Voice Mail
"Hey, it's Alex. I'm not answering my phone right now, so if you leave a message I'll try and get back to you. If you don't leave a message I'll assume you're messing with me or in mortal peril, depending on who you are. Don't make me ride to your rescue because you're lazy, guys. That's not cool
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"I would never infringe upon the rights of the squirrels in such a way! And I do not possess feces upon my head. Unlike you."
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