not a great day
and some of it was my fault, which is doubly annoying. i don't want to sit and go on and on about it but i do want to write at least some of it out of my system.
didn't sleep well - was on the couch, too hot and the neighbours were really fucking loud for a LONG time. i did seriously think about marching up there in my dressing gown but didn't.
as a result, couldn't function very well and took too long getting ready this morning. i was going to the hospital for more blood tests but i knew it would be busy and decided to have a more substantial breakfast today, as i could end up being there for ages. that all took time and i just couldn't seem to speed up.
got to the bus stop in good time for the bus - in fact, too early. should've just gone down the road for a train instead but made (the bad) decision not to.
bus was a bit late.
if i'd known the route, i would've got off the bus sooner than tfl suggested as we wasted a lot of time going round in a circle.
got to the hospital and sure enough, BUSY.
someone had left a ticket for 8 people in front of me on the dispenser (they'd probably given up in disgust). my brain still wasn't working so by the time i realised that i should grab that and move up the queue, someone had beaten me to it.
things are never speedy at the hospital but today they were ridiculous.
to make it worse, i was so tired i felt like i'd taken a sleeping tablet, i did actually try going to sleep sitting up but was paranoid i'd fall over, drop something, be arrested, etc.
to make it even more bad, the people IN the hospital were really bringing out my judgemental side. particularly the morbidly obese young mother with the already obese small child sitting near me. constant loud talking, along with granddad. constant irritation. i can't be arsed going into why they were so annoying, just trust me.
then another bloke comes in, sits between us and immediately starts heavy sighing. i wanted to thump him from the word go.
the one good thing was that they had house makeover programmes on the tv, rather than jeremy fucking kyle.
my turn FI-NA-LLY came and that's when i found out they were:
short staffed
having an inspection which was interrupting the work
it was monday, monday was always bad, but this was worse than usual
left the hospital and back to the station, just in time to miss my train.
got to work - sooooo fucking tired. really needed coffee - hadn't had one - felt like i could literally fall asleep anywhere, anytime.
huge queue in staff canteen - went back to my desk.
went back to staff canteen 15 minutes later - got chips (which i didn't want but i didn't think my graze box contents would get me through the day) and coffee.
walked back, realising that really, i just wanted the coffee. plus, i never have hot drinks with food, i just don't.
would have liked to sit at my desk and have the coffee and chips but someone there didn't like strong smells so off i went to the kitchen area.
ate the chips (not all of them). drank the coffee.
started to feel rubbish - more like i'd eaten white bread than anything else. bloated. uncomfortable. still so very tired.
got to my emails and got annoyed by some of them.
realised that this was all combining to put me in a bad mood.
wanted to leave the building and walk it off but couldn't.
started clock-watching.
managed to get some work done but feeling pissy and low and uncomfortable and generally crap.
i acknowledged that i was in a bad mood (i don't actually get them that often, despite what you may think) and i acknowledged that i still have a virus, that my body WANTS to be still and recover and be quiet but it's just not possible. i'm not doing what my body wants, it's messing with my brain, i'm making bad decisions, it makes it all worse, etc etc.
had a meeting at 3.30pm that was meant to last an hour. there were only three of us in the room and i zoned out about four times.
however. in this meeting (which was about something else altogether) i raised that i wasn't feeling confident in my role as line manager and that i was really struggling with it right now. the topic was related to what we were talking about but completely diverted once i'd said this. the other people in the room were my own line manager and someone who i'll be working closely with (more senior to me).
i'm learning a lot about myself through this line management malarkey and i'm not finding it easy. i have to look at changing some of the things i do/my systems, etc to be a good one. i don't mind change but - yeah - i'm flailing around with this. on the one hand, i want to be a good line manager, on the other, i'd rather just dump that side of the job and get on with my work.
anyway, it was a good discussion to have, i'm glad it happened, i didn't get upset, though i thought a couple of times i might - but it did mean we were in there together for an extra HOUR.
i decided to walk to museum street to catch the 171 - it's not far, only a 10 minute walk but i needed the walk - i needed the air. i wanted to blow away the day but also, it's been so long since i felt like walking anywhere, you know? so got there, got the bus, got home, KD is cooking dinner, i've garlic sprayed the greenfly ridden plants and got into my dressing gown. i figured i'd better blog this out. i feel SO tired still. and not cheery.
but it's really good to be home.
didn't sleep well - was on the couch, too hot and the neighbours were really fucking loud for a LONG time. i did seriously think about marching up there in my dressing gown but didn't.
as a result, couldn't function very well and took too long getting ready this morning. i was going to the hospital for more blood tests but i knew it would be busy and decided to have a more substantial breakfast today, as i could end up being there for ages. that all took time and i just couldn't seem to speed up.
got to the bus stop in good time for the bus - in fact, too early. should've just gone down the road for a train instead but made (the bad) decision not to.
bus was a bit late.
if i'd known the route, i would've got off the bus sooner than tfl suggested as we wasted a lot of time going round in a circle.
got to the hospital and sure enough, BUSY.
someone had left a ticket for 8 people in front of me on the dispenser (they'd probably given up in disgust). my brain still wasn't working so by the time i realised that i should grab that and move up the queue, someone had beaten me to it.
things are never speedy at the hospital but today they were ridiculous.
to make it worse, i was so tired i felt like i'd taken a sleeping tablet, i did actually try going to sleep sitting up but was paranoid i'd fall over, drop something, be arrested, etc.
to make it even more bad, the people IN the hospital were really bringing out my judgemental side. particularly the morbidly obese young mother with the already obese small child sitting near me. constant loud talking, along with granddad. constant irritation. i can't be arsed going into why they were so annoying, just trust me.
then another bloke comes in, sits between us and immediately starts heavy sighing. i wanted to thump him from the word go.
the one good thing was that they had house makeover programmes on the tv, rather than jeremy fucking kyle.
my turn FI-NA-LLY came and that's when i found out they were:
short staffed
having an inspection which was interrupting the work
it was monday, monday was always bad, but this was worse than usual
left the hospital and back to the station, just in time to miss my train.
got to work - sooooo fucking tired. really needed coffee - hadn't had one - felt like i could literally fall asleep anywhere, anytime.
huge queue in staff canteen - went back to my desk.
went back to staff canteen 15 minutes later - got chips (which i didn't want but i didn't think my graze box contents would get me through the day) and coffee.
walked back, realising that really, i just wanted the coffee. plus, i never have hot drinks with food, i just don't.
would have liked to sit at my desk and have the coffee and chips but someone there didn't like strong smells so off i went to the kitchen area.
ate the chips (not all of them). drank the coffee.
started to feel rubbish - more like i'd eaten white bread than anything else. bloated. uncomfortable. still so very tired.
got to my emails and got annoyed by some of them.
realised that this was all combining to put me in a bad mood.
wanted to leave the building and walk it off but couldn't.
started clock-watching.
managed to get some work done but feeling pissy and low and uncomfortable and generally crap.
i acknowledged that i was in a bad mood (i don't actually get them that often, despite what you may think) and i acknowledged that i still have a virus, that my body WANTS to be still and recover and be quiet but it's just not possible. i'm not doing what my body wants, it's messing with my brain, i'm making bad decisions, it makes it all worse, etc etc.
had a meeting at 3.30pm that was meant to last an hour. there were only three of us in the room and i zoned out about four times.
however. in this meeting (which was about something else altogether) i raised that i wasn't feeling confident in my role as line manager and that i was really struggling with it right now. the topic was related to what we were talking about but completely diverted once i'd said this. the other people in the room were my own line manager and someone who i'll be working closely with (more senior to me).
i'm learning a lot about myself through this line management malarkey and i'm not finding it easy. i have to look at changing some of the things i do/my systems, etc to be a good one. i don't mind change but - yeah - i'm flailing around with this. on the one hand, i want to be a good line manager, on the other, i'd rather just dump that side of the job and get on with my work.
anyway, it was a good discussion to have, i'm glad it happened, i didn't get upset, though i thought a couple of times i might - but it did mean we were in there together for an extra HOUR.
i decided to walk to museum street to catch the 171 - it's not far, only a 10 minute walk but i needed the walk - i needed the air. i wanted to blow away the day but also, it's been so long since i felt like walking anywhere, you know? so got there, got the bus, got home, KD is cooking dinner, i've garlic sprayed the greenfly ridden plants and got into my dressing gown. i figured i'd better blog this out. i feel SO tired still. and not cheery.
but it's really good to be home.