Phoenix Rising
From the ashes, something beautiful emerges...from the fire is forged a family. One girl would change all their lives forever.
“Am I a terrible person?” Miranda murmured as she stared out of the window of the living room. “I…I’m not unwilling, it’s simply that none of these…feel, right. She gave a gasp of surprise and relief as her wife of 8 months came up behind her, pressing her body up against hers and smoothing her hands down the older woman’s tense shoulders. “No.” Andy whispered back against her neck as she let her lips trail down skin that was oh so soft and warm, contrary to the idea the rest of the world had about Miranda Priestly. “Our son or daughter is out there, perfectly designed just for us. And we will find him/her Miranda no matter how long it takes.”
Miranda scoffed. “You may have time, I however…”
“Have plenty as well,” Andrea finished her sentence, hating, as always, the discussion of the age difference between them.
That age difference rarely came up as an issue, until Andrea had hinted subtly over the course of a month or two about adding a new member to the family. She knew it bothered Andrea deeply that she had missed the girls’ childhood and she couldn’t deny the allure of the image of the brunette with a baby in her arms.
Fertility treatments started immediately, and continued indefinitely while Miranda and Andrea argued over the donor and the genetic traits the baby would share. Andy was much more lax in her qualifications while Miranda’s search spanned upwards of 500 donor profiles. Once that was finally settled, and Andrea was so ramped up on hormones that she could scream (which Miranda very considerately helped her do), the actual insemination process followed.
The girls knew they were trying, which made it all the harder each time the procedure failed. Andrea couldn’t take the carefully and manipulatively hidden sadness she saw in each Priestly’s eyes and she had made the proclamation in bed, the night the last pregnancy test had come back negative on their fourth try.
“Miranda,” Andy stood in front of her wife next to the bed and took the editor’s hands in hers, pressing her lips to the rings she remembered so clearly putting on that finger. “I want to have a baby with you, I would love to give Caroline & Cassidy a sibling, but I don’t know how much more of this I can take. The hormone shots and the preparations for the procedures and then the waiting afterwards? I can’t keep disappointing you.”
“Disappointing me?” Miranda closed her eyes and shook her head. “Andrea, I told you, with great reticence I admit, that I was open to the possibility of having more children, and I’ve found that I want that greatly. I would love if you got to experience motherhood but I do not blame you nor will I if it doesn’t come to pass.
“Aren’t I already experiencing it? With Cass and Caro? Those girls mean the world to me, just as though they had come from me. If expanding our family means surpassing biological parameters, I would love any child we chose to be a part of our family. The point is that I want to raise them with you.”
“Silly girl.” Miranda said sadly, stroking the brunette’s cheek. “And so where does this leave us then? Are we saying we want to adopt?”
“You tell me, Miranda. Do you want to take on the burden of caring for an infant, of being a new mother again to a child who comes with a history?”
“That was never in question. Caroline, Cassidy - they were the only things that brought light into my life. I just wanted to fill that emptiness, that darkness that has forever chased at my heels. But those two babies, messy and unceremonious in their arrival forced me to feel at a level I never had. Her hand had fallen to her stomach as she spoke, to the minute curve in her figure that hadn’t existed before Caroline and Cassidy’s arrival, respectively and that she hated but Andy worshipped.
“But even then, I was old, by most standards. Too old to become pregnant in her forties.”
“Forty-one” Andrea interjected, but the older woman continued, still lost in her thoughts as she spoke softly, still gazing outside the living room window.
“And then it was twins, by God, twins. We, Jeremy and I had never expected such a thing. My growing nerves and fear about the coming birth was outmatched only by my stomach. Both were near breaking point by the time I went into labour. And they were early. My precious babies were coming too soon and it was all my fault I told myself. Then the labour itself. I thought I would die, truly I did. I was so unprepared for any of it. I had continued to work and work and I worked myself into a pre-term labour, and I remember the sound, so clearly, of the monitors signaling the baby was in distress. Fear and love for that tiny being took over and I suppose I must have pushed because the next thing I remember taking in with blurred sight was this red, squalling creature held between my legs & the doctor announcing “it’s a girl” although we already knew. My beautiful Caroline, whom they checked over and declared healthy. I realized I had been holding my breath, because when I exhaled, I was dizzy so dizzy. It was my monitor that sounded next, signaling an elevated blood pressure and the mood became more business like. Knowing something wasn’t right, I gathered myself and told myself what had to be done, much like I did for Runway. I delivered Cassidy in a single push, the contraction still squeezing my stomach like a steel band. But the pain I felt was worth it, a scar or two from stitching tears be damned. My second baby, my Cassidy was out and I could hear her crying even above the monitors shrill ring.
“I know those scars well,” Andy spoke up from her spot behind Miranda. “And that they are oh-so sensitive.” Her teeth bared in a wicked grin that Miranda couldn’t see, but could feel and hear in her spouse’s voice and she smiled to herself before continuing.
“Mmm, but we’ve gone off on a tangent. To answer your question, Andrea, the answer is yes. I would consider adoption. But you have to understand”, Miranda bowed her head slightly so that her forelock covered her eyes as she spoke, almost in a murmur. “It won’t be easy. I won’t be easy. If I am to take another infant, it will have to be the right one. And you may think me terrible for saying that when all fostered infants are worthy and deserving of the chance to find a home.”
“Shh,” Andy stopped her wife before she could truly get lost in her train of thought. “I get it. I do. It might take time, but we are going to find our baby. TBC
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