Comments | thegrandepoobah: On Disability and Illness and Things People Say

thegrandepoobah

On Disability and Illness and Things People Say

Sep 25, 2009 02:03

The following is basically a rant, feel free to ignore if you'd like.

Got linked to an interesting journal entry today. For those who haven't seen it, it's on the topic of "Tell me what I can do to help"/"If there's anything I can do, just let me know" and how difficult/annoying they can be. If you're so inclined, go, read it, it's worthwhile. ( Read more... )

rant

Comments 18

eleryth September 26 2009, 01:33:48 UTC

Separated from other comment as not related...

Depending on the person, I'd probably say something different (i.e. if it's a close friend vs. passing acquaintance).

However, I'd probably now say something along the lines of, "I imagine that's pretty rough on your family right now. How is everyone holding up?" That works better in person, but could be adapted for posting relatively easily. I think I usually take out the question and just comment on what a rough/stressful time I imagine it would be.

...and yes, this is the type of response I actually learned in class to use when counseling. It works and gets people talking (I've used similar lines in sessions).

thegrandepoobah September 26 2009, 05:27:25 UTC

Interesting to hear what they teach you... and it makes a lot of sense, I'll have to remember that.

eleryth September 26 2009, 14:52:25 UTC

It's about validating and acknowledging their feelings because often people don't get to talk about them as much. And once you get them talking, you can find out more about what's bothering them, which means maybe eventually they can think about solutions (if it's that kind of issue). Or they can be relieved to just share it with someone.

Works with positive things, too!

"You won award X? I bet that felt great! I'm sure you worked hard. Tell me more about what it was like to win; I'd love to hear about it."

And so on...

styrofoam_guy September 26 2009, 05:07:31 UTC

There is no one response fits all. The other guy is at a place where no response will ever work for him. He will take any comment as negative and idiotic.

I used to get annoyed when leaving someone's place and they say "Drive safe". I would think to myself "What am I going to forget how drive and crash?". Now I think more positively about that comment. I know they are my friend and that they do not want anything bad to happen to me.

I am now of the thought that the majority of people do want to say the right thing even if their execution might not be right.

thegrandepoobah September 26 2009, 05:15:58 UTC

"Drive safe" annoys me for other reasons entirely: it's grammatically incorrect. "Drive safely", on the other hand, I have no issue with. (We may have the WarAmps to blame for this one, in whole or in part.)

I agree that it's almost always people trying to say the right thing.

upsidedownjim September 26 2009, 14:38:36 UTC

These are just things people say to wish others well. I don't think anyone is focused on grammar or saying exactly the right thing when they hear of bad news. Also, I don't think most people really focus on how they will respond when bad news is given. So, they fall back on what they have heard other people say in similar situations ( ... )