The Meaning of a Death

[thecirrusminor]

Currently I am still intensely in denial over Cumpston's death - full of the "this is something that happens to someone else" feeling without the understanding of always being "someone else" to someone else"...I feel like I'm just waiting for someone to call and say "ha ha, we have just been kidding with you

Comments

[ariandula]

I can relate to this on so many levels. I was in denial for a long time on Sunday, convinced that someone was playing a sick joke that got out of hand. The idea of it wouldn't even compute.
I, too, feel very isolated. I'm in Utah, and there is no one here who knew him. Telephone calls are awkward, full of "I don't know what to say"s and "I miss him so much"s. I wanted so much to be there with everyone, with my band family, to mourn and cry and feel together. I want to be able to talk for hours about all the memories, and laugh. Yes, I want to laugh! I think he would like that - remembering band and laughing with joy over all the good times.
And you know, I think he knows what you wish you'd said. I really believe that he knows. I have a card sitting in a stack of cards that I meant to send him a year ago but never did, with similar thoughts of "I'll get to it later, he's coming back." It hurts now, it sitting there unread.