BELLICK AND THE FRIES, PART 1: BELLICK AND THE FRY DO HOLLYWOOD
smidgy06 brought out my insanity and clex_monkie89 egged me on. What does that mean? Well, that means I'll be doing daily installments(or I'll at least try for daily) of Bellick and the Fries, the crackiest crack!fic to ever grace my livejournal.
Confused? Click here and read the [original] insanity.
Title: Bellick and the Fries, Part 1: Bellick and the Fry Do Hollywood
Rating: R
Warnings: Swearing and crazy!Bellick.
Summary: Bellick and the Fry do Hollywood rehab.
Author's Notes: No, I'm not serious. Yes, this is crack!fic.
-- Three years ago --
Bellick: I love you guys...so much... *sniffle* You wouldn't even believe me if I told you.
*silence*
Bellick: Huh? What was that?
*silence*
Bellick: You want me to...eat you? I couldn't do that!
[Bellick eyes the box of fries hungrily]
Bellick: Well...
Fries: ...
Bellick: ...if you really --
Fries: ...
Bellick: Oh.
Fries: ...
Bellick: I am not addicted!
Fries: ...
[Bellick throws the box across the restaurant]
Bellick: Bitch! Slut! Whore! Fucking cunt!
[the other patrons stare with raised eyebrows]
Bellick: What the fuck are you looking at, huh? *glower*
[the other patrons return to their meals]
Bellick: Yeah, that's what I thought.
Fries: ...
[Bellick glowers at the fries spilled all over the floor]
Bellick: I didn't ask for your opinion!
Fries: ...
Bellick: What?
Fries: ...
Bellick: Bitch.
Fries: ...
Bellick: I don't care if there are more than one of you!
Fries: ...
Bellick: What do you mean --
[Bellick pauses, then picks up his burger]
Bellick: I don't need you.
Fries: ...
Bellick: That won't work! I don't play those kinds of games!
Fries: *salty fry eyes*
Bellick: *looks away* You can't fool me!
Fries: ...
Bellick: You're just a heart attack waiting to happen, I don't need you!
Fries: ...
Bellick: Don't lie to me!
Fries: ...
Bellick: ...that's not true.
Fries: ...
Bellick: I did not!
Fries: ...
Bellick: I thought we agreed to keep that a secret!
Fries: ...
Bellick: Alright, you asked for it!
[Bellick drops his burger and stomps over to the fries, glaring]
Bellick: I'll show you. Bitch. *stomps on the fries*
Fries: *salty silent screams and tears*
Bellick: There. How'd you like that, huh? Bet you won't try that agai -- Oh shit.
Fries: *stompeded*
Bellick: *kneels* I didn't mean it! I'm sorry! *picks up the remains of a fry* I'm so sorry!
Lone fry: ...
Bellick: What?! *turns to the "noise"*
Lone fry: ...
Bellick: *gasps and throws himself toward the fry* You're alive!
Lone fry: *salty tear*
Bellick: *grabs the fry and hugs it* I'll never do anything like that again! I swear!
-- Eighteen months later --
Bellick: Um, my name is... Brad Bellick and... I'm a... fryaholic..
Fellow NA: Hi Brad.
-- One hour later --
[Bellick walks up to the refreshment table and spots a bowl of fries]
Bellick: You! *points*
Fries: ...
Bellick: You can't fool me this time! *grabs the bowl and throws it to the ground*
Fries: *salty tears*
Bellick: *glowers*
Fries: ...
Bellick: *glowers*
Fries: ...
Bellick: ...shit.
Fries: ...
Bellick: [hysterical] I'm sorry! I didn't mean it! *kneels and begins scooping the fries back into the bowl* Don't be mad at me!
*silence*
Bellick: WHAT?
Fries: *salty eye roll*
Bellick: *begins throwing the fries individually across the room* I won't fall for it! You bitch! I won't let you kill me! You won't control my life!
[After the last fry is thrown, Bellick stands and turns to the pretty doctor who was at the meeting]
Bellick: Wanna go out with me?
Sara: Uh, sorry. Can't. Uh, tonight is my..uh..resume...night.
Bellick: [heartbroken]
Sara: *walks away*
Bellick: Fine! I don't need you anyway, bitch! I've got my...
Bellick: *looks around*
Bellick: *picks up a fry* ..fry!
Fry: ...
Bellick: I wuv you too, salty.
[fade to black]
Fry: [in the background] ...
Bellick: I told you, I'm over that --
Fry: ...
Bellick: Don't bring that up here!
Fry: ...
Bellick: What are you --
Fry: ...
Bellick: ...I did not!
[credits roll]
I am not crazy!
Confused? Click here and read the [original] insanity.
Title: Bellick and the Fries, Part 1: Bellick and the Fry Do Hollywood
Rating: R
Warnings: Swearing and crazy!Bellick.
Summary: Bellick and the Fry do Hollywood rehab.
Author's Notes: No, I'm not serious. Yes, this is crack!fic.
-- Three years ago --
Bellick: I love you guys...so much... *sniffle* You wouldn't even believe me if I told you.
*silence*
Bellick: Huh? What was that?
*silence*
Bellick: You want me to...eat you? I couldn't do that!
[Bellick eyes the box of fries hungrily]
Bellick: Well...
Fries: ...
Bellick: ...if you really --
Fries: ...
Bellick: Oh.
Fries: ...
Bellick: I am not addicted!
Fries: ...
[Bellick throws the box across the restaurant]
Bellick: Bitch! Slut! Whore! Fucking cunt!
[the other patrons stare with raised eyebrows]
Bellick: What the fuck are you looking at, huh? *glower*
[the other patrons return to their meals]
Bellick: Yeah, that's what I thought.
Fries: ...
[Bellick glowers at the fries spilled all over the floor]
Bellick: I didn't ask for your opinion!
Fries: ...
Bellick: What?
Fries: ...
Bellick: Bitch.
Fries: ...
Bellick: I don't care if there are more than one of you!
Fries: ...
Bellick: What do you mean --
[Bellick pauses, then picks up his burger]
Bellick: I don't need you.
Fries: ...
Bellick: That won't work! I don't play those kinds of games!
Fries: *salty fry eyes*
Bellick: *looks away* You can't fool me!
Fries: ...
Bellick: You're just a heart attack waiting to happen, I don't need you!
Fries: ...
Bellick: Don't lie to me!
Fries: ...
Bellick: ...that's not true.
Fries: ...
Bellick: I did not!
Fries: ...
Bellick: I thought we agreed to keep that a secret!
Fries: ...
Bellick: Alright, you asked for it!
[Bellick drops his burger and stomps over to the fries, glaring]
Bellick: I'll show you. Bitch. *stomps on the fries*
Fries: *salty silent screams and tears*
Bellick: There. How'd you like that, huh? Bet you won't try that agai -- Oh shit.
Fries: *stompeded*
Bellick: *kneels* I didn't mean it! I'm sorry! *picks up the remains of a fry* I'm so sorry!
Lone fry: ...
Bellick: What?! *turns to the "noise"*
Lone fry: ...
Bellick: *gasps and throws himself toward the fry* You're alive!
Lone fry: *salty tear*
Bellick: *grabs the fry and hugs it* I'll never do anything like that again! I swear!
-- Eighteen months later --
Bellick: Um, my name is... Brad Bellick and... I'm a... fryaholic..
Fellow NA: Hi Brad.
-- One hour later --
[Bellick walks up to the refreshment table and spots a bowl of fries]
Bellick: You! *points*
Fries: ...
Bellick: You can't fool me this time! *grabs the bowl and throws it to the ground*
Fries: *salty tears*
Bellick: *glowers*
Fries: ...
Bellick: *glowers*
Fries: ...
Bellick: ...shit.
Fries: ...
Bellick: [hysterical] I'm sorry! I didn't mean it! *kneels and begins scooping the fries back into the bowl* Don't be mad at me!
*silence*
Bellick: WHAT?
Fries: *salty eye roll*
Bellick: *begins throwing the fries individually across the room* I won't fall for it! You bitch! I won't let you kill me! You won't control my life!
[After the last fry is thrown, Bellick stands and turns to the pretty doctor who was at the meeting]
Bellick: Wanna go out with me?
Sara: Uh, sorry. Can't. Uh, tonight is my..uh..resume...night.
Bellick: [heartbroken]
Sara: *walks away*
Bellick: Fine! I don't need you anyway, bitch! I've got my...
Bellick: *looks around*
Bellick: *picks up a fry* ..fry!
Fry: ...
Bellick: I wuv you too, salty.
[fade to black]
Fry: [in the background] ...
Bellick: I told you, I'm over that --
Fry: ...
Bellick: Don't bring that up here!
Fry: ...
Bellick: What are you --
Fry: ...
Bellick: ...I did not!
[credits roll]
I am not crazy!