Helpful Tips For Writing a Half-way Decent First Sentence
I really should post this as a feature to fandom_grammar, and maybe I will do a revision, but for now, I have something important to say about First Lines. . . .
Fanfic writers, I have something important to tell you. Your first paragraph is the most important paragraph in your entire fic. That means that your first sentence is the most important sentence. Therefore, you should take some time with it and actually craft something that grabs your reader and tells them, "This is a fic you want to read."
An opening sentence should do at least one of these important things:
1. Establish the mood.
2. Introduce your protagonist.
3. Introduce your plot.
4. Establish POV.
5. Establish the mood!
Here are a few famous first lines to consider.
Now, fanfic writers are not Kafkas, Austens, and Melvilles, but we're writers damn it, and I think we can do a bit better than I frequently see. So, here's some Helpful Tips For Writing a Half-way Decent First Sentence. (All first sentence examples are taken from my own fics. I do not mean to imply that I have the market on kick-ass first lines; I'm merely attempting to illustrate my points.)
1. Start with dialogue.
Starting with dialogue immediately pulls the reader into the scene and often identifies at least one of the characters with a tag line or action.
A. "You're too stubborn to give in," he imagines Jack saying.
The Next Best Thing
B. "Remus," Sirius scuffed his toe. "I have something to tell you."
Why Remus No Longer Makes Buns in His Oven
C. "You know that you do it all wrong."
Defense Training
What works in these examples?
A. establishes Jack as a character in the piece, and identifies that there is another character with the POV (because he "imagines" what Jack is saying). Also we know that this imagining character is in a situation that seems futile, since Jack is saying that "[he's] too stubborn to give in." But give in to what? And who's too stubborn? Don't you want to find out?
B. establishes both Remus and Sirius as characters in the piece and tells the reader up front that Sirius has something to tell Remus. What does Sirius have to tell Remus?
C. makes me immediately ask one question, "Who does what all wrong?"
2. Start with an action that brings a character into the scene.
Bringing one of the characters into the scene is clearly a beginning, so why not start there? You can establish a character and the setting in one quick sentence.
A. Rain pings off the roof of Jack's truck as he shifts into park.
Choiceless
B. Jack comes home quietly, placing his keys on the coffee table, rather than just tossing them there.
Sixteen Hundred Miles
C. The unmistakable sound of falling books stopped Jack just outside Daniel’s office.
I Know Kung-Fu
What works in these examples?
A. establishes Jack as a character in the story and places him in his truck. Also, we know it's raining, which immediately establishes a darker mood.
B. establishes Jack as a character and places him in his home. The interesting thing here is that he "[places] his keys on the coffee table, rather than just tossing them there." So, we know his normal routine (tossing) and that today is different (placing). Why is it different today?
C. establishes Jack and Daniel as characters and places Jack just outside Daniel's office. We also know that Jack hears books fall (also establishing Jack with the POV) and I immediately want to know why the books fell.
3. Start with an action that's already in the middle of the scene.
This immediately pulls the reader into the action and establishes one of the characters. Also, since you're in the middle, you get the mood up front. (This works extremely well for smut and fighting scenes.)
A. Janet's eyes don't flutter when my fingers pass over her eyelashes.
Weightless
B. 5:10. Jack's flight leaves at 6:50 and they're both naked, skin still slick with quick sex.
The End
C. He bites his lip to keep from speaking, but grunts with each thrust.
Procelain Men
D. The colored lights on the stage bathe Sam in reds and pinks, her hair glowing like the Abydonian sun at sunrise.
Sugar Me Sweet
What works in these examples?
A. establishes Janet as a character and first-person POV. We also have a mood established because non-fluttering eyes when fingers pass over eyelashes probably means dead.
B. establishes Jack as a character and sets up the scene prior and the current state. Sex was had (quick sex, even) and they're both still naked. Also, there's a timeline established, so we know Jack has to either leave soon or miss his flight.
C. establishes that there is a male character (probably in the middle of sex) who is preventing himself from speaking. My interest is piqued. ;) But I am left wondering, "Why doesn't he want to speak?"
D. establishes Sam as a character, places her on a stage, and uses description that establishes the universe in which the fic is set. Also, this sentence leaves me wondering, "Why is Sam on stage?"
(I do want to point out that this is the only example that doesn't have the main character physically in it through action or dialogue. Daniel, however, is present in the narrative in that he describes Sam's hair as "glowing like the Abydonian sun at sunrise." I advise that the main character be present in the first line in some way.)
4. Start with introspection.
This is more difficult to pull off unless it is rooted to events. But if you can pull it off, it can establish character and mood quite effectively.
A. I'm not so much known as a thinker.
Working Out
B. Spike dared to say that Illyria, the God King, was merely an echo, a ghost, a whisper flitting about Wolfram & Hart, barely there, barely able to affect the world in any lasting way.
An Echo, A Ghost, A Whisper
C. It hadn't been the end of the world, but it might as well have been.
This Isn't Personal
What works in these examples?
A. establishes first-person POV and lets us know that the character isn't much of a thinker (and he knows this about himself). A sentence like this is probably going to lead to a story that disproves this statement, so we've also got a bit of the plot set up here as well.
B. establishes Illyria and Spike as characters and clearly provides a mood. The POV (probably Illyria) shows that the speaker disagrees with Spike's assessment of Illyria. Like example A, this story is going to focus around this statement, disproving one of the assertions-is Illyira an echo or not?
C. establishes the mood, clearly. It feels like the end of the world-it's not, but it feels like it. With no characters or events identified, I want to know who thinks it feels like the end of the world and why he or she feels that way.
Why Sentences Are Important
It's important to hook your reader with a good first line because there are so many fanfics to choose from. The first line should invite the reader in, like a welcome mat to your fanfic. A strong first line is going to entice people, get them interested in your story, and make them want to know more about the story you're about to tell.
Also, if you think about your first line more, it's my sincere hope that you'll think about your second line more, and your third and fourth, and twenty-second, and fifty-third. Every story is built around sentences. And every sentence is built around words. Sentences-stories-can't be written haphazardly. They need to be crafted, thought out, reasoned through for every syllable and punctuation mark. Writing shouldn't be easy. Writing is work. It takes dedication and time. Spend that dedication and time on your first sentence. Invite your readers into your stories. Take more care in your fanfic! Because we're writers-really, we are-and we should take pride in our work.
Fanfic writers, I have something important to tell you. Your first paragraph is the most important paragraph in your entire fic. That means that your first sentence is the most important sentence. Therefore, you should take some time with it and actually craft something that grabs your reader and tells them, "This is a fic you want to read."
An opening sentence should do at least one of these important things:
1. Establish the mood.
2. Introduce your protagonist.
3. Introduce your plot.
4. Establish POV.
5. Establish the mood!
Here are a few famous first lines to consider.
- One morning, as Gregor Samsa was waking up from anxious dreams, he discovered that in bed he had been changed into a monstrous verminous bug.
The Metamorphosis, Franz Kafka
Introduces the plot and introduces the protagonist (who likely also has close-third-person POV).
All children, except one, grow up.
Peter Pan, J. M. Barrie
Introduces the plot and sets to introduce the protagonist.
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.
Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen
Introduces the plot and establishes the mood.
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair ...
A Tale of Two Cities, Charles Dickens
Establishes the mood.
Call me Ishmael.
Moby Dick, Herman Melville
Introduces the protagonist and first-person POV.
Now, fanfic writers are not Kafkas, Austens, and Melvilles, but we're writers damn it, and I think we can do a bit better than I frequently see. So, here's some Helpful Tips For Writing a Half-way Decent First Sentence. (All first sentence examples are taken from my own fics. I do not mean to imply that I have the market on kick-ass first lines; I'm merely attempting to illustrate my points.)
1. Start with dialogue.
Starting with dialogue immediately pulls the reader into the scene and often identifies at least one of the characters with a tag line or action.
A. "You're too stubborn to give in," he imagines Jack saying.
The Next Best Thing
B. "Remus," Sirius scuffed his toe. "I have something to tell you."
Why Remus No Longer Makes Buns in His Oven
C. "You know that you do it all wrong."
Defense Training
What works in these examples?
A. establishes Jack as a character in the piece, and identifies that there is another character with the POV (because he "imagines" what Jack is saying). Also we know that this imagining character is in a situation that seems futile, since Jack is saying that "[he's] too stubborn to give in." But give in to what? And who's too stubborn? Don't you want to find out?
B. establishes both Remus and Sirius as characters in the piece and tells the reader up front that Sirius has something to tell Remus. What does Sirius have to tell Remus?
C. makes me immediately ask one question, "Who does what all wrong?"
2. Start with an action that brings a character into the scene.
Bringing one of the characters into the scene is clearly a beginning, so why not start there? You can establish a character and the setting in one quick sentence.
A. Rain pings off the roof of Jack's truck as he shifts into park.
Choiceless
B. Jack comes home quietly, placing his keys on the coffee table, rather than just tossing them there.
Sixteen Hundred Miles
C. The unmistakable sound of falling books stopped Jack just outside Daniel’s office.
I Know Kung-Fu
What works in these examples?
A. establishes Jack as a character in the story and places him in his truck. Also, we know it's raining, which immediately establishes a darker mood.
B. establishes Jack as a character and places him in his home. The interesting thing here is that he "[places] his keys on the coffee table, rather than just tossing them there." So, we know his normal routine (tossing) and that today is different (placing). Why is it different today?
C. establishes Jack and Daniel as characters and places Jack just outside Daniel's office. We also know that Jack hears books fall (also establishing Jack with the POV) and I immediately want to know why the books fell.
3. Start with an action that's already in the middle of the scene.
This immediately pulls the reader into the action and establishes one of the characters. Also, since you're in the middle, you get the mood up front. (This works extremely well for smut and fighting scenes.)
A. Janet's eyes don't flutter when my fingers pass over her eyelashes.
Weightless
B. 5:10. Jack's flight leaves at 6:50 and they're both naked, skin still slick with quick sex.
The End
C. He bites his lip to keep from speaking, but grunts with each thrust.
Procelain Men
D. The colored lights on the stage bathe Sam in reds and pinks, her hair glowing like the Abydonian sun at sunrise.
Sugar Me Sweet
What works in these examples?
A. establishes Janet as a character and first-person POV. We also have a mood established because non-fluttering eyes when fingers pass over eyelashes probably means dead.
B. establishes Jack as a character and sets up the scene prior and the current state. Sex was had (quick sex, even) and they're both still naked. Also, there's a timeline established, so we know Jack has to either leave soon or miss his flight.
C. establishes that there is a male character (probably in the middle of sex) who is preventing himself from speaking. My interest is piqued. ;) But I am left wondering, "Why doesn't he want to speak?"
D. establishes Sam as a character, places her on a stage, and uses description that establishes the universe in which the fic is set. Also, this sentence leaves me wondering, "Why is Sam on stage?"
(I do want to point out that this is the only example that doesn't have the main character physically in it through action or dialogue. Daniel, however, is present in the narrative in that he describes Sam's hair as "glowing like the Abydonian sun at sunrise." I advise that the main character be present in the first line in some way.)
4. Start with introspection.
This is more difficult to pull off unless it is rooted to events. But if you can pull it off, it can establish character and mood quite effectively.
A. I'm not so much known as a thinker.
Working Out
B. Spike dared to say that Illyria, the God King, was merely an echo, a ghost, a whisper flitting about Wolfram & Hart, barely there, barely able to affect the world in any lasting way.
An Echo, A Ghost, A Whisper
C. It hadn't been the end of the world, but it might as well have been.
This Isn't Personal
What works in these examples?
A. establishes first-person POV and lets us know that the character isn't much of a thinker (and he knows this about himself). A sentence like this is probably going to lead to a story that disproves this statement, so we've also got a bit of the plot set up here as well.
B. establishes Illyria and Spike as characters and clearly provides a mood. The POV (probably Illyria) shows that the speaker disagrees with Spike's assessment of Illyria. Like example A, this story is going to focus around this statement, disproving one of the assertions-is Illyira an echo or not?
C. establishes the mood, clearly. It feels like the end of the world-it's not, but it feels like it. With no characters or events identified, I want to know who thinks it feels like the end of the world and why he or she feels that way.
Why Sentences Are Important
It's important to hook your reader with a good first line because there are so many fanfics to choose from. The first line should invite the reader in, like a welcome mat to your fanfic. A strong first line is going to entice people, get them interested in your story, and make them want to know more about the story you're about to tell.
Also, if you think about your first line more, it's my sincere hope that you'll think about your second line more, and your third and fourth, and twenty-second, and fifty-third. Every story is built around sentences. And every sentence is built around words. Sentences-stories-can't be written haphazardly. They need to be crafted, thought out, reasoned through for every syllable and punctuation mark. Writing shouldn't be easy. Writing is work. It takes dedication and time. Spend that dedication and time on your first sentence. Invite your readers into your stories. Take more care in your fanfic! Because we're writers-really, we are-and we should take pride in our work.