super junior | there's no place like 127.0.0.1
This fic wanted to be in Chinese so badly that I had to write entire sections of it in Chinese and then translate it back into English. I need to leave Taiwan before I forget how to fandom in English and have to defect to Baidu forever, lol.
Title: there's no place like 127.0.0.1
Pairing: QMi
Summary: AU. Zhou Mi is a myopic accountant. Kyuhyun is the sysadmin that likes to mess with his head. Heechul is annoyed. Enter chaos, stage left. 2,571 words.
Notes: For cleverlilwill, because of this conversation about Zhou Mi's appearance on 娛樂百分百. :3 Also, I have concluded that Kyuhyun is still in grade school. Every single time Zhou Mi one of his bandmates gets anywhere near a girl he has to cover his eyes because he's too embarrassed to look. Why so awkward, bb?
Geek Note: IBM Lotus Sametime :DDDDD
Additional Note: SOMEONE PUT A MUZZLE ON MY KEYBOARD SO I STOP WRITING THESE THINGS.
m.zhou: KYUHYUN
m.zhou: eiuwfjiasjf;salf;lfjs;fjlsfk
m.zhou: DID YOU MESS UP THE FORMULAS ON MY SPREADSHEET
k.cho: you have a spreadsheet?
m.zhou: ...............
m.zhou: I AM AN ACCOUNTANT
k.cho: oh. i thought you were just here for bring your daughter to work day. sorry.
m.zhou: 囧
m.zhou: i have a penis, you realize
k.cho: arrrgh!
k.cho: tmi, hyung!
m.zhou: ...what does that mean
m.zhou: also, you are the systems administrator
m.zhou: you administrate my system
m.zhou: and you broke it
m.zhou: now fix it
k.cho: too much information. and "you administrate my system"? seriously?
m.zhou: ? how was that too much information
m.zhou: "hey guess what, i'm a eunuch!" would be too much information
m.zhou: this is just kind of a given
m.zhou: oh, um
m.zhou: i'm not a eunuch
k.cho: stop
m.zhou: ok but kyuhyun please fix it or make it go back to how it was so i can complete this audit before retirement
m.zhou: without scientific notation
m.zhou: and pie charts
m.zhou: and... kyuhyun is that a lightsaber
m.zhou: credits on the left, debits on the right!!! this imbalance hurts me
m.zhou: in my soul
m.zhou: oh and i don't think ascii pictures go in the income statement
m.zhou: though i kind of like the bunny
m.zhou: ...are you still there?
k.cho is on lunch break.
m.zhou: don't you dare
m.zhou: KYUHYUN IF I LOSE MY JOB I AM MOVING IN WITH YOU AND MAKING YOU PAY FOR ALL MY MEALS.
k.cho: ugh, no.
C:\DOCUME~1\admin\LOCAL~1\TEMP\20983 FY 2010 JYP Entertainment [In Progress].xls File transfer completed.
k.cho: happy now?
m.zhou: thank you
*
"Hyung," Zhou Mi says, sighing, "why is he always picking on me?"
"Because," Heechul says patiently, blinking rapidly to assess his mascara, "Cho Kyuhyun is five years old, and that is how he expresses affection. And because you are seven, you think it's cute." He shoots a glare at Zhou Mi, who is sitting on the counter next to his sink.
"Affection," Zhou Mi repeats doubtfully, swinging his legs. "He clearly wanted me to get fired!"
Heechul waves lip gloss at him. "Seasoning, you are too competent to fire. Besides, who you do think you're kidding? Kyuhyun, get you fired? He's probably already made it so that it is systemically impossible to fire you. Trust me."
"How do you know," Zhou Mi says suspiciously.
"I just know," Heechul says. "Seriously, you two are so underdeveloped. Stop dancing around the subject and ask him out."
"But I can't," Zhou Mi says. "What if he--" He clamps his mouth shut when the bathroom door opens.
"Fuck," Kangin says, catching sight of Heechul with his makeup bag and Zhou Mi perched on the counter, worrying at his lip with his teeth, "I walked into the wrong bathroom again, didn't I."
"Oh, don't let us get in your way," Heechul says breezily, applying lip gloss. "You went through all that trouble of squeezing yourself through the door, might as well relieve yourself before you go."
"Fuck you, noona," Kangin snaps.
"You started it," Heechul says, smacking his lips.
*
"Look at this," Zhou Mi says, pointing at the spreadsheet. "Look! There is no way he likes me."
Draped over the wall of Zhou Mi's cubicle, Han Geng squints at the screen. "What is that?"
"It was my depreciation numbers. And is now... a spiderweb? Your guess is as good as mine, ge."
"It's the Serpinski Gasket Fractal," says Sungmin's voice. He steps into Zhou Mi's cubicle and sticks his hands in his pockets. Ryeowook, trailing close behind him, peers curiously over the wall.
Han Geng blinks at them. "Aren't you two graphic designers or something? Isn't computer stuff on the eleventh floor?" He looks desperately around. "Please tell me I remembered that correctly."
Sungmin shrugs. "Yeah, but. Kyuhyun was searching for stupid things he could do with Excel yesterday because he really wanted to mess with some boy in Audits," he says. "I just wanted to see what all the fuss was about."
"The fuss?" Zhou Mi asks. He looks at Sungmin, a pouty-frown hybrid forming on his face. "You mean he doesn't do this to everyone?"
Sungmin blinks at him and scrutinizes him for a long moment, Zhou Mi squirming under his gaze. "Oh," he says, tittering. "I see." He grins and saunters over to Han Geng, leaning in to whisper in his ear. "Cute and dense. Kyuhyun really knows how to pick 'em."
"Birds of a feather," Han Geng says, eyeing Zhou Mi fondly.
"Oh, indeed," says Sungmin gleefully.
"What are you talking about," Zhou Mi says, sullen.
*
"Hey, techie kid," Heechul says, plopping down onto a chair in Kyuhyun's office. "True or false: you have a crush on the gangly Chinese accountant."
"Hankyung-hyung?" Kyuhyun asks. "No way. I don't have a death wish."
"No, no, you idiot. Seasoning, Zhou Mi, whatever." Heechul says, waving his arms impatiently. "The one with the legs, not the one with the ass."
The way Kyuhyun's expression goes from annoyed to firetruck red and decidedly horrified in two seconds flat is really kind of endearing. Heechul snaps a photo with his phone.
"I knew it," he crows.
*
"Are you okay?"
At the sound of Zhou Mi's voice, Kyuhyun gives a start and flails imperceptibly in his chair. "Hyung?" he squawks. "What are you doing here?"
"Making sure you're okay," Zhou Mi says, crossing his arms. He's wearing a black suit, his gray silk tie slightly loosened in light of the summer heat. And he has glasses on, glasses which definitely weren't there the last time Kyuhyun saw him, and which are doing weird things to his brain. Weird, light-a-fire-in-the-wrong-synapses things. The world is conspiring against him, Kyuhyun decides. He wants to fall headfirst into a bottomless pit and die.
He goes for the confused route. "Not sure why I wouldn't be?
Zhou Mi shrugs, shuts his office door, and plants himself in one of the chairs opposite Kyuhyun's desk. "Heechul-hyung showed me a photo he took of you earlier."
Kyuhyun just stares at him. "Excuse me?" He can feel the blood draining from his face, the cold wave of dread rushing straight for his gut.
Zhou Mi twiddles his thumbs, thankfully oblivious. "You looked sick? I thought. Like you... had a... fever..." his voice trails off, his hesitant smile slowly fading into a frown. "Okay, you look like you're about to murder me. I didn't do anything wrong! I was just worried is all!"
"Not you," Kyuhyun mutters, adding "end Heechul's fruity, fruity life" to his mental bucket list.
"Besides, I should be murdering you. I finished the audit a few minutes ago, no thanks to you." Zhou Mi crosses his arms. "Sungmin and Ryeowook told me about how you were looking up how to do the fractal...thing."
The way this conversation was going, Kyuhyun was going to have to poison all of his friends.
"I mean, why would you do that," Zhou Mi continues, not noticing that Kyuhyun's general embarrassment level was zooming haphazardly into the danger zone. "What have I ever done to you?" He uncrosses his arms and pouts, flailing a bit in the chair. "Aren't I nice?"
What have you done to me? Kyuhyun wants to scream. Let's start with what those glasses are doing to me right now, why don't we?
"Perfectly nice," he says. He scans his desk for something to hold onto and grabs his long-empty coffee mug, gripping the handle for dear life. He pretends to take a sip, but doesn't let go when he sets the mug back on his desk.
"Okay," Zhou Mi says slowly, frowning. "So do you not like nice people?"
Kyuhyun searches his brain for a suitable response, settles on, "No. I only like sociopaths and axe murderers."
At that, Zhou Mi's mouth crinkles into a huge smile. "Oop," he says, laughing. He gets up from his seat, making to head for the door. "Better go grab my axe, then." He laughs again, settling back onto the chair. Still chuckling softly, he leans forward, his forearm pressed against the armrest, his other arm brushing hair out of his face.
Kyuhyun finds him hopelessly adorable, and because he's on his 18th consecutive sysadmin-y hour of being awake, he starts to tell him so. "You're really--" He stops midsentence, catching himself. He swallows. "Uh." His death hold on the mug is cutting off circulation to his fingertips, but it's a welcome distraction. He hangs on.
Zhou Mi is looking at him expectantly, interest piqued. "I'm what? Tell me."
"Nothing, hyung," Kyuhyun says, finally letting go of the mug and flailing at the rush of blood to the tips of his fingers. His hand flops lamely onto the desk, stinging and swollen. "Ow," he mutters. You moron, his brain hisses, you should've just said "weird" or something. Now he's going to hound you until you talk. Hopeless. In the future, please just chat online.
"Tease," Zhou Mi says, his eyes wide. "Kyuhyun! Tell me!"
"No," Kyuhyun says, laughing, half out of embarrassment and half out of self defense. "No way."
"Please?" Zhou Mi asks, and when it becomes clear to him that the puppy dog pout isn't going to work, he gets up and walks to Kyuhyun's side of the desk. Kyuhyun swivels in his chair to face him.
"Hyung?" He holds up his arms, shielding himself, but Zhou Mi has other ideas. He kneels at Kyuhyun's feet, and a look of intense concentration passes briefly across his face before he reaches up and takes both of Kyuhyun's hands in his. Kyuhyun's right hand is still clammy, numb, and dead from his grand mug escapade of two minutes prior, but Zhou Mi doesn't seem to notice. "What are you doing," Kyuhyun squeaks.
Zhou Mi takes a deep breath and says, "Please tell me," so plaintive as his eyes, huge and earnest, stare up at Kyuhyun. Oh no, he thinks, and might have broken down or turned bright red or possibly just cried right then were it not for Zhou Mi's mouth, which bore the slightest hint of a mischievous grin.
Mischief he could handle. Big brown eyes and stupid, stupid glasses he could not. So Kyuhyun grabs that little smile and runs with it, this opportunity to turn their little dance into a jokey gesture between friends - his lone lifeline in the sea of all things indomitable and Zhou Mi.
Kyuhyun schools his expression into a blank slate, meeting Zhou Mi's gaze head-on.
They manage to hold the pose for all of two seconds before Kyuhyun snorts loudly and they fall all over themselves laughing, Kyuhyun clutching at his stomach and Zhou Mi collapsed on Kyuhyun's knees, giggling.
You are so gone, his brain tells him.
Ten, twenty seconds pass, chuckles fading into a companionable silence, and Zhou Mi props his elbows just above Kyuhyun's knees, chin resting on his palms, and grins up at him. The pressure of is light, too light -- he would have preferred pain to the uncomfortable, tingly sensation that is spidering all over his thighs. He squirms.
Sensing his discomfort, Zhou Mi makes a small apologetic exclamation and scrambles off him, reaching up to leverage his weight against Kyuhyun's desk. As luck would have it, Zhou Mi's hand lands in Kyuhyun's abandoned coffee mug, and, with a screechy sort of yelp and lots of flaily limbs, the rest of him lands rather ungracefully on Kyuhyun. His glasses scratch painfully down Kyuhyun's cheek, one bony knee planting itself firmly into Kyuhyun's thigh. The offending coffee mug thunks spectacularly against the desk before rolling off and crashing onto the floor -- miraculously, it doesn't shatter. Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun stare at it for a split second -- "THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE 127.0.0.1" stares back up at them.
Kyuhyun manages to find his voice, leads in with: "Ow?"
Zhou Mi's "Sorry! Sorry!" is all but shrieked as he tries to disentangle himself from Kyuhyun's chair, each hand gripping an armrest and knee burrowing into the chair instead of Kyuhyun's leg, but he stops short, frozen and wide-eyed, when Kyuhyun reaches up and plucks off his glasses. "Um," he says intelligently. "Kyuhyun?"
"What are these made of," Kyuhyun grumbles, inspecting them in his hands, wilfully oblivious to Zhou Mi's confusion. He tries them on, yelps at the sudden dizziness. "Holy shit," he gasps, and squeezes his eyes shut. "How blind are you?"
"Very," says Zhou Mi's voice, sounding quite miffed and very, very close. "Can't see," he says. "Give them back."
Kyuhyun opens his eyes for a split second and shuts them again. "Your nose is bigger than the rest of your face," he says, laughing. "Which is, like, four centimeters wide. Your glasses are a shrink ray." When he opens his eyes again all he can see are two very brown pupils. "Hyung!" He reels back in shock, and his head thumps against the back of his chair. He winces. "Why are you so close?" He shuts his eyes again, rubbing at them.
"You look ridiculous," Zhou Mi says, ignoring the question.
The sound of papers tumbling onto linoleum has both their heads whipping in the direction of the door. Kyuhyun opens his eyes, feels briefly like throwing up, curses, yanks off the glasses, and squints at the intruder.
"Eek," Ryeowook squeaks. "I'm sorry? I'm sorry! Yesung, Windows, Service Pack, Master Suite, something broke, I'm going to go now." The door is shut before either of them can speak.
"Well," Kyuhyun says. "That was awkward." He turns and yelps when he realizes Zhou Mi is staring at him again, his head a mere few inches away.
"Need my glasses," Zhou Mi says, pouty again.
"Ahaha," Kyuhyun manages. "Right. Keep them. They make me want to be ill." He holds them out towards Zhou Mi, who squints at them before plucking them gingerly out of Kyuhyun's hand.
"I will," Zhou Mi huffs. He puts the glasses back on and blinks rapidly when he notices Kyuhyun's monitor. "Uh, Kyuhyun..."
"What?" Kyuhyun says.
"There are lots of flashing red windows on your screen," Zhou Mi replies, pointing at it. "And all of them say 'URGENT - SYSADMIN REVIEW NEEDED' in bold lettering. Except for, um. That one."
"That one" turns out to be an IM from Sungmin which reads, in no uncertain terms:
s.lee: I HEARD FROM RYEOWOOK~~~
s.lee: i am so proud of you ^o^
s.lee: have you asked him out yet :))
s.lee: oh and i fixed yesung's issue, don't worry about it
s.lee: huh, you're not answering
s.lee: ...ARE YOU TWO MAKING OUT
s.lee: freaking finally
s.lee: congratulations!!!
They stare at each other.
"I'm going to kill him," Kyuhyun says. He catches a flash of his reflection in the iPod docked on his desk. Bright red. Figures.
"Um," Zhou Mi says hopefully, "Before or after you ask me out?"
*
k.cho: i seeeee you.
m.zhou: ...
m.zhou: you made me look around :(
k.cho: i know.
m.zhou: ...okay now you're freaking me out
k.cho: commandeered your webcam.
m.zhou: KUIXIAN
k.cho: stop calling me that...
m.zhou: ahhhhhh!!!!
h.kim: what are you screaming about now?
m.zhou: he really is five years old
h.kim: god
h.kim: seasoning
h.kim: tell me something i don't know
m.zhou: but still so cute?
h.kim: oh for fuck's sake
h.kim: don't you have other korean people you can bother?
k.cho: i saw that.
m.zhou: i hate your job
*
THE END.
... /goes off to write QMi MBTI stuff
Title: there's no place like 127.0.0.1
Pairing: QMi
Summary: AU. Zhou Mi is a myopic accountant. Kyuhyun is the sysadmin that likes to mess with his head. Heechul is annoyed. Enter chaos, stage left. 2,571 words.
Notes: For cleverlilwill, because of this conversation about Zhou Mi's appearance on 娛樂百分百. :3 Also, I have concluded that Kyuhyun is still in grade school. Every single time Zhou Mi one of his bandmates gets anywhere near a girl he has to cover his eyes because he's too embarrassed to look. Why so awkward, bb?
Geek Note: IBM Lotus Sametime :DDDDD
Additional Note: SOMEONE PUT A MUZZLE ON MY KEYBOARD SO I STOP WRITING THESE THINGS.
m.zhou: KYUHYUN
m.zhou: eiuwfjiasjf;salf;lfjs;fjlsfk
m.zhou: DID YOU MESS UP THE FORMULAS ON MY SPREADSHEET
k.cho: you have a spreadsheet?
m.zhou: ...............
m.zhou: I AM AN ACCOUNTANT
k.cho: oh. i thought you were just here for bring your daughter to work day. sorry.
m.zhou: 囧
m.zhou: i have a penis, you realize
k.cho: arrrgh!
k.cho: tmi, hyung!
m.zhou: ...what does that mean
m.zhou: also, you are the systems administrator
m.zhou: you administrate my system
m.zhou: and you broke it
m.zhou: now fix it
k.cho: too much information. and "you administrate my system"? seriously?
m.zhou: ? how was that too much information
m.zhou: "hey guess what, i'm a eunuch!" would be too much information
m.zhou: this is just kind of a given
m.zhou: oh, um
m.zhou: i'm not a eunuch
k.cho: stop
m.zhou: ok but kyuhyun please fix it or make it go back to how it was so i can complete this audit before retirement
m.zhou: without scientific notation
m.zhou: and pie charts
m.zhou: and... kyuhyun is that a lightsaber
m.zhou: credits on the left, debits on the right!!! this imbalance hurts me
m.zhou: in my soul
m.zhou: oh and i don't think ascii pictures go in the income statement
m.zhou: though i kind of like the bunny
m.zhou: ...are you still there?
k.cho is on lunch break.
m.zhou: don't you dare
m.zhou: KYUHYUN IF I LOSE MY JOB I AM MOVING IN WITH YOU AND MAKING YOU PAY FOR ALL MY MEALS.
k.cho: ugh, no.
C:\DOCUME~1\admin\LOCAL~1\TEMP\20983 FY 2010 JYP Entertainment [In Progress].xls File transfer completed.
k.cho: happy now?
m.zhou: thank you
*
"Hyung," Zhou Mi says, sighing, "why is he always picking on me?"
"Because," Heechul says patiently, blinking rapidly to assess his mascara, "Cho Kyuhyun is five years old, and that is how he expresses affection. And because you are seven, you think it's cute." He shoots a glare at Zhou Mi, who is sitting on the counter next to his sink.
"Affection," Zhou Mi repeats doubtfully, swinging his legs. "He clearly wanted me to get fired!"
Heechul waves lip gloss at him. "Seasoning, you are too competent to fire. Besides, who you do think you're kidding? Kyuhyun, get you fired? He's probably already made it so that it is systemically impossible to fire you. Trust me."
"How do you know," Zhou Mi says suspiciously.
"I just know," Heechul says. "Seriously, you two are so underdeveloped. Stop dancing around the subject and ask him out."
"But I can't," Zhou Mi says. "What if he--" He clamps his mouth shut when the bathroom door opens.
"Fuck," Kangin says, catching sight of Heechul with his makeup bag and Zhou Mi perched on the counter, worrying at his lip with his teeth, "I walked into the wrong bathroom again, didn't I."
"Oh, don't let us get in your way," Heechul says breezily, applying lip gloss. "You went through all that trouble of squeezing yourself through the door, might as well relieve yourself before you go."
"Fuck you, noona," Kangin snaps.
"You started it," Heechul says, smacking his lips.
*
"Look at this," Zhou Mi says, pointing at the spreadsheet. "Look! There is no way he likes me."
Draped over the wall of Zhou Mi's cubicle, Han Geng squints at the screen. "What is that?"
"It was my depreciation numbers. And is now... a spiderweb? Your guess is as good as mine, ge."
"It's the Serpinski Gasket Fractal," says Sungmin's voice. He steps into Zhou Mi's cubicle and sticks his hands in his pockets. Ryeowook, trailing close behind him, peers curiously over the wall.
Han Geng blinks at them. "Aren't you two graphic designers or something? Isn't computer stuff on the eleventh floor?" He looks desperately around. "Please tell me I remembered that correctly."
Sungmin shrugs. "Yeah, but. Kyuhyun was searching for stupid things he could do with Excel yesterday because he really wanted to mess with some boy in Audits," he says. "I just wanted to see what all the fuss was about."
"The fuss?" Zhou Mi asks. He looks at Sungmin, a pouty-frown hybrid forming on his face. "You mean he doesn't do this to everyone?"
Sungmin blinks at him and scrutinizes him for a long moment, Zhou Mi squirming under his gaze. "Oh," he says, tittering. "I see." He grins and saunters over to Han Geng, leaning in to whisper in his ear. "Cute and dense. Kyuhyun really knows how to pick 'em."
"Birds of a feather," Han Geng says, eyeing Zhou Mi fondly.
"Oh, indeed," says Sungmin gleefully.
"What are you talking about," Zhou Mi says, sullen.
*
"Hey, techie kid," Heechul says, plopping down onto a chair in Kyuhyun's office. "True or false: you have a crush on the gangly Chinese accountant."
"Hankyung-hyung?" Kyuhyun asks. "No way. I don't have a death wish."
"No, no, you idiot. Seasoning, Zhou Mi, whatever." Heechul says, waving his arms impatiently. "The one with the legs, not the one with the ass."
The way Kyuhyun's expression goes from annoyed to firetruck red and decidedly horrified in two seconds flat is really kind of endearing. Heechul snaps a photo with his phone.
"I knew it," he crows.
*
"Are you okay?"
At the sound of Zhou Mi's voice, Kyuhyun gives a start and flails imperceptibly in his chair. "Hyung?" he squawks. "What are you doing here?"
"Making sure you're okay," Zhou Mi says, crossing his arms. He's wearing a black suit, his gray silk tie slightly loosened in light of the summer heat. And he has glasses on, glasses which definitely weren't there the last time Kyuhyun saw him, and which are doing weird things to his brain. Weird, light-a-fire-in-the-wrong-synapses things. The world is conspiring against him, Kyuhyun decides. He wants to fall headfirst into a bottomless pit and die.
He goes for the confused route. "Not sure why I wouldn't be?
Zhou Mi shrugs, shuts his office door, and plants himself in one of the chairs opposite Kyuhyun's desk. "Heechul-hyung showed me a photo he took of you earlier."
Kyuhyun just stares at him. "Excuse me?" He can feel the blood draining from his face, the cold wave of dread rushing straight for his gut.
Zhou Mi twiddles his thumbs, thankfully oblivious. "You looked sick? I thought. Like you... had a... fever..." his voice trails off, his hesitant smile slowly fading into a frown. "Okay, you look like you're about to murder me. I didn't do anything wrong! I was just worried is all!"
"Not you," Kyuhyun mutters, adding "end Heechul's fruity, fruity life" to his mental bucket list.
"Besides, I should be murdering you. I finished the audit a few minutes ago, no thanks to you." Zhou Mi crosses his arms. "Sungmin and Ryeowook told me about how you were looking up how to do the fractal...thing."
The way this conversation was going, Kyuhyun was going to have to poison all of his friends.
"I mean, why would you do that," Zhou Mi continues, not noticing that Kyuhyun's general embarrassment level was zooming haphazardly into the danger zone. "What have I ever done to you?" He uncrosses his arms and pouts, flailing a bit in the chair. "Aren't I nice?"
What have you done to me? Kyuhyun wants to scream. Let's start with what those glasses are doing to me right now, why don't we?
"Perfectly nice," he says. He scans his desk for something to hold onto and grabs his long-empty coffee mug, gripping the handle for dear life. He pretends to take a sip, but doesn't let go when he sets the mug back on his desk.
"Okay," Zhou Mi says slowly, frowning. "So do you not like nice people?"
Kyuhyun searches his brain for a suitable response, settles on, "No. I only like sociopaths and axe murderers."
At that, Zhou Mi's mouth crinkles into a huge smile. "Oop," he says, laughing. He gets up from his seat, making to head for the door. "Better go grab my axe, then." He laughs again, settling back onto the chair. Still chuckling softly, he leans forward, his forearm pressed against the armrest, his other arm brushing hair out of his face.
Kyuhyun finds him hopelessly adorable, and because he's on his 18th consecutive sysadmin-y hour of being awake, he starts to tell him so. "You're really--" He stops midsentence, catching himself. He swallows. "Uh." His death hold on the mug is cutting off circulation to his fingertips, but it's a welcome distraction. He hangs on.
Zhou Mi is looking at him expectantly, interest piqued. "I'm what? Tell me."
"Nothing, hyung," Kyuhyun says, finally letting go of the mug and flailing at the rush of blood to the tips of his fingers. His hand flops lamely onto the desk, stinging and swollen. "Ow," he mutters. You moron, his brain hisses, you should've just said "weird" or something. Now he's going to hound you until you talk. Hopeless. In the future, please just chat online.
"Tease," Zhou Mi says, his eyes wide. "Kyuhyun! Tell me!"
"No," Kyuhyun says, laughing, half out of embarrassment and half out of self defense. "No way."
"Please?" Zhou Mi asks, and when it becomes clear to him that the puppy dog pout isn't going to work, he gets up and walks to Kyuhyun's side of the desk. Kyuhyun swivels in his chair to face him.
"Hyung?" He holds up his arms, shielding himself, but Zhou Mi has other ideas. He kneels at Kyuhyun's feet, and a look of intense concentration passes briefly across his face before he reaches up and takes both of Kyuhyun's hands in his. Kyuhyun's right hand is still clammy, numb, and dead from his grand mug escapade of two minutes prior, but Zhou Mi doesn't seem to notice. "What are you doing," Kyuhyun squeaks.
Zhou Mi takes a deep breath and says, "Please tell me," so plaintive as his eyes, huge and earnest, stare up at Kyuhyun. Oh no, he thinks, and might have broken down or turned bright red or possibly just cried right then were it not for Zhou Mi's mouth, which bore the slightest hint of a mischievous grin.
Mischief he could handle. Big brown eyes and stupid, stupid glasses he could not. So Kyuhyun grabs that little smile and runs with it, this opportunity to turn their little dance into a jokey gesture between friends - his lone lifeline in the sea of all things indomitable and Zhou Mi.
Kyuhyun schools his expression into a blank slate, meeting Zhou Mi's gaze head-on.
They manage to hold the pose for all of two seconds before Kyuhyun snorts loudly and they fall all over themselves laughing, Kyuhyun clutching at his stomach and Zhou Mi collapsed on Kyuhyun's knees, giggling.
You are so gone, his brain tells him.
Ten, twenty seconds pass, chuckles fading into a companionable silence, and Zhou Mi props his elbows just above Kyuhyun's knees, chin resting on his palms, and grins up at him. The pressure of is light, too light -- he would have preferred pain to the uncomfortable, tingly sensation that is spidering all over his thighs. He squirms.
Sensing his discomfort, Zhou Mi makes a small apologetic exclamation and scrambles off him, reaching up to leverage his weight against Kyuhyun's desk. As luck would have it, Zhou Mi's hand lands in Kyuhyun's abandoned coffee mug, and, with a screechy sort of yelp and lots of flaily limbs, the rest of him lands rather ungracefully on Kyuhyun. His glasses scratch painfully down Kyuhyun's cheek, one bony knee planting itself firmly into Kyuhyun's thigh. The offending coffee mug thunks spectacularly against the desk before rolling off and crashing onto the floor -- miraculously, it doesn't shatter. Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun stare at it for a split second -- "THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE 127.0.0.1" stares back up at them.
Kyuhyun manages to find his voice, leads in with: "Ow?"
Zhou Mi's "Sorry! Sorry!" is all but shrieked as he tries to disentangle himself from Kyuhyun's chair, each hand gripping an armrest and knee burrowing into the chair instead of Kyuhyun's leg, but he stops short, frozen and wide-eyed, when Kyuhyun reaches up and plucks off his glasses. "Um," he says intelligently. "Kyuhyun?"
"What are these made of," Kyuhyun grumbles, inspecting them in his hands, wilfully oblivious to Zhou Mi's confusion. He tries them on, yelps at the sudden dizziness. "Holy shit," he gasps, and squeezes his eyes shut. "How blind are you?"
"Very," says Zhou Mi's voice, sounding quite miffed and very, very close. "Can't see," he says. "Give them back."
Kyuhyun opens his eyes for a split second and shuts them again. "Your nose is bigger than the rest of your face," he says, laughing. "Which is, like, four centimeters wide. Your glasses are a shrink ray." When he opens his eyes again all he can see are two very brown pupils. "Hyung!" He reels back in shock, and his head thumps against the back of his chair. He winces. "Why are you so close?" He shuts his eyes again, rubbing at them.
"You look ridiculous," Zhou Mi says, ignoring the question.
The sound of papers tumbling onto linoleum has both their heads whipping in the direction of the door. Kyuhyun opens his eyes, feels briefly like throwing up, curses, yanks off the glasses, and squints at the intruder.
"Eek," Ryeowook squeaks. "I'm sorry? I'm sorry! Yesung, Windows, Service Pack, Master Suite, something broke, I'm going to go now." The door is shut before either of them can speak.
"Well," Kyuhyun says. "That was awkward." He turns and yelps when he realizes Zhou Mi is staring at him again, his head a mere few inches away.
"Need my glasses," Zhou Mi says, pouty again.
"Ahaha," Kyuhyun manages. "Right. Keep them. They make me want to be ill." He holds them out towards Zhou Mi, who squints at them before plucking them gingerly out of Kyuhyun's hand.
"I will," Zhou Mi huffs. He puts the glasses back on and blinks rapidly when he notices Kyuhyun's monitor. "Uh, Kyuhyun..."
"What?" Kyuhyun says.
"There are lots of flashing red windows on your screen," Zhou Mi replies, pointing at it. "And all of them say 'URGENT - SYSADMIN REVIEW NEEDED' in bold lettering. Except for, um. That one."
"That one" turns out to be an IM from Sungmin which reads, in no uncertain terms:
s.lee: I HEARD FROM RYEOWOOK~~~
s.lee: i am so proud of you ^o^
s.lee: have you asked him out yet :))
s.lee: oh and i fixed yesung's issue, don't worry about it
s.lee: huh, you're not answering
s.lee: ...ARE YOU TWO MAKING OUT
s.lee: freaking finally
s.lee: congratulations!!!
They stare at each other.
"I'm going to kill him," Kyuhyun says. He catches a flash of his reflection in the iPod docked on his desk. Bright red. Figures.
"Um," Zhou Mi says hopefully, "Before or after you ask me out?"
*
k.cho: i seeeee you.
m.zhou: ...
m.zhou: you made me look around :(
k.cho: i know.
m.zhou: ...okay now you're freaking me out
k.cho: commandeered your webcam.
m.zhou: KUIXIAN
k.cho: stop calling me that...
m.zhou: ahhhhhh!!!!
h.kim: what are you screaming about now?
m.zhou: he really is five years old
h.kim: god
h.kim: seasoning
h.kim: tell me something i don't know
m.zhou: but still so cute?
h.kim: oh for fuck's sake
h.kim: don't you have other korean people you can bother?
k.cho: i saw that.
m.zhou: i hate your job
*
THE END.
... /goes off to write QMi MBTI stuff