Were you drinking again? You need water and food. Actually, you probably need water and food regardless, especially if you're sick. *He holds out a chilled water bottle and a Twix. Yes, he was just carrying both of those with him at all times. Bolly's bag is significantly larger on the inside than the outside now. It's important to be prepared for things.*
Yeah, mine too. And everyone will tell you to talk to a therapist but they don't tell you that finding one that is actually good is really difficult. My parents are still looking. I gave up and read a whollllllllle bunch of psychology stuff. People are weird. Our brains lie to us all the time. Did you know that most of what you see is just your brain filling in the gaps because your eyes don't work fast enough?
Your eyes make lots of tiny, rapid movements that are faster than they can process, so the world should look constantly blurry but our brains remember the parts where the eye isn't moving and fill in the details. It's why you can take a photo of something and then see things in the photo you didn't see in the real object. I mean, it's mostly trustworthy. And it not being trustworthy is how we do a lot of cool suggestive stage effects. But also sometimes you have to tell yourself that just because you saw something, doesn't mean you actually saw that something.
It's frustrating because what I see when I look at myself is not what other people see. And I feel mental half the time. And I know it bugs people. Like Jax used to get so mad at me when I'd make comments about my weight.
I think it's because you want to do something to help and you can't, or you don't know what, and that gets you frustrated. Getting angry makes you feel like you are doing something and in control of a situation. But you can't protect people from themselves by yelling at them. I mean, I guess sometimes you can, like, "Look out for the pit!" But mostly you can't. But also that's real hard to remember?
I guess that makes sense. I hate it when I can't help people. I used to get mad at my mum when she'd date the awful men she'd date, because I knew what would happen they'd leave her and hurt her and she'd be sad for months.
I think maybe... Maybe getting help is scary, because it's new and different and difficult and it might not work and that would be worse than never trying at all. And sometimes doing what you know, even if it's bad, is comforting. Because at least it's a thing you know, right? Not knowing stuff is sometimes the worst.
Were you drinking again? You need water and food. Actually, you probably need water and food regardless, especially if you're sick. *He holds out a chilled water bottle and a Twix. Yes, he was just carrying both of those with him at all times. Bolly's bag is significantly larger on the inside than the outside now. It's important to be prepared for things.*
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Yeah, mine too. And everyone will tell you to talk to a therapist but they don't tell you that finding one that is actually good is really difficult. My parents are still looking. I gave up and read a whollllllllle bunch of psychology stuff. People are weird. Our brains lie to us all the time. Did you know that most of what you see is just your brain filling in the gaps because your eyes don't work fast enough?
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No, I didn't know that. That's kind of scary to think about.
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Your eyes make lots of tiny, rapid movements that are faster than they can process, so the world should look constantly blurry but our brains remember the parts where the eye isn't moving and fill in the details. It's why you can take a photo of something and then see things in the photo you didn't see in the real object. I mean, it's mostly trustworthy. And it not being trustworthy is how we do a lot of cool suggestive stage effects. But also sometimes you have to tell yourself that just because you saw something, doesn't mean you actually saw that something.
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It's frustrating because what I see when I look at myself is not what other people see. And I feel mental half the time. And I know it bugs people. Like Jax used to get so mad at me when I'd make comments about my weight.
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Yeah. People get mad when they're worried. They shouldn't, but they do.
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Did your psychology books explain why people do that?
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I think it's because you want to do something to help and you can't, or you don't know what, and that gets you frustrated. Getting angry makes you feel like you are doing something and in control of a situation. But you can't protect people from themselves by yelling at them. I mean, I guess sometimes you can, like, "Look out for the pit!" But mostly you can't. But also that's real hard to remember?
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I guess that makes sense. I hate it when I can't help people. I used to get mad at my mum when she'd date the awful men she'd date, because I knew what would happen they'd leave her and hurt her and she'd be sad for months.
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Some people don't know they need helping, I guess.
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Some people do and they won't do anything about it.
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I think maybe... Maybe getting help is scary, because it's new and different and difficult and it might not work and that would be worse than never trying at all. And sometimes doing what you know, even if it's bad, is comforting. Because at least it's a thing you know, right? Not knowing stuff is sometimes the worst.
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Yeah. That makes sense. I mean, it's fucked up but it makes sense.
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It's hard to be smart and scared at the same time.
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It is.
I don't know how to fix it. I'm too tired to fix it.
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Breakfast, lunch and dinner.
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