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I still feel like Im more trapped in myself then usual, focused on my phone or obsessing over one thought or idea over and over... I did have my doctor lower my OCD medication a week ago and Im hoping it's just taking some time to adjust. Im sure it is what it is, Im not going to freak out yet... I also feel like Im extremely bored without Drue ( Read more... ) -
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Today is baking day. I didn't get much done yesterday, though we did get pecans cracked and roasted with some cinnamon yesterday. I had the boyfriend and my sister help because DAAAMN I hate cracking those things.. Today I'll be making some fudge and a couple of other things.. Nothing over the top, just typical Holiday sweets.. My family got ( Read more... ) -
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I can't believe it's already Thursday, the holiday is right around the corner. I've still got some baking to do, possibly a present or two to pick up but other than that I'm pretty ready for it.. I've had my tree up for awhile, I've done a little decorating, I've got a nice winter scented wax melt and some candles to put on. Needless to say I'm ( Read more... ) -
“We are neither on good terms or bad we are no longer anything”
I don’t know if I have the words but I feel like I have to get something off my chest so I’m going to give it a go… My Dad passed away last night of kidney failure after over 35 years of drug abuse… I can honestly say I never had the best relationship with my Dad, years would go by that I hated him and would refuse to talk to him.. As a child he ( Read more... ) -
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I think I've been avoiding Livejournal for quite sometime now because I felt like everything I was writing was either sad or attempting to motivate myself. My journal was feeling very repetitive and it kinda grossed me out, so instead of trying to fix it I just kinda took off.. Well, I'm back. -
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Things have been so fucking weird for the past six months or so.. I'm starting to feel hopeful for the second part of this year but so far it's been so chaotic ( Read more... ) -
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Febuary has been a very heavy month for Otto and myself... At the beginning of the month Otto's grandmother was diagnosed with terminal cancer and was given 2-6 months to live. I believe I've mentioned on here before that we are living with Otto's grandmother and that she is very close to him many times in our relationship has has mentioned to me ( Read more... ) -
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After years of avoiding it and running from my own problems, after years of trying to pass it off as if I was the sane one and everyone else were the ones in need of help I've finally started to seek treatment of my own. For the past month or so I've been seeing a Therapist who I am learning to enjoy.. I must admit it isnt easy dealing with things ( Read more... )