The Dance of Deception 3/5 - Chapter Three - Illusion (Part One)
Chapter One - Facade (Part One)
Chapter One - Facade (Part Two)
Chapter Two - Deceiving (Part One)
Chapter Two - Deceiving (Part Two)
The Dance of Deception - Chapter Three - Illusion
Reality as we know it relies on our senses, and it relies on our minds to accept what they tell us without question. Without the human body having the ability to see, to taste, to touch, to hear and to smell, without our mind allowing us to have these senses, the world that we know would not exist for us.
But sometimes our five vital senses can trick our mind, sometimes we hear the tone of somebody’s voice, we hear them whisper and we jump to conclusions, are they talking about us? What do they know that we don’t?
It’s the same for what we see; sometimes the reality that is laid out bare before our very eyes is too hard to accept. Our senses connect with our feelings; they give an emotional link, and sometimes the emotions that you feel in response to a certain thing aren’t what you thought they’d be.
The mind sometime allows us to protect ourselves from these unexpected emotions by letting us trick ourselves into believing something different. Sometimes we can cover our truths with an illusion; a fantasy, a day dream, a false impression of our true thoughts and feelings... shielding us from our true reality,
It was the murmured buzzing of her phone against the surface of the bedside table that drew Callie from her restless sleep. She reached out blindly into the darkness, grabbing the device from the side and bringing it to her eyes.
The screen burst into light and blurred the words she’d just received from her vision. Callie pushed herself upright and rubbed at her eyes, wondering who the hell had text her at- she glanced at her digital alarm clock- 3.45am. As her body woke, her eyes adjusted into the darkness and she was able to steady her vision as she read the text.
She jumped up from her bed and hurried towards the apartment door, trying to be as quiet as possible not to wake her roommate. Callie turned the key and opened the door slowly, revealing her blonde haired best friend, her normally bright blue eyes puffy and red.
Erica swallowed the lump in her throat and shifted her gaze away from Callie’s as an uneasy beat of silence passed between them.
“I don’t know why I’m here,” her voice came out in a low hum as she lifted her eyes up to meet Callie’s gaze.
The dark-haired woman said nothing in response for a moment as she took in the full extent of the blonde’s appearance. Her normally beautiful pale skin looked heated and blotchy, her puffy eyes looked unfocused and her bottom lip was quivering ever so slightly.
“I’m glad you’re here,” it wasn’t nearly enough to let the blonde know just how much she wanted her presence in her life, but it was all she could think to say. The ease that normally passed between them was long gone.
Erica shook her head and snivelled a little, lifting a hand to wipe her face, “God Cal, what the hell have we done?”
The brunette reached a hand out to touch the blonde as tears escaped her blue eyes, “Erica...” she didn’t pull away from her touch but she did flinch in response to their contact enough to make Callie move away on her own. She sought blue eyes and shook her head, opening her mouth to try and find the right words to say, “We can forget it,” Callie offered, pausing for a second, “We can forget that it ever happened if that’s what you want?”
Erica shook her head fiercely, “I can’t forget it,” she wiped at her eyes as a tightness settled into her chest, “It's haunting me,” Callie felt tears burn behind her own eyes, as she watched the older woman struggle with her pain. She wanted to do something, anything that could make it all okay, but she just didn’t know how, “Every time I think it's finally out of my head... I see you at work and it all comes rushing back again."
“Erica please,” she stepped out into the hallway and reached for the blonde, wanting desperately to pull her into her arms and comfort her.
Erica held her hands up as Callie moved to touch her, “Don’t... please don’t,” the younger woman nodded her head and dropped her arms back down to her side; “I don’t think I can handle this... I shouldn’t have come. I need to leave.”
Callie watched Erica turn on her heel and walk briskly back down the corridor. Without giving it any thought she hurried after her, missing her chance to catch up with the blonde in the elevator as the doors closed between them. She pushed open the door to the stairwell and hurried down them, if she was lucky she could still catch up with her.
The crisp air chilled her skin as she reached the entrance to the building. She caught sight of the blonde heading towards her car and hurried after her, “Erica wait,” the older woman turned at the sound of her voice and quickly dug through her purse for her keys.
Callie reached her just as she pulled open the car door, and gripped it with her hand, stopping Erica from opening it any further and climbing inside. She pleaded with her eyes for the blonde to look at her, “What do you want me to do, Erica?” she watched the older woman shuffle her feet uncomfortably, “Please, tell me what can I do to get my best friend back? I’ll do anything."
Erica felt more tears escape from her eyes and shook her head, "Just give me some space Callie. I can’t deal with this; I don’t know how to do this...”
Callie felt tears spill from her own eyes as Erica looked away from her again, "I can’t deal with losing you over this,” the blonde lifted her eyes to find Callie’s dark pools and saw her own pain reflected in them, “Please don’t shut me out."
Erica wasn’t sure what hurt her more, what they’d done to get themselves into this mess or that she couldn’t see a way for them to move past it, everything was different between them now. She shook her head again, holding Callie’s eyes, "You just need you to give me some time Callie,” she tugged at the door and felt relief enter her system when Callie let go of her grip and moved a step away.
Callie watched Erica climb into her car, and drive off without looking back at her. She lifted her arms to wrap around her body and climbed the stairs back to her apartment. She locked the door again and swiftly moved back inside her room, letting herself cry for the first real time since this whole mess started.
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Callie watched from a distance as Erica quizzed George on one of her patients. It had been two days since the blonde had shown up at her apartment in the early hours of the morning, and she was trying to do her best to keep to Erica’s request. She fought every natural urge in her body to go over to the blonde when she saw her, she’d battled against the voice inside her head that told her to call her, and even resisted her fingers desire to send a simple text.
Erica was by far, not acting herself. Her normally well guarded feelings were showing all over her face, and her body was slumped down in an unusually unconfident way. Callie had caught the whispers being spoken between the interns and residents, their curiosity wondering exactly what was going on with the normally fierce, controlled Dr Hahn. She wanted to yell at them all, tell them to mind their own damn business, Erica wasn’t on display for them to judge; she felt a mixture of extreme protectiveness and guilt knowing that she was the reason behind all of the blonde’s discomfort and vulnerability.
She watched George smile proudly as he answered another one of the cardio doctor’s questions correctly. Ever since he’d gotten the good news that he’d passed his intern exam, he’d been playing catch-up with the other residents and working his socks off to try and reach the same level that they were all at.
Callie shook her head and smiled to herself when the memory of her telling Erica about her ex-husband finally passing his exam and getting his resident wings. The blonde had smirked confidently and offered to make his life hell; he needed to suffer, especially for what he’d done to her, the blonde had stated. Callie had simply rolled her eyes and told Erica to leave it. After a few seconds she turned back to the blonde and said, maybe a little bit of hell wouldn’t hurt; the blonde had chuckled and given her a gorgeous smile.
It seemed weird now, thinking that she used to be married to George. It was as if that period of time had happened during another distant lifetime. And yet as she watched him talk animatedly to Erica, she couldn’t help thinking how her ex-husband and best friend had one particular quality that they shared.
Callie growled in frustration as George extended another pathetic excuse to her, “When are you going to stop acting like this and remember that I’m your wife now George?”
He shook his hand, “I know that you’re my wife Cal... its just Izzie knows me, she gets my family, she understands me.”
Callie felt anger rising in her chest. They’d been having the same argument since they’d returned from Vegas as a married couple, actually they’d been having this exact argument since they started dating; it always came down to one thing, one person, “How are we supposed to have a marriage if you keep running off to Izzie every time something happens to you George? We’re going to spend our lives together, you can’t keep shutting me out; I deserve the chance to get to know my own husband.”
“And I deserve to be able to talk to my best friend whenever I chose to without having to justify it every time Cal. I can’t keep having this argument with you, Izzie’s apart of my life, she’s not going anywhere; you need to accept it.”
Callie turned her back to him, grabbing his jacket off the chair and turning to throw it at him, “Well since she’s not going anywhere, I suggest you go stay with her, because you’re damn well not staying here tonight. Get out George.”
George walked past her, giving her a small nod in way of greeting her as he headed down the hallway to prepare for Erica’s surgery. She lifted her head to the blonde again and caught her eye for a second, before the older woman hurried off in the other direction.
Her husband had never been able to open up to her, and along with many other huge issues in their marriage, it was one of the main reasons that their relationship had broken down. When Callie had first met Erica the blonde had been the same, she was a very private and very guarded person and it had taken a lot of time, effort and trust for Callie to get the blonde to pull her barriers down and actually open up to her.
“I’m glad that you chose to tell me about your childhood Erica,” she smiled at the blonde and topped up their wine glasses, “It means a lot that you’re finally opening up to me more.”
Erica clinked her glass against the younger woman’s, taking a sip before smiling shyly at her, “Well it works both ways Torres, I got to hear all about your adventures of being a rich kid, living in the hospital basement and your disastrous marriage to O’Malley,” she paused for a minute and smirked over her glass, “Actually didn’t you tell me that you had stories about a pet ferret that you wanted to share with me?”
Callie caught the twinkle in her blue eyes, and shook her head, “Don’t make fun of me Hahn, that ferret was a big part of my life, he was my closest friend for years.”
Erica laughed, “If a disgusting hairy creature was your best friend, then I feel sorry for you Cal.”
“Don’t be, I have another one now... you,” the blonde whacked her arm.
“I am not a hairy creature!”
Callie laughed, “I don’t know Hahn, you have a lot of blonde hair,” Erica shook her head and tried not to laugh, “But seriously, I’m glad we’re friends Erica. Other than Addison, I’ve never really done the whole, best friend thing.”
Erica nodded her head, knowing exactly what she meant, “I’m glad we’re friends too Torres,” she flashed her a smile and then shrugged a little, “I don’t make friends easily.”
Callie watched the uncertainty cross over the older woman’s face, “You don’t either, huh?”
“People don’t tend to get close to me,” she averted her gaze for a split second, “Everyone I’ve ever felt close to has hurt me, and after awhile I just stopped making friends, it seemed easier. I can’t help shutting people out when I get scared now.”
Callie offered her a small smile, “Promise me you’ll never shut me out, if you’re scared about something, talk to me about it. We’ll get through it together.”
“And why would I want to promise you that?” she teased back.
“Because that’s what best friends do.”
“And we’re best friends now?”
Callie nodded her head and smirked, “You bet we are Hahn, you’re stuck with me. I’m not going anywhere, so promise me that you’ll always talk to me and be honest, promise that you won’t shut me out no matter how much you want to.”
Erica smiled, “I promise.”
She let out a sigh and ran a hand through her hair. George had shut her out and she’d let him go. Erica was shutting her out now, and she just hoped that the blonde would remember her promise and talk to her, because there was no way she was giving up this time.
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Erica handed over her money and took the cardboard cup of coffee from the vender. She’d just finished a six hour surgery and she was in desperate need for a caffeine fix. She walked down the stairs and pushed open the doors to the hospital’s main entrance, enjoying the way the cool fresh air filled her lungs; snow dancing in the sky before her.
Bailey had assigned her George O’Malley as her resident this week, and she almost cursed out to the heavens when he’d bound up to her all peppy and eager. She had trouble believing that this moron had once been married to Callie, and what irritated her even more was that the idiot had let her go.
She scolded herself, she wasn’t really angry with O’Malley and she knew it; she was angry at herself and no matter how hard she tried she couldn’t make herself do anything to change it. Seeing glimpses of Callie around the hospital was hard enough, but having George stuck following her around every damn minute, just acted as another painful reminder of the dark-haired woman, and whenever she thought about Callie her mind instantly replayed scenes from their night together over and over as if it was a film playing on an endless loop.
Erica sipped at her coffee and watched as the snow twirled beautifully in the air before fluttering down to the ground and landing with remarkable grace. It hadn’t snowed in Seattle for months, in fact snow was quite a rare occurrence for the rainy city; not that she was complaining in the slightest, snow and ice weren’t her strongest points.
She closed her eyes and breathed in the smell of the snow, it reminded her instantly of Callie. The younger woman loved the snow. The last time it had been freezing in Seattle, Callie had turned up at her door with an excited smile plastered over her face.
“Hey, this is an unexpected surprise. What are you doing here?” Erica pulled the door open fully and allowed the younger woman to come inside, it was freezing cold in Seattle; temperatures had dropped way into the minuses and a heavy snow fall had continued for the better part of three days.
“It’s snowing,” Callie beamed, hooking her thumb over her shoulder to indicate outside.
Erica let out an amused sigh and led her into the kitchen, “I can see that Cal.”
Callie rolled her eyes at the blonde’s dry response, “Get your shoes and coat on now, you’re coming with me.”
“Coming where with you?”
The younger woman shook her head, “It’s a surprise. So stop asking questions and get your shoes,” she gave Erica a cheeky smile, “Oh, and don’t forgot a hat, a scarf and some gloves, it’s freezing out there.”
Erica had done as she was told, wrapping up in her thickest coat and letting Callie drive her through Seattle’s snow. She’d pestered the younger woman about where they were going but when she got no response she’d shut up and just let Callie lead her into the unknown.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Erica shook her head as she stopped directly in line with her friend, “There’s no way I’m doing that.”
Callie turned to her and smile, “I’m not kidding you in any way; we’re doing it, its fun,” she looped her arm through the blonde’s and led her towards the ice rink.
“Callie wait...”
The dark-haired woman stopped at Erica’s whining tone, “Come on Hahn, you never back down from a challenge.”
“It’s not that, it’s just... I can’t skate,” Callie looked amused by her confession, “I’ll get killed if I go out there with all those people; I’m not good balancing on blades... or wheels for that matter.”
“Well it’s a good thing I have enough balance for us both then, come on,” Callie dragged her towards the rental booth and grabbed them both a pair of ice skates. She watched Erica look at her pair in disgust and laughed, “You can look at them like that all you want, but you’re still coming skating. So just put them on.”
Erica grumbled in annoyance as she tied her skates and stood to face Callie. The younger woman held out her hand, and waited for the blonde to take it before leading her over to the rink entrance. Erica tugged Callie’s hand before she stepped onto the ice.
“Please don’t make me do this,” she watched Callie’s eyes sparkle in amusement, “You know, it’s cruel that you’re exposing my weaknesses Torres.”
Callie laughed and stepped onto the ice, pulling Erica onto it with her. She let go of her hand for a brief second so that she could turn to face the blonde, holding out both of her hands, “It may be cruel, but it’s totally satisfying seeing the amazing and very accomplished Dr Hahn unsure about something.”
Erica felt her legs wobble as Callie pulled her, getting her to move forward on the ice as she skated backwards, “I so hate you right now,” she grasped the dark-haired woman’s hands tighter, fearing that she would fall at any moment.
The skating had gotten better, slightly less unsteady after a few minutes and Callie gave her an encouraging smile, “See, it’s not that hard, you’re already getting it.”
Erica nodded her head, “I still hate it.”
“I’m going to count to three and then I’m going to let go of your hands okay?” Erica’s eyes widened in horror, “Just keep pushing your legs forward and you’ll do great.”
“Cal I’m not so sure about-”
“1... 2... 3”
Erica felt Callie’s hands slide from her own, and instantly panicked. She hadn’t been lying when she told the younger woman she couldn’t skate. Even as a child she’d never mastered the technique for rolling skates, her mind never seemed to be able to keep her legs focused enough, and eventually she always fell.
Today was no exception...
Within a matter of seconds the tip of her blade had caught the ice and she stumbled forward. Luckily for her Callie was much better on the ice and she’d moved forward to catch the blonde in her arms.
Erica felt Callie’s arms wrapped around her, and pushed herself back onto her feet; their faces millimetres apart; their eyes locked in an intense gaze as their warm breaths mingled in the small space between them.
Callie adjusted her grip, standing Erica firmly back on her blades, and gave her a small smile, “Sorry, I should have listened to you.”
“I guess it’s a good thing that Ortho makes you so strong Torres,” the blonde teased trying to find her balance again.
The younger woman scoffed, “Funny...”
Erica smirked, and moved her foot a little, her terrible balance once again failing her and making her slip forward again.
Callie witnessed the blonde’s stumble and quickly scooped Erica into her arms again; tightening her grip so that the older woman wouldn’t fall down onto the ice.
Their faces were inches apart again and Erica felt a little dizzy, “You sure that you’ve got me?”
Callie nodded in response; her eyes never leaving Erica’s own as her voice dropped to a whisper, “Always.”
Erica felt a wave of something pass between them, and opened her mouth to find her voice. Callie seemed to sense the moment between them too, because she was pulling Erica to her feet again, and moving her arms from around her; reaching instead, to hold her hands like before. She started skating backwards again, pulling the blonde slowly forward.
“I’m never doing this again Cal,” Erica broke through the silence, lacing playfulness in her tone, “I think this was just an excuse for you to show off. It’s because I always beat you at darts isn’t it?”
Callie laughed and shook her head.
A gust of cold wind skimmed across the blonde’s face and drew Erica from her thoughts. She took another sip of her coffee, annoyed when she found that the liquid had turned cold. She spun on her heel, throwing her coffee into the trash as she re-entered the hospital.
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Chapter Three - Illusion (Part Two)