Fanfic: Feel Me
Title: Feel Me
Pairing: Ryeowook centric
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst
Warning: Angst, self cutting, small curses
Disclaimer: Not real, never happened. Boys are not mine.
Summary: I want...something more than this.
Author’s Note: Forgive the angst .Granted its not that dark. Bad mood. Prompt 017 Accident Ryeowook/Ryeowook
He screamed loud enough to hurt his own eardrums. He waited for someone, anyone to turn and look at him. No one did. He knocked over a vase that was sitting on a bookcase next to him, the sound easing something in him. The manager glared at him and told him to grow up. No one else even twitched.
I want to know I exist.
He smiled at his band mates as they joked about something. He stepped closer wanting to know what it was about. They stopped laughing as he joined them.
“Its about Heechul and you being paired.”
“Heechul doesn’t like me.”
“No one does.”
I want to know I matter.
“Hey what’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” he says and wipes at his eyes, his parents words still ringing in his ears.
“You sure?”
“Of course.” He said, his smile sparkling. ‘My family hates me’ he thinks.
“Okay, whatever,” his member said shrugging as he walked away.
I want it be obvious when I’m lying through my smile.
He clapped in happiness as he opened his long awaited package. He had been waiting months for this stuff to be released. Smiling wide he took everything out slowly inspecting each item. Anticipation filled him as he thought of the book he would try to read though he still couldn’t read the language that well. The music that would fill his ears for hours on end and the DVD that cost him an arm and a leg that was worth every penny.
“Why do you like this shit anyway? Its dumb. Why don’t you like normal Korean stuff? You’re so weird.”
His smile dimmed.
I want to be respected.
“Oops, sorry.” The snide make-up artist said.
Tears pricked his eyes as he stared at his shattered phone. He shook his head in denial of her apology. She had done it on purpose, he’d seen it. He stayed quiet as he picked up the shattered pieces that had been a gift from a fan.
I want to know how to fight back.
He smiled shyly at his love interest. He was going to say something today about his feelings. He was pretty sure those smiles and touches that had been bestowed on him had been to show returned interest. He took a step closer but stopped. Someone else had walked up to them, taking their hand and exchanging quick kisses.
I want someone to curl next me in bed at night, wanting me, for me.
“Why are you still messing with your hair? You go on in five minutes.” His manager complained.
“Do I really look okay?”
“Yeah beautiful come on!”
I want someone to understand my insecurities.
Tossing in his bed, he pulled the pillow over his head and tried to block everything out. His members had been drinking. The sounds of screaming and fighting filled the dorm. His door slammed over as two members fell into the room and started to harass him.
I want alcohol to stop making people mean.
The knife cut through his skin easier than he thought it would. Relief filled his body.
The bathroom opened and his member who entered cursed.
“What the hell are you doing?” they demanded to know.
He thought to claim it was all an accident. He decided on the truth.
“Feeling.”
I want someone to listen to me.