I feel like younger sisters even though I am one work as being bratty. Poor Tsune, good thing he had Asagi to take care of the shop... and then take care of him.
Awkward kiss but hey at least Asagi knows that there's some interest XD
One suggestion - I had to reread the part about Tsune pushing Asagi through the train door a couple times to get what was going on. Might help to revise the wording and make it clear that they got on the train in the first place and that drunk Tsune goes a bit nuts and shoves Asagi out of the train Or I'm just dumb? XD
Also... I feel for Tsune so much when he feels like he's trapped in the small town. That's exactly how I felt in Hikone and why I got out of there as often as I could afford to. I felt so much freer in the big cities
No, no that was my fault XD even when I reread this, I was kind of confused what was going on! I guess I should have waited until after sleeping and properly editing it to post it. I wanted to just get it up right after finishing it ^^; Thank you for being my editor whilst I was too tired to be :D I've edited it a little, so I hope it makes more sense now.
Well, I was born and raised in a small town, and still live there, so I know that feeling all too well ^o^ and I find it quite easy to put that element in there. I also have a younger sister, so maybe that showed too XD
Thank you as always for your feedback. It's always very helpful!!
That usually helps but I understand the "Must post!" mindset. I have that too... then realize what I posted shouldn't have been posted just yet. You're welcome!
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Awkward kiss but hey at least Asagi knows that there's some interest XD
One suggestion - I had to reread the part about Tsune pushing Asagi through the train door a couple times to get what was going on. Might help to revise the wording and make it clear that they got on the train in the first place and that drunk Tsune goes a bit nuts and shoves Asagi out of the train
Or I'm just dumb? XD
Also... I feel for Tsune so much when he feels like he's trapped in the small town. That's exactly how I felt in Hikone and why I got out of there as often as I could afford to. I felt so much freer in the big cities
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Well, I was born and raised in a small town, and still live there, so I know that feeling all too well ^o^ and I find it quite easy to put that element in there. I also have a younger sister, so maybe that showed too XD
Thank you as always for your feedback. It's always very helpful!!
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We can all relate. Haha, maybe
Again, you're welcome. Glad I can be of help
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