N is for Nuits Blanches

[thehappyreturn]

Finally after weeks of angst and clear writerly evenings spent producing nothing, I finally shed my fic block and scrawled this all at once, stuck in a Cairo traffic jam in a slum at dusk, breathing in pollution, writing in a notebook lit by my mobile phone in the back of a taxi. I love my city.

I've also forbidden myself from reading fic until this

Comments

[anteros_lmc]

A perfect counterpoint to Bush, Meditative. Beautiful to read, even for someone who hasn't read the books and doesn't really know the full depth of Bush and Hornblower's relationship. This perfectly encapsulates a complex relationship with considerable insight and grace.

Well worth the wait I'd say :)

[thehappyreturn]

Well thank you!

the full depth of Bush and Hornblower's relationship

To be honest, I'm on a real angst kick at the moment and very much into exploring how HH can go into paranoid lala-land and how Bush bears it all. Though it's totally *there* in the books once you do a little poking, it's all a bit exaggerated in my fic I have to admit. :D

[anteros_lmc]

I think you can be excused being on an angst kick! The angst is entirely in keeping with HH's character after all, regardless of whether we're talking about his screen or book incarnation. What is it though? Guilt? Insecurity? Paranoia? All of the above?

It certainly makes him a fascinating character. That and his, ahem, relationship with his shipmates. Obviously ;)

[thehappyreturn]

Mostly insecurity, I reckon.

Mummy died and daddy didn't love him. That ALONE is enough to prompt a ton of wrong fic. XD

[black_hound]

*HUGS YOU TIGHT*

This? *sputters for words*

What a wonderful counterpoint to the atropos_too fic. OH YES. Wow. You, as always, just excel. Always.

Bush's eye the same shade as the Baltic carrying the ship on his broad shoulders? *squeals*

[thehappyreturn]

Thank you! I thought you might like HH-watching-Bush-sleep fic. Even though there's a massive suspension of belief required: where are the sentries? Sentries are such terrible obstacles to AoS slash.

(Or maybe HH just does it anyway and the Commodore coming to stare out his angst on the boyfriend at night is just water off a duck's back for a sentry on HH's ships. That would be quite funny).

I've forgotten their sleeping arrangements but it's just conceivable that they divided the great cabin like Stephen and Jack do later on in the Surprise, which could easily involve a communicating door. OR SOMETHING WHO CARES.

[black_hound]

I love HH-watching-Bush-sleep fic. Apparently so did CSF. XD

On Nonsuch the two cabins had to be next to each other because HH stepped out on the stern gallery and was able to look through the windows of Bush's cabin to watch him sleep.

OH HH I LOVE YOUR PEEPING KINK.

[thehappyreturn]

OH HH I LOVE YOUR PEEPING SLEEPING KINK TOO

Thanks for the reminder on Nonsuch's cabins. Jesus, I really need to read the books again.

[idler_1814]

Oh, this is perfectly lovely!

He looked as though all the cares of his ship, and those of every single man on it, could as ever be borne upon on his broad, sturdy shoulders.

It puts me very much in mind of Bush's words to Lady Barbara regarding Hornblower, in BtQ: "he's not strong, the same as Nelson wasn't strong..."

Perhaps Bush knew his place and his value. As Hornblower's sheet-anchor...or hmmmmm....maybe ballast, even: a crude thing, not complex or glamorous, but certainly indispensable for stability. I really like your premise that at some point--during Bush's lifetime--Hornblower realized it as well.

[thehappyreturn]

Thanks!

"he's not strong, the same as Nelson wasn't strong..."
This is one of those lines, way back when I was reading them for the first time, that tickled my inner fangirl and told me that OH MY GOD I THINK I LOVE THESE GUYS.

I mean, Bush is in the moonlight in the middle of the Pacific talking to a pretty girl and all he can do is talk about his boyfriend. And how CSF makes sure specifically to point this out to the reader.

I really like your premise that at some point--during Bush's lifetime--Hornblower realized it as well.
Oh, I think definitely. I mean, it hits the ungrateful bitch Hornblower harder when Bush dies, but the peeping incident and lines like 'It would be irksome in the extreme to go to sea without Bush'.

OH, and the 'There was only one man he wanted' line in Commodore. *dances around at the memory* I love that line.

[_likimeya]

I love this! It shows so well Hornblower’s selfmade isolation and how he’s continually hurting himself with it. And although it is such a short and meditative piece, it has great atmospheric writing; I love the descriptions of the light. Hornblower walking around with the lantern and lighting Bush’s face made me hold my breath. It’s such a private moment that must not be disturbed…

And much as I love Hornblower, it’s good to see him experience a little guilt over how he treats his friend. If only guilt and self-reproach didn’t make it all worse with Hornblower…! ;)

[thehappyreturn]

Well, this is a really nice comment, honestly, it makes me feel happy about what I was trying to do. Thanks for stopping by, I haven't seen you around before much?

And the guilt issue is a risky one - he does stop now and then to feel bad about what a bitch he is to Bush, but it tends to be part of the great epic!Hornblower!selfanalysis! rather than really thinking about Bush. So this was a risk, but I'm glad it made some sense. :)

[_likimeya]

but it tends to be part of the great epic!Hornblower!selfanalysis! rather than really thinking about Bush
Yes, it’s rather self-serving… in an unhealthy, twisted way.
Damn, Hornblower really makes me want to wring his neck sometimes, or to shake him until he sees reason!

Thanks for stopping by, I haven't seen you around before much?
No, I’m pretty new to the fandom. I’ve been lurking around for some time and only recently came out of the shadows when I saw that there was going to be a crack/kink meme at following_sea. Although that particular meme actually doesn’t work that well as an introduction, for obvious reasons… ;)

[thehappyreturn]

Haha, no it doesn't! As black_hound's been saying elsewhere, by contrast, we're all a little tame really.

Well, I hope you'll stick around. This is a lovely moment for this fandom. Do you write?

[esmerelda_t]

This is lovely, I especially love the opening line.

You really capture the essence of what I've seen of the Bush/Hornblower dynamic in the books. Although I have to confess, the fact Horatio is so consistenly a git to William is one of the reason I can't slash them.

[thehappyreturn]

the fact Horatio is so consistenly a git to William is one of the reason I can't slash them.
I appear to have an incurable affinity with fucked up people. XD

You really capture the essence of what I've seen of the Bush/Hornblower dynamic in the books.
And thanks for reading, that's a super nice thing to say. I think I'm egging it up a bit much these days...