Of Broken Instruments
Title: Of broken instruments
Author: theirblinggirl
Rating: R (its actually mostly PG-13 but the topic might be unsettling for some people? idek, i just want to be safe so yes.)
Pairing: Himchan/Daehyun
Word count: 2828
Summary: Daehyun happens to discover something that was cleary not intended for him to see.
A/N: So there was this prompt AGES ago on seoulfulness and this was probably not quite what the OP imagined but this idea just got stuck in my head back then and refused to leave.
Original prompt: "(much to his horror) daehyun getting aroused every time he sees himchan crying and/or looking miserable"
Daehyun was just so sure he'd find the place deserted - empty - welcoming him for some much-needed time to spend with himself since it was impossible to do so in the dorm with never enough free space for six young men. He was almost excited when he turned the corner of the hallway to enter the smallest, supposedly abandoned practice room of the company, hoping to spend at least half an hour in the quiet company of the rarely used instruments and the comfy cushions piled on the floor - maybe even nap a little. He was looking forward to just being finally, finally on his own so much he almost missed the quiet sounds coming from behind the closed door.
He stopped in the last moment, hand hovering over the doorknob, and kept on listening, hesitating whether he should go in or not. His first instinct was to turn on his heels and leave, as sutbly as possible, because he knew, more than most of the others, that privacy was a rare treasure, but something kept his legs unmoving.
And that something was the barely audible, yet unmistakeable, soft sound of gentle fingers absent-mindedly drumming on the tight skin of a janggu.
He knew who was inside and he knew he should be leaving even clearer now because Himchan hyung would probably kill him if he knew Daehyun discovered him crying.
Daehyun had no idea why there was no tremble in his hands as he pushed the door slightly open without a sound.
It was dark inside, only thin patches of light from the hallway lamps creeping through the narrow windows where the wall met the ceiling. Just like Daehyun remembered, the small room was loaded with rarely used instruments - old guitars, a seemingly untuned bass, a keyboard with two keys missing, the gigantic accordion in a corner that nobody knew how to play, and Daehyun's favorite, the proud, carefully decorated geomungo on the wall - never having known any sticks or fingers to pluck at it's loosened strings.
Daehyun liked to call this room the "Instrument Cemetery" and he felt he knew each of them, their tragedies of being forgotten cracking his heart but at the same time, making him feel privileged to know - they were his friends, his sad and lonely friends that listened to him whenever he needed them and in return, he'd listen to their stories, their broken sounds overwhelming him with emotions he could pull out whnever he needed to on stage.
He thought of them whenever he sang something sorrowful and the tears and understanding in the audience's eyes where their secret tribute.
Never before has his room felt as perfectly sad as now, with Daehyun standing in the door, and with Himchan's tear-soaked face, his closed eyes and strong fingers caressing the instrument he loved so much.
Daehyun was mesmerized by how fragile it all looked, with Himchan sitting in the middle, the soft light reflecting in the wet stripes on his sharp cheeks. It was probably the most beautiful sight he's ever seen - and then Himchan's eyes flew open, startled, and they stared at each other for a long moment, Himchan suddenly looking vulnerable and lost and frightened, nothing like Daehyun has ever seen him before.
"Daehyun-ah..." he whispered, voice hoarse from crying.
And all Daehyun could do was to turn around and run.
Neither of them brought the incident up after. In fact, Himchan acted as if nothing has happened, and Daehyun was happy to do so himself, because he had no idea what he'd say. He knew he should be a good friend - Himchan was his friend, and a close one at that - and he also knew friends were supposed to tell each other something along the lines of "Hyung, it's okay to be sad, you can cry on my shoulders, if you want to" but he was afraid it might come out more like "Hyung, I want you to cry for me" and there was no way he could let that slip out.
So he kept quiet, and he dreamed of Himchan's crying face for at least six consecutive nights.
It was always almost like how it had happened, except in his dreams, Daehyun was inside the room, and Himchan never noticed him. In his dreams, he hugged the janggu close to his chest and sobbed, freely and honestly, fingers constantly caressing the drum and even whispering to it, although Daehyun could never make out his words. All he knew was that Himchan was sad and weak and broken - beyond broken, actually, another difference from the reality, because the real Himchan seemed pretty fine, and Daehyun knew all of them had their reasons to break down a little from time to time, just like how all of them also had their different ways to cope.
Except he never really knew what Himchan's way was because he has never shown any of it, never loosing his grip in front of the others - not in front of Daehyun anyways. He wondered if maybe Yongguk hyung knew, being Himchan's best friend, but somehow he doubted that too. Yongguk just had way too many things of his own to deal with, and he knew for certain that Himchan was not the type to add more to that. If something, he tried his hardest to share at least some of Yongguk's hardships, at least the ones that came from being the leader, and they were all thankful to him for that. Because Yongguk tended to seem unbreakable, he had that certain aura of almost divine strength around him, but at the end of the day, he was just as much of a human being as all of them. All of them, except maybe Himchan. He might not be the best vocal or even rapper - he never even denied that Daehyun and Youngjae sang so much better, that he would never be any match to Yongguk and Junhong's rapping, not to mention Jongup's crazily talented body - but all five of them cherished him silently for without Himchan, there would be no B.A.P. He was the cement that kept together their strong, individual and so different bricks, and Daehyun now wondered what was the cement that held Himchan together.
In his dreams, Daehyun was granted the full sight of Himchan's own bricks shattering, but never the answers of how to put it back together.
It wasn't until the next time that he accidentally witnessed Himchan crying that he realized why he kept thinking of it so much.
They had a hard, draining but succesful comeback week behind them, and as per usual, they choose to celebrate by bringing a couple bottles of soju into their room and drinking till their heads hit the pillows. Which was usually really not longer than an hour, exhaustion a well-known guest now.
In fact, the drinks only helped them to sleep faster - before debut, Daehyun never believed the legend that you can be simply too tired to sleep.
Yongguk was already dozing off, an empty bottle rolling out of his hand, while Youngjae and Jongup were at the giggling anything and everything - phase, laying on their stomachs and trying to make Junhong break his record of half a bottle with enthusiastic cheers.
Himchan had announced that he was going to take a shower earlier, and still hasn't returned, and Daehyun decided that he needed something to eat if he didn't want to wake up with a bitch of a hangover tomorrow, so he set out for the kitchen.
When he passed the door of the bathroom, he heard it again - the mesmerizing sound of Himchan's sobs, almost entirely supressed by the running water. He stopped, subconsciously leaning into the door, and before he knew, images were flashing behind his heavy eyelids.
He'd seen Himchan naked enough time - it wasn't a big deal, really, packed schedules and only one bathroom often forcing the members to share it, one of them showering hurriedly while the other would brush his teeth or use the toilet - so he easily imagined how he must look like.
Forehead leaning against the tiled wall, steaming water washing away the hot tears, mixing with them to hide them from the world. He imagined them running down Himchan's neck, his bare torso and strong tights, his body slightly trembling with each crying fit - the living statue of shattered and crushed perfection.
It may have been the tiredness mixed with soju - Daehyun hoped it was - but warmth slowly engulfed his own body, as if the hot steam was leaking from the bathroom, and before he knew it, his blood started boiling, images of Himchan's crying face and hoarse, weak voice making his head spin.
He opened his eyes wide in shock, and brought a hesitant hand down to make sure his mind was not playing tricks on him.
There was something entirely wrong with the way his cock hardened with every small sniffle inside.
Daehyun never considered himself weird - in fact, he proudly thought of himself as the least weird in his entire band, but this was - this was definitely not normal.
He tried to push it aside at first, a natural human reaction to something foreign and terrifyingly unexplainable, but his dreams returned.
Unlike before, the locations changed now, many times even unrecognizeably so, but the crying Himchan was always the same. The shaking of his shoulders, the mesmerizing glitter of his tears, the shaky breaths never changed - except now he saw Daehyun. He looked right at him, deep, dark, engulfing eyes never leaving Daehyun's face, sometimes even reaching out for him, and more often than not, he woke in the middle of the night with a raging hard-on.
Something was wrong with him, Daehyun knew that for certain, but he had no idea how to turn it back. All he could do was avoid Himchan as much as possible - in fact, he avoided everyone the best he could, and they were too tired to actually bother about that. They most probably tought that Daehyun was just as tired himself, and took it as a sign that he needed more room for himself, which would have been true most of the times, 'alone' being his own way to cope with stress. But this time... this time all he wanted to do was grab Youngjae and ask what was wrong with him, because Youngjae always knew the answers. However Youngjae was also highly judgemental, and Daehyun was not sure he could handle being told that he was sick.
So he kept to himself, slowly giving in to the fantasies and not even trying to make their meaning out anymore, only hoping it wouldn't crush him too hard. B.A.P didn't really need a full mental breakdown at the moment.
The ignoring-the-problem-till-it-goes-away method seemed to work fairly well - until one day, when he was at the company once again, practicing the song his vocal trainer gave him in the empty recording studio, and he saw Himchan walking down the hallway, his janggu in his hands.
He was supposed to work on his dancing with Jongup, Daehyun knew, so he ran to the practice room, only to find an exhausted Jongup, seemingly engrossed in his own world of dance steps and heavy bass.
"Where... did Himchan hyung go?" He asked, hoping it sounded as nonchalant as he wanted it to sound, and Jongup looked at him in confusion, before shrigging his shoulders.
"His ankle was hurting, so he said he was going to play drum a little... somewhere. Why? Do you need him for anything or...?"
"Nevermind. Just... keep on dancing, or whatever you were doing" Daehyun waved his hand, exiting the practice room.
He knew exactly where Himchan was, and the mere thought made his head spin.
The logical, the safe choice would have been to turn around and run away; to run home or anywhere, really, just as far from Himchan - from this, this entire madness - as possible, but his legs seemed to move on their own.
He wasn't even sleeping, yet everything felt like in his dreams - he saw the wet strips on the porcelain face, the glassy black eyes, red spots tainting othervise immacule features, jawline stiff and shoulders rocking back and forth, and his blood was rushing in his ears as he ran up the stairs, across the hallway, all the way to the small and abandoned room with the broken instruments.
He had no idea what he was doing anymore, only that he had to - he had to press the handle and open the door, he was forced to step inside by something way beyond his understanding.
True enough, Himchan was sitting on the floor, janggu in his lap, eyes red as he stared up at Daehyun with confusion.
"This room... did you know? I used to come here quite often..." somebody with Daehyun's mouth spoke, and he closed the door behind him lightly.
"All these instruments... I know them all, you know? They are... were, like, my... secret friends, you know. They all had their stories and I... I played them, somehow, in return for their stories. Of course I don't really know how to play all of them like you probably do..." Daehyun continued, voice soft but even, gaze sweeping around from time to time but always returning to Himchan, who remained silent.
" I mostly just... touched them, because they missed that too, you know. See, they are all so beautiful, each and every instrument... They are made for music and music only, you know, they are perfected to help people reach impossible heights. I always thought instuments were somehow... divine, and that playing on them was the most honorable of arts... more so than singing, actually. Because a singing voice is something human, something... imperfect, but a good instrument, it can be... perfect, you know?"
"Daehyun-ah, what..."
"Don't... make me stop because I need this out of my system, okay?" Daehyun snorted the slightest, and Himchan fell silent.
He was crying just seconds ago, but he is already forgetting that and trying to help me, Daehyun realized, and his eyes darkened as he took a step closer.
"You see them? All of them in here? They are instruments, but they are also sick... broken and forgotten and set aside and that... that is the saddest thing I have ever heard, because I didn't understand how can something that is perfect also break... And then I found you in here."
He heard Himchan's breath hitch and his heart skipped a beat when he saw the eyes that have been haunting him, with traces of tears still lingering in them, widen in shock. Daehyun just broke their unspoken promise - and he intended to break so much more.
"You are... you are just like them, hyung..." Daehyun whispered, and he was kneeling in front of Himchan now, blood loud in his ears once again at the sight of Himchan being confused and insecure in front of his eyes - and his eyes only.
"You are an instrument, hyung... Something exquisite and flawless and so, so broken... Like the geomungo on the wall, barely used as decoration when it is destined to be played till it's strings tear apart. You stand in front of us, in front of everyone and they see you, they watch you all the time but they never really play you, do they?" Daehyun's eyes narrowed, and Himchan hesitantly leaned back a little.
"There is something... really beautiful about broken instruments, you know? Something sad and enchanting... I... I like them, for some reason, so I come here all the time, and I try to play them..."
His voice was barely a whisper now, and he was so close to Himchan that his knees were touching Daehyun's tights as he kneeled in front of him.
"Jung Daehyun, what the fuck are..." Himchan blinked, but Daehyun could see new tears welling in his eyes, and he reacheed out to wipe away a drop that ran down his quickly drying cheek, and that made him fell silent again. Daehyun knew he must have hit home.
"Hyung... Hyung it's okay... Let me play you" he said, voice shaking as he leaned close to kiss away another tear, and Himchan's hands were immediately on his chest. Daehyun wondered for a moment if he would push him away, and seemingly Himchan was not sure either, because his fingers wavered - and then they fell back into his lap and he sighed and kissed Daehyun on the lips.
"No one will know, I promise..." Daehyun murmured, and Himchan just nodded, their kiss becoming desperate in a matter of seconds.
And Daehyun found that sometimes instruments were meant to be broken first, in order to be played.
A/N II: I DON'T KNOW anymore. Writing B.A.P is extremely weird and exciting at the same time for me because I have no ships in B.A.P, but the characters are just really inspiring and wonderful? Anyways, thank you loads for reading, if you have <3 And please drop a comment if you can, I'd be forever grateful to hear other people's thoughts on this maybe?
Author: theirblinggirl
Rating: R (its actually mostly PG-13 but the topic might be unsettling for some people? idek, i just want to be safe so yes.)
Pairing: Himchan/Daehyun
Word count: 2828
Summary: Daehyun happens to discover something that was cleary not intended for him to see.
A/N: So there was this prompt AGES ago on seoulfulness and this was probably not quite what the OP imagined but this idea just got stuck in my head back then and refused to leave.
Original prompt: "(much to his horror) daehyun getting aroused every time he sees himchan crying and/or looking miserable"
Daehyun was just so sure he'd find the place deserted - empty - welcoming him for some much-needed time to spend with himself since it was impossible to do so in the dorm with never enough free space for six young men. He was almost excited when he turned the corner of the hallway to enter the smallest, supposedly abandoned practice room of the company, hoping to spend at least half an hour in the quiet company of the rarely used instruments and the comfy cushions piled on the floor - maybe even nap a little. He was looking forward to just being finally, finally on his own so much he almost missed the quiet sounds coming from behind the closed door.
He stopped in the last moment, hand hovering over the doorknob, and kept on listening, hesitating whether he should go in or not. His first instinct was to turn on his heels and leave, as sutbly as possible, because he knew, more than most of the others, that privacy was a rare treasure, but something kept his legs unmoving.
And that something was the barely audible, yet unmistakeable, soft sound of gentle fingers absent-mindedly drumming on the tight skin of a janggu.
He knew who was inside and he knew he should be leaving even clearer now because Himchan hyung would probably kill him if he knew Daehyun discovered him crying.
Daehyun had no idea why there was no tremble in his hands as he pushed the door slightly open without a sound.
It was dark inside, only thin patches of light from the hallway lamps creeping through the narrow windows where the wall met the ceiling. Just like Daehyun remembered, the small room was loaded with rarely used instruments - old guitars, a seemingly untuned bass, a keyboard with two keys missing, the gigantic accordion in a corner that nobody knew how to play, and Daehyun's favorite, the proud, carefully decorated geomungo on the wall - never having known any sticks or fingers to pluck at it's loosened strings.
Daehyun liked to call this room the "Instrument Cemetery" and he felt he knew each of them, their tragedies of being forgotten cracking his heart but at the same time, making him feel privileged to know - they were his friends, his sad and lonely friends that listened to him whenever he needed them and in return, he'd listen to their stories, their broken sounds overwhelming him with emotions he could pull out whnever he needed to on stage.
He thought of them whenever he sang something sorrowful and the tears and understanding in the audience's eyes where their secret tribute.
Never before has his room felt as perfectly sad as now, with Daehyun standing in the door, and with Himchan's tear-soaked face, his closed eyes and strong fingers caressing the instrument he loved so much.
Daehyun was mesmerized by how fragile it all looked, with Himchan sitting in the middle, the soft light reflecting in the wet stripes on his sharp cheeks. It was probably the most beautiful sight he's ever seen - and then Himchan's eyes flew open, startled, and they stared at each other for a long moment, Himchan suddenly looking vulnerable and lost and frightened, nothing like Daehyun has ever seen him before.
"Daehyun-ah..." he whispered, voice hoarse from crying.
And all Daehyun could do was to turn around and run.
Neither of them brought the incident up after. In fact, Himchan acted as if nothing has happened, and Daehyun was happy to do so himself, because he had no idea what he'd say. He knew he should be a good friend - Himchan was his friend, and a close one at that - and he also knew friends were supposed to tell each other something along the lines of "Hyung, it's okay to be sad, you can cry on my shoulders, if you want to" but he was afraid it might come out more like "Hyung, I want you to cry for me" and there was no way he could let that slip out.
So he kept quiet, and he dreamed of Himchan's crying face for at least six consecutive nights.
It was always almost like how it had happened, except in his dreams, Daehyun was inside the room, and Himchan never noticed him. In his dreams, he hugged the janggu close to his chest and sobbed, freely and honestly, fingers constantly caressing the drum and even whispering to it, although Daehyun could never make out his words. All he knew was that Himchan was sad and weak and broken - beyond broken, actually, another difference from the reality, because the real Himchan seemed pretty fine, and Daehyun knew all of them had their reasons to break down a little from time to time, just like how all of them also had their different ways to cope.
Except he never really knew what Himchan's way was because he has never shown any of it, never loosing his grip in front of the others - not in front of Daehyun anyways. He wondered if maybe Yongguk hyung knew, being Himchan's best friend, but somehow he doubted that too. Yongguk just had way too many things of his own to deal with, and he knew for certain that Himchan was not the type to add more to that. If something, he tried his hardest to share at least some of Yongguk's hardships, at least the ones that came from being the leader, and they were all thankful to him for that. Because Yongguk tended to seem unbreakable, he had that certain aura of almost divine strength around him, but at the end of the day, he was just as much of a human being as all of them. All of them, except maybe Himchan. He might not be the best vocal or even rapper - he never even denied that Daehyun and Youngjae sang so much better, that he would never be any match to Yongguk and Junhong's rapping, not to mention Jongup's crazily talented body - but all five of them cherished him silently for without Himchan, there would be no B.A.P. He was the cement that kept together their strong, individual and so different bricks, and Daehyun now wondered what was the cement that held Himchan together.
In his dreams, Daehyun was granted the full sight of Himchan's own bricks shattering, but never the answers of how to put it back together.
It wasn't until the next time that he accidentally witnessed Himchan crying that he realized why he kept thinking of it so much.
They had a hard, draining but succesful comeback week behind them, and as per usual, they choose to celebrate by bringing a couple bottles of soju into their room and drinking till their heads hit the pillows. Which was usually really not longer than an hour, exhaustion a well-known guest now.
In fact, the drinks only helped them to sleep faster - before debut, Daehyun never believed the legend that you can be simply too tired to sleep.
Yongguk was already dozing off, an empty bottle rolling out of his hand, while Youngjae and Jongup were at the giggling anything and everything - phase, laying on their stomachs and trying to make Junhong break his record of half a bottle with enthusiastic cheers.
Himchan had announced that he was going to take a shower earlier, and still hasn't returned, and Daehyun decided that he needed something to eat if he didn't want to wake up with a bitch of a hangover tomorrow, so he set out for the kitchen.
When he passed the door of the bathroom, he heard it again - the mesmerizing sound of Himchan's sobs, almost entirely supressed by the running water. He stopped, subconsciously leaning into the door, and before he knew, images were flashing behind his heavy eyelids.
He'd seen Himchan naked enough time - it wasn't a big deal, really, packed schedules and only one bathroom often forcing the members to share it, one of them showering hurriedly while the other would brush his teeth or use the toilet - so he easily imagined how he must look like.
Forehead leaning against the tiled wall, steaming water washing away the hot tears, mixing with them to hide them from the world. He imagined them running down Himchan's neck, his bare torso and strong tights, his body slightly trembling with each crying fit - the living statue of shattered and crushed perfection.
It may have been the tiredness mixed with soju - Daehyun hoped it was - but warmth slowly engulfed his own body, as if the hot steam was leaking from the bathroom, and before he knew it, his blood started boiling, images of Himchan's crying face and hoarse, weak voice making his head spin.
He opened his eyes wide in shock, and brought a hesitant hand down to make sure his mind was not playing tricks on him.
There was something entirely wrong with the way his cock hardened with every small sniffle inside.
Daehyun never considered himself weird - in fact, he proudly thought of himself as the least weird in his entire band, but this was - this was definitely not normal.
He tried to push it aside at first, a natural human reaction to something foreign and terrifyingly unexplainable, but his dreams returned.
Unlike before, the locations changed now, many times even unrecognizeably so, but the crying Himchan was always the same. The shaking of his shoulders, the mesmerizing glitter of his tears, the shaky breaths never changed - except now he saw Daehyun. He looked right at him, deep, dark, engulfing eyes never leaving Daehyun's face, sometimes even reaching out for him, and more often than not, he woke in the middle of the night with a raging hard-on.
Something was wrong with him, Daehyun knew that for certain, but he had no idea how to turn it back. All he could do was avoid Himchan as much as possible - in fact, he avoided everyone the best he could, and they were too tired to actually bother about that. They most probably tought that Daehyun was just as tired himself, and took it as a sign that he needed more room for himself, which would have been true most of the times, 'alone' being his own way to cope with stress. But this time... this time all he wanted to do was grab Youngjae and ask what was wrong with him, because Youngjae always knew the answers. However Youngjae was also highly judgemental, and Daehyun was not sure he could handle being told that he was sick.
So he kept to himself, slowly giving in to the fantasies and not even trying to make their meaning out anymore, only hoping it wouldn't crush him too hard. B.A.P didn't really need a full mental breakdown at the moment.
The ignoring-the-problem-till-it-goes-away method seemed to work fairly well - until one day, when he was at the company once again, practicing the song his vocal trainer gave him in the empty recording studio, and he saw Himchan walking down the hallway, his janggu in his hands.
He was supposed to work on his dancing with Jongup, Daehyun knew, so he ran to the practice room, only to find an exhausted Jongup, seemingly engrossed in his own world of dance steps and heavy bass.
"Where... did Himchan hyung go?" He asked, hoping it sounded as nonchalant as he wanted it to sound, and Jongup looked at him in confusion, before shrigging his shoulders.
"His ankle was hurting, so he said he was going to play drum a little... somewhere. Why? Do you need him for anything or...?"
"Nevermind. Just... keep on dancing, or whatever you were doing" Daehyun waved his hand, exiting the practice room.
He knew exactly where Himchan was, and the mere thought made his head spin.
The logical, the safe choice would have been to turn around and run away; to run home or anywhere, really, just as far from Himchan - from this, this entire madness - as possible, but his legs seemed to move on their own.
He wasn't even sleeping, yet everything felt like in his dreams - he saw the wet strips on the porcelain face, the glassy black eyes, red spots tainting othervise immacule features, jawline stiff and shoulders rocking back and forth, and his blood was rushing in his ears as he ran up the stairs, across the hallway, all the way to the small and abandoned room with the broken instruments.
He had no idea what he was doing anymore, only that he had to - he had to press the handle and open the door, he was forced to step inside by something way beyond his understanding.
True enough, Himchan was sitting on the floor, janggu in his lap, eyes red as he stared up at Daehyun with confusion.
"This room... did you know? I used to come here quite often..." somebody with Daehyun's mouth spoke, and he closed the door behind him lightly.
"All these instruments... I know them all, you know? They are... were, like, my... secret friends, you know. They all had their stories and I... I played them, somehow, in return for their stories. Of course I don't really know how to play all of them like you probably do..." Daehyun continued, voice soft but even, gaze sweeping around from time to time but always returning to Himchan, who remained silent.
" I mostly just... touched them, because they missed that too, you know. See, they are all so beautiful, each and every instrument... They are made for music and music only, you know, they are perfected to help people reach impossible heights. I always thought instuments were somehow... divine, and that playing on them was the most honorable of arts... more so than singing, actually. Because a singing voice is something human, something... imperfect, but a good instrument, it can be... perfect, you know?"
"Daehyun-ah, what..."
"Don't... make me stop because I need this out of my system, okay?" Daehyun snorted the slightest, and Himchan fell silent.
He was crying just seconds ago, but he is already forgetting that and trying to help me, Daehyun realized, and his eyes darkened as he took a step closer.
"You see them? All of them in here? They are instruments, but they are also sick... broken and forgotten and set aside and that... that is the saddest thing I have ever heard, because I didn't understand how can something that is perfect also break... And then I found you in here."
He heard Himchan's breath hitch and his heart skipped a beat when he saw the eyes that have been haunting him, with traces of tears still lingering in them, widen in shock. Daehyun just broke their unspoken promise - and he intended to break so much more.
"You are... you are just like them, hyung..." Daehyun whispered, and he was kneeling in front of Himchan now, blood loud in his ears once again at the sight of Himchan being confused and insecure in front of his eyes - and his eyes only.
"You are an instrument, hyung... Something exquisite and flawless and so, so broken... Like the geomungo on the wall, barely used as decoration when it is destined to be played till it's strings tear apart. You stand in front of us, in front of everyone and they see you, they watch you all the time but they never really play you, do they?" Daehyun's eyes narrowed, and Himchan hesitantly leaned back a little.
"There is something... really beautiful about broken instruments, you know? Something sad and enchanting... I... I like them, for some reason, so I come here all the time, and I try to play them..."
His voice was barely a whisper now, and he was so close to Himchan that his knees were touching Daehyun's tights as he kneeled in front of him.
"Jung Daehyun, what the fuck are..." Himchan blinked, but Daehyun could see new tears welling in his eyes, and he reacheed out to wipe away a drop that ran down his quickly drying cheek, and that made him fell silent again. Daehyun knew he must have hit home.
"Hyung... Hyung it's okay... Let me play you" he said, voice shaking as he leaned close to kiss away another tear, and Himchan's hands were immediately on his chest. Daehyun wondered for a moment if he would push him away, and seemingly Himchan was not sure either, because his fingers wavered - and then they fell back into his lap and he sighed and kissed Daehyun on the lips.
"No one will know, I promise..." Daehyun murmured, and Himchan just nodded, their kiss becoming desperate in a matter of seconds.
And Daehyun found that sometimes instruments were meant to be broken first, in order to be played.
A/N II: I DON'T KNOW anymore. Writing B.A.P is extremely weird and exciting at the same time for me because I have no ships in B.A.P, but the characters are just really inspiring and wonderful? Anyways, thank you loads for reading, if you have <3 And please drop a comment if you can, I'd be forever grateful to hear other people's thoughts on this maybe?