My Love Life lmao
ok ok....those of you who want to!! feel free to put a gun against my head and shoot me! please! lol...for all those that said, 'you know, the one will just turn up when you least expect it' .......please step forward and shoot me now, cause maybe you were right.......yep! i just said that! 'maybe! you! were! right!!' lol....
...sadly me and Nikki didnt work...there was a lot that came about and i found i couldnt trust her anymore, ...basically i have trouble trusting people online...but i tried to trust her, we've been talking as good mates since april. And when i say good, i mean as she has told me things she's never told anyone before...at least i thought they were true, maybe still are....she said she was in a fire, a lil before we met, and that her face and body was badly burned and is covered in scars....as her house was burnt she didnt have any pictures left of her, except one. But this was not the picture she showed me all them months ago, she showed me one which wasnt her....why!? i really dont know, but to say were best mates? you would of thought she would of told me, especially as she admitted wanting to go out with me....but shes paranoid about her looks and wont meet me until her face is healed, i cant fone her cause her fone is 'always on silent'? or text her now as she complains her battery is low and the charger doesnt work? ...she says were still good mates online, but we hardly talk, ever lol, i just told her enough is enough, i'm not bothered how she looks, she's still gorgeous to me, and she knows that, but still she shut me out, I got suspicious and took a lot of abuse from her about not trusting her, believing her, accusing her of lieing, i knew that must be some other guy as not being able to text her or nothing, there was just too much info for it to all be true. But she put me down again and again, broke me by denying it all week after week.....how could i trust her after i discovered the picture was fake!? well...the truth is out, she loves some other guy, and had been all along. Typical you might say? at least i would. She doesnt even have it in her to say sorry for what she did, she still accuses me saying it was all my fault!? lol so i made her go with another guy? made her lie to me from the start? hmmmmm.
Well, before i actually knew the whole truth, someone else came along, online of course. I dont get out much anymore :( . Her names Renate, or Nate for short as she likes to be known by. To cut everything short, we hit it off from the start, she was one of those people I never expected to get close to, but we share so many similarities, so much in common, we just got on. WE like similar things ,want similar things, expect the same things, like to be treated the same way. I've known her for only 2 weeks, but it feels lke a life-time. I know everything about her, she does me, or at least im not afraid to tell her, she understands, listens, she knows. Were meeting up soon, we would of met this week hadnt i slept in bed til 4pm lol...i was tired. were meeting next sunday, she introduced me to some of her other friends online, and I arranged to chill out with one of her friends in stafford next sunday, so Nate's coming to :) should be cool...be happy for me. I Love her to bits already....maybe i do that too easily? too quickly?? but Nate i'm so sure and certain of, I never expected someone like her to come along in my life, and especially not so soon, not after or towards the end of Nikki. I did stop myself and say no, no rebounds, but this isn't a rebound, it feels meant to be. Anyway....
So yeah, ive not updated in a while, my head is a lil blagged! its hard to finish this even now. but some things are better, some things are still the same. Some friends came round yesterday, the two hayleys lol, and they commented how talkative i was, and admitted how much more i was smiling :) ...i feel happier....but theres still a heavy void in my mind which i need to uncover. Not that i'm happy with Nate, she's the best thing to happen to me in a long time. I know i've talked about girls before, but Nate!? she's more like me, I can't explain it!? lol we even share the same birthday lol. Dec 7th. But theres still the whole question of what i want to do with my life? whati n life will i be happy doing? ....and im still very much too confused to focus on work, to concentrate on on this even! but i'm trying, its taking a lot of hard work, i'm tired and drained, and it hurts. But im not giving in. There have been many times recently I wanted to give in, to even cut, but i avoided it and talked myself out of it....Nikki used to talk to me when i was down like that...but i dont know what her intention was anymore, she's a changed person, i dont know her anymore.
Well, im still here, safe and sound. smiling for once. Update again later and i'll comment on some journals, during the week :) ciao xxxxx
...sadly me and Nikki didnt work...there was a lot that came about and i found i couldnt trust her anymore, ...basically i have trouble trusting people online...but i tried to trust her, we've been talking as good mates since april. And when i say good, i mean as she has told me things she's never told anyone before...at least i thought they were true, maybe still are....she said she was in a fire, a lil before we met, and that her face and body was badly burned and is covered in scars....as her house was burnt she didnt have any pictures left of her, except one. But this was not the picture she showed me all them months ago, she showed me one which wasnt her....why!? i really dont know, but to say were best mates? you would of thought she would of told me, especially as she admitted wanting to go out with me....but shes paranoid about her looks and wont meet me until her face is healed, i cant fone her cause her fone is 'always on silent'? or text her now as she complains her battery is low and the charger doesnt work? ...she says were still good mates online, but we hardly talk, ever lol, i just told her enough is enough, i'm not bothered how she looks, she's still gorgeous to me, and she knows that, but still she shut me out, I got suspicious and took a lot of abuse from her about not trusting her, believing her, accusing her of lieing, i knew that must be some other guy as not being able to text her or nothing, there was just too much info for it to all be true. But she put me down again and again, broke me by denying it all week after week.....how could i trust her after i discovered the picture was fake!? well...the truth is out, she loves some other guy, and had been all along. Typical you might say? at least i would. She doesnt even have it in her to say sorry for what she did, she still accuses me saying it was all my fault!? lol so i made her go with another guy? made her lie to me from the start? hmmmmm.
Well, before i actually knew the whole truth, someone else came along, online of course. I dont get out much anymore :( . Her names Renate, or Nate for short as she likes to be known by. To cut everything short, we hit it off from the start, she was one of those people I never expected to get close to, but we share so many similarities, so much in common, we just got on. WE like similar things ,want similar things, expect the same things, like to be treated the same way. I've known her for only 2 weeks, but it feels lke a life-time. I know everything about her, she does me, or at least im not afraid to tell her, she understands, listens, she knows. Were meeting up soon, we would of met this week hadnt i slept in bed til 4pm lol...i was tired. were meeting next sunday, she introduced me to some of her other friends online, and I arranged to chill out with one of her friends in stafford next sunday, so Nate's coming to :) should be cool...be happy for me. I Love her to bits already....maybe i do that too easily? too quickly?? but Nate i'm so sure and certain of, I never expected someone like her to come along in my life, and especially not so soon, not after or towards the end of Nikki. I did stop myself and say no, no rebounds, but this isn't a rebound, it feels meant to be. Anyway....
So yeah, ive not updated in a while, my head is a lil blagged! its hard to finish this even now. but some things are better, some things are still the same. Some friends came round yesterday, the two hayleys lol, and they commented how talkative i was, and admitted how much more i was smiling :) ...i feel happier....but theres still a heavy void in my mind which i need to uncover. Not that i'm happy with Nate, she's the best thing to happen to me in a long time. I know i've talked about girls before, but Nate!? she's more like me, I can't explain it!? lol we even share the same birthday lol. Dec 7th. But theres still the whole question of what i want to do with my life? whati n life will i be happy doing? ....and im still very much too confused to focus on work, to concentrate on on this even! but i'm trying, its taking a lot of hard work, i'm tired and drained, and it hurts. But im not giving in. There have been many times recently I wanted to give in, to even cut, but i avoided it and talked myself out of it....Nikki used to talk to me when i was down like that...but i dont know what her intention was anymore, she's a changed person, i dont know her anymore.
Well, im still here, safe and sound. smiling for once. Update again later and i'll comment on some journals, during the week :) ciao xxxxx