Paradise

[theirblinggirl]

Title: Paradise
Author: theirblinggirl
Rating: somewhere between PG-13 and R i guess
Genre: general?
Pairing: slight ZiKyung (and sort of hinted U-Bomb, I think? maybe even some TaePyo if you squint)
Word count: 6641
Summary: When Jiho wakes up, he finds himself in a strange place, with even more strange people. They call it "The Nothing" - he doesn't like the sound of that phrase.
A/N: So this idea came out of absolutely nowhere and got stuck in my head and refused to leave till I wrote it. It took me quite some time and endless re-reading and correcting, but I guess it's not gonna turn any better now so I might as well post it? Not happy with the ending, tho... I suggest The TRAX's and Infinite's Paradise to listen to while reading^^ Yes both:)


~*~

“Hello, my name is Park Kyung and I have been here for 1 year, 9 months and approximately 11 days.”

Jiho blinks, eyes fluttering rapidly as they try their hardest to adjust to the darkness - the weird, empty, alien darkness that seems absolute and yet, he can still see through it - he sees everything without any noticeable source of light. He sees everything even though it feels like he sees nothing.

Still, the vision of the boy standing in front of Jiho is clear - he is a tad bit shorter than Jiho, dark hair carelessly ruffled, unique, round eyes and wide, friendly grin taking up most of his face.

And there are others, too. A couple steps further - although Jiho can’t be sure what steps exactly mean as he suddenly realizes he can’t see any ground under his feet, even though he is definitely standing - two tall, kind of well-built boys stand looking at him with mild interest, a third someone is coming up right behind this Park Kyung, reddish hair falling into smiling, warm eyes, and even further away, two more people are on the ground, a small, short-haired boy sitting with his legs crossed and another one laying in his lap, face hidden from Jiho’s sight. He is clearly a boy, Jiho can make out as much from his curled up form, a boy who is crying, shoulders slightly shaking in silent sobs, which information feels strangely relevant at the moment for some reason.

“Hi, I’m Yukwon” - the smiling person steps next to Kyung, extending his hand and Jiho takes it, still somewhat dazed. The fingers that squeeze his hand lightly are warm and they feel real, like any regular handshake, except Jiho still has no idea where he is and how he has gotten here, but before he can open his mouth, the boy - Yukwon - continues.

“Could you please tell us the date?” he asks, eyes lighting up with greedy excitement, and suddenly, they are all staring at Jiho, their gazes curious and impatient.

“Um, sure, it’s… November 8th, 2011…” he finds himself muttering the date that was supposed to be in the next morning after he went to sleep last night… “Or the 7th, if I am still dreaming… Am I dreaming?” he asks, uncertain, but they all seem to ignore him as Yukwon’s eyes widen in surprise before yelling “Three more days, guys! Add three more!”

“13 days, then…” Kyung mutters to himself, before turning to Jiho again. “No you’re not… or, honestly, we have no idea. What is your last memory before here?”

“I… went to sleep?” Jiho’s brows furrow as the situation gets weirder and weirder each passing second. He still has no idea where he is or who these people are, but there seems no other rational reason for any of this than to be dreaming, even if people whom you’ve never met before rarely show up in one’s dreams and that handshake still felt oddly real for a dream.

“Yeah, check that. We all did before ending up here…” nods a third boy who has walked up to them while Jiho wasn’t paying attention. He does not seem as tall up close - he’s shorter than Jiho, actually, but he definitely seems older than himself. “That could still support my theory with the coma… If it’s possible to fall into coma while you’re asleep, or something. Oh, I’m Minhyuk, by the way. I’d say it’s nice to meet you, but I guess it not really is, at least not for you…”

“And this is Jihoon here “ Yukwon pulls the fourth boy to his side. His features have a slightly young, playful feeling to them, and Jiho is somewhat shocked to realize that this Jihoon must basically be still a kid, maybe a highschooler.

“Pyo Jihoon” he nods, low and surprisingly deep voice resonating in Jiho’s ear before it dies down. “And those two are Taeil-hyung and Jaehyo. He’s been like that, ever since he realized that he’s stuck here. Practically been crying for two days, I’d say…”

“Nah, more two days of denial and one day crying” the boy who introduced himself as Minhyuk shakes his head and he turns to Jihoon.

“Yeah, sure hyung, because your guesses weren’t always worse than mines” Jihoon grins, seemingly forgetting about Jiho, which settles a rather unnerving feeling in his chest. Something is not right.

“Excuse me, but… where the fuck am I?” he finally bursts out, and the question sounds still quite polite compared to how frustrated Jiho is starting to feel.

“That’s a good question, actually…” Kyung says with a sympathetic smile while the other three get immersed in some low-voiced argument that seems to have been going on for a while between them.

“We have no idea. Probably not a dream, hardly coma, but other than that… No idea, really. All we know is how long we’ve been here, that’s why Yukwon asked you the date. You will notice, but time is kind of… really relative around here.”

“What do you mean I will… Wait.” Jiho freezes as the surroundings and Jihoon’s words slowly start to sink in - not like he was moving much before.
Kyung is looking at him, a curious, amused smile playing on his lips - grinning fits him more, Jiho thinks - and it suddenly hits him that the other boy is waiting for Jiho to react. To throw a tantrum, to yell, to start shaking in shock, or anything that Jiho supposes is appropriate for such situations.

Jiho instead blinks a few more time before turning around, eyeing the now definitely absolute, empty, deep darkness all around him - them ? - and slowly, really slowly starts to shake his head.

“So you’re saying… that I am… stuck in here?” he asks, voice surprisingly hoarse.

“We all are.” Kyung shrugs, putting a hand on Jiho’s shoulder.

~*~

Jiho tries exactly four times - that is more by one than what Yukwon and Jihoon had betted on and less by one than what Kyung and Minhyuk have guessed. He tries to find out where he is and how to get out exactly four times before finally breaking down. It’s pretty amazing in itself, he thinks later, how he was so reluctant to let go of it and still tried for the fourth time around, because the first three were disappointing enough already.

Three times of setting out into the complete darkness - the others call it the nothing but Jiho hates things he can’t wrap his mind around and nothing is exactly something like that, so he just refers to it as darkness. Three times of choosing a random direction and starting to walk, walk with the hopes of finding something - anything - a wall, an ending, a way out, at least some clue to where he is, walking without any sense of time and tiredness - and getting back to the exact same spot each and every time.

“We’ve tried too, you know…” Yukwon tells him after the second time, stepping up to him and putting a gentle hand on his shoulder. “We’ve tried everything, believe me… Everything we could think of, the stupidest ideas, even… Especially me and Kyung, back when it was only the two of us. But nothing… nothing works, so it’s kind of pointless to try, you know” he continues, voice soft and careful as if he is talking to a child or a mentally instable person, which Jiho actually starts to feel like being.

He can hear the underlying empathy in Yukwon’s voice and surprisingly, it sort of really works on him, works at least a little - if Jiho wants to be completely honest, Yukwon’s words that are meant to comfort him give him the extra strength he needs to try two more times. He wants to get out, he really wants to, he is desperate - the third time, he is not simply walking anymore, he is running and shouting out everything and anything that runs through his head - he wants to prove this Yukwon, this young and strangely nice boy with a pretty smile that they haven’t tried everything yet, because they haven’t had Jiho yet.

He doesn’t even know when he starts to think about the others - about how he wants to get out but also wants to get them out, even though he barely knows their names, but it sort of just seems like the right thing to do, and Yukwon’s smile is at least something he can see - the only thing he can see anywhere he looks while running. He doesn’t get tired even after all the running - he never gets out of breath, his legs never get tired and it’s more frustrating than anything because even his own body is getting to feel alien now. He doesn’t have the chance to know how long it was since the last time he smoke a cigarette and he still doesn’t miss it… He ends up screaming incoherently in frustration when he spots the others ahead of him again but in the back of his head, he already knows it’s pointless.

He still passes by Kyung and Yukwon who get up as soon as they notice him - they are trying to stop him, he knows, but it’s not going to happen, it’s never going to happen, nothing and no one can stop Woo Jiho if he has set his mind on something and he is going to get out of here, he is going to show all of them that there is a way out and he is going to find it and get them all out of here and then they will have to admit that nothing is impossible for Woo Jiho, just like everyone else eventually did back in his real life…

It’s not till the fourth time that Jiho actually starts crying. But once the tears come, he can’t seem to stop them. He keeps walking, running, dragging himself forward and even though he is still not tired - he wants to be tired, oh how much he wants to just collapse from exhaustion and fall asleep and never wake up again, he wants his feet to hurt, to ache, he wants anything in his body to ache to just be able to feel pain, physical pain but there is not even a wall he can hit till his knuckles start to bleed - he wants to go home, just wants to wake up and be in his bed again, he misses his bed so much and he misses his brother and his friends and his apartment and he wants to smoke a cigarette, he needs the feeling of the harsh smoke scratching at his throat and he needs to get trashed, to drink till he passes out, he just needs to finally pass out and let everything go…

“It’s alright, you know. We all cried… at one point or another. Even Minhyukie-hyung did, right? He thought we couldn’t hear him but really… there is not much else to listen to than the others…” Jiho hears, and when he looks up, he sees Yukwon hovering over him, one hand hesitantly reaching out.

The others are all there, standing behind Yukwon, staring at Jiho with questioning and curious eyes. Jiho shakes his head erratically, as if trying to shake water out of his ears, but eventually he takes Yukwon’s hand. It clearly surprises the other - still maybe not as much as it surprises Jiho - but the gesture is sort of instinctive.

The boy’s smile grows wider - there is something about his smile, something unsettling yet comforting at the same time and for a split second, Jiho thinks he knows where the dim light that loosens up all this darkness comes from. As Yukwon grabs his hand and pulls him up, there is only one strange idea that crosses Jiho’s mind, above embarrassment: that whatever this place may be, it would be much, much darker and colder here without Yukwon around.

They must all have walked to the place where Jiho collapsed in frustration, but there is really no point in moving back to their original spot - the darkness swallows everything and there is no difference between one empty place and the other. They surround Jiho, most of them wordless - Jaehyo has stopped crying, Jiho notices, and he is momentarily dazzled by the soft, charming and eye-drawing features of the boy once he smiles at him hesitantly. Jaehyo has his arms around Taeil, the latter also grinning widely and friendly at Jiho, much like the others, and suddenly Kyung steps closer, patting his shoulder.

“It gets better, I promise.”

~*~

He has still yet to feel tired or hungry when the words suddenly start to come - he knows this feeling, he knows it all too well, but this time, it scares him.

The unstoppable flow of perfectly coherent, perfectly corresponding words blending into one, enormous masterpiece of Jiho’s very own art scares him because he knows that times like these are fragile and they pass just as quickly as they come, bringing all the brilliant ideas with them and if he misses his first chance, if he fails to catch them and write them and preserve them, the second time he tries would never turn out as well as it felt in his head for the first time.

Jiho is already preparing his mind for the annoying feeling of irretrievable loss… except it doesn’t come. Jiho sits and waits and keeps staring blankly into the darkness, missing his studio and recording equipment more than anything he’s missed ever since he ended up in this strange place - but the words don’t go away. They stay around, clear and audible in Jiho’s head and even though he has never even heard of anything like this before, he just knows they are waiting for him - to put them together, to spill them out, to give meaning and life to them and suddenly he realizes that much like himself, his words can’t escape either because there is no place left to go.

“What are you doing…?” he suddenly hears Kyung’s voice - they all seem to have taken on the habit of randomly appearing in front of - above - Jiho and surprising him.

“Um… rapping, I guess? I might have not told you guys yet but I’m kind of… a musician. A rapper, actually…” he responds, cutting off his own, quietly flowing words and allows himself a small grin.

“Really? You mean, like the real, stage-and-performances-and-everything-fancy-shit?” Jihoon muses with wide, surprised eyes, popping down next to Jiho.

“Yeah, I…guess so? I mean… I’m not exactly famous or anything, it’s mostly just underground pubs and all…” Jiho can’t help his grin rapidly growing due to the apparent amusement written all over Jihoon’s face. He actually kind of likes the kid, he thinks to himself while he answers to all of his questions about his work, his life, his rapidly growing fame in the underground hip-hop scene… his new album that was almost ready to come out before he ended up stuck in here.

“I wanted to be a rapper too… when I was little, you know. People kept telling me how deep my voice was and how I should definitely make something out of it… But it’s not like I could, anyway. Rapping is awesome, but… I will take over my parents’ company, so yeah… I guess business school for me. Not the most exciting, but certainly gets as much money as the celebrities, right?” Jihoon answers Jiho’s random stories with a small, somewhat sad smile that definitely does not fit his pure and childish face. But all traces of sadness leave his features in the next second as his eyes practically light up, jumping to his feet and running off towards Taeil and Minhyuk.

“Energetic kid, huh?” Kyung smiles on his other side, and Jiho swears he will seriously get a heart attack if they don’t stop suddenly and randomly appearing around him. “He is amazing, really, Jihoonie. When I got in here, there was… there was no one and sometimes I still wonder if I have actually gotten really crazy back then and lost my mind and am just hallucinating all of you because… all alone, it felt like fucking madness…” Kyung trails off,  and Jiho feels something important, something determining happening - he wonders if they are finally accepting him and taking him in. Or rather… if he is finally ready to give up and accept them as the people he will have to spend the rest of his life - the rest of eternity? - with.

“Whatever, what I was gonna say is just that… the kid is really something. I’ve seen all of them waking up, all of them fighting and realizing and breaking down and accepting… just like you, actually, but Jihoonie… he is really amazing. He took it the best…” he goes on, but is interrupted, once again, by Jihoon dragging Taeil by his sleeve towards them. The others are all following the two with mild interest, but sit down around them without any second thoughts.

Jiho ends up being kind of forced to rap with Taeil, who apparently is an aspiring singer himself - he was actually pulled out from the middle of a talent contest that could have easily ended with him being discovered and becoming an idol - until he wake one day in this place like all the others. They are all amused by Jiho’s skills and Taeil’s voice is no joke either - the two of them fall into a sickeningly unusual, yet addictive harmony pretty soon and Jiho would have never imagined that his ragged, harsh rapping voice fits with a voice this clear and smooth this well.

The amusement on their faces almost, just almost gives the same sort of satisfaction as Jiho gets when he walks down from the stage after a successful performance - but Yukwon’s eyes shine brighter than a million stars and Minhyuk’s mouth is wide open and Jaheyo gives Jiho the same amazed, fond gaze that he always favors Taeil with and Jihoon is practically jumping up and down with excitement. Kyung just keeps grinning, wider and wider with each passing second, and when Jiho and Taeil finally get tired of performing and finish off with a huge, thankful smile and a quick and only slightly awkward handshake, he immediately grabs Jiho’s shoulders to rant about how amazing they were. He feels pride washing over him - pride like nothing else, like a drug, addicting and all too well known and still new and exciting and the grip on his shoulder and the grin just inches away from his face - it also feels like home.

They all stay afterwards, and start talking - or more like telling Jiho about themselves. He learns about Jaehyo’s girlfriend - fiancé, actually - whom he misses more than anyone or anything and Yukwon’s dreams about one the most prestigious colleges in Korea which he is just about to enter on full scholarship. Minhyuk also tells him that he is teaching dance and at the same time, auditioning for companies to become a performing dancer - he shows his dance moves, shows the choreographies he has taught Yukwon and Jiho has to admit that they really are awesome and unique.

“It’s, like… the biggest fuckery how all of us ended up in this fucking… pit right when we all have so many things going on in our lives… I mean… Jaehyo’s wedding date was already set, right? Two weeks or something after I got here? What the fuck, really… My album is in the middle of the preparations, too, I still have fucking loads of mixing to do and look at me… Sitting here and doing nothing… How the hell do you even take it for this long, really?” Jiho asks once as he and Kyung sit, somewhat further from the others. Jaehyo is feigning sleep again - they never sleep, they never get sleepy or tired, so it’s not like they could, even if they wanted to, but Jaehyo insists on at least pretending to sleep every once in a while - every time he feels one more day has passed. Jihoon and Taeil also like to just lay around sometimes, quietly talking to each other, and Jiho has even noticed Minhyuk and Yukwon doing that a few times, a couple steps away from the others.

Jiho has no idea how much time has passed but he is on pretty good terms with them - every one of them, really. He talks a lot to Jihoon - teaches him to rap because it’s not like there is anything better to do, he sometimes sings with Taeil who has, according to Kyung , regained his inclination to sing - which he has totally lost some time after Jihoon’s arrival -, when Jiho came. He jokes around with Yukwon, not really admitting to himself how he’d do or say anything just to make him - to hear him - laugh.

He conspires with Minhyuk and Jaehyo, trying to come up with new and newer ideas every time - only to be told that someone has already tried it and it didn’t work. Jaehyo also talks a lot about his girlfriend and Jiho notices how Minhyuk never reacts to that and always tries to keep out of the topic but he doesn’t quite feel like it’s his business to ask him about it yet.

He does, however, spend most of his time with Kyung, just like now as they sit a little further from the others, not even really talking all the time, but rather just gazing into the darkness with shoulders against each other. It's strangely soothing and comfortable, the silence as well as the small chit-chat - it's almost the same he has with his friends, almost makes him forget the surroundings - Kyung almost makes him accept.

“I… guess my life wasn’t as interesting as yours…? I was only a random college student with a part-time job at some small weekly tabloid of no importance…” Kyung shrugs but there is something in his eyes, something unsettling and warning. Jiho wants to ask, he really does, much more than he wants to ask Minhyuk, because he has this feeling that they could actually be friends, that they would have been friends with Kyung even if it wasn’t for this situation - his jokes are greasy and he manages to pull annoying pranks on people in the middle of not only nowhere but nothing - still, he seems to understand Jiho from only a few words.

He doesn’t make him talk, doesn’t always ask questions like Jihoon or doesn’t always make him feel like he needs to make conversations like Yukwon - he is just there, together with Jiho, in the deepest shit that Jiho has ever seen and still manages to laugh at it.

“Have you ever thought of… dying? Like… killing ourselves? Maybe that would… get us out of here...?” Jiho suddenly asks, and even if he was kidding, it would have been totally worth for the shocked expression on Kyung’s face.

“What the fuck, Jiho…?” he furrows his brows, shaking his head in disbelief. “How the fuck would you even try do that…? We don’t eat nor drink, we don’t sleep, we don’t get hurt even if we, I dunno, trip or something… How would you try and kill yourself? Biting off your own tongue like back in the old times, or what…?” Kyung laughs, but his voice is slightly shaking.

For a second, Jiho wishes, more than anything, more than getting out, more than finding the answers to his questions, more than anything he has ever wished for in his entire life, that it wasn’t - or at least that he hasn’t had heard the slight tremble in that now all too familiar laugh.

“Anyhow, I’ve tried. We, actually. Minhyuk and me. Yukwon was really, really mad at us… refused to talk to either of us for quite long, really. He kind of… has issues about people dying and leaving him on his own, you know. Poor kid cried his eyes out, trying to stop us, but we still tried… And it didn’t work. I mean… We just didn’t die. It didn’t even hurt one little bit.”

“We’re so totally fucked…” Jiho sighs, fighting off the rapidly approaching realization - pushing it back to between his carefully hidden thoughts that he spends way too much time and energy not paying attention to.

~*~

“It’s you, isn’t it” Jiho finally whispers, giving in but not quite wanting for the others to hear. Not yet. Kyung’s eyes widen, but other than that, he does not seem surprised at all.

“I had this feeling you would be different, Jiho “ he says, matter-of-factly, and suddenly Jiho can’t imagine how he didn’t see it sooner. “How did you know?”

“You’re the only one that seems to have… given up, somehow. All the others are talking about themselves and their lives like they still have them, like they still exist, always “I am…” and “I know a guy who is…” but you… you’re all “I had...” and “I was…”. It’s like… you know something none of us does. And you were the first here, anyways.” Jiho adds, brows furrowing, as if ready to keep up with his accusations, but Kyung is not defending himself.

“But do I really?” he asks after a long, unnerving silence, cocking his head slightly to the side. Jiho feels like his head is ready to explode as he sees Kyung standing in front of him like the unmoving statue of peace against the shaking emotional volcano about to erupt in Jiho’s head.

“Why are we here… Just… tell me, Kyung, please, why have you brought us here? Why did you lie to us? What… have we done?”

“Lie?” Kyung asks again, amused smile playing on his lips, and really, that small, knowing, mysterious smile is much worse than any of his stupidly huge grins or bad jokes - were they even Kyung’s jokes? “How funny… But if you look at it closely, I am the only one who did not lie to you… to any of you. I just… made up certain stuff about myself? Only so that you wouldn’t feel too… alien. It’s always easier if you can relate to somebody, isn’t it, Jiho?”

“What do you…”

“…mean? I was hoping you’d ask me. But still, maybe you should ask the others, because they are the liars. All of them. Jaehyo and his oh-so-well planned wedding with his precious girlfriend? She was cheating on him with his best friend, Jiho, and Jaehyo found that out right before he got here. He was not crying because he got struck here, he cried because he knew those two would have no one to stand between them now.
Taeil and his dreams of becoming a singer at that talent-show he got into? He was diagnosed with vocal cord cancer and even though an operation was possible, he would never be able to sing again… Jihoon and that big corporation he was going to inherit from his father? His parents are still in the middle of a divorce and are so busy trying to milk out every single won from their ruined marriage they totally forgot about their son… Jihoon ran off and it took two whole days for them to realize he went missing, by that time he already got here. Minhyuk never made it into any company with his dancing and then got fired from his job as a dance instructor… He had been living practically on the streets for a month, dancing in the subway for money before getting here.
Yukwon lost his parents years ago, lost his whole family and even though he hated the orphanage, they still had roof over his head, now he lost even that when he grew too old and had to leave, all the extraordinary talents his teachers used to praise him for useless because he couldn’t make a living out of them… That’s what you get when you are promised so many wonderful dreams at a young age… does that sound familiar, Jiho?
Oh how cruel the adults can be, getting children’s hopes up too high…” Kyung’s voice trails off, leaving Jiho gaping at him in sheer surprise. Kyung’s words echo in his head, rumbling and rustling in the sudden silence of his thoughts.

After a while he finally collects himself enough to slowly turn his head and cast a look at the others who seem to notice nothing - Jihoon and Taeil seem to be teaching some sort of hand-game to a slightly disturbed Jaehyo while Minhyuk and Yukwon keep to themselves, much like usual - it appears that Minhyuk is teaching Yukwon some dance again, if the grateful glittering in Yukwon’s eyes is any indication as he looks up to Minhyuk before starting to move to some music no one actually hears except for himself.

“This… it’s not… not true.” He shakes his head, unable to believe that everyone would be lying to him this easily. “Why would they…”

“It’s amazing how highly you think of yourself at even the oddest times, Woo Jiho” Kyung laughs, dark eyes creasing into tiny crescents. “It’s not about just you… They are all lying to each other as well. To themselves, even. Isn’t self-protection the most basic human nature, after all? Look at them… look at all of you, getting stuck in nowhere and still not being brave enough to admit your failures to other people, burying them so deep in yourselves instead that in the end, even you believe that you actually had something in your lives back then…”

“You’re fucking… fucking cruel, Kyung. Is this funny to you? All these… tragedies?” Jiho spits, trying to fit as much disgust into his voice as he can - and finding it almost impossible.

“Cruel? Me? Why am I cruel, Jiho? Nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing hurts anyone in this place, no one has to worry about money or food or clothes or illnesses or… anything, basically. And I don’t think you ever saw me hurting anyone… Why would I be cruel? Isn’t this supposed to be your human vision of Paradise? Because to me, it seems like all your troubles are gone once you get in here, and, as I said, none of you were exactly trouble-free before.”

“But… what about me, then? Why am I here? I was totally fine and actually productive with composing and…”

“Ohh look at you still trying to convince others about your flawless life… Or is that yourself you’re trying to convince, Woo Jiho?” Kyung smirks, stepping closer, invading Jiho’s personal space, though the meaning of space sometimes seems just as relative as time in here.

“Burned out, all grey ashes and meaningless days at such a young age… Tired from pretending not to care how your once shining genius turns everyone against you in jealousy till you find yourself as lone as your pinky and keeping your real talents low enough for people to actually understand instead of flying as high as you used to think you could… Tearing your own wings out as a final sacrifice, only to realize that no one cares anymore? I know that feeling, it must really suck. What a shame… You could have actually been someone, right?”

Every single word that Kyung mutters is like a dragger pressing straight through Jiho’s chest until it doesn’t even hurt anymore - just when he thinks it might be impossible to feel any more pain, it starts to dull out, numbness spreading all over his body and mind.

“How… how do you know all these?” Jiho hears himself ask and he is still too dazed to wonder where that question came from.

“Are you kidding me?” Kyung laughs, like it was the most evident thing in the world. “You are standing right in front of my eyes, Jiho… One magical thing about this place is that only we are here, us and nothing else, as you may have already noticed. Absolutely nothing. All I see now… is you.” He finally answers, voice becoming unusually quiet and soft. He raises one hand, slowly touching Jiho’s face and the boy is surprised to realize that he doesn’t have the slightest intention to move away from Kyung.
“Which reminds me… you actually have a quite pretty face, Jiho. Under all the toughness and everthing… Not like it matters much in here, but you still do.” He continues, fingers moving along Jiho’s features with the lightest pressure, much like a soft breeze. His eyes are dark - they always have been, but somehow they look even darker now, not as if they were reflecting the darkness all around them but in the way a dark pool of liquid black would look, absorbing the never-really-there lights.

“It’s amusing how you guys still can’t see each other like I see you… Even Yukwon and Minhyuk don’t see each other, and they have been here with me for the longest time.”

“I… can see you” Jiho wispers, barely hearing his own voice, and Kyung’s fingers stop on his chin for a second before continuing to draw their way up to his ear.

“But can you really…?” Kyung asks, raising a brow and Jiho has no idea how all of them managed to pass by the fact that Kyung’s features are simply… perfect. It sounds strange even in Jiho’s head, because the boy - if he can be called that - is nowhere as pretty as Jaehyo or Yukwon or even as handsome as Minhyuk or Jihoon or at least cute as Taeil, but still, somehow the way the tiny wrinkles gather around his dark, round eyes, the smile his mouth constantly tends to curl up into or even the straight line of his nose give off an almost alien feeling of perfection, as if some higher force formed them with special care. Which, Jiho thinks with mild distress, might just be the case.

“How did you get here?” Jiho finally asks as the silence becomes too much, weighing down on him like piles of rocks that he knows he is unable to lift… somewhat similar to the weight on his chest he used to wake up with before he got here.

“I fell.” Comes the answer, and behind those simple words lays such a strong sense of finality that Jiho simply knows he can’t ask any more about it, even if his curiosity is immediately flaming up with the most random ideas.
Where did he fell from? Heaven? Hell? Some place even higher, even more incomprehensible to Jiho’s simple mind? Did someone - something - push him or was it just a mistake? Who is Kyung… What is Kyung? Fallen angel, disowned demon, neutral entity caught in something he should have avoided?
Suddenly Jiho feels the restraints of his human brain, he feels his mind struggling against them as he looks at Kyung, determined to see him, even though all his instincts scream that he couldn’t, that he shouldn’t.

“As you already know, Yukwon was the first one to arrive, about two months after me… shitty two months they were, all alone, I can assure you. We got along pretty well, after he accepted that there was no way out. But he was… maybe he still is, a bit, too… bright for this place. Too bright to be with, anyway. You guys don’t see it, I know, but his brightness sometimes seems to just… suppress this place, and that gets really… disturbing.
So Minhyuk came. He seemed perfect, honestly. He is fun to talk to, has an actual brain but doesn’t really struggle to always prove it… Except, apparently, Yukwon found him more fun than me as well. And who could resist that boy, right? They became friends so quickly it was almost… amazing to see. Maybe because I still sucked a little at being… as emphatic as humans sometimes need others to be.
Then it was Taeil. Now, you see, Taeil is really nice and kind of cute and back then he used to sing to us, like, all the time, which was amazing, honestly, but… You know how it is. Taeil just… becomes boring after a while. Jihoon, that kid is anything but boring. Cheerful, loud, energetic… and strong. I recall telling you about that already… Not just physically, of course, that doesn’t get you anywhere around here, but his mind is freaking firm. Maybe because of his young age, maybe because it runs in their family, I don’t know.
Jaehyo is like the opposite of him - not weak, not exactly, but he does his best to weaken himself as much as possible. You came right after Jaehyo because, honestly, even in here, he can’t stop trying to see himself through the eyes of others and I am really not into that kind of thing…”

“And me…? What about me? How long before you get tired of my company too, and one more person gets condemned to… to end up here?” Jiho can’t bring himself to say “stuck’ out loud, even though somehow deep inside he knows it’s the truth and that maybe, just maybe, everything would be easier if he gave up hope.

“I dunno…” Kyung shakes his head, fingers now gently playing with the short, brown locks of Jiho’s hair, and the boy feels a rather strange idea manifesting amongst his thoughts. “But quite long, I guess. You… are different from the others, Jiho. Surprisingly different.”

“How about… you keep me and let the others go, then? I already know your secret, you wouldn’t have to pretend like you do, and…” Jiho’s shaking voice dies down, determination shining in his eyes, even if hesitation fills every last cell of him - he simply can not bring himself to finish the sentence, not sure if out of fear or pride or both, but he still hopes Kyung gets the meaning.
And apparently, he does, because the dark eyes lit up with amusement and Kyung starts laughing, short and quiet but definitely surprised.

“Are you… offering yourself to me… to save the others? How heroic… But you don’t do heroic, Jiho, it never fit you... You barely know them, and yet, you say you are willing to sacrifice yourself for their sake… why?” he asks, voice curious, and leans a tad bit closer, as if to examine Jiho’s features even more critically.

“Maybe I… want to be heroic for a change? Maybe I really don’t have any reason to go back but I believe that they would find something to keep them going if they had a second chance? Maybe… I just like it here, after all? No troubles, no threats, no pain, as you said.”

“I see…” Kyung whispers, practically on Jiho’s lips and again, there is no urge to lean away, absolutely none. Instead, his sight dives into the impossibly deep darkness of Kyung’s eyes before fluttering shut - giving in, enchanted, waiting.
He expects many things to happen, but Kyung drawing away, laughing like he has heard the best joke of his life is none of those things. Jiho looks up, surprised and maybe even slightly hurt, and manages a credible glare at Kyung till the other finally collects himself enough to step back to Jiho.

“Not like I don’t appreciate your offer, Jiho, so don’t look at me like a puppy kicked in the butt… But I can not release any of you. Believe me, if I knew the way out, I would have taken it myself in the blink of an eye. I am not the one that brought you here, though I might be the cause for you guys to be here. I guess I should be sorry but… who would want to spend eternity alone?”

Something new, something strange and enchantingly dangerous lights up Kyung’s eyes for a split second before it’s gone, leaving Jiho to wonder if it was even there or just his imagination was playing tricks on him. But by the way Kyung’s voice drops deep and low, with even more impact than Jihoon’s, Jiho is afraid he might just have seen something he was never meant to.

“And even though I might know who got us here, to them… ? None of us has anything to offer.”

A/N2: As I have said, I am not entirely happy with this whole thing. On contrary, I dislike many parts of it but I've been editing bits and pieces here and there for ages now. So please if you have read through this whole thing, do tell me your thoughts?^^