Cheer for Your Heart (3/3) ✿ for EVERYONE

[daelightmods]

Yixing is the kind type, with the sweet disposition and pure innocence of a celestial being, who always makes it her goal to put a smile on everybody’s face. Jongdae didn’t think she would be the one to make ripples in the water.

Kyungsoo’s missing from practice again, busy with her law tutorial again. The atmosphere is a little tense. Baekhyun’s doesn’t seem to be fully there, spacing out every now and then, her shouts not powerful, her steps not strong. Jongdae’s been at her side in between her classes to make sure she’s okay, but the entire team knows something’s going on - can feel something going on - and Yixing takes it upon herself to bring them some cheer the way she always does.

“Baekhyun, I’m glad you got better,” she says, holding up a small container during their break.
“I brought some fudge for your tummy bug!”

Luhan raises an eyebrow.

Baekhyun’s expression is lost somewhere between confusion and alarm. What tummy bug? She hasn’t been sick like that since the time she ate that dodgy salmon when she was sixteen. She scans the faces of her team members and finds Jongdae is as panicked as she is.

“Where’s Chanyeol today?” Yixing continues, still unaware as she peels off the lid of her container, “he should be here cheering his girlfriend on when she doesn’t feel well!”

“I - I…” Baekhyun’s gone ashen, her eyes shiny and brimming with tears. “Guys, I need to tell you something about Chanyeol...”

Yixing goes pale at the same time, not sure of what she’s done. She looks even more frightened at the prospect of having said something terribly offensive and shrinks in upon herself. Minseok reaches forward to take the fudge out of Yixing’s hands before she drops it.

Jongdae places an arm around Baekhyun’s shaking shoulders and guides her over to sit down on the bleachers. “It’s been a little hard on her,” she explains to the team following them worriedly. “Baek, you don’t need to do this.”

But Baekhyun does anyway, and Jongdae rubs her back comfortingly as she watches her suffer through it all over again. Luhan explodes with angry outbursts and curses YG, and by the time Baekhyun’s done telling them Yixing is also in tears.

“I’m sorry,” she wails loudly, furiously rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand. Minseok is trying to console her through her blubbering, reassuring her that it wasn’t her fault she didn’t know.

Luhan envelops a fragile Baekhyun in a hug. “Oh, Baekhyun,” she murmurs sympathetically. “We’re all here for you if you need us, okay?”

Baekhyun nods into Luhan’s shoulder before separating herself to go and make Yixing to stop beating herself over small things. It’s over, in the past now, but Yixing still feels bad for having made Baekhyun tell everybody.

Practice resumes after the break, but it’s half-hearted and none of them are really willing to push themselves anymore. They’re also missing Kyungsoo so there’s not actually a lot they can do without her there. Even the changing room is quiet and they all get changed in silence.
As captain, one of Baekhyun’s jobs is to lock up the gym when her team’s done with practice. There aren’t any more teams booked in to use the building for the rest of the evening so she slides the key into the lock and turns it until it clicks.

Jongdae’s due for her shift at Suho’s Scoops. “Where are you going now? Home?” she asks Baekhyun, who shrugs.

“Come and have ice cream with me then,” Jongdae suggests, mostly so she can keep an eye on her. It has the opposite effect instead, causing Baekhyun to hesitate mid-step, a flash of fear crossing her face.

“I-I don’t think I can go back,” she says timidly. “Maybe another day… but just not today?”

It doesn’t take a genius for Jongdae to guess that she’s scared Chanyeol and Dara will be there again.

“I just want to go back to the dorm. I’m tired,” Baekhyun says. “I’ll see you later?”

Jongdae watches her leave when they split off into different directions. She’d walk Baekhyun back if she had the time, but she doesn’t, and hurries along to work before she’s late.

Showing up to work at all turns out to be a futile effort. Jongdae can’t concentrate at all, constantly worried for Baekhyun. She snaps at snotty customers and gets so many orders wrong that even Joonmyun gives up and sends her home.

“Go and find Baekhyun!” he yells after her, but not in a condescending way; Joonmyun cares about his employees, that’s all. He speed dials Sehun as he walks back inside the ice cream parlour. “Hey, are you free to come in today?”

Jongdae shakes her head. This was really getting out of control if it was starting to affect even her work. How many times had Joonmyun sent her home over the last few weeks? She’s forgotten but she feels it in her wallet when she has to cut down on the amount of groceries she buys, or when she finds herself wondering how many more spare dollars she has that week.
She doesn’t bother returning to her dorm. Instead, she makes straight for Baekhyun’s dorm, and bumps into Baekhyun’s roommate just outside.

“Oh, fantastic timing,” her roommate exclaims. She unlocks the door and leans in to talk to Jongdae in a hushed voice. “Baekhyun’s had a few drinks. I have to go to a group meet-up for my research project so I can’t stay and look after her, but I did confiscate some of the hard stuff she had and poured it down the sink.”

“Oh my god. I’d better go and see to her.” Jongdae thanks her and lets herself inside, locking the front door after her. Baekhyun’s bedroom door is closed. “…Baekhyun? Baek, are you in there?”

“Fuck no. Go away, you asshole, you cheated on me,” comes her faint voice from the other side of the door. Jongdae frowns. Baekhyun’s language is about as civilized as a sailor when she’s had excessive amounts of alcohol.

“I’m coming in, whether you like it or not,” Jongdae warns, twisting the knob and throwing the door open in one swift movement.

“Fuck off,” Baekhyun groans from the corner, where she’s sitting by herself with a bottle of soju in one hand. The floor around her is littered with more glass bottles, all empty too. Jongdae crosses the room in several strides and drops to one knee beside her.

“Baek, it’s me,” she says, enunciating her name slowly and clearly. “I’m Jongdae. How much have you had to drink?”

“Oh, hi Jongdae,” Baekhyun slurs, wiggling her fingers at her. “I didn’t know you weren’t Chanyeol. You’re cooler than him… yeah. You don’t use me.”

With much persuasion. Jongdae manages to get her off the floor and onto her bed. She tries not to think about how soft Baekhyun’s hand is, pretty fingers clasped between hers. Questioning her about how much alcohol she’s had turns out to be a waste of time. All Baekhyun wants to talk about is how much of a douchebag Park Chanyeol is so Jongdae lets her do that, nodding her head and humming in agreement where necessary.

“Here, have a drink!” Baekhyun leans off the bed and before Jongdae can pull her back for fear of her falling off, Baekhyun’s grabbed a bottle of soju and opened it, waving it in Jongdae’s face.
If Baekhyun’s alcohol tolerance is terrible, Jongdae’s is even worse.

“No thanks,” she says, wrestling it from her.

Baekhyun pouts at her and Jongdae has to look away because she knows her resolve cracks every time Baekhyun does anything remotely cute.

“Pleeeease? I already opened it, Jongdae!”

“You know I can’t hold my alcohol- ”

“If you’re not going to drink it then I will!”

Jongdae’s eyebrow twitches. “No, you are not having anymore,” she says sternly, and then she wishes she hadn’t said that because Baekhyun suddenly looks so sad, so lonely, so dispirited at the fact that her own friend won’t even drink with her.

“You hate me too,” she whines.

Jongdae gives up with a long-suffering sigh. “Fine,” she says grudgingly. “But just this one and no more.”

“You’re the best, Dae-Dae.” Baekhyun giggles and swings down to grab a second bottle of soju. She throws the cap somewhere and hugs Jongdae, flinging an arm around her shoulders and snuggling right up into her side.

“Uh, yeah.” It’s a shame the majority of Jongdae’s senses fail her as soon as Baekhyun gets this close. She decides now is a good time to take a long swig of soju. Nothing like a Tuesday evening to break out the booze, right? She runs over the number of classes she has to attend tomorrow (one, Professor Wong’s Chinese linguistics lecture) and thinks, fuck it.

Several bottles of soju later and they’re both inebriated beyond salvation. Baekhyun’s tales of her short-lived relationship with Chanyeol have become ridiculously hilarious and the two of them hoot at the top of their lungs because Chanyeol wearing Baekhyun’s piggy socks is just that funny.

“I let him keep those socks,” Baekhyun says, speech still slurring, “and I said I didn’t want his toe jams back.”

“Yuck!” Jongdae makes a face, clutching her stomach and laughing. She polishes off the last of her soju and brandishes the empty bottle around. ”Oh my god, I think I need another drink.”
“I gotcha.” Baekhyun detaches herself from Jongdae get her another soju but after an oddly long amount of time spent looking for one, she comes back up with disappointed expression on her face.

“That was the last one,” she says wistfully. She holds out her half-empty bottle. But you’re totally welcome to have some of mine.”

“Aw, thanks Baekhyunnie, you’re so cute.” Jongdae doesn’t know how many drinks she must’ve had for her to let that slip out, but it passes right through her mind when she takes a sip from Baekhyun’s soju and wonders if this counts as an indirect kiss.

“So are you,” Baekhyun absentmindedly reaches up to pat Jongdae’s face (she misses and ends up kind of stroking Jongdae’s eyelid). “You know what, Dae-Dae? If I was gay I would totally want you to be my girlfriend.”

“Me too.” Jongdae smiles stupidly to herself, her whole body fuzzy with good feels. “Then I could tell everyone how sexy my girlfriend is.” Whoops, that wasn’t supposed to come out either, but oh well.

“But you’re so much better than Park Dumbyeol,” Baekhyun insists. “You’re always there when I fuck up… like woah, I bet you even love me more than he did.”

Jongdae’s doesn’t know if it’s because she’s drunk or not, but she’s not sure if she knows what that last statement means. Nevertheless, the thought flies straight out of her mind when her vision is suddenly obscured by Baekhyun’s face and the next thing she knows is a soft pair of lips against her own.

It’s like lighting a firework, the sparks travelling like frenzied electricity down to her fingers and toes. Jongdae responds with just as much vigour, kissing Baekhyun back in the way she’s only allowed to in her fantasies. Her eyes flutter closed and she parts her lips wider as Baekhyun presses against her more insistently, and Jongdae finds herself wishing she had more experience than the past drunken stints in the clubs during her carefree first year. But if Baekhyun minds she doesn’t show it, and they settle into a slow kiss that sets all the butterflies in Jongdae’s stomach free.

Baekhyun breaks it first, pulling away to look at her friend in awe. “Wow,” she says breathlessly, cheeks flushed impossibly red, “you definitely kiss better than him.”

Jongdae’s tongue-tied and lost for words. “I… we… oh my god,” she manages to say, and that’s about it.

“Um, I don’t know if this is weird but I really want to and you can say no if you want but can we do that again?” Baekhyun’s staring at her with a shyness Jongdae’s never seen directed at her before, and she can’t resist.

Really? Taking advantage of her when she’s drunk? a voice in the back of her head says.
She’s not sure what this is going to mean for them in a few hours or tomorrow or if they’re ever going to be friends again, but the alcohol in her system is screaming at her to do now - think later.

This time she initiates, threading her hands into Baekhyun’s purple hair and pulling her close enough to kiss her senseless. When Baekhyun melts under her touch Jongdae realises that Baekhyun is giving into her, allowing her to take charge, letting her take the lead. It fuels her want for Baekhyun even more and before she’s really aware of what she’s doing she’s pushed Baekhyun onto her back, couching over her tiny frame and straddling her hips, all without breaking their heated kiss.

“Baekhyun,” Jongdae groans into her mouth, you’re driving me insane. She forces herself to draw back to check if Baekhyun’s alright. “You okay?”

She nods back in affirmation, her eyes dilated with lust. “You could treat me so much better,” she trails off, chest rising and falling rapidly. “I would let you do so much to me…”

Jongdae stifles another groan in the crook of Baekhyun’s neck. Her head runs wild with images and ungodly thoughts, not a single one pure; she’s been watching too much late-night porn, surely. “Baekhyun, don’t,” she says, but they both know she doesn’t mean it. She kisses all with way up the column of Baekhyun’s neck and captures her lips again, barely hesitating in swiping her tongue across Baekhyun’s lower lip and get access inside. There’s a low, fiery warmth burning in her gut that Baekhyun keeps stoking with her little whimpers of desperation as she clings tight to Jongdae like she’s oxygen.

Jongdae indulges her, but even her own foggy mind is still somewhat cautious. How far did Baekhyun want to go, and how far was she willing to take her?

She’s also sure Baekhyun’s not a mind reader, but it’s like she attuned to Jongdae’s very thoughts.

“Jongdae,” she pleads, voice barely audible, “would you…” She goes redder than that time at a school cheerleading competition where she’d been doing the Scorpion position and her shorts had unceremoniously ripped in the middle of it. “Jongdae, I want…” She looks more embarrassed than anything else, but Jongdae’s already several steps ahead of her.

“Are you sure?” she asks. She lifts herself up on her elbows to survey Baekhyun splayed out on the bed underneath her, almost like she’s ready for her. “You’re drunk, you know.”

Well, so is Jongdae, but she chooses to ignore that.

“Please,” Baekhyun begs, and Jongdae caves in.

“If you ever want to stop,” she says gently, “all you have to do is tell me.”

“I will… just do something…”

Jongdae drops a last kiss onto the side of her mouth and slides her hands down the length of Baekhyun’s torso, tracing out the natural planes of her body, mapping out from the soft swell of her breasts to the jut of her hipbones, across to the dip of her navel. Her fingers catch on the hem of Baekhyun’s shirt and Jongdae goes slow, watching with bated breath for any sign that Baekhyun wants to call it quits, and pushes her shirt up until it bunches around her arms. She goes for Baekhyun’s bra next, reaching under her back to unhook the clasp. The flimsy piece of material comes away easily and Baekhyun becomes hesitant under Jongdae’s intense gaze, moving her arms to cover herself.

Jongdae pins her wrists to the bed. “Don’t,” she murmurs. “Oh my god, Baekhyun, so beautiful.” She lowers her head and takes one of Baekhyun’s nipples in her mouth, laving her tongue over the small, hard bud and delighting in the way Baekhyun gasps in surprise. Satisfied at having gotten the reaction she’d wanted, Jongdae tweaks Baekhyun’s other nipple with her fingers, squeezing and rolling it between the pads of her index and thumb. Pleasing Baekhyun is all she’s ever wanted. It makes her wet like nothing else.

Jongdae releases Baekhyun’s nipple with a pop and massages her breast with a hand. “All good?”

“I’m fine,” she pants, and Jongdae takes that as a yes to keep going. She glares down at Baekhyun’s shorts as she fumbles with the buttons in her drunken state. After a bit of struggling Baekhyun lifts up her butt and shimmies out of them, and Jongdae follows up with sliding her panties down her legs. Baekhyun timidly spreads her legs and Jongdae doesn’t even waste a second diving in, lavishing her with her mouth. She parts Baekhyun’s folds with her tongue, swirling circles around her clitoris until Baekhyun squeals and bucks up for more.

“Oh my god…” She moans as Jongdae sucks gently, a frisson of pleasure shooting up the length of her spine. She’s only aware of how turned on she is when she feels a finger rub up and down her entrance, using her natural wetness as lubricant. The same finger enters her and she drops her head back onto the bed, squeezing her eyes shut at the overload of sensations.

“Okay?” Another finger soon joins the first, both thrusting in and out and a comfortable pace.

“Y-yeah… just keep going.” Jongdae works her to the brink of climax in the way only someone who knows a female body can, searching out for the places that Baekhyun likes stimulated the most and abusing them until she nearly crushes Jongdae with her thighs, lost in bliss. Jongdae keeps her mouth on Baekhyun, joining her tongue with the four fingers already knuckle deep inside her, and reaches up to give one of her nipples a cheeky pinch - and Baekhyun is gone, crying out Jongdae’s name and drunken swear words rolling off her tongue in waves. Something in Jongdae possesses her to kiss Baekhyun afterwards so she can see how good she tastes and Baekhyun lets her, her own hands scrabbling to pull off Jongdae’s clothes.

“You don’t have to,” Jongdae laughs, batting her hands away. “Just… just lie there and rest or something.” Her creativity is around zero when she’s drunk.

“But I want to,” Baekhyun says indignantly. “You… you just…” She blushes furiously and shops, like she doesn’t know what she wants to say next. “Jongdae, sit on my face.”

“What?” From Jongdae’s view, Baekhyun is sweaty and puffed and probably too tired to do anything else, but she can’t deny the idea excite her. A part of her pokes her in the side and tells her that Baekhyun really does care for her, whether or not it’s romantic.

“I saw it in a porno once. It’s not that hard. Come on, let me do it,’ Baekhyun urges, pulling at Jongdae’s arm. “That… that felt amazing. I wanna do it to you.”

Jongdae’s useless drunk mind decides for her, that yes, she would most definitely like to sit on Baekhyun’s face, so she strips all her clothes off and reminds Baekhyun once more that stopping is just a word away.

Baekhyun’s takes another swig of soju. She doesn’t look nervous in the slightest and Jongdae wonders if this would have ever happened if they weren’t drunk. Those thoughts get dismissed as soon as Baekhyun stares up her, eyes stilt darkened with lust. Jongdae straddles her face, leaning forward to place her weight on her arms so she doesn’t hurt Baekhyun.

It’s obvious that this is new territory for Baekhyun; she treads lightly and unsurely and Jongdae lets her take her time and explore with her tongue, her fingers, her hands. She makes sure Baekhyun knows what she likes by egging her on with quiet moans and shudders when Baekhyun gets her right there. It’s a great morale booster and soon Jongdae’s grinding shamelessly on Baekhyun’s face, the latter pumping several fingers up into her as she eats her out enthusiastically. Jongdae loses it when she glances over her shoulder to catch sight of Baekhyun touching herself with her free hand at the same time, coming with a stifled cry and collapsing boneless onto the bed next to Baekhyun.

Jongdae rolls over and ravishes her with plenty more kisses and they finish off the leftover soju together, dropping the bottle carelessly somewhere under the bed. Baekhyun passes out after giggly cuddles.

Jongdae can’t sleep. She wishes alcohol stayed in her system as long as it did with Baekhyun, so she’d pass out too. Sobered up a bit more and not so drunk, she spends a long time staring at the back of Baekhyun’s hair, wondering about what had just transpired.

Drunk, she tells herself firmly. You were drunk and she was drunk. She’s not even into girls.

She feels on the verge of tears. Baekhyun shuffles in her sleep and Jongdae decides that holding her now, for however long it may be, is enough for her sore heart.

***

Baekhyun does not want to move. Her head feels like it has just exploded into a thousand bits.

She’d woken up naked, in bed with an equally as naked Jongdae, and questioned every single thing she remembered doing the previous night with a sensation of dread. She’d shuffled through as many things she could remember in her mind, recalling talking about Chanyeol with Jongdae, and then kissing her… and somehow it had progressed to having her mouth in places she never thought they’d be in.

Am… am I gay? What the hell happened?

What terrifies her the most is Jongdae’s coming reaction. She’s still asleep in Baekhyun’s bed, out cold to the world. Baekhyun shuts off the water to the shower and yanks her towel off the rack. What was Jongdae going to do?

She’s going to think I’m into her, she thinks miserably. But I’m not… am I? I don’t think I even know anything about my own sexuality any more. What’s wrong with me?

Baekhyun comes out of the shower to find her room empty.

***

She doesn’t realise how empty her life is when Jongdae isn’t there. They’ve been avoiding each other for two days now, to the point where Baekhyun’s not entirely sure who was avoiding the other person in the first place. She avidly stays away from the cafeteria and packs her own lunch instead, and picks the most obscure places to do her study.

At least three times a day Baekhyun’s fingers have hovered over the screen of her phone, stuck between wanting to send a text and waiting for Jongdae to find her first. Each time she deletes her message and puts her phone away. Luhan though, messages her when she’s in a tutorial, asking if she’s okay. Baekhyun replies with a yep and hopes it’s enough to keep her deterred for now. It seems to work because she doesn’t receive anything else until Yixing texts her on Thursday night.

Hi Baek. I’m still sorry about what I did on Tuesday. Let me buy you lunch sometime, ok? Also I just wanted to tell you that Kris dropped Chanyeol from basketball. He said he didn’t want his type in the team. Hope you’re ok. See you at practice tomorrow! Yixing <3

Sweet, loving, kind Yixing is a blessing from the heavens. She had probably told Kris, and him being the caring boyfriend he was, had gone the extra mile for her. A small part of her is a little sympathetic that Chanyeol’s lost his spot into the team because she can’t even imagine life without her cheerleading team, let alone getting kicked off.

Her thoughts drift off to how caring Jongdae had been that night she came over. Baekhyun’s still struggling to remember all of it but if there was one thing she couldn’t forget, it was Jongdae’s insistence on asking if she was okay - all through the entire time despite how intoxicated she was, when she could have easily done whatever she liked to her. But that wasn’t Jongdae, and it occurs to her, just a little, that Jongdae might care for her in more ways than one.

Or maybe the whole thing was a spur of the moment, two people caught up in emotions and needs and finding an outlet to channel their feelings into. Baekhyun can’t deny that she liked what happened - having Jongdae’s fingers inside her, Jongdae’s tongue between her legs - she shudders at the vivid memories, feeling heated and turned on at the thought of it happening again. Jongdae was just… really good with her tongue.

No, stop that. She tries to open her textbook and focus on Socrates’ teachings but the words fly by, hardly entering her head.

Even Jongdae’s fingers entered her easier.

Baekhyun slaps herself. It’s pointless. Sighing loudly, she unzips her jeans and pushes them down to her ankles. She slips a hand into her panties and uses her other hand to load the first video on the porn site she frequents when she needs to relax.

She doesn’t even need the stupid video. Her imagination suffices; she rubs circles around her clitoris, pretending it’s a tongue (not Jongdae’s. Not Jongdae’s.) and pushes two fingers into herself, pumping them in and out the same way Jongdae had done.

She keens in frustration at how it won’t leave her head, no matter how hard she tries. All she can think of is Jongdae and her voice coaxing her, come on, Baekhyun, come for me.

Baekhyun comes hard, fingers clawing at the sheets as she bites down on her lip to muffle herself, riding out the waves of pleasure until she’s left trembling on the bed from the aftermath. Her face burns with shame and she rolls over, hiding her face in her pillow. Had she really just gotten off to her own friend touching her?

A knock on her door makes her jerk upright. She hastily yanks her shorts back up, fumbling with her phone to close down the porn site and giving her reflection a quick once-over in the mirror. “Uh, who’s there?”

“It’s me,” the person outside says, and the pit of Baekhyun’s stomach drops. “Can we talk?”

***

Part of Jongdae is terrified. It’s taken her hours to muster up the courage to walk to Baekhyun’s dorm to do this. It feels like she’s walking into the unknown. Part of her is almost relieved that she finally has chance to talk this out and figure out where they stand with each other. She’d freaked out the day she woke up in Baekhyun’s bed to the sound of her friend going for a shower, her head pounding with an awful hangover and some very vivid memories from the night before. She prays that their friendship won’t break over this, or at the very least they can both write it off as something that happened because they were drunk.

The door unlocks and then Baekhyun is standing there, looking just as afraid as Jongdae feels.

“Hi,” Baekhyun says, and even that feels awkward.

“Hey.”

“Um, yeah, come in.” Baekhyun closes the door behind them and it’s like they’ve sealed their fate.

Jongdae sits on her bed. “First of all,” she begins, her palms sweaty from nerves, “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for not stopping myself that night, when I should have.”

Baekhyun opens her mouth, and then shuts it. She wasn’t expecting an apology. They were both at fault in this. “There’s nothing to even be sorry for, Jongdae-”

“Just hear me out first, Baek. I… I really like you. More than I should ever like someone who’s been off-limits the whole time. I know it’s dumb and you don’t like me like that…” Jongdae casts her eyes down, and suddenly she’s the one who’s unconfident, unsure of herself. “But I just wanted you to know, because it’s too hard to keep it from you anymore.”

Baekhyun tries to say something, but the words don’t form properly. So her suspicions had been right after all. “I’m sorry,” is all she finds herself saying, because there aren’t any other words that can convey how bad she feels. “I wish I knew what to do…”

“Baekhyun, why did you want me to do all those things to you when you were drunk?’

Baekhyun fidgets with the hem of her dress. “I don’t know,” she admits, staring at the floor. “People do dumb stuff when they’re drinking…”

Jongdae’s questioning her sexuality. They don’t need words to know that.

“What are we, Baek?” she finally asks.

Friends. Still friends, Baekhyun thinks desperately. Don’t let me lose you. Her mind runs over all the things she’s done, all the things she’s thought about. She’s confused, with nowhere to go. “I need time,” she says desperately. “I don’t know. I can’t do this without thinking first.”

“I know you’ve been thinking about me. You don’t have to push me away, you know.”

“I know. But…” Baekhyun crumples into a chair, pulling her knees up defensively and hugging them. “I’ve never had to do this before. I don’t know what this means for me anymore. How could I have been like this the whole time? Do I just tell my parents I’m gay? My friends?”
Jongdae wants to tell her that it’s not always like that, that some people always know their sexuality, that some just have to go and find out; but Baekhyun looks so distraught and helpless that she decides to hold her tongue.

“You don’t have to label yourself,” she says soothingly. “Don’t, until you want to.”

Neither of them say anything. The silence hangs like a wet blanket, only broken by Baekhyun’s sniffles.

“How long have you liked me for?” she asks in a shaky voice. She brushes tears from her face.
Jongdae exhales through her nose. “A long time.” Since the day I signed up for the cheerleading team. “Is that what you want? More time?”

“Please,” Baekhyun pleads, looking at Jongdae imploringly, “that’s all I’m asking for.”

A few more moments pass, and Jongdae stands up. She crosses the room to where Baekhyun is and hesitates for a second, uncertain if coming any closer would be inappropriate. “Okay,” she says, pulling Baekhyun into a hug. “Okay. Take all the time you want… just remember that I’m always here.”

It feels too much like a dichotomy; does she like Jongdae or not?

“I have to go,” Jongdae states, although they know she only has assignments waiting for her. “I’m sorry for taking up your time.” Even that sounds stiff and unfamiliar, as if they weren’t friends at all.

***

Jongdae feels like shit, the worst person in the world and an even bigger asshole than Chanyeol. She’d come to seek closure and straighten things out, and all she’d walked out with was barely enough to call a success. At least, her heart is relieved to know, Baekhyun doesn’t hate her. If she wanted time, Jongdae would give her all the time in the world.

Baekhyun’s roommate seems to have caught onto the sombre mood. “I hope you work things out with her,” she says, patting Jongdae’s shoulder. “Watching happy people like her carry the weight of the world is hard.”

“I’ll do my best,” Jongdae promises her, slipping her shoes on by the door. She has her hand on the door knob when a small stack of paper on the shoe rack she hadn’t noticed before catches her eye. It’s eerily familiar upon examination - they’re Baekhyun’s notes for the cheerleading competition, page after page of research on stunts and jumps. Their team’s routine has its own section, with the names of their team members scribbled all over it and arrows and messy scrawl in all directions.

Consider changing spotter for toss. Needle here? Do calf stretches on Friday. It was like unfolding weeks and weeks of work. Baekhyun must’ve left them here by accident, if they’re still sitting here and haven’t been touched for days. She rifles through the papers one more time, wondering if she should put them back in Baekhyun’s room. She suddenly pauses, stopping to extract a certain page.

It’s a photocopy of this month’s calendar. An X marks off every day so far and there’s a giant circle around - Jongdae frowns hard at the date - what would be the day of the intercollege cheerleading competition. It appears Baekhyun’s been somewhat lax in crossing out the most recent days, judging by the number of unmarked boxes this week. Panicking slightly, Jongdae whips out her phone to check today’s date. It’s Tuesday.

The competition is a week away.

“Hello, this is Kyungsoo speaking.”

‘Hey. Have you got a sec? We need to talk about what’s happening on Friday’s practice.”

***

As Jongdae’s predicted, Baekhyun doesn’t show up on Friday. Her foresight pays off and she and Kyungsoo run the practice, using Baekhyun’s notes to guide them along. It’s not like they’re doing it from scratch or starting again; they’ve got the gist of it and just need practice to polish it up.

As agreed, Jongdae’s given Baekhyun as much space as she wants. She refrains from making any contact unless Baekhyun initiates it, which she doesn’t. It’s strange and emotionally taxing but Jongdae pushes forward by throwing herself into her studies.

Practice doesn’t run very smoothly. While the team doesn’t have qualms listening to Kyungsoo, none of them can ignore the giant, gaping spot in the front of their six-member formation that belongs to their captain. It’s just not the same.

“Can we ask if Baekhyun’s okay?” Yixing pipes up nervously after practice. All activity in the changing room grinds to a halt and four sets of eyes focus on her. “It’s just that I haven’t seen her in… ages?”

Jongdae’s been rehearsing an answer for hours. “Baek and I are going through a rough patch right now,” she says, smiling sadly. There’s a space inside her, filled with love and longing, wondering where Baekhyun is right now and how she’s doing. “We’re working hard on fixing things up, so you guys don’t have to worry.”

The others glance around at each other, but none of them know any more than the next person. They do seem to pick up that something personal’s involved and reluctantly back down. Baekhyun would tell them, when she’s ready. Jongdae assures them it shouldn’t interfere with the competition.

“Tell her that we’ll support whatever she does,” Minseok says, and Yixing nods emphatically.
Luhan stays behind and grabs Jongdae’s wrist when the latter locks up the gym. “Are you sure you’ve got this?” she demands.

Jongdae withdraws the key from the lock and places it securely in her pocket. “I hope so,” she sighs. “I really do, for all our sakes.” She toys with the idea of telling Luhan everything because if there’s anyone who probably has their head screwed on right, it’s Luhan.

But it’s not Luhan’s problem.

“We kinda got drunk,” Jongdae says shortly. “We did some things that we shouldn’t have, and now she’s not sure where she stands on the sexuality front. Lu, did I push her too far? If she really thinks she likes girls then I want her to embrace that, but I don’t want to force her into anything.”

Luhan grunts. “The two of you need to lay off the alcohol for sure,” she grumbles. “It mucks up everything. I honestly don’t have a clue. She could be bisexual, for all you know, but it doesn’t matter what you think. It’ll be her decision in the end.”

***

Baekhyun gets woken up on from her nap on Saturday evening by a text from Jongdae. Something inside her cries with relief that Jongdae’s still reaching out for her, that she hasn’t completely cut her off. She knows Jongdae would’ve stared at her phone for a long time, fingers hovering over the send button repeatedly without enough resolve to tap it.

We booked the gym to practice today. Everybody here wants you to know that we’re here for you, no matter what. One more practice tomorrow, rest on Monday, competition on Tuesday.

Baekhyun hasn’t even thought of a reply when her phone beeps again, although it’s a video rather than a message.

She presses play.

The team’s in the gym, decked out in their gear and in formation; Luhan as back spotter, Kyungsoo and Minseok as bases, Yixing in the front - and there’s an empty gap beside her.
She watches the video play out. It’s a little blurry and it was probably recorded on Yixing’s ancient brick of a phone, but she doesn’t mind. It’s exactly as she had envisioned for her team all those weeks ago, when she had first known there was going to be a competition. She watches the bases hoist Jongdae up into her position as flyer, throwing her toss after toss as their routine called for and catching her like it required next to zero effort. It’s almost perfect; there’s only one thing missing.

Just waiting for you, is the last text that comes that night, and Baekhyun breaks down into tears.

The rain drums hard on the roof of the gym, the dull noise of it resounding around the giant building. They’re forced to stay inside today due to the less-than-desirable weather, hoping to do a last run-through before the big day, and hoping for one more team member to join them.
Minseok finishes her stretches and stands up straight, craning her neck in the direction of the gym door to see if anyone’s turning up.

“I’m scared,” Yixing confesses. She chews the straw of her water bottle anxiously. “What if Baek never comes?”

Jongdae is barely worried. This is Baekhyun’s element, her home turf. She wouldn’t miss it for anything, especially not something this important. The matter between her and Jongdae would fall by the wayside for sure. “She’s bound to-”

“Show up,” Luhan finishes for her. “Rain, wind or snow. I’ll bet you.”

They spend twenty minutes idling around and doing some more stretches, and Jongdae checks her phone for any news. There isn’t any.

“She’s not here,” Yixing says fearfully, and Minseok has to console her before she starts crying.
Jongdae’s phone suddenly buzzes loudly, vibrating across the wooden gym floor.

“Hmm,” Kyungsoo hums, leaning over to check the sender.

Jongdae’s heart leaps into her throat to see it’s from no one other than Baekhyun. She opens it immediately.

I chose.

Jongdae rereads the message over and over again. Chose… what? Chose to come to practice? Chose… me?

The rest of the team ask to see and Jongdae lets them. It doesn’t make much sense to them anyway. Jongdae stuffs her phone back into her bag as Kyungsoo claps her hands together.

“Okay, guys,” she calls, “I don’t know what Baekhyun’s doing, but since we’re already, let’s give this one last go before Tuesday, yeah?”

“Yeah,” they all chorus back.

“Alright, into position… and five, six-”

The gym’s double doors slam open.

“Oh my,” Baekhyun quips, striding in and dropping her bag onto the closest bench, “were you really going to start without me?”

“Baekhyun!” Yixing shrieks, tearing herself out of formation to run and throw her arms around Baekhyun’s neck. “Please don’t ever leave again…” The other half of her sentence is unintelligible, lost somewhere amongst all the sobbing.

A soft smile tugs at Jongdae’s lips, and their cheer is perfect.

***

“Jongdae?” Baekhyun says nervously in the changing room afterwards. Jongdae turns around in surprise, her shirt caught awkwardly over her head and only one arm through the arm-hole. Nevertheless, it makes Baekhyun giggle and all the members curiously observe. It’s the first kind of contact Baekhyun’s made since coming into the gym, and Jongdae’s been waiting for her to come to her. “Do… do you want to go for ice cream after this?”

Jongdae grins at how cute a blush, twiddling-her-thumbs Baekhyun is. “Sure thing.”

***

One invitation somehow ends up in the entire team trooping through the door of Suho’s Scoops.

“Yo, yo!” Luhan whoops, and Sehun facepalms behind the counter.

“Unnie,” she groans in a long-suffering tone. “Please stop.”

They drop all their belongings at a table and line up around the ice cream freezer, waiting for Sehun to serve them. Baekhyun and Jongdae secretly shift to their special table in the corner for the two of them. Joonmyun comes out from the back of the store to lend Sehun a hand and when it comes to Baekhyun’s turn to pick her ice cream, she goes for the banana chocolate.

“I don’t remember you liking banana chocolate,” Jongdae scratches her head.

Baekhyun shrugs. “New stuff, new flavour,” she says simply. They retreat to their little corner and Luhan winks saucily at Jongdae from the other table. “Also, I want to tell you something…”
Jongdae eats a spoonful of her caramel sundae. “I’m all ears,” she offers, jamming her spoon into her mouth and spreading her palms.

“Well… I just wanted to say that I made a choice.” Baekhyun bites at her ice cream. “Oh, this is yummy. Jongdae, I can’t stop thinking about you… every day I end up thinking of you in some way. Even at night… and I still don’t really know what to do.” She makes sure to hold her gaze steady as she locks eyes with Jongdae over ice cream, expression fully serious. “I… I’d like to give us a go, if you still want me.”

Jongdae’s mouth drops open for so long that Baekhyun starts looking worried. “Oh my god, like hell I would say no,” she chokes out.

Baekhyun blinks, as if she’s having trouble registering Jongdae’s response. She leans across the table and Jongdae’s heart trips over and sputters pathetically as her lips come dangerously close to hers, and then Baekhyun’s kissing her.

“Just one condition,” Baekhyun adds, lowering her lashes. There’s still some unease in such an open display of affection, but she’s come a long way.

“Name it,” Jongdae says faintly.

“If it’s okay with you… I don’t think I’m ready to tell anyone else, so can this be our little secret?”

“Done once, done twice, done one thousand times over. But,” Jongdae glances over her shoulder behind her at the cheerleader squad enjoying their desserts, “they’re not dumb, Baek. They’re going to put it together in a day.”

Baekhyun tugs at a lock of her hair guiltily. “That’s okay. You guys are the best friends I could’ve asked for,” she says gratefully. “I don’t mind if they find out. I’m sorry I abandoned all of you so selfishly.”

Jongdae shakes her head and eats some more of her sundae. “Doesn’t matter,” she waves it off with her spoon. “We’ve got our captain. Let’s win this competition.”

This time she’s the one who presses her lips to Baekhyun’s, tasting traces of banana and chocolate.

There’s the sound of somebody clapping in the background and Jongdae and Baekhyun break apart like they’ve been electrified.

“Woo hoo!” Joonmyun cheers, clapping harder with a big, goofy smile on his face. Jongdae only realises everyone’s seen her when Luhan wolf whistles and Yixing’s squealing at how cute they are. Minseok looks pleasantly surprised and Kyungsoo… she’d probably calculated this outcome like last week or something. Sehun is hunched over in the corner of the counter, covering her face in second-hand embarrassment from her boss.

It’s only the start, Jongdae thinks, nerves abuzz with content, but it’s a good one. Her heart takes flight, soaring its way to freedom.

***
Epilogue

SM doesn’t win the competition.

It’s a bit of a blow for the team really, considering the number of hours they’d put in and the obstacles they’ve climbed over to get this far. Baekhyun, though, is still all smiles because YG isn’t taking the trophy home either.

JYP’s rookie squad GOT7 come out victorious, their unique mix of cheerleading and martial arts tricking bowling over the panel of judges. They accept their prize with respectful bows and numerous words of excited thanks, their faces bright with triumph.

“And that’s what it’s all about,” Baekhyun had told her team, congratulating GOT7 as fellow competitors. “I still think we did pretty good,” she tells Jongdae later, when Jongdae finds her and whisks her away to under the bleachers to give her a proper thanks for her hard work as team captain.

“Of course we did. But I don’t really care who won,” Jongdae remarks, “because I won you, and that’s all I ever wanted.”

“That’s so greasy.” Baekhyun makes a face. “You… you need to get away from Kris.”

Jongdae shuts her up with a kiss, and some people sitting on the bleachers they’re hiding under suddenly erupt into raucous cheering. Alarmed, Baekhyun shoves her away, looking wildly around them in a panic until she realises that they’re still under the bleachers and no one even knows they’re there.

Jongdae takes her hands and squeezes them reassuringly. “Baek,” she says softly, “there’s nobody.”

Baekhyun settles down considerably, her fingers holding Jongdae’s tight. “Sorry,” she apologizes sheepishly. She scratches her cheek in confusion. “What are they even screaming about then?”

Jongdae peers through the gaps in the bleachers and people’s legs, and laughs. “Well, what do you know. Look.”

It turns out the cause for celebration is just Luhan picking up a weakly protesting Minseok for a kiss, with the majority of the males in the vicinity cheering them on.

“Oh my god,” Baekhyun rolls her eyes.

Jongdae tugs on her hand. “Come on, let’s go and find the others and organize a celebratory dinner,” she suggests. “We lost Yixing already.”

Luckily Kris’s height is a dead giveaway everywhere he goes and it takes less than a minute for the girls to locate him - and by extension, Yixing. Finding Kyungsoo turns out to be a bit more of a challenge. She’s nowhere to be seen in SM’s allocated area and they end up having to trek through the other college’s areas in search of her. They bump into 2NE1 by accident and although Dara brushes off Baekhyun and her team without so much as a passing glance, Chanyeol also happens to be nearby. Presumably present to support his girlfriend, he sees Baekhyun and gives her a mocking wave.

“So,” is all he manages to say before Kyungsoo marches up to him, calls him an asshole and punches him square in the face.

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Additional Author's Notes: (This is the longest fic I’ve ever written. Kudos if you made it to the end… I have no idea now it ended up this long. )