Comments | thecomatorium: 1 week in

thecomatorium

1 week in

Dec 01, 2005 22:27

well i know have 1 week of sobriety. and it is so far a lot harder this time. i have no one to do this for. i actually must become sober on my own. and i really want it this time. that last suicide attempt was enough. i don't want my mother crying over my dead body, so i have to change for me. hopefully being sober will put a dent in this ( Read more... )

Comments 3

hearxmexout December 4 2005, 00:38:15 UTC

Im not offering you pity
because I know how nice death can sound.
Alls Im saying
is Im fucking proud of you.
And your mom wouldn't have been the only one crying,
I know that for a fact.
And seeing how I barly count as a friend,
and Im not family...
Im sure that you can call me.
<3

hollywoodandme December 4 2005, 17:25:09 UTC

You shouldn't try to quit drinking for someone else. If you don't want to quit, you aren't going to. If you say "Hey ____, I'm going to quit because I know you want me to." you didn't exactly make that choice yourself.
If you say you'll stop for someone, then start drinking/drugging or whatever while still keeping contact/relationshit/whatever, wouldn't that person feel like they did something wrong? It kind of makes another person responsible for your actions.

If you don't love yourself, take care of yourself, make sure you're all right, there is NO way you can do that or feel that way towards someone else.
If you don't love you for you, how do you really know what love is?
You lack the ability to feel that way towards someone, and at most it would be intense admiration.
If you treat yourself like shit, you'll treat everyone around you like shit.
If you aren't okay, you can't make someone else feel better about their problems.

Think about that.

thecomatorium December 5 2005, 03:35:08 UTC

yes i know all that, unfortunately there is no other way. and you're so sure love is real?
there is a point one may come to where the signicance of others must fade or else all choice is lost. but then again what is choice other what you are deceived into or persuaded to do by the popular sovreign. wouldn't the only true choice of life be to choose to live or to die, and everything else in between is just play for show.
i've had others try to change me for their benefit and for mine and to tell you the truth i see no difference since they have some investment in it, in essence it it all for them whatever the action or outcome is.
i have a whole philosophy on negation and and the giving up of choice. it has yet to be blunted by anyone one person.
i have found the ideal of help and compassion from others involving me are kept in a tight catch-22, where i know i need help from others, but just plain cannot except. but what does it matter in the long run?