Comments | thefinalpiece: Episode 1 - The Pilot (Edited Jul 30, 2006)

thefinalpiece

Episode 1 - The Pilot (Edited Jul 30, 2006)

May 25, 2006 00:04

Comments 4

tiredbuthyper August 1 2006, 02:06:48 UTC

Hmm. When I do scripts, I like to write out the story narritively first, but sometimes that's just not how one sees it. The stage directions are important, to me, and even if only for your own memory, do not scrimp on them. The opening was very confusing to me because your stage directions didn't tell me what was going on and I didn't know who anyone was. This may have been intentional. Make sure to proofread everything -- I spotted a couple of silly typos. Also, character names are generally in all caps for scripts. Ie, [JONAH looked at the GIRL ( ... )

thefinalpiece August 2 2006, 01:32:12 UTC

I really appreciate your criticisms. This is exactly what I was looking for - someone to take what I had done and show me what I did wrong (And I know that came out sounding sarcastic, but I promise it's not ( ... )

tiredbuthyper August 2 2006, 22:05:31 UTC

Thanks. I'm glad it was appreciated.

The tell-Sean-right-away thing, though.... You obviously have your reasons. I just want to impress that this is NOT a movie. This is a TV show, and it has to have potential plot throughout 13 or 14 episodes (a normal season), or even further. I really like the idea of exploring the nature of fortune telling, but perhaps this would be better achieved if the viewer was forced to question his own beliefs and was drawn into the plot slowly. Exploring the nature of fortune telling is not having one character sit down another character straight off and TELL them exactly what your view is on what fortune telling should be.

That's all. Thanks for letting me take a look. It was interesting.

starshine_eyes August 3 2006, 05:16:19 UTC

The only thing that really hit me as being off, was when Jonah meets Sean and tells him that he's psychic. The whole "I have a secret" bit seemed unnatural for the situation, and almost too cliche for the rest of the script. I really like the idea of the notebook and all that, but I think that there's a better way to introduce the situation.