Because I want to avoid work too.
...And perhaps take a nap. Fucking voeltzwagon, I didn't feel sleepy until you said that I looked like I slept like shit. Fuck.
Fucking hell. I had to retype all the questions. What kind of ugly cocksucker writes everything in all caps?
1. One of your scars, how did you get it?
I have this one on my left tricep, here. Fucking DHL driver has the rear doors open on his Minivan of Doom, and just smashes me against the doorframe while I'm helping him move a big-ass box in there. You know the metal guards that the door seals press against? Fuckers are SHARP.
2. What is on the walls in your room?
There's a window on one of them.
3. What does your cell phone look like?
It looks like a fucking cell phone. It has a screen, it has buttons, it has a speaker, and it has a microphone. I'd have it modelled like a boob, but I CAN'T, BECAUSE IT'S JUST A CELL PHONE. Plus, I don't live in Japan, else I might be able to get some kooky gadget like that.
4. What kind of music do you like to listen to?
I don't know if my type of music has been classified or even created yet, but if it's hard and fast with guitars and drums and shouting that no man alive can understand (Ozzy excluded), then I'll listen to it.
I'll listen to pretty much anything but anything in the hip-hop side of the spectrum and country. Fucking a, how many songs about your dog dying or cheating on your wife with a transvestite do rednecks need?
5. Do you know what time you were born?
Early morning. Like, the wee hours, before dawn, even. I was an impatient little bastard. NO SLEEP FOR YOU, MOM!
6. What do you want more than anything right now?
A hummer, then a nap.
7. What do you miss?
Being innocent. Thinking curse words are bad. Being a pussy. Oh, wait. No I don't.
8. What is your most prized possession?
.....Uh? I suppose I'd be pretty sad if my car died, because like...I'd have to get a new car, and those are too damned expensive.
9. What is your favorite smell?
French vanilla. At least, the storebought freshener crap. I have no idea what real French vanilla smells like, or if it's even close. They could be taking us all for a ride.
10. Do you get claustrophobic?
As long as the walls don't have spikes, no way.
11. Do you get scared in the dark?
As one that viciously hates the hoary bright bitch up in the sky making things hot, I like darkness and low light. Fuck the sun.
Where the fuck is question 12?
13. What is your favorite cologne/perfume?
Fuck if I know. I don't use the stuff, really. I don't know anyone that wears much perfume. I guess anything, as long as it doesn't smell like rank armpit.
14. What kind of hair do you like on the opposite sex?
Long, gorgeous hair, preferrably only slightly wavy. Brunette, ideally.
15. Where can you see yourself being proposed to at?
A better question would be, "Can you see yourself being proposed to," to which the answer would be "no."
16. Coffee of energy drinks?
How about neither? Coffee leaves nasty-crap teeth stains (because many people don't brush enough), and energy drinks make my heart asplode. Pass.
17. What is your favorite pizza topping?
Chicken, actually. Herb chicken.
18. If you can eat anything right now, what would it be?
If I COULD eat anything right now...fettucine alfredo sounds really appetizing. Manicotti, failing that.
19. Who is the last person you made mad?
Fuck if I know. Someone with a weak constitution that deserved it, I'm sure.
20. Do you speak a different language?
I do, actually. I like to think that I have a firm grip on the English language. I'm not exactly sure what language it is that most of the retards infesting the internet and television speak.
21. What was the first gift someone of the opposite sex ever gave you?
If I want to be picky, pretty much whatever crap I had bought for me before I was born. Damn baby-crazed people. My first girlfriend gave me ...shit. Gave me something. I don't remember what it was now, as that was twelve years ago. It must not have been very important.
Twenty-two through twenty-seven, what the fuck?!
28. Would you fall in love knowing that the person is leaving?
That makes it sound as if I had a choice in the matter. Last I knew, love was something that happened whether you wanted it to or not. Damn cherubs.
29. What is the best way to tell someone how much they mean to you?
The internet has taught me many things. When you want to impress someone, stalk them.
30. Say a number from one to a hundred:
I sounded like an idiot for speaking this out of the blue, but it was "four."
31. Blondes or brunettes?
Brunettes, without a doubt.
32. What is the one number you call often?
My bank, to check my balance. Phones are overrated.
33. What annoys you most?
People in general. Those without common sense, anyone that acts helpless, anyone that can't hold their own in a rational argument. Tree-huggers. Beggars.
33. Have you been out of the USA?
Never.
35. Your weaknesses?
Breasts. Flirting in general. I let things slide far too often sometimes, which I later chide myself for.
37. First job?
Cooking in an Italian restaurant...at 15.
38. Ever done a prank call?
The hell. Not once. How stupid are those? Oh look, someone picked up the phone and listened to your stupid question. Chode.
39. What were you doing before you filled out this survey?
Filling up with an acceptable amount of piss and vinegar with which to answer these questions. Plus, trying to figure out why the fuck some douchebags are spamming our work server with mail that's not even supposed to hit us. The MX record for this other domain is NOT EVEN HERE. What the shit.
40. If you could get plastic surgery, what would it be?
I'd get lasers implanted in my nipples.
41. Why did you fill out this survey?
Because I like to piss and moan and fill out pointless surveys with which to inflict upon other people. After this, I figure I'll slam my dick in a car door.
42. What do you get complimented about most?
Shit if I know. I don't take many compliments seriously, and thus, don't actually remember any.
43. What would you do if alcohol became illegal?
Get a jump on creating a speakeasy for the second Mistakehibition.
44. What do you want for your birthday?
Money. Sex. A combination of the two would be perfect.
45. How many kids do you want?
Shit, none. I can't stand rugrats. Smelly, noisy, money-sucking bastards.
46. Were you named after anyone?
I guess the thousands of Kevins before me can take the credit for this.
47. Do you wish on stars?
No. If, by chance, I change my mind one day, I should look back on this and wonder what the fuck I thought a big ball of gas MILLIONS of miles away could have done for me. If it takes many, many years just for LIGHT to reach me from them, I'll likely be dead long before any space-hotties can be returned.
48. What's your favorite finger?
Jesus fuck me on a motorcycle, who the fuck has a favorite finger? Is this where I go "hur hur I liek muh middle finger t('.'t)" or something? God damn retard. I like having ALL of my fingers.
49. When did you last cry?
Fuck if I can remember. Bitter old men don't cry.
50. Do you like your handwriting?
I guess if I didn't like it, I wouldn't write like I do, now would I, smartass?
51. What is your favorite lunch meat?
BEEF.
52. Any bad habits?
Nail-biting and chronic masturbation.
53. What is your most embarrassing CD on the shelf?
I actually have a 'Now In A Minute' by Donna Lewis CD.
54. If you were another person, would you be friends with you?
Of course, or at least, I would try. I would tend to not talk to myself much, thinking I don't like me or something. I apparently give people the impression that I hate them when I just think they're stupid at times.
56. Do looks matter?
Shit yeah, anyone that says otherwise is a filthy liar.
57. How do you release anger?
Debate, mostly, with the person that caused the frustration. If they can't argue properly, it then turns into me berating them, but that makes me feel better. If the issue was caused by an inanimate object, I usually need to hit myself for being GENIUNELY ANGRY instead of simply frustrated.
58. Where is your second home?
I only have one. I don't need any more. Even my grandmother's house, where I lived for a third of my life, doesn't feel like home.
59. Do you trust others easily?
To an extent. I tend to not want to rely on people for things anyway, but when I do, I at least give them the benefit of the doubt, because I really only ask people for things that I don't care too much about.
60. What was your favorite toy as a child?
Oh god.
I ate sixty-one and sixty-two.
63. Do you use sarcasm?
NEVER.
64. Have you ever been in a mosh pit?
Fuck yeah. My first mosh pit was in Orlando with Mudvayne playing on-stage. I miss moshing.
65. What do you look for in a guy/girl?
Common sense and forwardness. I don't care for mind games.
66. What are your nicknames?
Aside from online personas, tesstrosa is pretty much the only one that gave me one, and that's "Jerkface."
I also raped sixty-seven.
68. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
I kind of have to. The boots have the damnest interlacing of string I've ever seen on shoes.
Okay, okay. How fucking hard is it to count to 100? Honestly, the creator of this had the numbers RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM. Fucking useless tool. There is no sixty-nine here. Maybe it's just too dirty. Pussy.
70. What's your favorite ice cream flavor?
Chocolate chip cookie dough. It's so horribly bad for you, but so what?
*sigh* This survey goes by much faster with these missing questions.
72. What are your favorite colors?
Royal blue and forest green.
73. How many wisdom teeth do you have?
All of them.
74. Who do you miss most right now?
Well... No one, really.
75. Do you want everyone to answer these questions?
Fuck no. Only the interesting people are allowed to do so.
76. What are you listening to right now?
Kittie - Brackish
77. Last thing you ate?
Some of those Burger King chicken tenders for lunch. They actually weren't that bad.
78. Last person you talked to on the phone?
My mom.
79. The first thing you notice in the opposite sex?
Breasts.
80. Where were you born?
Johnson City, New York. I love being able to claim that.
81. Scariest thing that has ever happened to you?
Well..nearly dying from an allergic reaction to penicillin when I was a wee babe isn't too fun.
82. Favorite Drink?
Mountain Dew. Shame the caffeine doesn't do much to me anymore.
83. Favorite Joke?
The hell? Just.. Just pick something from Bill Hicks or George Carlin, it'll do.
84. What is your favorite sport?
Golf. No, seriously. I love playing it.
85. Hair color?
Mine? Brown. Dark brown.
86. Eye color?
I have two. The insides are kind of copper in color, the outer iris is grey or green, I can't the hell tell.
*** SPECIAL BONUS FOR STALKERS: MY EYEBALL ***
87. Do you wear glasses?
Not often. I don't really care for wearing ornaments of any kind. Watches, rings, earrings, glasses...
88. Siblings?
One younger brother, who is married with a daughter. Thank god someone gave my mom grandkids.
89. Favorite month?
January or February, whichever is coldest.
90. You like sushi?
You like sucky? Fucking idiot. No, I don't like sushi.
91. Last thing you watched?
The second Austin Powers movie, last night. I was bored.
92. Favorite day of the year?
Actually... I'm quite fond of Valentine's day, despite it being a commericalized clusterfuck.
93. Are you too shy to ask someone out?
Fuck yeah. Don't laugh. I'll kill you.
94. Summer or winter?
Fuck the sun. Give me winter, with lots of snow.
95. Kisses or hugs?
Oral sex.
96. Relationships or one-night stands?
Do people really keep one separate from the other nowadays? I'll take the relationship though, thanks.
97. Who/What do you secretly love?
None of your god damned business, really. It wouldn't be very fucking SECRETIVE were I to blather it about, would it?
98. How many people have you macked it with in the past year?
...Macked. Fucking. Stupid. Worthless. Whore.
99. What books are you reading?
None at the moment. I don't really have the desire to take up books very often, anymore. I used to read like a fiend, but just lost interest.
100. Where do you work?
A small (like, five-person) company that refurbishes servers. It pays well enough, the work is easy, and the Jew isn't annoying all of the time. Only most of it. I get to use two T1 lines for my porn and such. I can't complain.
Fucking hell. I had to retype all the questions. What kind of ugly cocksucker writes everything in all caps?
1. One of your scars, how did you get it?
I have this one on my left tricep, here. Fucking DHL driver has the rear doors open on his Minivan of Doom, and just smashes me against the doorframe while I'm helping him move a big-ass box in there. You know the metal guards that the door seals press against? Fuckers are SHARP.
2. What is on the walls in your room?
There's a window on one of them.
3. What does your cell phone look like?
It looks like a fucking cell phone. It has a screen, it has buttons, it has a speaker, and it has a microphone. I'd have it modelled like a boob, but I CAN'T, BECAUSE IT'S JUST A CELL PHONE. Plus, I don't live in Japan, else I might be able to get some kooky gadget like that.
4. What kind of music do you like to listen to?
I don't know if my type of music has been classified or even created yet, but if it's hard and fast with guitars and drums and shouting that no man alive can understand (Ozzy excluded), then I'll listen to it.
I'll listen to pretty much anything but anything in the hip-hop side of the spectrum and country. Fucking a, how many songs about your dog dying or cheating on your wife with a transvestite do rednecks need?
5. Do you know what time you were born?
Early morning. Like, the wee hours, before dawn, even. I was an impatient little bastard. NO SLEEP FOR YOU, MOM!
6. What do you want more than anything right now?
A hummer, then a nap.
7. What do you miss?
Being innocent. Thinking curse words are bad. Being a pussy. Oh, wait. No I don't.
8. What is your most prized possession?
.....Uh? I suppose I'd be pretty sad if my car died, because like...I'd have to get a new car, and those are too damned expensive.
9. What is your favorite smell?
French vanilla. At least, the storebought freshener crap. I have no idea what real French vanilla smells like, or if it's even close. They could be taking us all for a ride.
10. Do you get claustrophobic?
As long as the walls don't have spikes, no way.
11. Do you get scared in the dark?
As one that viciously hates the hoary bright bitch up in the sky making things hot, I like darkness and low light. Fuck the sun.
Where the fuck is question 12?
13. What is your favorite cologne/perfume?
Fuck if I know. I don't use the stuff, really. I don't know anyone that wears much perfume. I guess anything, as long as it doesn't smell like rank armpit.
14. What kind of hair do you like on the opposite sex?
Long, gorgeous hair, preferrably only slightly wavy. Brunette, ideally.
15. Where can you see yourself being proposed to at?
A better question would be, "Can you see yourself being proposed to," to which the answer would be "no."
16. Coffee of energy drinks?
How about neither? Coffee leaves nasty-crap teeth stains (because many people don't brush enough), and energy drinks make my heart asplode. Pass.
17. What is your favorite pizza topping?
Chicken, actually. Herb chicken.
18. If you can eat anything right now, what would it be?
If I COULD eat anything right now...fettucine alfredo sounds really appetizing. Manicotti, failing that.
19. Who is the last person you made mad?
Fuck if I know. Someone with a weak constitution that deserved it, I'm sure.
20. Do you speak a different language?
I do, actually. I like to think that I have a firm grip on the English language. I'm not exactly sure what language it is that most of the retards infesting the internet and television speak.
21. What was the first gift someone of the opposite sex ever gave you?
If I want to be picky, pretty much whatever crap I had bought for me before I was born. Damn baby-crazed people. My first girlfriend gave me ...shit. Gave me something. I don't remember what it was now, as that was twelve years ago. It must not have been very important.
Twenty-two through twenty-seven, what the fuck?!
28. Would you fall in love knowing that the person is leaving?
That makes it sound as if I had a choice in the matter. Last I knew, love was something that happened whether you wanted it to or not. Damn cherubs.
29. What is the best way to tell someone how much they mean to you?
The internet has taught me many things. When you want to impress someone, stalk them.
30. Say a number from one to a hundred:
I sounded like an idiot for speaking this out of the blue, but it was "four."
31. Blondes or brunettes?
Brunettes, without a doubt.
32. What is the one number you call often?
My bank, to check my balance. Phones are overrated.
33. What annoys you most?
People in general. Those without common sense, anyone that acts helpless, anyone that can't hold their own in a rational argument. Tree-huggers. Beggars.
33. Have you been out of the USA?
Never.
35. Your weaknesses?
Breasts. Flirting in general. I let things slide far too often sometimes, which I later chide myself for.
37. First job?
Cooking in an Italian restaurant...at 15.
38. Ever done a prank call?
The hell. Not once. How stupid are those? Oh look, someone picked up the phone and listened to your stupid question. Chode.
39. What were you doing before you filled out this survey?
Filling up with an acceptable amount of piss and vinegar with which to answer these questions. Plus, trying to figure out why the fuck some douchebags are spamming our work server with mail that's not even supposed to hit us. The MX record for this other domain is NOT EVEN HERE. What the shit.
40. If you could get plastic surgery, what would it be?
I'd get lasers implanted in my nipples.
41. Why did you fill out this survey?
Because I like to piss and moan and fill out pointless surveys with which to inflict upon other people. After this, I figure I'll slam my dick in a car door.
42. What do you get complimented about most?
Shit if I know. I don't take many compliments seriously, and thus, don't actually remember any.
43. What would you do if alcohol became illegal?
Get a jump on creating a speakeasy for the second Mistakehibition.
44. What do you want for your birthday?
Money. Sex. A combination of the two would be perfect.
45. How many kids do you want?
Shit, none. I can't stand rugrats. Smelly, noisy, money-sucking bastards.
46. Were you named after anyone?
I guess the thousands of Kevins before me can take the credit for this.
47. Do you wish on stars?
No. If, by chance, I change my mind one day, I should look back on this and wonder what the fuck I thought a big ball of gas MILLIONS of miles away could have done for me. If it takes many, many years just for LIGHT to reach me from them, I'll likely be dead long before any space-hotties can be returned.
48. What's your favorite finger?
Jesus fuck me on a motorcycle, who the fuck has a favorite finger? Is this where I go "hur hur I liek muh middle finger t('.'t)" or something? God damn retard. I like having ALL of my fingers.
49. When did you last cry?
Fuck if I can remember. Bitter old men don't cry.
50. Do you like your handwriting?
I guess if I didn't like it, I wouldn't write like I do, now would I, smartass?
51. What is your favorite lunch meat?
BEEF.
52. Any bad habits?
Nail-biting and chronic masturbation.
53. What is your most embarrassing CD on the shelf?
I actually have a 'Now In A Minute' by Donna Lewis CD.
54. If you were another person, would you be friends with you?
Of course, or at least, I would try. I would tend to not talk to myself much, thinking I don't like me or something. I apparently give people the impression that I hate them when I just think they're stupid at times.
56. Do looks matter?
Shit yeah, anyone that says otherwise is a filthy liar.
57. How do you release anger?
Debate, mostly, with the person that caused the frustration. If they can't argue properly, it then turns into me berating them, but that makes me feel better. If the issue was caused by an inanimate object, I usually need to hit myself for being GENIUNELY ANGRY instead of simply frustrated.
58. Where is your second home?
I only have one. I don't need any more. Even my grandmother's house, where I lived for a third of my life, doesn't feel like home.
59. Do you trust others easily?
To an extent. I tend to not want to rely on people for things anyway, but when I do, I at least give them the benefit of the doubt, because I really only ask people for things that I don't care too much about.
60. What was your favorite toy as a child?
Oh god.
I ate sixty-one and sixty-two.
63. Do you use sarcasm?
NEVER.
64. Have you ever been in a mosh pit?
Fuck yeah. My first mosh pit was in Orlando with Mudvayne playing on-stage. I miss moshing.
65. What do you look for in a guy/girl?
Common sense and forwardness. I don't care for mind games.
66. What are your nicknames?
Aside from online personas, tesstrosa is pretty much the only one that gave me one, and that's "Jerkface."
I also raped sixty-seven.
68. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
I kind of have to. The boots have the damnest interlacing of string I've ever seen on shoes.
Okay, okay. How fucking hard is it to count to 100? Honestly, the creator of this had the numbers RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM. Fucking useless tool. There is no sixty-nine here. Maybe it's just too dirty. Pussy.
70. What's your favorite ice cream flavor?
Chocolate chip cookie dough. It's so horribly bad for you, but so what?
*sigh* This survey goes by much faster with these missing questions.
72. What are your favorite colors?
Royal blue and forest green.
73. How many wisdom teeth do you have?
All of them.
74. Who do you miss most right now?
Well... No one, really.
75. Do you want everyone to answer these questions?
Fuck no. Only the interesting people are allowed to do so.
76. What are you listening to right now?
Kittie - Brackish
77. Last thing you ate?
Some of those Burger King chicken tenders for lunch. They actually weren't that bad.
78. Last person you talked to on the phone?
My mom.
79. The first thing you notice in the opposite sex?
Breasts.
80. Where were you born?
Johnson City, New York. I love being able to claim that.
81. Scariest thing that has ever happened to you?
Well..nearly dying from an allergic reaction to penicillin when I was a wee babe isn't too fun.
82. Favorite Drink?
Mountain Dew. Shame the caffeine doesn't do much to me anymore.
83. Favorite Joke?
The hell? Just.. Just pick something from Bill Hicks or George Carlin, it'll do.
84. What is your favorite sport?
Golf. No, seriously. I love playing it.
85. Hair color?
Mine? Brown. Dark brown.
86. Eye color?
I have two. The insides are kind of copper in color, the outer iris is grey or green, I can't the hell tell.
*** SPECIAL BONUS FOR STALKERS: MY EYEBALL ***
87. Do you wear glasses?
Not often. I don't really care for wearing ornaments of any kind. Watches, rings, earrings, glasses...
88. Siblings?
One younger brother, who is married with a daughter. Thank god someone gave my mom grandkids.
89. Favorite month?
January or February, whichever is coldest.
90. You like sushi?
You like sucky? Fucking idiot. No, I don't like sushi.
91. Last thing you watched?
The second Austin Powers movie, last night. I was bored.
92. Favorite day of the year?
Actually... I'm quite fond of Valentine's day, despite it being a commericalized clusterfuck.
93. Are you too shy to ask someone out?
Fuck yeah. Don't laugh. I'll kill you.
94. Summer or winter?
Fuck the sun. Give me winter, with lots of snow.
95. Kisses or hugs?
Oral sex.
96. Relationships or one-night stands?
Do people really keep one separate from the other nowadays? I'll take the relationship though, thanks.
97. Who/What do you secretly love?
None of your god damned business, really. It wouldn't be very fucking SECRETIVE were I to blather it about, would it?
98. How many people have you macked it with in the past year?
...Macked. Fucking. Stupid. Worthless. Whore.
99. What books are you reading?
None at the moment. I don't really have the desire to take up books very often, anymore. I used to read like a fiend, but just lost interest.
100. Where do you work?
A small (like, five-person) company that refurbishes servers. It pays well enough, the work is easy, and the Jew isn't annoying all of the time. Only most of it. I get to use two T1 lines for my porn and such. I can't complain.