(no subject)
why the fuck do i feel like shit?????
Why do i always feel like shit????
It's so god damn distressing...
no one fucking cares about me...
no one reads my livejournal so it's kinda fun to write on here like a real journal...
I'm so fucking cold but i dont wanna lay down at the moment so i'm freezing my ass of instead...
Am i that fucking reatrded?
god, i hate people...
and they hate me...
i just want to leave...
i want to leave this fucking small town and all the people in it...
all the people that don't care about me or hate me...
to just leave all this shit...
it's so fucking tempting...
but i'm to chicken shit to do anything but sit alone all depressed and feeling sorry for myself like a disgusting asshole
why the fuck don't i do something with myself?
or maybe stop acting like someone i'm not all the fucking time?
but i have no one to talk to...
i never do...
i just have to write (or type) everything down...
cuz i know if i tell any of my friends how i feel, that'd think i was a crazy mood-swinging bitch
even if i did have someone to talk to, would i tell them?
no, I wouldn't
I never have the fucking guts to say anything to anyone
Why am i so fake?
why do i act all happy and mean and loud and such in front of people?
That's exactly what i'm not...
I'm just sad
and broken
and disgusting
and tired (at all time)
and alone
and mean
and everything fucking else...
why do i put this wall around me so that no one knows me?
I feel like it protects me, but it just makes things worse
god, i need a psychatrist or someone else to talk/bitch to
all i can think of is the lyric "let me be loved"
i just wanna be loved, even liked
but that's never gonna happen
i'm alone and always will be
i need to fully accept that
maybe get a cat or some other fucking animal to pretend that it loves me
cuz that's the best i'll ever do
i need to stop dreaming
because it makes my reality even more depressing
which isn't helpful
and i want people to stop getting my hopes up...
the fuckers...
leave me in my fucking depressed state and don't pretend it's gonna change
like i'll magically be accepted
i'm never gonna be accepted
or liked
you know why?
cuz i'm a fucking idiot, who has to die alone
why not?
i'm not the first
and definitely noe the last
so i need to accept it
and get over myself
i should give up
and go to bed
it may help